Dylan Light and Dark.
I'm actually updating so you know what that means folks! Another depressing entry. Where to start? Where to start? I guess I'll start off by stating that I'm doing all right. Not good and not bad. Just all right. I guess I'll continue from where I left off in my last entry. Work was giving me shit for not being able to work their hours not mine so I was moved to an even worse store in another mall. I gave my two DAY notice before a week was up because it was the same situation there. No one holds me back or tells me what to do unless I want to do it. Anyway, moving on. I was casted as Marcus Lycus in A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, which was great because I got to be a pimp daddy. Classes were going okay and that was going well until my stomach illness put me out of commission again. As much as I didn't want it the doctors couldn't figure out what was going on so they scheduled me to go to a hospital in Philly a few days before the show was to open. There was the chance of getting back on time for the performances but I couldn't leave things up to chance as much as I wanted this so I put my acting career on hold for the moment and resigned from the show. It was pretty painful to do but I had to. I really couldn't figure out what caused my illness to come back but now I think it was my body telling me I was already letting people down. We'll get back to that more soon.
So I was battling my stomach again but when I finally started feeling better it was time to go Philly and see what they had to say. I got there and met the main doctor who I talked to so he could try and take the next step. The next day I had a lower endoscopy done and a bravo ph monitor put on my stomach lining so I was a ticking time bomb for two days. When I returned with the larger ph monitor I had an EGG scan done. That was horrible. It was two hours of a full stomach laying down. I got sick after the procedure. Though my appetite wasn't strong at the time my stomach was doing good until then so for the rest of the day I didn't feel well. I did get to see my relatives who live in the area when I left the hospital. That was the only good thing about the trip. I was supposed to leave early saturday to have dinner with Michele, Liz and a few others but I didn't feel like leaving yet. I did leave late saturday and managed to catch the end of Forum. It was nice to laugh after the miserable days I spent in Philly but me having to sacrifice one thing for another whether it's balanced or not was still there. Work/Money for Fun/Growth as an actor then I had to sacrifice that for the possibility of fixing my health. Also with friends. I'm either alone or I have to choose between people.
When I came home I made a stronger effort to make up for my health getting in the way of my school work though my course load this semester has been light except for extensive reading for one class. I've managed to keep up and do extremely well in my two classes. I was also looking forward to being official secretary of backstage while having a full course load again and doing the play because I thought things would be different but they're not. I was neglectful of my secretarial duties this semester. Even though I was sick for a month I didn't do everything I had to and mostly for stupid reasons. When I tried to make up for this it was too late so I was asked to step down today and so I did. I ran for this position because I wanted to do something for the club and feel like more than just a small part of the group. But after all the nonsense this semester with the student government(FUCK STUDENT GOVERNMENT! FUCK ALL GOVERNMENTS! FUCK BUSH! Both kinds.) I lost sight of why I did this. So I guess it's time for someone else to take over oral detail. It was all right while it lasted but I think I was in the loop more when I wasn't apart of the decision making.
Because the world revolves around money I took my job back at Verizon since Seth asked me and my almost solid job at Waldenbooks didn't work out because of a stupid phone test. At first Seth wanted to put me in a kiosk that was just like the store they moved me to in early September so I told him I either stay with Verizon or I don't work there. So I'm back at Verizon and I've never been so bored. I'm basically getting paid to play computer games and do much of nothing. It's almost pointless being there but when school starts in the spring I'll try and find something for just the weekends. Hopefully that job doesn't fucking suck or blow unless it has to do with some fine ladies, which brings me to my next qualm.
My body craves the flesh of a woman. I've never really cared about sex so much before(except high school but it was out of spite then) so I don't know why I feel this strongly now. I don't believe in marriage. I think it's a crock just to make the state happy plus most married people seem unhappier than they would be alone. You can love someone on higher levels without it being the states business but the fact that I haven't found that is making me hungry with desire. My will is holding me back but casual sex and a fuck buddy is looking awfully nice right now. I don't really want to open myself up to love and times I feel like I'm incapable of it so despite the risks and how foolish it may be it seems like a great alternative right now. I'm very confused about that. I blame the media! Ahh whatever. I blame my heart if I have one.
So right now I'm sad that I'm pissed off. I would love just to say go to hell to everything and travel. I want to learn how to survive on my own instead of someone else telling me how to live especially some crock of shit government who really doesn't care about it's people. Even if I don't survive I'll die happy knowing that I tried letting go of material needs and trying to live up to others expectations. My personal expectations are very high but like I've said before I feel chained and trapped like a weak animal. I AM A WOLF! It's time to start living like one!
So I was battling my stomach again but when I finally started feeling better it was time to go Philly and see what they had to say. I got there and met the main doctor who I talked to so he could try and take the next step. The next day I had a lower endoscopy done and a bravo ph monitor put on my stomach lining so I was a ticking time bomb for two days. When I returned with the larger ph monitor I had an EGG scan done. That was horrible. It was two hours of a full stomach laying down. I got sick after the procedure. Though my appetite wasn't strong at the time my stomach was doing good until then so for the rest of the day I didn't feel well. I did get to see my relatives who live in the area when I left the hospital. That was the only good thing about the trip. I was supposed to leave early saturday to have dinner with Michele, Liz and a few others but I didn't feel like leaving yet. I did leave late saturday and managed to catch the end of Forum. It was nice to laugh after the miserable days I spent in Philly but me having to sacrifice one thing for another whether it's balanced or not was still there. Work/Money for Fun/Growth as an actor then I had to sacrifice that for the possibility of fixing my health. Also with friends. I'm either alone or I have to choose between people.
When I came home I made a stronger effort to make up for my health getting in the way of my school work though my course load this semester has been light except for extensive reading for one class. I've managed to keep up and do extremely well in my two classes. I was also looking forward to being official secretary of backstage while having a full course load again and doing the play because I thought things would be different but they're not. I was neglectful of my secretarial duties this semester. Even though I was sick for a month I didn't do everything I had to and mostly for stupid reasons. When I tried to make up for this it was too late so I was asked to step down today and so I did. I ran for this position because I wanted to do something for the club and feel like more than just a small part of the group. But after all the nonsense this semester with the student government(FUCK STUDENT GOVERNMENT! FUCK ALL GOVERNMENTS! FUCK BUSH! Both kinds.) I lost sight of why I did this. So I guess it's time for someone else to take over oral detail. It was all right while it lasted but I think I was in the loop more when I wasn't apart of the decision making.
Because the world revolves around money I took my job back at Verizon since Seth asked me and my almost solid job at Waldenbooks didn't work out because of a stupid phone test. At first Seth wanted to put me in a kiosk that was just like the store they moved me to in early September so I told him I either stay with Verizon or I don't work there. So I'm back at Verizon and I've never been so bored. I'm basically getting paid to play computer games and do much of nothing. It's almost pointless being there but when school starts in the spring I'll try and find something for just the weekends. Hopefully that job doesn't fucking suck or blow unless it has to do with some fine ladies, which brings me to my next qualm.
My body craves the flesh of a woman. I've never really cared about sex so much before(except high school but it was out of spite then) so I don't know why I feel this strongly now. I don't believe in marriage. I think it's a crock just to make the state happy plus most married people seem unhappier than they would be alone. You can love someone on higher levels without it being the states business but the fact that I haven't found that is making me hungry with desire. My will is holding me back but casual sex and a fuck buddy is looking awfully nice right now. I don't really want to open myself up to love and times I feel like I'm incapable of it so despite the risks and how foolish it may be it seems like a great alternative right now. I'm very confused about that. I blame the media! Ahh whatever. I blame my heart if I have one.
So right now I'm sad that I'm pissed off. I would love just to say go to hell to everything and travel. I want to learn how to survive on my own instead of someone else telling me how to live especially some crock of shit government who really doesn't care about it's people. Even if I don't survive I'll die happy knowing that I tried letting go of material needs and trying to live up to others expectations. My personal expectations are very high but like I've said before I feel chained and trapped like a weak animal. I AM A WOLF! It's time to start living like one!