indegestion
so, I got mugged by some fat dude with a leather cowboy hat and a machine gun bigger than me. I probably would have tried to stab him or something if I hadn't accidentally eaten four handfulls of ridlin when I thought that the local pharmacy was a candy shop. So, after he took all my money, drugs, and my shirt, I realized how incredibly hungry I was. So I stumbled into the nearest house and tried to catch their cat. It was too fast so I just ate the upholstery of their couch. I'm not sure why, I think they had those tiny oreos that I like, but I geuss I had the express opinion that leather would taste better at the time. Then my stomache started feeling like crap, so I tried to equalize it by eating some of the cat litter... Which didn't work. After drinking the oil out of their deep frier and finding out that the cat had kittens I was pretty stuffed... but very sick. I took the hugest, most cat litter studded crap you could ever see in what I thought was a toilet but turned out to be a coffe maker. I found what must have been the kid's room and curled up in the corner, waking up once only to scream angrily "WHO PUKED ON ME!?!?!" and go back to sleep. I was finally woken up by some little boy screaming at me, so my first impulse was to jump up and stab him. But that only made things worse because he started screaming even louder and ran off with my knife in his stomache! Well, I really like that knife so I started chasing him when I got punched in the face by his dad. When I was on the ground I bit his achilles heel off and pushed him down the stairs. His wife was dialing the police so I threw a flower pot at her and knocked her unconcious. Hobbling wearily towards the kid I turned a corner and felt apain in my gut, the kid actually had the nerve to stab me with my own knife. Well, my diet for the day had been bad enough without me getting stabbed, so I puked some of the most vile, stringy, bloody puke all over the kid, and stuck two of my fingers in the hole where I stabbed him. Then I grabbed some of his intestines, pulled it out, and tied him to the railing. On my way out the door I slipped on the welcome mat and hit my head on a rock. LUCKILY, I came to before everyone else, and stole all their valubles, and one of their kittens for lunch.