What I Still Haven't Found (1/1)
Notice, this is stretching the fabric of believability. However, this series is also very self-indulgent.
tbh, I write Kiba and Naruto very similar, so I think the saddest part of their relationship is that, between them, Kiba is the straight man. The lesser of two evils so to speak. In many ways, he's a lot worse than Naruto. In scary ways, he's actually not. But writing him just brings out my stereotype of an inner frat boy for a free-for-all, and I don't know even know why.
And...um, yes, *cough* there is yet another JP reference hidden somewhere, but it's been such a long time, and I'm really excited about JPIV, because people like me really do exist out there, Virginia, so to Hera with my infatuation.
Also, not random, that classic Rankin/Bass stop-motion Ruldoph Christmas special I grew up watching, it was actually produced in Japan. The more you know.
***
Characters: Naruto, Kiba, Shikamaru, Sasuke
Rating: R
Words: 4368
Summary: “No, the guy just threatened to de-man me. With a plastic spoon.”
It’s already late, nearly midnight, which is even later considering Naruto still has a shitload of homework due the day after tomorrow, so they decide to end their sort of guys’ night out at the poky little underground bar that everyone at Tama has to pop by at least twice before graduating.
Practically a rite of passage, going there just to get completely trashed on the ridiculously strong whisky (rumoured to be the strongest brand in the Kanto region, offered semi-illegally, anyway), has been part of Hachiouji campus tradition since anyone can remember.
There’s supposedly a history there, though. Not that anyone actually seems to know what that history is, where it came from, or even what makes people so gung-ho about keeping up the practice of getting absolutely shitfaced for fun, but it’s been done long enough that even some of the faculty get involved every once in a while.
But after the leaving the bar, running on varying levels of comfortably buzzed, one considerably more smashed than the rest of them, they split up. Chouji goes with Kenji and Sho in one direction. The three of them left-four, including a freeloading Sasuke-go in the other.
“I feel like this is a very serious situation you guys just aren’t taking seriously right now.”
Or maybe it really will be just the three of them if Kiba doesn’t stop running his mouth complaining on and on about what almost didn’t happen to him.
If Naruto didn’t have to take care of a certain someone, then maybe he wouldn’t be thinking about resorting to drastic measures just to get Kiba to shut up.
“Shut up about it already,” Shikamaru says, a slight annoyance coming through his voice. Arm raised, elbow level with his hand, he scratches behind his ear with a finger. “Swaying as much as you are, shouldn’t you be too drunk to talk? Or even walk for that matter?”
“Being put through a severely near traumatic experience like that, you tend to sober up real qui-”
Suddenly, Kiba stops, only a few steps away from walking headfirst straight into a utility pole. Eyebrows bunched closer together, he stares at the pole for a quick second before his expression unexpectedly becomes thoughtful.
Thinking way too hard, entirely way too hard for this set of circumstances, he turns his head from side to side, looking both ways on the sidewalk. He starts to sway a little on his feet for a moment, but then he finally decides to just go around the pole, barely squeezing between a thin little tree and the large anti-littering sign encouraging passersby not to toss their trash in the city’s blind spots after turning the corner.
Somewhere along the line, though, eventually, Kiba does manage to find his place again walking along Naruto’s left side. “But at least I’m not so drunk that I need to hitch a ride.”
From Naruto’s other side, Shikamaru snorts.
“And here I thought he was going to be the one to drink us all under the table.” Hands raised clasped behind his head, Kiba spares a wary glance at Sasuke. “No, the guy just threatened to de-man me. With a plastic spoon.”
“My plastic spoon,” Shikamaru says, like reminding them whose spoon it was really makes that much of a difference.
Accordingly, Kiba gives him the finger.
“Get over yourself.” Naruto grunts, bending his elbows some more to accommodate for the weight on his back. Long arms hooked underneath Sasuke’s knees, he hikes Sasuke a little further up, careful not to let his head bump against Sasuke’s face. “I warned you, didn’t I? Drunk or not, you shouldn’t have called him that. Period.”
Kiba sniffs, turning up his nose. “I thought he was going to be a boring drunk.”
“And look where that got you,” Shikamaru says.
Pretending not to hear Shikamaru, Kiba sends an unconvincing sort of not quite there half-glare Naruto’s way. “Besides, you’re the one who even started calling him that. Thanks to your regular complaining, that’s the only name I knew Sasuke by for the longest time, so if anything, it’s your fault if I end up slipping every now and then.”
“First of all,” Naruto says, “it’s not exactly a secret that Sasuke doesn’t like being called Himiko-bastard. Considering he doesn’t even let me get away with it, you need some serious help in your life if you ever thought he was going to let you. More importantly, though, it’s not the same when you take the bastard out. Even I knew better than to mess with the bastard part of it. But that’s what you did.”
“And your point is? The guy tried to convince me, too politely, that I’d be better off not having to worry about ever being able to get it up again, remember?”
“Only because you wouldn’t stop teasing him about a name you know he doesn’t like to be called,” Shikamaru says.
“Don’t you dare try to confuse me with logic while I’m in this state of mind.”
Shikamaru yields with a small smile, offering his hands in a show of mock surrender.
“And even if I was teasing him a little,” Kiba says, “only a little, still. You don’t just go around making fun of the sacred bond between a guy and his dog, man. It’s not cool.”
“You do if the guy is an alleged ladies’ man who claims to have the image appeal of an irredeemable bad boy despite the fact that his long distance relationship with his dog is still the most meaningful relationship he’s ever had.”
“Fuck off, Nara.” Dropping his arms, Kiba sports a broad smile that echoes the corners of Shikamaru’s mouth edging into a grin.
“It actually was pretty funny.”
“The way Sasuke said it,” Naruto adds, with a cheeky grin of his own, “yeah, it really was. But when he started whispering, and you started squeaking, when your voice got real high after he grabbed the spoon, I could’ve sworn my ears were getting ready to-”
“You know what? Don’t even quit while you’re ahead. You two keep right on making up all kinds of crap,” Kiba says, still smiling, quickly cutting in front of Naruto to walk beside Shikamaru. “But we all know you’re just mad because your lazy ass couldn’t even begin to dream of coming close to scoring the sheer amount of tail I do.”
“And yet somehow, I still get more than you’ve ever had.”
“Like it’s even possible for me to get stuck in the middle of a dry spell. That’d just be inhumane.” Kiba scoffs. “Although for you, I guess all the girls finally found out you’re the useless kind of guy who’d lie back and make them do all the work.”
Shikamaru lets out an amused snort, reaching into his back pocket to pull out a pack of gum.
“For a guy who likes to gloat as much as you do, your so-called reputation precedes you,” he says, opening a single stick of gum and popping it in his mouth. “Greatly.”
“Heh. I bet even a total sap like Naruto manages to get more action than you. Or at least he probably would be tapping something other than that right hand of his if he wasn’t so busy spending all his free time with Sasuke.”
“Don’t even try me, Kiba,” Naruto says. “The most action you’re even lucky enough to get is watching a girl run away screaming after she finds out you’re all shrivelled up down there.”
The pack of gum back in his pocket, Shikamaru covers his mouth with his hand, but it doesn’t do a thing to stop the slosh of poorly suppressed laughter that comes through.
“Oh, yeah, well...well, you can fuck off, too, Uzumaki.” Recovering from his own unrepressed fit of laughter, Kiba makes another rude gesture with his finger, this time pointing it towards Naruto. “All this proves is that you really do spend too much time with Sasuke.”
Naruto makes a low noise in agreement, giving Kiba a slow nod. “Then again, anything beats having to deal so much with you. It feels like I see you at least seven days a week. And then some.”
“Tch. Shows what you know. If anything, there’s not enough of me to go around.” Kiba thumps his chest with one hand, palm pressed flat against the zipper of his green jacket. “Who wouldn’t want a piece of me?”
Still chewing on his gum, Shikamaru pushes it from one side of his mouth to the other. “Isn’t that what Sasuke was doing earlier? Trying to get a piece of you?”
“Okay, since when did you decide to turn into such a smartass?”
Shikamaru shrugs. “It seems to help pass the time.”
Naruto snorts, stepping onto the wide, paved trail leading them to the entrance of a small little park. It’s the empty kind of open space Sasuke likes to visit from time to time, this park marking the halfway point to their apartment building, but it’s only one of many scattered throughout the city. “You didn’t actually think he’d do that to you, did you?”
“Nah, I know him better that,” Kiba says. “He’s normally a real nice guy. When it comes to people who aren’t you, anyway. Pretty much everyone except you, Naruto. But I mean, hey, I like Sasuke and all. Just not up close and personal enough to give him a free ride on my back.”
“What-you seriously expected me to just leave him there passed out on the table?”
“I don’t see why not. And if it was you that piss drunk instead of Sasuke, I definitely wouldn’t be going the distance.”
“So you’d just leave me there?”
“In a heartbeat.”
“See, Kiba. This is why people like me and you can’t be friends.”
Kiba laughs, briefly veering off the cemented pathway, taking the long way around a wooden bench before returning back to Shikamaru’s side. “I don’t see what you’re getting so hung up about. It’s not like anyone forced the responsibility on you.”
“The rest of you guys didn’t give me a choice,” Naruto says, leaning in front of Shikamaru a little to give Kiba a wry stare.
“You’re the one who told us to stop trying to wake Sasuke up,” Shikamaru is oh so very unhelpful to point out.
“Because it was obvious he wasn’t going to,” Naruto sputters, unconsciously tightening his grip supporting Sasuke’s legs around his waist. “And I sure as hell wasn’t going to sit there all night waiting for him to sleep it off. Meaning somebody had to take care of him.”
“As long as you knew to count me out.” With both hands, Kiba flips up the collar of his jacket and then folds it back over.
“Never even bothered to count you in,” Naruto mutters.
Kiba grins, lowering his arms. “Either way, that’s what Sasuke has a friend like you for, right.”
Eyes slightly narrowed, Naruto ducks his gaze, stepping over colourful leaves fallen from the trees bordering the edges of the path. A thoughtful frown pulls down at the corner of his mouth, and he looks up, staring straight ahead. “...I guess it is.”
“I take it Sasuke’s crashing with us then,” Shikamaru says around a deliberate little smile, reaching in his pocket for another stick of gum.
“Only because our place is a lot closer than his.” Naruto blinks, glancing at Shikamaru. “You don’t mind, do you? I mean, not to throw it all on you so suddenly like this. I have another futon Sasuke can use, and I’ll make space for him in my room, so you don’t have to worry about that, but if you’re not-”
“Doesn’t bother me in particular.” Shikamaru offers a casual shrug. “He’s always been nice enough to me.” Near a small, nondescript garbage bin, he pauses to throw away the gum wrappers crumpled in his palm, setting his gaze on a dead to the world Sasuke relaxed against Naruto’s back. “You should be more worried about yourself. Sasuke may be completely out of it now, but you’re the one he’s going to turn to when he wakes up.”
“Yeah, I know, I know.” Naruto breathes out with an exaggerated sigh, again lifting his arms to shift Sasuke’s weight when Sasuke starts to lean too far to the side. “So unfair.”
Gesturing towards Shikamaru’s pocket, Kiba tries to bum a stick of gum. “You shouldn’t pretend to look so put out, Naruto,” he says, accepting his gum with a smile when Shikamaru rolls his eyes at him. “That’s just how these things go, isn’t it. Not like you don’t know what to expect from Himi-”
“Stop calling him that, Kiba. Seriously.”
“No need to make a big deal out of it. The guy can’t even hear me.”
“Look, I don’t care if he can hear you or not. You already know Sasuke doesn’t like it, so you don’t need for me to tell you not to call him that anymore, all right.”
“Oi, Naruto. What’s up with this change in attitude all of a sudden? You know I’m just being-”
“Why?” Cutting Kiba off, in the middle of the path Shikamaru comes to a stop, letting himself fall behind a few steps until Naruto and Kiba take notice.
Kiba following beside him, Naruto turns around, walking back towards Shikamaru. “Why what?”
“Why are you suddenly making such a big deal out of a name you used to call Sasuke all the time?”
“Uh, because he doesn’t like it,” Naruto says, both eyebrows raised. “Whatever you’re trying to get at here, I’m not following.”
“But since he’s not even awake to care, is it really a matter of him not liking it, or more so that you don’t like anyone else calling Sasuke the name you gave him?”
Caught off guard by the suddenness of the question he doesn’t know how to answer, Naruto doesn’t speak, for a second or two doesn’t breathe.
He doesn’t move a muscle.
“...you like him, don’t you?”
“Picking now of all times to act so weird, Shikamaru,” Kiba says. “Asking that sort of obvious question, what rock have you been living under for the past two years?”
“Y-yeah, what Kiba just said.” Naruto gives a shaky laugh, trying to brush off Shikamaru’s calculating stare. “Of course I like Sasuke. He’s practically my best friend. I wouldn’t be dragging him all the way back to our place if I didn’t like him.”
Unfortunately, despite Shikamaru’s self-declared laziness, he’s not as unobservant as most people immediately tend to write him off to be. It figures someone like him would be one of those too curious annoyingly perceptive kinds of drunks.
Still staring, he gives a slight shake of his head. “No, Naruto. I mean, you actually like him.”
Frowning, Kiba glances between Shikamaru and Naruto, but the confusion on his face is quickly replaced by surprise, and he makes a garbled sort of choking sound, eyes growing increasingly wide. “You mean like one of those onetime guy crushes or something?”
Without another word, without a second thought, Naruto turns around and promptly walks himself out of the conversation. As fast as he can, as far as he can go until he’s sure Shikamaru and Kiba will forget about having brought it up in the first place.
Except it’s hard to get very far away anywhere near fast enough while he’s still carrying Sasuke on his back and trying not to wake him up.
He doesn’t even make it to the lamppost near the park’s exit before Kiba and Shikamaru catch up to him.
“It was only a question, Naruto.” The worst kind of knowingly amused smile starts to play on Shikamaru’s lips. “Getting so worked up over one guy, you could’ve easily just said no.”
“Maybe not,” Kiba says slowly, from Shikamaru’s other side giving Naruto a somewhat sympathetic look. “Someone with your faulty, depressingly dried up track record, you probably haven’t even told Sasuke yet, have you?”
Naruto clenches his jaw. “I don’t know what you guys are talking about.”
“Well, whatever you don’t know what we’re talking about, you’re still carrying him on your back, you know.”
“Me and Sasuke, we’re not-it’s not...it’s not like that between us, okay.”
Ignoring Naruto’s protest, Kiba turns to Shikamaru. “Looking back at all the signs, now that I can see Naruto’s sad attempts at flirting for what they really are, the whole thing kind of comes across like some plot from a chick manga, don’t you think?”
“And what would you know about that kind of manga?” Shikamaru says.
“Study material I read up on during middle school. Back then, my sister used to make me pick up the ones she liked on my way home. That’s when I first found out about what a lot of girls think they want in a guy.” Kiba wriggles his eyebrows. “Had to get my start somewhere, you know.”
Shikamaru snorts. “Again with the playboy character.”
“Although going for a domineering guy like Sasuke,” Kiba says, leering at Naruto, “I wouldn’t have pictured you for being into the S&M scene.”
Imagination getting the best of him, planting all kinds of too highly suggestive and far too realistic images he hasn’t even had the chance to prepare himself to think about, Naruto feels his entire face start to burn red.
It just burns. Completely burns with a red he can actually feel, spreading from his face to light up the rest of his body, but while he might not be on the verge of bursting into flames, it doesn’t necessarily rule out the impossible risk of his skin being permanently stained.
And then Kiba starts running off his mouth again, putting even more things in Naruto’s head that he’s trying really, really hard not to put too much thought into maybe possibly being able to have the chance to do with Sasuke some day in the future, because in the right here and now, he’s still carrying Sasuke on his back.
“-ask him out, it’ll be like doing two things at once. So then you can keep spending too much time with Sasuke, but instead of having to depend on all those nightly solo acts to get off, you can finally start looking forward to the real kind of repeat performa-”
“You fucking asswipe, shut the hell up before Sasuke hears you.”
Like seeing Naruto so thoroughly embarrassed is simply the funniest thing in the world, Kiba just beams. “Of all people, you want to go chasing after Sasuke. I can’t believe you’re trying to-shit, man, you’re blushing like a little kid. You’re totally blushing.”
“I already said it’s not like that between us, didn’t I. And I’m not blushing. It’s the alcohol.”
“Yeah, right. You didn’t even drink that much. And no way with that freaky high metabolism thing you got going on, but this isn’t some onetime guy crush. You like Sasuke. You really do like him.”
“Okay, yeah, well, maybe I kind of sort really like Sasuke more than I probably should like another guy-so what? Liking Sasuke that way, it just happened to happen. You got a problem with that or something?”
“Aw, look, he’s even getting all defensive about it.” Kiba throws an ear-splitting grin at Shikamaru. “Our wittle Naruto has a crush on his favourite little Himiko-bastard.”
“You.” Completely bypassing a smiling Shikamaru, Naruto aims his glare directly at Kiba. “I already told you not to call Sasuke that anymore. I’m not telling you again.”
Making a fist to cover his mouth, clearing his throat, Kiba imitates his best professional sounding voice. “After further testing the data, Dr. Nara, based on the patient’s symptoms, I’ve concluded that Mr. Uzumaki is suffering from a typical case of oversensitive boyfriend type behaviour.”
Shikamaru makes a low noise in agreement, paired with a firm nod. “Yes, yes, Dr. Inuzuka, that does seem to be the true nature of his present condition,” he says, eyes bright, barely able to keep a straight face. “Although Mr. Uzumaki’s responses can still be considered part of the initial denial stage, won’t you agree?”
“Yeah, that’s right,” Naruto grumbles, repositioning Sasuke’s arm slung over his chest. “It’s all fun and games now, but you two better be glad I’m carrying Sasuke, because that’s the only thing preventing me from running both your asses into the ground.”
“With some of the weird stares you’re starting to attract,” Kiba says, “maybe we shouldn’t be standing so close to an untrustworthy looking guy who might try to do questionable things to Sasuke.”
“The hell are you even trying to-”
“You think Naruto’s moving too fast with this?” Shikamaru shares a thoughtful glance with Kiba, one that turns into a look of mutual understanding. “Unless slow for the rest of us should be considered too fast for him.”
“How fast are these kinds of things even supposed to happen?” Kiba muses, putting on airs. “For Naruto, even someone with my experience doesn’t know. But I mean, coming up with that kind of sham date, bringing your boyfriend to a bar with the clear intention of taking him back home drunk,” he says, “that sounds pretty questionable to me.”
“Just because Sasuke’s too nice to actually hurt you, Kiba, don’t you start thinking I won’t.”
“Will you, though?” Shikamaru says. “After all, deliberately causing a scene in public, Sasuke wouldn’t appreciate being part of that, would he?”
Kiba snickers, hand placed over the side of his mouth as he turns towards Shikamaru. “Hey, hey,” he says, in a supposed whisper that effectively becomes a very loud non-whisper, “if Naruto’s face gets any redder, do you think it’ll eventually make his hair turn orange?”
With a series of patchy snorts, shoulders shaking, Shikamaru just about loses it.
“No, no, seriously, just look at him-look at him.” Too eager, no more than a downright giggling mess, Kiba points a finger at Naruto. “He’s so red that he’s actually glowing in the dar-quick, w-walk ahead of us, Rudolph, so we won’t accidentally get lost crossing the street.”
Evading Kiba’s hand shooing him forward, Naruto looks both ways before crossing the narrow street, pointedly ignoring the noisy laughter trailing behind him. “If Sasuke wakes up because you keep going on like this...”
“Between you and Kiba,” Shikamaru says, last one to reach the curb leading up to their block, “if Sasuke hasn’t woken up by now, chances are he won’t be waking up any time soon.”
“Good thing your boyfriend’s such a lightweight, huh. This way he doesn’t actually have to know the guy he doesn’t even know he’s going out with is thinking unpure thoughts about him.”
“...I am this close to beating the shit out of you, Kiba. By the end of the night, I swear I am going to beat the shit out of you, Kiba, so you better shut your mouth now before I decide to dropkick your irritating way too-”
At the sound of a quiet groan from behind him, Naruto freezes. Time stills. Even the air around him seems to know not to make any sudden movements.
A few steps ahead of him, Kiba and Shikamaru stop just short of making it to the door of their building, both of them watching him very closely, caught up in the sudden suspense, but Naruto’s already more than aware of the weight shifting against his back.
One arm hanging at Naruto’s side, the other draped loose around Naruto’s neck, Sasuke moves his head a little. His hand clutches the front of Naruto’s jacket, cheek brushing against blond hair, and he lets out this soft sort of comfortable sigh, fingers slowly releasing their hold.
“...now that’s just precious.”
Naruto feels the burn come back with a vengeance.
“I can’t decide what’s worse. Seeing how tight Sasuke’s got you wound up around his finger, or watching you keep tripping up over this guy when he doesn’t even know it.”
“Shut. Up, Kiba.”
Shaking his head, Shikamaru smiles, too highly amused as reaches for the door handle. He hauls open the heavy door to the stairwell, setting off a long creaking noise, rusting hinges sliding against each other to create an almost cringeworthy sound. Holding the door open with his foot, he lets Naruto and Kiba go through first. “I knew Sasuke was going to be trouble.”
“Can you guys seriously just not be assholes about it?”
“Now that he’s focusing so much attention on his Himiko-bastard,” Kiba says, “do you think this means Naruto’s going to replace us?”
Slowly removing his foot, Shikamaru makes sure the door doesn’t slam behind him. “It’d be too inconvenient to replace a roommate on such short notice.”
“True, true.” Passing Naruto, Kiba takes two steps at a time, all the way up to the fourth floor. “What about me, though? Being the big brother type figure in his life, shouldn’t there be some kind of value in that?”
“Won’t find me complaining if there’s not.”
“Whenever you’re not taking over my stuff, or eating my food and getting crumbs all over the place,” Naruto mutters, carefully making his way up the stairs, “you’re always leaving some kind of mess-why the hell would I put any value in that?”
“Because this is me giving up my time for you,” Kiba says. “This is me being a good friend.”
Naruto grunts as he crosses over the last step to reach their floor, frowning when he’s met face to face with a grinning Kiba standing between him and the door. “How does barging into other people’s places uninvited make you a good friend?”
“The way you’re taking advantage of Sasuke, looking after him like the concerned boyfriend he doesn’t know you’re trying too hard to be, if all your dates are going to turn out this bad, somebody has to be the chaperone.”
A smiling Shikamaru appears beside him, joining in with Kiba nearly bubbling over with a giddy laughter that only seems to get worse when Naruto offers up a feeble glare. “...just open the door.”
tbh, I write Kiba and Naruto very similar, so I think the saddest part of their relationship is that, between them, Kiba is the straight man. The lesser of two evils so to speak. In many ways, he's a lot worse than Naruto. In scary ways, he's actually not. But writing him just brings out my stereotype of an inner frat boy for a free-for-all, and I don't know even know why.
And...um, yes, *cough* there is yet another JP reference hidden somewhere, but it's been such a long time, and I'm really excited about JPIV, because people like me really do exist out there, Virginia, so to Hera with my infatuation.
Also, not random, that classic Rankin/Bass stop-motion Ruldoph Christmas special I grew up watching, it was actually produced in Japan. The more you know.
***
Characters: Naruto, Kiba, Shikamaru, Sasuke
Rating: R
Words: 4368
Summary: “No, the guy just threatened to de-man me. With a plastic spoon.”
It’s already late, nearly midnight, which is even later considering Naruto still has a shitload of homework due the day after tomorrow, so they decide to end their sort of guys’ night out at the poky little underground bar that everyone at Tama has to pop by at least twice before graduating.
Practically a rite of passage, going there just to get completely trashed on the ridiculously strong whisky (rumoured to be the strongest brand in the Kanto region, offered semi-illegally, anyway), has been part of Hachiouji campus tradition since anyone can remember.
There’s supposedly a history there, though. Not that anyone actually seems to know what that history is, where it came from, or even what makes people so gung-ho about keeping up the practice of getting absolutely shitfaced for fun, but it’s been done long enough that even some of the faculty get involved every once in a while.
But after the leaving the bar, running on varying levels of comfortably buzzed, one considerably more smashed than the rest of them, they split up. Chouji goes with Kenji and Sho in one direction. The three of them left-four, including a freeloading Sasuke-go in the other.
“I feel like this is a very serious situation you guys just aren’t taking seriously right now.”
Or maybe it really will be just the three of them if Kiba doesn’t stop running his mouth complaining on and on about what almost didn’t happen to him.
If Naruto didn’t have to take care of a certain someone, then maybe he wouldn’t be thinking about resorting to drastic measures just to get Kiba to shut up.
“Shut up about it already,” Shikamaru says, a slight annoyance coming through his voice. Arm raised, elbow level with his hand, he scratches behind his ear with a finger. “Swaying as much as you are, shouldn’t you be too drunk to talk? Or even walk for that matter?”
“Being put through a severely near traumatic experience like that, you tend to sober up real qui-”
Suddenly, Kiba stops, only a few steps away from walking headfirst straight into a utility pole. Eyebrows bunched closer together, he stares at the pole for a quick second before his expression unexpectedly becomes thoughtful.
Thinking way too hard, entirely way too hard for this set of circumstances, he turns his head from side to side, looking both ways on the sidewalk. He starts to sway a little on his feet for a moment, but then he finally decides to just go around the pole, barely squeezing between a thin little tree and the large anti-littering sign encouraging passersby not to toss their trash in the city’s blind spots after turning the corner.
Somewhere along the line, though, eventually, Kiba does manage to find his place again walking along Naruto’s left side. “But at least I’m not so drunk that I need to hitch a ride.”
From Naruto’s other side, Shikamaru snorts.
“And here I thought he was going to be the one to drink us all under the table.” Hands raised clasped behind his head, Kiba spares a wary glance at Sasuke. “No, the guy just threatened to de-man me. With a plastic spoon.”
“My plastic spoon,” Shikamaru says, like reminding them whose spoon it was really makes that much of a difference.
Accordingly, Kiba gives him the finger.
“Get over yourself.” Naruto grunts, bending his elbows some more to accommodate for the weight on his back. Long arms hooked underneath Sasuke’s knees, he hikes Sasuke a little further up, careful not to let his head bump against Sasuke’s face. “I warned you, didn’t I? Drunk or not, you shouldn’t have called him that. Period.”
Kiba sniffs, turning up his nose. “I thought he was going to be a boring drunk.”
“And look where that got you,” Shikamaru says.
Pretending not to hear Shikamaru, Kiba sends an unconvincing sort of not quite there half-glare Naruto’s way. “Besides, you’re the one who even started calling him that. Thanks to your regular complaining, that’s the only name I knew Sasuke by for the longest time, so if anything, it’s your fault if I end up slipping every now and then.”
“First of all,” Naruto says, “it’s not exactly a secret that Sasuke doesn’t like being called Himiko-bastard. Considering he doesn’t even let me get away with it, you need some serious help in your life if you ever thought he was going to let you. More importantly, though, it’s not the same when you take the bastard out. Even I knew better than to mess with the bastard part of it. But that’s what you did.”
“And your point is? The guy tried to convince me, too politely, that I’d be better off not having to worry about ever being able to get it up again, remember?”
“Only because you wouldn’t stop teasing him about a name you know he doesn’t like to be called,” Shikamaru says.
“Don’t you dare try to confuse me with logic while I’m in this state of mind.”
Shikamaru yields with a small smile, offering his hands in a show of mock surrender.
“And even if I was teasing him a little,” Kiba says, “only a little, still. You don’t just go around making fun of the sacred bond between a guy and his dog, man. It’s not cool.”
“You do if the guy is an alleged ladies’ man who claims to have the image appeal of an irredeemable bad boy despite the fact that his long distance relationship with his dog is still the most meaningful relationship he’s ever had.”
“Fuck off, Nara.” Dropping his arms, Kiba sports a broad smile that echoes the corners of Shikamaru’s mouth edging into a grin.
“It actually was pretty funny.”
“The way Sasuke said it,” Naruto adds, with a cheeky grin of his own, “yeah, it really was. But when he started whispering, and you started squeaking, when your voice got real high after he grabbed the spoon, I could’ve sworn my ears were getting ready to-”
“You know what? Don’t even quit while you’re ahead. You two keep right on making up all kinds of crap,” Kiba says, still smiling, quickly cutting in front of Naruto to walk beside Shikamaru. “But we all know you’re just mad because your lazy ass couldn’t even begin to dream of coming close to scoring the sheer amount of tail I do.”
“And yet somehow, I still get more than you’ve ever had.”
“Like it’s even possible for me to get stuck in the middle of a dry spell. That’d just be inhumane.” Kiba scoffs. “Although for you, I guess all the girls finally found out you’re the useless kind of guy who’d lie back and make them do all the work.”
Shikamaru lets out an amused snort, reaching into his back pocket to pull out a pack of gum.
“For a guy who likes to gloat as much as you do, your so-called reputation precedes you,” he says, opening a single stick of gum and popping it in his mouth. “Greatly.”
“Heh. I bet even a total sap like Naruto manages to get more action than you. Or at least he probably would be tapping something other than that right hand of his if he wasn’t so busy spending all his free time with Sasuke.”
“Don’t even try me, Kiba,” Naruto says. “The most action you’re even lucky enough to get is watching a girl run away screaming after she finds out you’re all shrivelled up down there.”
The pack of gum back in his pocket, Shikamaru covers his mouth with his hand, but it doesn’t do a thing to stop the slosh of poorly suppressed laughter that comes through.
“Oh, yeah, well...well, you can fuck off, too, Uzumaki.” Recovering from his own unrepressed fit of laughter, Kiba makes another rude gesture with his finger, this time pointing it towards Naruto. “All this proves is that you really do spend too much time with Sasuke.”
Naruto makes a low noise in agreement, giving Kiba a slow nod. “Then again, anything beats having to deal so much with you. It feels like I see you at least seven days a week. And then some.”
“Tch. Shows what you know. If anything, there’s not enough of me to go around.” Kiba thumps his chest with one hand, palm pressed flat against the zipper of his green jacket. “Who wouldn’t want a piece of me?”
Still chewing on his gum, Shikamaru pushes it from one side of his mouth to the other. “Isn’t that what Sasuke was doing earlier? Trying to get a piece of you?”
“Okay, since when did you decide to turn into such a smartass?”
Shikamaru shrugs. “It seems to help pass the time.”
Naruto snorts, stepping onto the wide, paved trail leading them to the entrance of a small little park. It’s the empty kind of open space Sasuke likes to visit from time to time, this park marking the halfway point to their apartment building, but it’s only one of many scattered throughout the city. “You didn’t actually think he’d do that to you, did you?”
“Nah, I know him better that,” Kiba says. “He’s normally a real nice guy. When it comes to people who aren’t you, anyway. Pretty much everyone except you, Naruto. But I mean, hey, I like Sasuke and all. Just not up close and personal enough to give him a free ride on my back.”
“What-you seriously expected me to just leave him there passed out on the table?”
“I don’t see why not. And if it was you that piss drunk instead of Sasuke, I definitely wouldn’t be going the distance.”
“So you’d just leave me there?”
“In a heartbeat.”
“See, Kiba. This is why people like me and you can’t be friends.”
Kiba laughs, briefly veering off the cemented pathway, taking the long way around a wooden bench before returning back to Shikamaru’s side. “I don’t see what you’re getting so hung up about. It’s not like anyone forced the responsibility on you.”
“The rest of you guys didn’t give me a choice,” Naruto says, leaning in front of Shikamaru a little to give Kiba a wry stare.
“You’re the one who told us to stop trying to wake Sasuke up,” Shikamaru is oh so very unhelpful to point out.
“Because it was obvious he wasn’t going to,” Naruto sputters, unconsciously tightening his grip supporting Sasuke’s legs around his waist. “And I sure as hell wasn’t going to sit there all night waiting for him to sleep it off. Meaning somebody had to take care of him.”
“As long as you knew to count me out.” With both hands, Kiba flips up the collar of his jacket and then folds it back over.
“Never even bothered to count you in,” Naruto mutters.
Kiba grins, lowering his arms. “Either way, that’s what Sasuke has a friend like you for, right.”
Eyes slightly narrowed, Naruto ducks his gaze, stepping over colourful leaves fallen from the trees bordering the edges of the path. A thoughtful frown pulls down at the corner of his mouth, and he looks up, staring straight ahead. “...I guess it is.”
“I take it Sasuke’s crashing with us then,” Shikamaru says around a deliberate little smile, reaching in his pocket for another stick of gum.
“Only because our place is a lot closer than his.” Naruto blinks, glancing at Shikamaru. “You don’t mind, do you? I mean, not to throw it all on you so suddenly like this. I have another futon Sasuke can use, and I’ll make space for him in my room, so you don’t have to worry about that, but if you’re not-”
“Doesn’t bother me in particular.” Shikamaru offers a casual shrug. “He’s always been nice enough to me.” Near a small, nondescript garbage bin, he pauses to throw away the gum wrappers crumpled in his palm, setting his gaze on a dead to the world Sasuke relaxed against Naruto’s back. “You should be more worried about yourself. Sasuke may be completely out of it now, but you’re the one he’s going to turn to when he wakes up.”
“Yeah, I know, I know.” Naruto breathes out with an exaggerated sigh, again lifting his arms to shift Sasuke’s weight when Sasuke starts to lean too far to the side. “So unfair.”
Gesturing towards Shikamaru’s pocket, Kiba tries to bum a stick of gum. “You shouldn’t pretend to look so put out, Naruto,” he says, accepting his gum with a smile when Shikamaru rolls his eyes at him. “That’s just how these things go, isn’t it. Not like you don’t know what to expect from Himi-”
“Stop calling him that, Kiba. Seriously.”
“No need to make a big deal out of it. The guy can’t even hear me.”
“Look, I don’t care if he can hear you or not. You already know Sasuke doesn’t like it, so you don’t need for me to tell you not to call him that anymore, all right.”
“Oi, Naruto. What’s up with this change in attitude all of a sudden? You know I’m just being-”
“Why?” Cutting Kiba off, in the middle of the path Shikamaru comes to a stop, letting himself fall behind a few steps until Naruto and Kiba take notice.
Kiba following beside him, Naruto turns around, walking back towards Shikamaru. “Why what?”
“Why are you suddenly making such a big deal out of a name you used to call Sasuke all the time?”
“Uh, because he doesn’t like it,” Naruto says, both eyebrows raised. “Whatever you’re trying to get at here, I’m not following.”
“But since he’s not even awake to care, is it really a matter of him not liking it, or more so that you don’t like anyone else calling Sasuke the name you gave him?”
Caught off guard by the suddenness of the question he doesn’t know how to answer, Naruto doesn’t speak, for a second or two doesn’t breathe.
He doesn’t move a muscle.
“...you like him, don’t you?”
“Picking now of all times to act so weird, Shikamaru,” Kiba says. “Asking that sort of obvious question, what rock have you been living under for the past two years?”
“Y-yeah, what Kiba just said.” Naruto gives a shaky laugh, trying to brush off Shikamaru’s calculating stare. “Of course I like Sasuke. He’s practically my best friend. I wouldn’t be dragging him all the way back to our place if I didn’t like him.”
Unfortunately, despite Shikamaru’s self-declared laziness, he’s not as unobservant as most people immediately tend to write him off to be. It figures someone like him would be one of those too curious annoyingly perceptive kinds of drunks.
Still staring, he gives a slight shake of his head. “No, Naruto. I mean, you actually like him.”
Frowning, Kiba glances between Shikamaru and Naruto, but the confusion on his face is quickly replaced by surprise, and he makes a garbled sort of choking sound, eyes growing increasingly wide. “You mean like one of those onetime guy crushes or something?”
Without another word, without a second thought, Naruto turns around and promptly walks himself out of the conversation. As fast as he can, as far as he can go until he’s sure Shikamaru and Kiba will forget about having brought it up in the first place.
Except it’s hard to get very far away anywhere near fast enough while he’s still carrying Sasuke on his back and trying not to wake him up.
He doesn’t even make it to the lamppost near the park’s exit before Kiba and Shikamaru catch up to him.
“It was only a question, Naruto.” The worst kind of knowingly amused smile starts to play on Shikamaru’s lips. “Getting so worked up over one guy, you could’ve easily just said no.”
“Maybe not,” Kiba says slowly, from Shikamaru’s other side giving Naruto a somewhat sympathetic look. “Someone with your faulty, depressingly dried up track record, you probably haven’t even told Sasuke yet, have you?”
Naruto clenches his jaw. “I don’t know what you guys are talking about.”
“Well, whatever you don’t know what we’re talking about, you’re still carrying him on your back, you know.”
“Me and Sasuke, we’re not-it’s not...it’s not like that between us, okay.”
Ignoring Naruto’s protest, Kiba turns to Shikamaru. “Looking back at all the signs, now that I can see Naruto’s sad attempts at flirting for what they really are, the whole thing kind of comes across like some plot from a chick manga, don’t you think?”
“And what would you know about that kind of manga?” Shikamaru says.
“Study material I read up on during middle school. Back then, my sister used to make me pick up the ones she liked on my way home. That’s when I first found out about what a lot of girls think they want in a guy.” Kiba wriggles his eyebrows. “Had to get my start somewhere, you know.”
Shikamaru snorts. “Again with the playboy character.”
“Although going for a domineering guy like Sasuke,” Kiba says, leering at Naruto, “I wouldn’t have pictured you for being into the S&M scene.”
Imagination getting the best of him, planting all kinds of too highly suggestive and far too realistic images he hasn’t even had the chance to prepare himself to think about, Naruto feels his entire face start to burn red.
It just burns. Completely burns with a red he can actually feel, spreading from his face to light up the rest of his body, but while he might not be on the verge of bursting into flames, it doesn’t necessarily rule out the impossible risk of his skin being permanently stained.
And then Kiba starts running off his mouth again, putting even more things in Naruto’s head that he’s trying really, really hard not to put too much thought into maybe possibly being able to have the chance to do with Sasuke some day in the future, because in the right here and now, he’s still carrying Sasuke on his back.
“-ask him out, it’ll be like doing two things at once. So then you can keep spending too much time with Sasuke, but instead of having to depend on all those nightly solo acts to get off, you can finally start looking forward to the real kind of repeat performa-”
“You fucking asswipe, shut the hell up before Sasuke hears you.”
Like seeing Naruto so thoroughly embarrassed is simply the funniest thing in the world, Kiba just beams. “Of all people, you want to go chasing after Sasuke. I can’t believe you’re trying to-shit, man, you’re blushing like a little kid. You’re totally blushing.”
“I already said it’s not like that between us, didn’t I. And I’m not blushing. It’s the alcohol.”
“Yeah, right. You didn’t even drink that much. And no way with that freaky high metabolism thing you got going on, but this isn’t some onetime guy crush. You like Sasuke. You really do like him.”
“Okay, yeah, well, maybe I kind of sort really like Sasuke more than I probably should like another guy-so what? Liking Sasuke that way, it just happened to happen. You got a problem with that or something?”
“Aw, look, he’s even getting all defensive about it.” Kiba throws an ear-splitting grin at Shikamaru. “Our wittle Naruto has a crush on his favourite little Himiko-bastard.”
“You.” Completely bypassing a smiling Shikamaru, Naruto aims his glare directly at Kiba. “I already told you not to call Sasuke that anymore. I’m not telling you again.”
Making a fist to cover his mouth, clearing his throat, Kiba imitates his best professional sounding voice. “After further testing the data, Dr. Nara, based on the patient’s symptoms, I’ve concluded that Mr. Uzumaki is suffering from a typical case of oversensitive boyfriend type behaviour.”
Shikamaru makes a low noise in agreement, paired with a firm nod. “Yes, yes, Dr. Inuzuka, that does seem to be the true nature of his present condition,” he says, eyes bright, barely able to keep a straight face. “Although Mr. Uzumaki’s responses can still be considered part of the initial denial stage, won’t you agree?”
“Yeah, that’s right,” Naruto grumbles, repositioning Sasuke’s arm slung over his chest. “It’s all fun and games now, but you two better be glad I’m carrying Sasuke, because that’s the only thing preventing me from running both your asses into the ground.”
“With some of the weird stares you’re starting to attract,” Kiba says, “maybe we shouldn’t be standing so close to an untrustworthy looking guy who might try to do questionable things to Sasuke.”
“The hell are you even trying to-”
“You think Naruto’s moving too fast with this?” Shikamaru shares a thoughtful glance with Kiba, one that turns into a look of mutual understanding. “Unless slow for the rest of us should be considered too fast for him.”
“How fast are these kinds of things even supposed to happen?” Kiba muses, putting on airs. “For Naruto, even someone with my experience doesn’t know. But I mean, coming up with that kind of sham date, bringing your boyfriend to a bar with the clear intention of taking him back home drunk,” he says, “that sounds pretty questionable to me.”
“Just because Sasuke’s too nice to actually hurt you, Kiba, don’t you start thinking I won’t.”
“Will you, though?” Shikamaru says. “After all, deliberately causing a scene in public, Sasuke wouldn’t appreciate being part of that, would he?”
Kiba snickers, hand placed over the side of his mouth as he turns towards Shikamaru. “Hey, hey,” he says, in a supposed whisper that effectively becomes a very loud non-whisper, “if Naruto’s face gets any redder, do you think it’ll eventually make his hair turn orange?”
With a series of patchy snorts, shoulders shaking, Shikamaru just about loses it.
“No, no, seriously, just look at him-look at him.” Too eager, no more than a downright giggling mess, Kiba points a finger at Naruto. “He’s so red that he’s actually glowing in the dar-quick, w-walk ahead of us, Rudolph, so we won’t accidentally get lost crossing the street.”
Evading Kiba’s hand shooing him forward, Naruto looks both ways before crossing the narrow street, pointedly ignoring the noisy laughter trailing behind him. “If Sasuke wakes up because you keep going on like this...”
“Between you and Kiba,” Shikamaru says, last one to reach the curb leading up to their block, “if Sasuke hasn’t woken up by now, chances are he won’t be waking up any time soon.”
“Good thing your boyfriend’s such a lightweight, huh. This way he doesn’t actually have to know the guy he doesn’t even know he’s going out with is thinking unpure thoughts about him.”
“...I am this close to beating the shit out of you, Kiba. By the end of the night, I swear I am going to beat the shit out of you, Kiba, so you better shut your mouth now before I decide to dropkick your irritating way too-”
At the sound of a quiet groan from behind him, Naruto freezes. Time stills. Even the air around him seems to know not to make any sudden movements.
A few steps ahead of him, Kiba and Shikamaru stop just short of making it to the door of their building, both of them watching him very closely, caught up in the sudden suspense, but Naruto’s already more than aware of the weight shifting against his back.
One arm hanging at Naruto’s side, the other draped loose around Naruto’s neck, Sasuke moves his head a little. His hand clutches the front of Naruto’s jacket, cheek brushing against blond hair, and he lets out this soft sort of comfortable sigh, fingers slowly releasing their hold.
“...now that’s just precious.”
Naruto feels the burn come back with a vengeance.
“I can’t decide what’s worse. Seeing how tight Sasuke’s got you wound up around his finger, or watching you keep tripping up over this guy when he doesn’t even know it.”
“Shut. Up, Kiba.”
Shaking his head, Shikamaru smiles, too highly amused as reaches for the door handle. He hauls open the heavy door to the stairwell, setting off a long creaking noise, rusting hinges sliding against each other to create an almost cringeworthy sound. Holding the door open with his foot, he lets Naruto and Kiba go through first. “I knew Sasuke was going to be trouble.”
“Can you guys seriously just not be assholes about it?”
“Now that he’s focusing so much attention on his Himiko-bastard,” Kiba says, “do you think this means Naruto’s going to replace us?”
Slowly removing his foot, Shikamaru makes sure the door doesn’t slam behind him. “It’d be too inconvenient to replace a roommate on such short notice.”
“True, true.” Passing Naruto, Kiba takes two steps at a time, all the way up to the fourth floor. “What about me, though? Being the big brother type figure in his life, shouldn’t there be some kind of value in that?”
“Won’t find me complaining if there’s not.”
“Whenever you’re not taking over my stuff, or eating my food and getting crumbs all over the place,” Naruto mutters, carefully making his way up the stairs, “you’re always leaving some kind of mess-why the hell would I put any value in that?”
“Because this is me giving up my time for you,” Kiba says. “This is me being a good friend.”
Naruto grunts as he crosses over the last step to reach their floor, frowning when he’s met face to face with a grinning Kiba standing between him and the door. “How does barging into other people’s places uninvited make you a good friend?”
“The way you’re taking advantage of Sasuke, looking after him like the concerned boyfriend he doesn’t know you’re trying too hard to be, if all your dates are going to turn out this bad, somebody has to be the chaperone.”
A smiling Shikamaru appears beside him, joining in with Kiba nearly bubbling over with a giddy laughter that only seems to get worse when Naruto offers up a feeble glare. “...just open the door.”