Often
Often I wonder if things are already written in stone, or if everything is just one random occurrence after another. Often I find myself binded between the two, stuttering and struggling to find a definite answer. Often I come up empty handed, and often I feel like there's no real answer. Yet as I keep running into the same empty answer, often I try again, thinking that I missed a detail or didn't look at it from another perspective. Often I am left still answer less and frustrated at my abilities...
Often I wish I could cry like I could when I was a child, but often I realize that I lost some part of me on my way to now. Often I search for it, some remnants of what was an emotion, but often I am dumbfounded and empty handed. Often I wonder what am I, not really who, just what has the past made me today. Often I look in the mirror and miss the reflection that was once me, just seeing a dude who nobody really knew. Someone who just was a shell for something else. Sometimes I dig deep to find out what this thing inside is, but most times it eludes me, leaving more questions then answers. Often I want to destroy this personage, but something in my head says no. Often I think maybe this personage is just a part of me, which nobody will ever know..
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....boredom....{+}
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Today was pretty crappy. Very little happend and a "friend" offered me a illegal job, which I promptly turned down. Been playing 3rd strike more. Got some small wins in Guilty Gear X. Asked myself some questions, the usual like "Why am I here?" and shit that would stir self pity, but it didn't I just realized I didn't have the answers, which I doubt anyone does. Wooo ahh, tomorrow is friday *home alone 2 VHS cover pose* What an exciting thought, my pedipalps are twitching with delight. Probably going to get really messed up for once, cuz it's been a year and a few months. Nothing better to do. I might go to cf, just maybe.
Y'know, one of the many things that keep on circulating in this infestation of a brain is Nine Inch Nails, Bite the hand that feeds you. That song, there's something special about it. I've listened to the lyrics closely enough and I believe I can relate. Which I guess is pretty neato. I don't know anymore. I'm clueless. Lost in thoughts. Funny, I'm kinda mad at myself, for being a loser but I don't know exactly why.. Oh yeah, every time I get into a conversation about past relationships I realize that a fish on canal has more shelf life then most of mines. lol. I guess these are the things you have to smile at and just wonder if things could have been different..
Often I wish I could cry like I could when I was a child, but often I realize that I lost some part of me on my way to now. Often I search for it, some remnants of what was an emotion, but often I am dumbfounded and empty handed. Often I wonder what am I, not really who, just what has the past made me today. Often I look in the mirror and miss the reflection that was once me, just seeing a dude who nobody really knew. Someone who just was a shell for something else. Sometimes I dig deep to find out what this thing inside is, but most times it eludes me, leaving more questions then answers. Often I want to destroy this personage, but something in my head says no. Often I think maybe this personage is just a part of me, which nobody will ever know..
{+}{+}{+}{+}{+}{+}
....boredom....{+}
{+}{+}{+}{+}{+}{+}
Today was pretty crappy. Very little happend and a "friend" offered me a illegal job, which I promptly turned down. Been playing 3rd strike more. Got some small wins in Guilty Gear X. Asked myself some questions, the usual like "Why am I here?" and shit that would stir self pity, but it didn't I just realized I didn't have the answers, which I doubt anyone does. Wooo ahh, tomorrow is friday *home alone 2 VHS cover pose* What an exciting thought, my pedipalps are twitching with delight. Probably going to get really messed up for once, cuz it's been a year and a few months. Nothing better to do. I might go to cf, just maybe.
Y'know, one of the many things that keep on circulating in this infestation of a brain is Nine Inch Nails, Bite the hand that feeds you. That song, there's something special about it. I've listened to the lyrics closely enough and I believe I can relate. Which I guess is pretty neato. I don't know anymore. I'm clueless. Lost in thoughts. Funny, I'm kinda mad at myself, for being a loser but I don't know exactly why.. Oh yeah, every time I get into a conversation about past relationships I realize that a fish on canal has more shelf life then most of mines. lol. I guess these are the things you have to smile at and just wonder if things could have been different..