Fascination's End (1/8)
I'm sorry I failed to get this out in time, but Happy Belated Birthday, syrraki ! I hope you don't mind that I used your birthday as an excuse the inspiration I so desperately needed to finish. Although I'll certainly take no responsibility if, by the end, your face mirrors some variation of "wtf did I just read?" d(*⌒▽⌒*)b
Epic one-shot is epic in length. Seriously. Maybe over 40k words at the rate I'm going, so even though it's supposed to be a one-shot, I'm posting it here in sections just to ensure I won't go back to add crap...because that's what I tend to do. I'll post it in its entirety later, but until then, this needs to be done two weeks ago.
Warnings for poor attempt at canon. Return of ~~♥Frat Boy!Kiba♥~~ Lack of plot. Obscure references. Semi-angst. Tension--if I could make this a legit genre, oh boy. Sex as a form of miscommunication. Confusing things. Blatant Sasuke bias. Slice of life. Naruto's unreliable pov. Overall weirdness. I don't even know anymore.
***
Characters: Naruto/Sasuke, Kiba, Sakura
Rating: R
Words: 7264
Summary: Even when Sasuke comes home, it's not enough for things to go back to the way they were. Naruto struggles to grasp shifting emotions, the consequences of the choices he doesn't make, and a history with Sasuke that won't let either of them go.
***
“Going through this much effort to walk me home,” Sakura says. “Is it so important that it can’t wait until tomorrow?”
“What?” Hands behind his back, Naruto grins at Sakura. “I can’t visit you anymore?”
“Not when I just got back from pulling a double at the hospital. And I’m tired. Sleep deprived. Maybe a little cranky, too. Did I already say I was tired?”
Naruto reveals his hands and waves a small green bag in front of Sakura. “But I brought you a surprise,” he says, almost sings.
“Is it edible?” Sakura pulls at the hem of her gloves, wearing an undecided frown as she enters her apartment.
Naruto hums in affirmation and takes off his shoes. He leaves them by the front door and follows Sakura inside.
It’s a lot less colourful than Naruto initially expected when he was helping Sakura move in. The walls are some shade of pale yellow that looks mostly white that Naruto can’t remember the name of, the backdrop to a handful of red and pink accents that keep the apartment from looking too plain. It’s a far cry from the mundane place Kakashi shares with Sasuke, and neat and tidy against the cramped living space Naruto proudly calls home.
Sakura moved in a month after her eighteenth birthday, the second week in April. For almost a year, she’d been looking for a place of her own. The result was a modest-sized apartment not too far from her parents’ house. With a bedroom, a dining room, and a kitchen, it’s roomy enough for one person, yet small enough to easily maintain.
As close as Sakura is to her parents, her eagerness to leave them surprised Naruto. He didn’t understand her need to, why’d she want to distance herself from something like that, even if only to claim independence and take that final step into adulthood. A small part of Naruto still struggles to keep buried the wonder of that feeling, to want to move out simply because it was time, as Sakura said when he’d asked. There’s a lingering resentment, too, maybe, that he doesn’t have the courage to acknowledge, simply because Sakura was fortunate to have that kind of choice at all.
But Naruto squashes those feelings, his narrow grasp of the experiences he never did and never will have, and lets them hide among the shadows that disappear beneath the table in the kitchen when Sakura turns on the light.
As Sakura continues over to the sink, Naruto takes a seat. He places the green bag on the narrow table and raises his eyebrows at the way Sakura keeps eying it.
“What?” Sakura purses her lips at Naruto’s look. “Except for an apple, I haven’t eaten since four this morning. It’s already seven. Cooking’s the last thing I want to do when I get home.”
She begins to take off her gloves, tears them off like an unwanted second skin. They’re gone before Naruto has a chance to give them another glance, and Sakura breathes a long sigh.
Sasuke’s more meticulous, Naruto thinks. Too many times Naruto’s seen him pull slowly at long gloves that travel the length of his arm. Sasuke exercises a patience he never used to have, gradually revealing skin until Naruto has to bite the inside of his cheek not to rip the stupid gloves off himself.
Without looking, Sakura throws her gloves on the counter. She turns on the faucet, rubs her hands together under running water. The suds gathered between her hands are rinsed away.
“Let me guess the real reason you came to see me,” Sakura says, turning off the faucet. She grabs a dish towel and takes a seat next to Naruto. “You’re avoiding guard duty again, aren’t you?”
Unabashed, Naruto grins. “How could you tell?”
Sakura shakes her head. There’s a small smile on her face. Reluctant yet indulging, it’s the kind of smile that still has the power to make Naruto glad he’s already sitting down. “You’re asking to get into trouble. Flaunting such a thing.”
“Not this time. Minamoto’s covering my shift for me. Tsunade said it’s okay as long as I find someone to fill in.”
“Eventually it’s going to catch up with you, though. She’ll probably assign you more hours, suspend you without pay, or even worse,” Sakura says with a grin, leans closer to Naruto, and then whispers, “make you finish her backlog of paperwork.”
Naruto’s cheeks grow hot, and he draws back, creating distance between his face and Sakura’s. “Not if you don’t tell her.” He covers his nervousness with a smile and gives Sakura a gentle nudge with his shoulder. “Right?”
Sakura snorts. “Sure, Naruto.”
“Besides, Minamoto came to me. His anniversary is next week, and he has something special planned for his wife that Thursday. He couldn’t get anyone else to take his place, so it’s a good trade-off, see?”
Sakura tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, giving Naruto another one of those kind smiles. “That’s really sweet of you.”
Naruto looks down at his feet. He’s blushing again but this time doesn’t try to hide it. Rubbing his arm, he looks at Sakura. “You really think so?”
“Not that you probably wouldn’t do it anyway,” Sakura says quickly. She chews on her bottom lip, sighs at the pleading look Naruto gives her. “All right. But I’m only giving you fifteen minutes, Naruto. And that’s it. I can’t begin to tell you how tired I am.”
“That’s all I’m asking you for,” Naruto says, pushing the bag on the table towards Sakura. “Here.”
Sakura looks at the bag warily. “What kind of food is it?”
“If you were really hungry, you wouldn’t ask.” Naruto puts a hand on his knee, trying to keep his leg from bouncing up and down. “Go ahead. Open it.”
“You’re lucky I’m hungry enough to be placated with food,” Sakura mutters. The paper rustles as she opens the bag and peeks inside. Her eyes light in surprise. “Are these…?” She rolls down the top of the bag, both hands clasped over it. Her head snaps up to Naruto. “From Nimomiya’s shop? You didn’t.”
Naruto falters at the sharp look Sakura gives him. “It’s not bad, is it? I thought you-”
“No, I do-I do. Thank you, Naruto. Really, you shouldn’t have. It’s not even my birthday.”
“I don’t have to wait until your birthday to give you something, do I?”
“You know I don’t mean it like that, but Nimomiya never has these when I go there. Since she only sells them on weekend mornings, and I can’t go because I spend so much time at the hospital on weekends. Then when I do get a chance, she’s always out of these because she only makes a small batch, and it seems like everyone in Konoha goes there. Plus, it’s a little bit pricey for these kinds of dumplings anyway, but-oh, and they’re still warm, too? Nimomiya closes her bakery at noon. Naruto, how’d you-”
“Now that-” Naruto tilts his head and wiggles a finger at Sakura. “-is a secret.”
“Don’t tease me, Naruto.” Bag held securely in one hand, Sakura uses the other to give Naruto a light punch in the arm. “You know how much I love these things.”
“But it is.”
“You’re too much.” Carefully, Sakura takes out a small plastic container lined with parchment paper and places it on the table. There are twelve dumplings in all, each punctured by a short stick. Instead of a having a filling, they’re covered in red bean paste, coated with a thin layer of simple syrup and sprinkled with tiny pieces of crystallised ginger.
“I almost don’t want to eat them now,” Sakura says. “Never mind the fact that I can’t eat all of these by myself.”
“…share them with me?”
“Actually…” Sakura pushes the container between herself and Naruto. “I’d like that.”
“Yeah, I’d-me, too.”
Sakura reaches for one of the dumplings. She takes a small bite, closes her eyes, and when she leans against him, Naruto only just resists the urge to put his arm around her. “I haven’t eaten one of these in so long. After the kind of week I’ve been having, this is exactly what I need. Is there any way I can get you do to this more often? I’m at the point where I’m almost willing to do anything.”
Dry palms somehow make his hands feel sweaty, and Naruto remembers to let himself breathe.
“But this isn’t why you came here, though.” Sakura sits up, and Naruto almost reaches to bring her back against him. “I’m sorry, I-”
“No, it’s fine. It’s fine, really. I do have something important to say. That is…”
“Naruto?” Sakura puts in her mouth a finger sticky from syrup and red bean paste, and Naruto swallows at the wide-eyed look she’s giving him.
She waves her hand in front of Naruto’s face, and Naruto stares, entranced by the small movement. Sakura’s hands are smaller than his, feel abnormally so during the few times Naruto’s had the rare opportunity to hold them. They fit inside his hand, compliment slim fingers and skin that feels just as rough as his own.
Sakura frowns and lets her hand fall back in her lap. “Is something wrong? You said it was important, but…”
“Ye-yeah, I…” Naruto presses together dry lips, runs his tongue over them. “I wanted to say-I mean, ask you something.”
“What is it, Naruto?”
Naruto fumbles over the confession he’s been mentally preparing himself for since this morning, the words that suddenly sit tightly in his throat. “I, um...” He shies away from Sakura’s face. His gaze shifts down.
Sakura’s eyes darken then narrow. Out of concern or anger, Naruto can’t tell. “…Naruto?”
“Sasuke, I-”
**
“-choked.” Naruto points at Kiba with the small end of his chopsticks, twirls them idly with the use of two fingers. “I totally choked.”
“Not like it’s the first time,” Kiba grumbles, peering at Naruto from over his small glass of sake. “If Sakura hadn’t said yes before, why even bother asking her out now?”
“Because this time was supposed to be different,” Naruto says. “We’ve been kind of close lately, and I thought, even if Sakura didn’t mean it that one time before-I don’t know. Something about tonight felt right.”
“Mm-hm…that’s nice.” Kiba knocks back the rest of his sake and places the glass on the counter of the bar. He gives a satisfied smack of his lips then frowns, stares at Naruto with his eyebrows bunched together. “Wait a minute. I thought you liked Sakura?”
Naruto uses his chopsticks to snag a thin slice of raw salmon from the plate he’s sharing with Kiba. His hand pauses over a small bowl, half empty with a mixture of soy sauce and grated wasabi. He blinks and dips the fish in the bowl. “I do.”
“And that’s why you were talking to Sakura, right?”
Naruto places the salmon in his mouth and chews for a moment. He swallows, face guarded. “…yes?”
“But you said Sasuke.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Yeah, you did.” Kiba pauses, narrows eyes that just as soon widen. “You said Sasuke. When you said you were about to confess to Sakura, you said Sasuke instead of Sakura.”
“Uh-no.”
“Look, your memory’s faulty.” When Naruto begins to open his mouth, Kiba stops the retort with a pointed look and pulls on the lobe of his left ear. “And don’t even think about questioning my hearing. I heard you say Sasuke.”
“I said Sakura.”
“Sasuke.”
“Sakura.”
“Sakura.”
“Sasuke.”
Leaning sideways in his chair, Kiba nearly jabs Naruto in the eye with his finger. “See-you see what you just did? You said his name again.”
Naruto rolls his eyes and pushes Kiba’s finger away from his face with his free hand. “That’s the oldest trick in the book.”
“You still fell for it.”
“Doesn’t mean it counts.”
“No, it just means you said Sasuke’s name while you were trying to ask Sakura out.”
“That’s not what happened,” Naruto hisses, levelling his chopsticks with Kiba’s nose. “And even if I did, it’s not like I did it on purpose.”
“So you admit it.”
Naruto groans.
“But mixing those two up?” Kiba says. “You’re asking Sakura out, but you were thinking of Sasuke? How does that happen?”
“I guess because I haven’t seen him in a long time.”
“I don’t see how. I run into that guy all the time, but if that’s the case, please tell me how you managed not to when it’s like he hides in plain sight.”
Naruto pulls a face at the subtle dig. “Well, maybe I was thinking about how much Sakura used to like Sasuke back then and how much she used to turn me down because of it. It could have been anything. It just happened, all right.”
“No wonder why Sakura gave you that black eye.” Lowering his voice, Kiba says, “You even think to start calling me Sasuke, unlike Sakura, I’m going to make sure your eyes match.”
“Actually…” Naruto blinks. Right eye taking longer to open than the left, he winces and scratches his chin. “She thought I was looking at her breasts. It wasn’t like there was much to look at-not that I’d ever tell her that, you know-but I forgot what I wanted to say and couldn’t look her in the eyes. That’s when she saw me looking down, so…”
Kiba stares. He shakes his head, picks up the last piece of salmon and brings it to his mouth.
“What?”
“You’re hopeless.”
“You’ve only been going out with Ino for what-six months? All of a sudden you’re the relationship expert?”
“At least I’m in one.”
“Don’t say it like it’s the end of the world or something. I’m not some old man. I’m seventeen.” Naruto reinforces his words with a firm nod. “And it’s not like Sakura rejected me. If she wasn’t paying attention to what I said, that means I can try again. Everything was okay until she caught me looking down. She was really excited about the dumplings I gave her, too.”
“Hey, if you’re all for it, why not? Still don’t know what Sasuke has to do with it, though.”
“He doesn’t. I don’t know how to explain that part. I don’t even like him like that.”
“You don’t like him like that?” Kiba says. “I don’t even know if I like him period.”
“I can’t exactly do the dumpling thing again,” Naruto mumbles. “But that’s going to be hard to top.”
“Try flowers.”
“Isn’t that kind of obvious?”
“But it works, doesn’t it?”
“Maybe,” Naruto says, sending Kiba a thoughtful glance. “…I did say Sasuke’s name, right?”
Gently, Kiba places his chopsticks on the emptied plate. “Where are you going with this?”
“Think that’s a sign? I didn’t think so before, but what if Sakura still likes Sasuke?”
“I don’t think I’m following you. Not that I think I want to, either.”
“So it’s like this. You know I’ve been trying to be subtle about still liking Sakura.” Naruto pointedly ignores the incredulous look Kiba gives him. “Okay, so it’s not like I wasn’t kind of obvious about it. But let’s say she does see something in him.”
“And?”
“And what if I can find out why Sakura still likes Sasuke? I’ll hang out with Sasuke, find out what about him that Sakura likes so I can prove to her that I have the same thing, if not better, and then try to ask her out again knowing I have a better chance of her saying yes.”
“Let me get this straight.” Kiba covers his mouth with his hand and coughs. “Instead of just asking Sakura if she still likes Sasuke, you want to start spending more time with Sasuke, see what it is about him that Sakura might like, and then use that to convince her to like you?”
“It’s still in the early stages, but that’s pretty much the idea, yeah.”
“Okay,” Kiba says strangely. “Good luck with that one.” With an uncharacteristically polite nod, he rests his hands flat on the counter and begins to stand.
“Wait-where are you going?” Naruto grabs Kiba’s shirt and yanks him back down. “I thought you were going to help me.”
“Help you what-get into Sasuke’s pants?” Hands held out in front of him, Kiba's eyes go wide. He starts shaking his head, fast enough that it almost makes Naruto dizzy. “No way, man! I’m not helping you get into that guy’s pants!”
“I’m talking about Sakura! Who the hell said anything about getting into Sasuke’s pants?!”
**
After nearly half an hour of trying to convince Kiba that he in fact does not want to get into Sasuke’s pants, because that’s really not what he’s trying to do, Naruto decides to heed Kiba’s advice about the flowers.
He waits four days for the whole accidentally-staring-at-Sakura’s-chest thing to blow over, and that Friday finds him in front of the Yamanaka flower shop.
Despite his reluctance at preparing to do something this obvious, it seems like sound advice from a guy whose girlfriend happens to know a lot about flowers. It makes sense then, that Kiba should know about these kinds of things.
Thankfully, Ino’s not here.
Naruto’s weekly stints with Kiba began sometime last year, when Kiba made a friend who had a friend that knew of an izakaya bar not known to make a habit of questioning the ages of customers that look the part. And they do. Naruto and Kiba welcome drinks under the table every Sunday night when they can, something of a ritual between them, but ever since Kiba started dating Ino, Naruto isn’t sure what he tells her about their conversations.
He knows Kiba won’t go into specifics. Still, it calms Naruto’s nerves considerably knowing he won’t have to try keeping a straight face while buying flowers from Ino, who definitely knows how to put two and two together and would probably tease him about attempting to impress Sakura with something as simple as flowers.
Instead, he opens the door and is met with a cheerful greeting from Ino’s mom.
“Welcome,” she calls out from behind the counter, a knowing smile on her face that simply continues to grow as Naruto approaches her.
He walks down the wide aisle, surrounded by vivid colours-pinks and whites, blues and yellows, any and everything else in between-all intermixed with an ever-present hue of green. It almost makes him feel claustrophobic. Even though he hasn’t done this before, it’s not really an excuse to be nervous.
He’s just buying flowers. Girls like flowers. Sakura’s a girl, and Naruto already knows she likes flowers. Better yet, he knows which flower Sakura likes the best.
“So what can I do for you today, Naruto?”
There’s a tickle in Naruto’s throat. The thought that Ino’s mom remembers him spurs the beginnings of a feeling he isn’t afraid to call gratification, but Naruto doesn’t let it make him forget why he’s here. “I’d like to buy some flowers. I guess that’s kind of obvious since I’m in a flower shop. But you know that already, because I’m here. That’s why I came here. To look at flowers. I mean, to buy flowers, and…”
“This is the first time you’ve come here for flowers, yes?” She laughs, the sound light and airy, and Naruto feels himself relax. “I suppose the variety can be intimidating if you’ve never browsed for flowers before. But I’ll try to make this as easy as possible for you, okay?”
“If you could?”
She answers with a gracious nod, although there’s a gleam in her eyes that immediately reminds Naruto of Ino. “But first you’ll have to tell me who the lucky lady is.”
“Ah, that.” Naruto’s fingers reach for that familiar spot on the back of his neck. “Hehe, it’s, um, for Sakura.”
“I don’t believe it’s Sakura’s birthday. Unless…”
“No, it’s just something to show her that she’s-that I…”
“Of course, of course.” She smiles and gestures for Naruto to come closer. “Do you already have something particular in mind, or would like for me to make a special arrangement?”
Ino’s mom is famous for her skill in Ikebana. She’s respected not only for her rare ability but also for her efforts to preserve a dying craft she almost single-handedly revived in Konoha. While Naruto can say he has a green thumb, arranging flowers is an art he doesn’t understand. Yet he can still appreciate the significance of her strong sense of devotion and how much it shows through the quality of her designs.
Sakura understands Ikebana better than he does, maybe because she’s so close with Ino, but Naruto can’t afford to pay for the kind of flower arrangement that would undoubtedly impress her. So he decides to stick with the next best thing: the flower he knows Sakura likes.
“Kind of,” Naruto says. “I’m looking for some camellias. Alba Plena? If you still have any left. I know it’s almost out of season, but…”
“Tsubaki?”
“Yes, please.”
“I have to admit,” she says after a long pause, “that flower is an unexpected choice.”
Naruto toys with the zipper on his jacket, bringing it down and then pulling it up halfway. “Nothing too complicated, I guess.”
“Well, it is said that simple is best, right? Admittedly, I’d prefer something more traditional, perhaps even more formal. It’s how I was raised. These days, the trend has changed with the younger generation. Even so, the beauty in such simplicity can’t be overlooked.”
“That’s what I’m hoping for, yeah.”
She offers a soft smile that Naruto hesitantly returns. “I’m sure Sakura will love them.”
**
Armed with a small bouquet of camellias, Naruto knocks three times on Sakura’s door. The flowers look even whiter against the brown paper wrapped around them, almost like they glow in the dark. He loosens his hold around the long thin stems that feel fragile in beneath his fingers and waits for Sakura to answer.
When the door begins to open, Naruto loses his nerve at the last minute. He turns away and holds up the bouquet in the direction where he thinks Sakura is. His entire body is still, not too far from shaking, and an overwhelming sense of disappointment begins to pile over any traces of his former anxiety.
But a small sneeze causes Naruto to frown, disappointment and anxiety almost completely forgotten when he realises the sound didn’t come from Sakura.
“What are you doing here?” says a voice decidedly not Sakura’s, and Naruto almost gives himself whiplash turning around to see the voice belongs to Sasuke.
“What am I doing here?” Confirming what he already knows, Naruto squints, still holding the flowers towards Sasuke. “The hell are you doing here?”
“I’m helping-” Sasuke sneezes again, making this short and shrill sound that doesn’t suit him at all.
Naruto blinks and stares as Sasuke uses his hand to cover another one of those weird sounding sneezes. He tilts his head to the side, takes a good look at Sasuke.
Gone are the long black gloves Naruto’s used to seeing Sasuke wearing. Instead, he’s wearing the yellow kind used for cleaning, only covering up to his wrists and leaving the rest of his arms exposed. His black sleeveless shirt is replaced with a plain white t-shirt, the hem hiding the waistband of dark blue shorts that end just above Sasuke’s knees. A light blue bandana is wrapped around his forehead, keeping his hair out of his face, and it looks like there’s some kind of dust or dirt smudged over the bridge of his nose.
“Is this-” Sasuke’s interrupted by a fourth sneeze. “Is this some kind of joke?”
“Isn’t that supposed to be my line?”
Sasuke tries to glare, which isn’t the least bit effective since he just ends up looking cross-eyed. “Get those damn things away from me.” His hand goes back over his mouth, and he sneezes again.
The sound of footsteps comes from inside Sakura’s apartment, light but hurried. A third pair of feet make their way to the door, and Sakura appears from behind Sasuke. “Sasuke, who’s at the-Naruto?”
Naruto looks at the bouquet he’s still holding in front of Sasuke. His gaze moves to Sakura, focused on how close she’s standing to Sasuke. The sight of them together draws his lips apart.
Sasuke’s shoulders hunch forward, and his body shakes from the wasted effort of trying to hold in another sneeze. He makes a blind reach for the camellias and knocks them out of Naruto’s hand.
The flowers fall to the ground. Large white petals seem to wilt upon impact. They’re crushed beneath the carelessness of Sasuke’s movements, and Naruto snarls at Sasuke, ignoring the redness in Sasuke’s face and the wetness gathered at the corners of Sasuke’s eyes.
Sakura puts a hand on Sasuke’s shoulder. She tries to guide him inside the apartment, but Sasuke wrenches himself away from her.
“I’m leaving.”
“Sasuke,” Sakura says, “you don’t have to-”
“I’ll get the rest of my stuff tomorrow.”
The sheer anger in Sasuke’s voice is contagious, quick to goad Naruto into the kind of frustration reserved for moments like this. It’s more familiar than his confusion from seeing Sasuke with watery eyes and blotched cheeks, and Naruto doesn’t hesitate to reciprocate the kind of raw emotion he hasn’t been able to pull from Sasuke in far too long.
Out of habit, maybe more so than any real anger, Naruto starts to go after Sasuke, but his reach falls short when Sakura grabs a hold of his arm.
“Let him go, Naruto.”
Reluctant, Naruto allows his face to go slack. The tension in his body dissolves. If Sasuke doesn’t kill him later on, judging by the grip she has on him, Sakura will be more than happy to do it now, but when Naruto looks at her, she only squeezes his arm. Suddenly, she looks worn. It’s a rare glimpse into the smiles not dissimilar to his own, the late hours at the hospital beginning to catch up to her, and Naruto feels just as weary seeing how much Sakura’s aged in four days.
“Sakura…”
“It’ll be fine. Sasuke just needs to-I’ll call to check on him later.” Sakura releases Naruto’s arm, waiting a few seconds before she slowly steps away. She bends down to pick up the fallen camellias, careful not to further damage the petals.
Naruto lets his arm hang at his side and makes a fist to fill the emptiness in his hand.
“What were you thinking?” Her words sound like they should be scolding, yet Sakura stands up and looks at Naruto with an unravelled smile. It’s a fond smile, too, maybe even a little nostalgic when she gets this distant look in her eyes.
“But I wasn’t-”
“You know Sasuke’s allergic to camellias.” Sakura brings the flowers to her chest. They droop over her hands as she tries to hold them upright.
“I…”
I forgot, is what Naruto wants to say, would say if it were true. If only because Sakura mentions it, Naruto remembers. He also remembers camellias being Sakura’s favourite flower until she found out Sasuke was allergic to them.
Sakura waits for Naruto to finish, but her patience doesn’t last long. She sighs, makes a motion for Naruto to come inside her apartment. “What am I supposed to do with you, Naruto?”
“I didn’t know Sasuke would be here,” Naruto mutters. He closes the door behind him. “I didn’t even know you two were…”
“Oh.” Sakura blinks, but her eyes soften at Naruto. Again, she tries to smile, but her voice doesn’t carry through with the attempt. “No, it’s not like that. He was-I just wanted Sasuke to spend some time outside of that house. I don’t like him being there if I can help it.”
“That house?”
“The one where his parents…”
“Right,” Naruto says. “That house.”
“Sasuke was just helping me clean up. I haven’t really been home lately, meaning I haven’t had time to finish unpacking the rest of my boxes, either. Somehow it slipped into our conversation yesterday, and I asked him to help me.”
“He said yes?”
“Sasuke said he didn’t mind.”
“That’s…nice.”
Sakura nods in agreement. “Mm-hm.” She runs her finger over a bent petal that looks ready to fall off the stem. “These really are pretty.”
“When we were kids, you said they were your favourites.”
“I think they still are,” Sakura says absently. “I can’t believe you remember that. It makes me wish I could keep them again.”
“Then why can’t you?” Naruto fights to suppress the childishness in his voice. “Not those, but I’ll buy you some more.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to. I just can’t expect Sasuke to come back with camellias around.” Sakura offers an apologetic smile. “He’ll use them as another reason to avoid me.”
“Since when did Sasuke ever need a reason?”
“Since I won’t let him skip out on me without a good one.” Sakura peers down at the flowers in her arms. “Honestly, I doubt Sasuke appreciates what I’m trying to do, but I truly believe Sasuke-he needs this. I don’t-I couldn’t do anything last time, but now…now I know I can.”
Naruto frowns at Sakura. “What are you talking about?”
“I think Sasuke feels like he did the last time before he left. It’s easier to see it now, and I don’t want him to feel alone when he doesn’t have to.”
“But he’s not. We finally got him back. He’s with us now. He’s home. Why should he still feel that way?”
“You can’t just expect things to fall back into place, Naruto. Either you have to work for them or realise that sometimes things…change. I’m finally beginning to understand that. And Sasuke is, too, if he’s willing to let me help him.”
“It’s not like he makes himself available. It’s hard to help him when he doesn’t want to reach out to anyone.”
“That’s the kind of person Sasuke is. But just because Sasuke doesn’t reach out to anyone, doesn’t make it okay to brush him aside.”
“I didn’t forget about Sasuke.” Naruto runs a hand through his hair. “I wasn’t…”
“I didn’t say you were, but you don’t see him anymore, Naruto. The way Sasuke…” Sakura shakes her head, brings the camellias under her nose. “You know, I’d almost forgotten how much I used to love these.” Closing her eyes, she releases a slow breath. “How much I still do.”
“You still like them? Even if they’re not…”
“Of course I do. I’ve been feeling so tired lately. If I didn’t have the next few days off, I’d probably have to check myself in.” A faint sound, Sakura laughs at her own joke, but Naruto can’t find it within himself to laugh with her. “I can’t even begin to say how happy seeing these has made me. That you’d even remember something like this, that means a lot to me. You’re -you’re a really good friend, Naruto. Thank you.”
This time, the smile Sakura gives Naruto creates a lump that catches in his throat. It threatens to distort his own smile, but despite the disappointment he feels at Sakura’s words, Naruto does his best to hide it, stretching the corners of his mouth so wide it hurts enough to distract him from the pain in his chest.
**
Naruto thinks he’s a mature person. At least he can be when he puts his mind to it. He can handle rejection, even if it’s not outright. Rejection is a part of life, Iruka liked to say, still says from time to time, and while Sakura didn’t exactly say it herself, Naruto didn’t need her to spell it out for him.
So he wipes at eyes that haven’t been anything but dry and does what any other person in his position would do.
He goes out to drink.
Reasoning that Friday is only two days away from Sunday, Naruto drags Kiba back to the bar they always go to with the sole purpose of drowning himself in alcohol without actually getting drunk.
Surprisingly, Kiba follows Naruto without the use of physical persuasion on Naruto’s part. Yet Kiba makes up for the odd act of compliance by complaining to Naruto the whole way there. In theory, it doesn’t take long to get to the bar. It’s a couple of blocks past the weapons shop not far from where Naruto lives, although the short trip is made that much longer with Kiba going on and on about Naruto keeping him from spending his much needed time with Ino. However, when Naruto offers to pay for anything Kiba orders-within reason, he adds-Kiba is quick to shut up about Ino and his seemingly perfect, lovely-dovey relationship with her that Naruto knows he’ll probably never have with Sakura.
“We were going to go on Sunday anyway,” Kiba says when asked why he changed his mind, and Naruto gives him a particularly harsh shove forward that almost causes Kiba’s face to connect with the pavement.
The bar is right across from the old abandoned building nobody wants to spend the money and time to fix. It’s on the right side of the small convenience store that closes at six every day, hidden in the narrow alley marked by the short horizontal banner almost too high to see and decorated with fading characters on the verge of becoming illegible.
Except for the distinct lack of female company, it’s the kind of hole-in-the-wall joint with no name that Jiraiya would have loved. Relatively cheap and one of the few places that stays open late, the bar’s only redeeming feature may be the big round and red paper lantern that never stays lit past eleven at night even though the place stays open until two in the morning. Which, of course, says a lot, considering the kind of guy Jiraiya was, but Naruto lets the stark sound of Kiba’s voice drown out thoughts of his late mentor.
He came here to pretend to be drunk, despite the very definite likelihood of him not being able lose any inhibitions whatsoever with the luxury of not having to remember doing anything stupid the next time he gains consciousness. Thinking about Jiraiya goes against why Naruto dragged Kiba out here in the first place.
“So Sakura didn’t like the flowers?” Kiba says.
“No, she loved the flowers. But apparently I’m just a friend.” Naruto snorts into his sake. “A really good friend.”
“Ouch.” Kiba offers a sympathetic glance that disappears when the bartender refills his glass. “But hey-no harm, no foul, right?”
“If you say so.”
“Eh, it could have been worse. At least Sasuke left beforehand. Suppose Sasuke saw Sakura turning down the same flowers you almost killed him with? Now that would have been really emba-”
“Kiba, if I’m paying for you tonight, can you at least make sure my money’s going to good use?”
“Excuse me for trying to look on the bright side.”
“Listen, I’m not paying for you so you can be optimistic. That’s not helping me. You suck at it. And if you expect not to cover that bill tonight, I can’t afford for you to be unhelpful. I’m doing this because I need you to cheer me up.”
“Right,” Kiba says quickly, wiping both hands on a napkin. He rubs his knuckles over his chest and clears his throat. “What I meant to say was, it’s all Sasuke’s fault. Trying to make a move on Sakura. Getting in your way and messing up the flowers you didn’t buy for him. That-that...”
After a few seconds, when the act of watching Kiba think gets too painful, Naruto says, “Bastard.”
“Yeah, bastard. That’s what I was looking for. Okay, hold on-let me try it again.” Kiba sniffs and throws his napkin on the floor, watches it roll beneath his chair. He glares-or whatever he thinks is supposed to be a glare-at the napkin, but it looks like he’s sulking more than anything else. “That…bastard.”
“…do me a favour, Kiba.”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t ever try to cheer me up again.”
“It wasn’t good?” The distress on Kiba’s face almost makes Naruto want to feel bad about putting him down.
Almost.
But not really.
“Could you tell I was going for an impression of you?” Kiba says. “I don’t think it came out whiny enough, but I can always try again if you want.”
Groaning, Naruto lets his head fall on the counter with a loud thud that makes the dishes around him rattle.
**
It isn’t until a week later and the day before he’s supposed to meet Kiba at the bar again that Naruto begins to take Sakura’s words into consideration.
She said Sasuke still feels alone, but it’s hard for Naruto to imagine how Sasuke can. For the last year, Sasuke’s been staying with Kakashi, who was appointed-or volunteered, as Kakashi likes to say whenever he’s in the mood to annoy Sasuke-as Sasuke’s legal guardian since Sasuke had come back to Konoha.
Being surrounded by people who readily accept him, people who acknowledge and care about him, Naruto can’t get how Sasuke can take something so special for granted, especially when it’s the kind of thing Naruto secretly strives to never be without again.
But it doesn’t mean he won’t try.
Of all people, Naruto understands what it’s like to be lonely. He just didn’t realise the possibility of Sasuke still feeling that way. It’s not like he expected everything to go back to normal when Sasuke came back. Maybe a little bit at first, but only because it was easier to believe Sasuke’s return could cancel out all the things that happened in the time after he’d left. However, as much as he misses those days, prefers to remember about that time, Naruto also knows there are certain lines that can’t be uncrossed.
Although in retrospect, Naruto may have committed himself to the cause too soon. A trip to the convenience store provides the proverbial catalyst to set things in motion, and not long after declaring he’d try to patch up his relationship with Sasuke, Naruto runs into him.
He doesn’t mean to do it. While he hasn’t really thought that far ahead yet, he knows this isn’t how he wants to do it. The step of actually approaching Sasuke isn’t supposed to be in Naruto’s plans until after he talks to Kiba about what he should do. It’s way too soon because he’s not ready to do it. He doesn’t even know what to say. Yet the sight of Sasuke’s retreating back compels him to follow and provokes an urgency that makes Naruto call out Sasuke’s name.
Sasuke keeps walking. He doesn’t waste time pretending he didn’t hear Naruto shouting for him from across the street. Naruto jogs to catch up, meeting Sasuke at the intersection by the convenience store.
“Hey, Sasuke, I-” When Sasuke still doesn’t stop, Naruto cuts him off before he can reach the corner. “Wait a second. I’m trying to-”
“What do you want?”
“Is it a crime to say hi to someone?”
“For you, it should be.” The small bag Sasuke’s holding, he switches it from his left hand to his right, placing it away from Naruto. “You shoved those flowers in my face the last time I saw you.”
“Yeah, about that.” Naruto gives a nervous chuckle. “Sakura said you were okay. She told me it wasn’t bad, but I’m sorry for -”
Sasuke doesn’t stay to hear Naruto finish his apology. He goes around him, heading in the direction that leads to Kakashi’s place. Surprisingly, he doesn’t say anything when Naruto falls in step with him.
“So…” Naruto begins. His hands find the pockets of his jacket, and his fingers pick at the smooth material of the lining. “What have you been up to lately?”
“Why do you want to know?”
“I’m curious,” Naruto says with a shrug. “That’s all.”
Sasuke stops to stare at Naruto. “Did Sakura put you up to this?”
“She-I mean, no-no. This is all my idea. Sakura might have said something, but that doesn’t-”
“Since when do you talk to me?”
“Since we’re friends. And that’s what friends do. Talk to each other.”
“You haven’t talked to me in months,” Sasuke says. “Now you decide you’re interested in what I’ve been doing?”
“It wasn’t…like that.”
“Like what? Tell me what it wasn’t like, Naruto.”
“I’ve been busy, all right. When I saw you at Sakura’s apartment, I realised I kind of missed us.”
“There isn’t anything to miss,” Sasuke hisses. “If Sakura’s riding your ass about what happened last week, don’t use me to get off your little guilt trip. What you choose to do, those decisions are on you. I don’t have anything to do with them.”
“Not if it’s about you.”
“This isn’t about me. This is about Sakura. If she hadn’t said anything, you wouldn’t be here. Just because you can’t accept the fact she rejected you, doesn’t mean-”
“You’re a real bastard,” Naruto snarls, takes a step towards Sasuke. “But you know that already, right? Don’t bring Sakura into this. She has nothing to do with it. I’m just trying to be nice.”
“I didn’t ask you to be nice. I’m not some charity case.”
“I never said you were.”
“Then don’t treat me like one. Stop walking around me like I’m going to...”
“I’m not trying to treat you like…that, but how am I supposed to be around you? I don’t know what to say to you without you-”
“Without me what?”
“There. Right there, Sasuke. Without you coming back at me like that.”
“Like what? I don’t see you for months, and you expect me to act like nothing’s changed?”
“Well, you could have come to me, too, you know.”
“No matter what you say, we’re not friends, Naruto. We never were. If anything, it’s a convenience. Don’t try to make it into something it’s not.”
“Stop saying that. You’re here, but I don’t see you, and it’s like you hang around everyone else except me,” Naruto says. “Tenten and Lee see you more than me. Kiba sees you more than me. You hang around Sai more than me.”
“We had one mission together.”
“Okay, but that still doesn’t explain it because Sai doesn’t even know you.”
“Then spend time getting to know Sai if you’re so worried about the guy. If it’s better for you to-”
“I’m not talking about Sai,” Naruto bites out. “And I’m not comparing you to him. You’re not Sai. You’re Sasuke.”
“I know who I am, Naruto.” Fingers tightening around his bag, Sasuke stares at Naruto with dull eyes. “But you sure as hell don’t know me.”
The corner of Sasuke’s mouth begins to lift. It takes over his blank expression, stretches across his skin, like the invisible marks from Orochimaru’s cursed seal that Naruto can still see. The memory taints the Sasuke in front of him with an image of the Sasuke he doesn’t care to remember, and Naruto grits his teeth, balling his fist to keep it away from Sasuke’s cheek.
It’s a waste of energy when the smirk already mars Sasuke’s face.
Part Two