crawling ...
i sit here and look at my sleeping pup... she is the light of my life ... she is so pure and innocent ... never knowing the shame we as humans hold ... she loves me uncoditionally and will never leave me in the dust ... never hurt me .. NEVER ... today she has been attached to me like nothing else...
i fell into a place i swore i would never be again ... it is time to let go ... it is funny i was feeling like i was making strides and not looking back .. i was jaded by the light of what was thought to be a freindship ... i was wrong ... i walk away in shock over the ghosts of the pasts .. i guess i have much more to work on ... i take a step back and re-evaluate ..
i am finding that i have no clue anymore how to be healthy and happy ... i seem to have an art of finding the addictive ones, teh ones who have to have their substance and let that take more priority in their lives ...
is it possible that i have to high of a criteria... a guy who can be a great conversationalist, being deeper into life than labels ... someone who wants to travel, have a family, be freinds, lovers and partners.... someone who can be social with out the need to drink every night ... someoene who doesnt make a bar their social scene ... someoen that enjoys sex and isnt scared to have adventure and be comfortable being with an HIV+ guy... someone willing to get that i have my things they will have thiers but that will be with me nonetheless ... someone who wants monogamy ... someone who loves me for me and doesnt want me to change ... someone willing to love me as well as my puppy and know how important she is to me ...
a long list i know that is why i wait ... i will work on the other things at this moment ... the tings i know to be inportant to me ... i just am going to crawl into bed now and hold my little girl ... she knows me ... and i will love her always ...
i fell into a place i swore i would never be again ... it is time to let go ... it is funny i was feeling like i was making strides and not looking back .. i was jaded by the light of what was thought to be a freindship ... i was wrong ... i walk away in shock over the ghosts of the pasts .. i guess i have much more to work on ... i take a step back and re-evaluate ..
i am finding that i have no clue anymore how to be healthy and happy ... i seem to have an art of finding the addictive ones, teh ones who have to have their substance and let that take more priority in their lives ...
is it possible that i have to high of a criteria... a guy who can be a great conversationalist, being deeper into life than labels ... someone who wants to travel, have a family, be freinds, lovers and partners.... someone who can be social with out the need to drink every night ... someoene who doesnt make a bar their social scene ... someoen that enjoys sex and isnt scared to have adventure and be comfortable being with an HIV+ guy... someone willing to get that i have my things they will have thiers but that will be with me nonetheless ... someone who wants monogamy ... someone who loves me for me and doesnt want me to change ... someone willing to love me as well as my puppy and know how important she is to me ...
a long list i know that is why i wait ... i will work on the other things at this moment ... the tings i know to be inportant to me ... i just am going to crawl into bed now and hold my little girl ... she knows me ... and i will love her always ...