I thought this was amusing.
I am not currently available right now. However, if you would like to be transferred to another correspondent, please press the number that best fits your personality: -If you are obsessive compulsive, please press "1" repeatedly. -If you are codependant, please ask someone to press "2". -If you have multiple personalities, please press "3", "4", and "5". -If you are paranoid delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace your call. -If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the little voice will tell you which number to press. -If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter what number you press, no one will answer.