Stabbing Hope in its Fickle Heart
Hope. It's an emotion that I loathe. I can hear the clamor of "why?" and, "without hope what would be the point of living?" Yes, yes. I am well aware that the concept of hope sits upon a pedestal. I've never understood why anyone considers hope (not to be confused with optimism) desirable.
Let's consider the definition of hope: A feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. The definition sounds rather innocuous, doesn't it? What could be bad about hope?
Specifically, it is the context in which we use it. Context is everything. We use the word, "hope" to describe our desire ~ sometimes fervent desire ~ for a specific outcome over which we have little or no control, thus leaving ourselves open to disappointment.
I hope she lives through the surgery.
I hope traffic isn't too bad.
I hope this winter is a mild one.
I hope I don't get laid off.
I hope he loves me.
I hope my moody co-worker isn't too bitchy today.
Not a huge deal if all one is hoping for is something inconsequential ~ dinner out, a sunny day, and the like. However, hope carried over long period of time in regard to something major is not a boon; it's a significant stressor.
Hope causes me a great deal of anxiety. It means I am emotionally invested in an outcome I can't affect. I despise being at the mercy of external events. Yes, there are times we cannot prevent it. For instance, when a loved one is seriously ill, hope truly is all we have left. In those types of circumstances we are going to feel anxious and apprehensive. No getting around it.
However, I will not knowingly put myself in a position to want something that I do not have a reasonable expectation of being able to achieve. That doesn't mean to say I haven't done it unknowingly. I have. It's one of the few situations that makes me genuinely unhappy. The dawning realization that I've been working under the false assumption that my input would aide in bringing about the desired outcome is both unnerving and demoralizing. That's when hope invariably makes its appearance. After putting so much effort and energy toward a goal, it's difficult to accept that nothing I've done or will do makes any difference, and so I'm left hoping. Wasting energy and setting myself up for an emotional downfall. Placing my faith in what? Fate? Karma?
Finding myself in a position in which all I have left to do is to hope leaves me feeling quite hopeless.
When I get to that state, that's when it's time stab hope in its fickle heart. Kill it. Stop wanting. Retract my emotional investment and accept what is.
Buddhism teaches that root of suffering is wanting. Can't argue with that. Yep, if you want something and you can't have it, you are going to suffer. I'm not quite ready to go the path of the monks and give up all wanting. I rather like my worldly life in which I strive. However, taking a page from Buddhism, I have learned not to want, nor hope for, things that I have no reasonable expectation of reaping.
And then occasionally, events do go my way in spite of my inability to have affected them, in spite of whether I hoped or not. That's a gift.
Let's consider the definition of hope: A feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. The definition sounds rather innocuous, doesn't it? What could be bad about hope?
Specifically, it is the context in which we use it. Context is everything. We use the word, "hope" to describe our desire ~ sometimes fervent desire ~ for a specific outcome over which we have little or no control, thus leaving ourselves open to disappointment.
I hope she lives through the surgery.
I hope traffic isn't too bad.
I hope this winter is a mild one.
I hope I don't get laid off.
I hope he loves me.
I hope my moody co-worker isn't too bitchy today.
Not a huge deal if all one is hoping for is something inconsequential ~ dinner out, a sunny day, and the like. However, hope carried over long period of time in regard to something major is not a boon; it's a significant stressor.
Hope causes me a great deal of anxiety. It means I am emotionally invested in an outcome I can't affect. I despise being at the mercy of external events. Yes, there are times we cannot prevent it. For instance, when a loved one is seriously ill, hope truly is all we have left. In those types of circumstances we are going to feel anxious and apprehensive. No getting around it.
However, I will not knowingly put myself in a position to want something that I do not have a reasonable expectation of being able to achieve. That doesn't mean to say I haven't done it unknowingly. I have. It's one of the few situations that makes me genuinely unhappy. The dawning realization that I've been working under the false assumption that my input would aide in bringing about the desired outcome is both unnerving and demoralizing. That's when hope invariably makes its appearance. After putting so much effort and energy toward a goal, it's difficult to accept that nothing I've done or will do makes any difference, and so I'm left hoping. Wasting energy and setting myself up for an emotional downfall. Placing my faith in what? Fate? Karma?
Finding myself in a position in which all I have left to do is to hope leaves me feeling quite hopeless.
When I get to that state, that's when it's time stab hope in its fickle heart. Kill it. Stop wanting. Retract my emotional investment and accept what is.
Buddhism teaches that root of suffering is wanting. Can't argue with that. Yep, if you want something and you can't have it, you are going to suffer. I'm not quite ready to go the path of the monks and give up all wanting. I rather like my worldly life in which I strive. However, taking a page from Buddhism, I have learned not to want, nor hope for, things that I have no reasonable expectation of reaping.
And then occasionally, events do go my way in spite of my inability to have affected them, in spite of whether I hoped or not. That's a gift.