(no subject)
I've had such a lazy weekend. I've spent practically the whole time I've been awake watching Doctor Who on Watch. Yep, I am just that cool. I went out last night which turned out to be really fun. Although there are way too many pervy, gropey guys here. Ick. I had too much alcohol as well. Not in terms of drunkenness but calorie wise. I really wanted to be drunk so I drank more than I probably normally would on a night out, or at least enough to get me quite merry on any other night out, but it just didn't happen. I was maybe slightly tipsy but nowhere near as drunk as I should be off the amount of alcohol I had. I used to be such a lightweight! So that was all a huge fail - not drunk, just getting fatter. Wonderful.
I ended up sleeping until half 12 today. I can't believe it. I haven't slept in that late in years. Even if I stay in bed for a while at least I'm awake. But not today. My sleep is so messed up now. Like its 12am now and I have to be up in 6 hours and I'm not even tired. I feel no inclination at all to even try and sleep. My brain is too wake, even if the rest of me was tired enough. I swear my brain goes from completely manic, non-stop thinking, big whirly mess to just numb like its made of cotton wool. There doesn't seem to be any 'normal' in between bit for me. Both leave me too wired up and anxious to switch off. If I'm all manic I over-think things and get myself worked up and if I'm numb I end up going in a downward spiral which completely breaks me up (if that makes sense) and leaves me feeling as if I'm just nothing. Ah my head is a mess.
Just 3 days left of summer school now. I'm really enjoying it but I'm looking forward to it being over too. It tires me out so much and it being over means my boyfriend will be here. I'm still excited but nervous to see him. Excited or obvious reasons, nervous because I don't know how to control my food intake around him without raising suspicion and because my cuts still haven't completely faded. Although I haven't got any new ones., so I guess it could be worse. I'm just gonna keep my fingers crossed that it all goes well.
My brother is back home, for 2 weeks, soon so thats another good thing. Although we'll definitely drive each other crazy. I think its mostly my fault to be honest, because I've got such a short temper. Especially when I'm restricting. Normally I'd just retreat to my room to avoid any confrontations but I can't really do that when my boyfriend is here. That's another reason why I'm nervous - I hate not being able to have time to myself. If it was just my brother at home I'd be fine (mum and dad are going on holiday soon so they won't be here) but I can't exactly just leave my boyfriend when he's coming to visit me. I think there's gonna be a lot of biting my tongue and holding everything in to stop myself going crazy. I won't be able to come on here either in case my boyfriend catches me so I can't vent here or talk to any of you guys which will suck too. So I apologise now for not being around when they're here.
Well thats been my weekend and my regular dose of venting. Fingers crossed all will go well tomorrow and it won't be too stressful a day.
TTFN
xxx
I ended up sleeping until half 12 today. I can't believe it. I haven't slept in that late in years. Even if I stay in bed for a while at least I'm awake. But not today. My sleep is so messed up now. Like its 12am now and I have to be up in 6 hours and I'm not even tired. I feel no inclination at all to even try and sleep. My brain is too wake, even if the rest of me was tired enough. I swear my brain goes from completely manic, non-stop thinking, big whirly mess to just numb like its made of cotton wool. There doesn't seem to be any 'normal' in between bit for me. Both leave me too wired up and anxious to switch off. If I'm all manic I over-think things and get myself worked up and if I'm numb I end up going in a downward spiral which completely breaks me up (if that makes sense) and leaves me feeling as if I'm just nothing. Ah my head is a mess.
Just 3 days left of summer school now. I'm really enjoying it but I'm looking forward to it being over too. It tires me out so much and it being over means my boyfriend will be here. I'm still excited but nervous to see him. Excited or obvious reasons, nervous because I don't know how to control my food intake around him without raising suspicion and because my cuts still haven't completely faded. Although I haven't got any new ones., so I guess it could be worse. I'm just gonna keep my fingers crossed that it all goes well.
My brother is back home, for 2 weeks, soon so thats another good thing. Although we'll definitely drive each other crazy. I think its mostly my fault to be honest, because I've got such a short temper. Especially when I'm restricting. Normally I'd just retreat to my room to avoid any confrontations but I can't really do that when my boyfriend is here. That's another reason why I'm nervous - I hate not being able to have time to myself. If it was just my brother at home I'd be fine (mum and dad are going on holiday soon so they won't be here) but I can't exactly just leave my boyfriend when he's coming to visit me. I think there's gonna be a lot of biting my tongue and holding everything in to stop myself going crazy. I won't be able to come on here either in case my boyfriend catches me so I can't vent here or talk to any of you guys which will suck too. So I apologise now for not being around when they're here.
Well thats been my weekend and my regular dose of venting. Fingers crossed all will go well tomorrow and it won't be too stressful a day.
TTFN
xxx