we were meant to live for so much more... have we lost ourselves?
this sucks.
life sucks.
once again, i've fucked myself over.
remind me why i do this again?
is it really worth it?
why do i put myself through this emotional roller coaster?
there's no good reason.. i'm being used. and i dont know why, but its only becoming apparent now, even though it should have three months ago...
its useless.
i hate it.
i will never win.
and as much as i want to say that i'm giving up, i'm cant, and i know i cant, and i wont let myself, even though i want to..
i can't take this.
i hate relationships.
i just want to get up, brush off my clothes, and move on. its not worth it. i'll never ever be first. just the girl, who he likes, but doesnt want to go out with. who is the exception to every one of his silly little rules.
i want to meet someone new. i want to find my prince charming to come take me away and never make me cry a tear again. havent i been through enough drama already? i'm not one of those idiots who doesnt appreciate what they're given. i've been through enough pain, loss, gain, and drama to understand and realize how precious love is! i dont think i've ever truely BEEN in love!
but i know what it is. i just know. i can feel it. i know what i want. i have my 'perfect man' in my head. so why cant i just meet him already?
is anyone going to come and save me?
at this point, i dont even want to go to homecoming, i dont want to see him happy with her in his arms. i dont want to go. its not going to be fun. and i wouldnt go, but mom bought me the full price $80 dress that i insisted on... and i would feel bad not going now..
but like, as much as i dont want to go, i still can invision us, together, our bodies pressed against each other's, arms wrapped so tight around our waists. in our own little world, like we did so many times before, our noses touching.. his beautiful green eyes gazing into mine with nothing but love in them. he grins at me, and then we kiss. so passionate, and so heartfelt. i can picture it perfectly. and i long for it immensely. its so beautiful, so cliche. him dressed up, me in my classic glittery black gown...
and as much as he tries to tell me that he cares, he doesnt.
its as simple as that.
he just doesnt.
he wants to.
and he thinks that he does. but he doesnt.
he wants me for my body, and he wants me for what i can give him.
he wants me to care, and he likes me because i'm the only person that even halfway gives a damn about him.
and he wants her so much more than he wants me. and it hurts. and i wish it would work out the way i want it to.. and i wish that he actually liked me as a person, and i... i.. i just wish that for one i could be number one. not number two. just like, the girl he wants. no competition, no nothing.
..but thats not going to happen.
i cant do anything about it.
and i've cried so much over this stupid kid, that at this point i cant even cry anymore. i'm just.. numb. i should have known better. i should have expected this.
..but i didnt. he's casted a spell upon me, and i cant let go. i want to, and i know i need to, but i cant. there's always that little inkling that says, hey wait.. things could be different.. and the fact that he always insists that he likes me doesnt help.
..but its never going to happen. i just have to face it. face it straight up, look it in the eye, turn around, walk away, and move on.
..thats all i can do.
I'm standing on a bridge
I'm waiting in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
There's nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but there's no sound
Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damp cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you
I'm with you
I'm looking for a place
I'm searching for a face
Is anybody here I know
'Cause nothing's going right
And everythings a mess
And no one likes to be alone
Isn't anyone trying to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damp cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you
I'm with you
Oh why is everything so confusing
Maybe I'm just out of my mind
Yea yea yea
It's a damp cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you
I'm with you
Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you
I'm with you
Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you
I'm with you
I'm with you...