For the most part, this hospitalization has been a nightmare. With the exception of one week where I actually felt good and functioned properly, it's been a string of therapists and doctors telling me to snap out of it (in one form or another), blaming me for all my problems (in one form or another), and failing to meet my expectations (in many ( Read more... )

A year ago I suffered suicidal depression that landed me in a psychiatric treatment program. I'm no longer suicidal, but I'm dependent on a drug that is a derivative of Speed, in the same group as Crack-Cocaine, and itself is sold as a street drug. During the grey areas when the drug starts to clear and it's not yet time for another dose, I turn ( Read more... )

Looking back on my prior entries, of which the last one was in February, it seems as though most of my entries in the past year have been to whine and bitch about my fractured mental state. Which means that it's not a good sign that I'm posting again ( Read more... )

I had an oral exam in Public Health last week, and by my count, I bombed it, just pulling off a passing grade. I'm almost thinking it was a pity grade, but at this point with the nursing school I'll take anything I can get ( Read more... )

It's been three and a half weeks since I started the day program at Kfar Shaul's Maon Yerushalayim. (No official website for anything beyond "under construction". But I did find an article saying that on a random unannounced visit, deputy health minister Yaakov Litzman said if he could, he would close Kfar Shaul - and an English equivalent. ( Read more... )

I only have ten minutes, and gosh darn it, I'm so not going to be able to stick to that ( Read more... )

After two days of hacking away at it, I finished cleaning the aquarium at the program. It required removing and boiling the rock bedding, completely draining the tank, storing the fish in a bucket for about an hour, dumping the remaining sediment, refilling the tank, and getting the fish back into their unnatural habitat. All in all, I'm happy ( Read more... )

I should, I suppose, give credit where credit is due. I'm actually more than a bit of a coward, more often than not giving in to the stigma that people with mental illnesses are omg a threat to society. The credit goes to happyduck1979, who has shamelessly and extremely bravely been blogging her experiences and feelings following the loss of her daughter at ( Read more... )

Since I'm feeling guilty about neglecting my LJ lately, I've decided to post my various thoughts during studying here in one collective post, as opposed to short 420-characters-max updates on Facebook. This way I'm not limited by the 420-character limit, and I get more thought processing (read: steam-blowing) done ( Read more... )

TL;DR: I've been subject to a lot of periodic depression lately, and the answer to why is at the end. A lot of the rest is filler logorrhea written past midnight because I felt the need to just seriously braindump ( Read more... )