Bonfire in my pants! Bring some tires and marshmellows!
Well it's actually pretty late, but I felt it necessary to sort of write in this thing for at least a couple of moments. Though admittedly all I did today was work. Yes today was the beginning part of the two days of evening shift I work, here in our city, with tourism being our biggest industry, our inn sells out every weekend in the summer. So more or less today was busy, I could complain about work all day, but really who wants to hear about people not getting their rooms cleaned and the explanation as to why I smell like vommit.
Ok well I'll explain why I smell like vommit, since I can paraphrase. Long story short, a kid puked on a bed I had to change the sheets, I smelled the bed I vommited on myself. No really! This was industrial strength puke smell, I haven't smelled puke this bad since I went to New Orleans. I don't want to get the readers sick so let's talk about my day outside of work.
Ladies and gentlemen... tonight I am sad to say... I have become forced to retire a pair of my boxer shorts. T_T Yes people it is sadly true. I for one enjoy boxer shorts, not only because they are outrageously comfortable but because but also because you can find a boxer shorts design of almost anything you want. Today I have become forced to retire my shorts that had a smiley face on the crotch. Yes people the smiley faced crotched boxer shorts. Why was a I forced to retire these modern day champs of underwear related sexual innuendos you ask? Well here comes your answer:
I did it because while working today I sort of stretched my leg improperly and in the process tore my shorts all the way up to my waist. And since it's fabric and not seam it will be hell to sew it properly, so wearing these shorts now Jimmy and his boys are always out to say hello. I can't have that, so I was forced to let them go. Poor shorts. T_T
So after a quick change of shorts and clothes (followed by the standard shorts retiring ceremony) I went to Stetson and relaxed. While I was there I saw this guy sort of imposing himself on a woman that more or less wanted nothing to do with him. She looked at me with this look that said, "Help please!" or maybe it was more like, "How's it going? Are you flowing?". I don't know I was never able to decipher looks, anyways the woman looked like she wanted some help so I walked over there and I said, "Excuse me."
Immediatly the guy went off, "Can't you see I'm talking to the lady? What's your problem? I suggest you leave brother."
Nobody has the right to call me brother so I did the first thing that came to my mind.I grabbed his beer poured it on my pants and said, "There was a fire in my pants but thanks to you I put it out."
I then got thrown out, since Stetson is only about a 5 block walk from the house I decided to sit out and watch the night clouds move. About 12 minutes later the lady I helped came out, said thanks, and gave me ten dollars for my trouble. Woooh I got possibly forever banned from the closest drinking establishment near my house for ten dollars, wow that just makes everything all worth it! Thinking back maybe I should of put more though to my reaction, but honestly my second thought probably wouldn't of been as effective as the first one. Not like I go to Stetson's all the time anyays... freaking country and western bars. I'm the only guy in the establishment NOT wearing jeans.
Additional Note: About fifteen minutes later the owner came out and saw I was still there and was going to call the cops, after I explained myself he said he would let me come back if I cleaned up my mess. I went on ahead and did it but I doubt I'll ever go there again... unless they bring back happy hour... and cut back on the Garth Brooks... and actually served more then beer and soda (I personally enjoy a nice glass of vodka).
So then after that I came back home, I didn't get drunk, I didn't get a phone number(not like I'm looking of course I'm perfectly content at where I am right now anyways, and anyways I never liked the way most kicker girls acted around, most are to snotty, go on prove me wrong kickers!), but I did feel I proved something...
Beer smells when it sits in your clothes for to long.
Ok well I'll explain why I smell like vommit, since I can paraphrase. Long story short, a kid puked on a bed I had to change the sheets, I smelled the bed I vommited on myself. No really! This was industrial strength puke smell, I haven't smelled puke this bad since I went to New Orleans. I don't want to get the readers sick so let's talk about my day outside of work.
Ladies and gentlemen... tonight I am sad to say... I have become forced to retire a pair of my boxer shorts. T_T Yes people it is sadly true. I for one enjoy boxer shorts, not only because they are outrageously comfortable but because but also because you can find a boxer shorts design of almost anything you want. Today I have become forced to retire my shorts that had a smiley face on the crotch. Yes people the smiley faced crotched boxer shorts. Why was a I forced to retire these modern day champs of underwear related sexual innuendos you ask? Well here comes your answer:
I did it because while working today I sort of stretched my leg improperly and in the process tore my shorts all the way up to my waist. And since it's fabric and not seam it will be hell to sew it properly, so wearing these shorts now Jimmy and his boys are always out to say hello. I can't have that, so I was forced to let them go. Poor shorts. T_T
So after a quick change of shorts and clothes (followed by the standard shorts retiring ceremony) I went to Stetson and relaxed. While I was there I saw this guy sort of imposing himself on a woman that more or less wanted nothing to do with him. She looked at me with this look that said, "Help please!" or maybe it was more like, "How's it going? Are you flowing?". I don't know I was never able to decipher looks, anyways the woman looked like she wanted some help so I walked over there and I said, "Excuse me."
Immediatly the guy went off, "Can't you see I'm talking to the lady? What's your problem? I suggest you leave brother."
Nobody has the right to call me brother so I did the first thing that came to my mind.I grabbed his beer poured it on my pants and said, "There was a fire in my pants but thanks to you I put it out."
I then got thrown out, since Stetson is only about a 5 block walk from the house I decided to sit out and watch the night clouds move. About 12 minutes later the lady I helped came out, said thanks, and gave me ten dollars for my trouble. Woooh I got possibly forever banned from the closest drinking establishment near my house for ten dollars, wow that just makes everything all worth it! Thinking back maybe I should of put more though to my reaction, but honestly my second thought probably wouldn't of been as effective as the first one. Not like I go to Stetson's all the time anyays... freaking country and western bars. I'm the only guy in the establishment NOT wearing jeans.
Additional Note: About fifteen minutes later the owner came out and saw I was still there and was going to call the cops, after I explained myself he said he would let me come back if I cleaned up my mess. I went on ahead and did it but I doubt I'll ever go there again... unless they bring back happy hour... and cut back on the Garth Brooks... and actually served more then beer and soda (I personally enjoy a nice glass of vodka).
So then after that I came back home, I didn't get drunk, I didn't get a phone number(not like I'm looking of course I'm perfectly content at where I am right now anyways, and anyways I never liked the way most kicker girls acted around, most are to snotty, go on prove me wrong kickers!), but I did feel I proved something...
Beer smells when it sits in your clothes for to long.