rant
chloe has been in a very need mood for the last week, so very little has been done on the house. she loves playing with ruby tho and its really cute. ruby just lays there while chloe pulls her ears all over the place. she doesn't even care when chloe starts chewing on them, tho thats when i draw the line. Chloe is working really hard at crawling, she wants to go play with her brothers.
i'm at a hard spot with my art and its frustrating, but i'll either get passed it or give up. i just can't seemed to see things right. i don't know if that makes sense.
the boys are getting roudy, it sucks, and i'm pretty sure its only going to get worse.
my house is nice, nicer than its been in years but its still not where i want to. i have so much to do and everyday i have to choose between spending time with the kids or cleaning and fixing the house. so the balance is usually clean and spend time with kids, fix house later. so the fixing never gets done. maybe i'll take a year off once Chloe finally goes to school so i can fix up the house. but then thats a whole year we wont get money from me. oh well thats 5 years off still.
i want a break, i've wanted one for years... i'll never get it. beng a mom is the worse job ever. everyone expects EVERYTHING of you. its too much to even explain, but you're not allowed to complain, you have to love and coddle and care for your children and also give them rules and limits and enforce punishment when rules are broken. but if you punish your kids in public you get disaproval. people say children are pure, innocense. those people were not at home parents. kids are coniving, they push, scream, bite, pinch, lie, steal, and knowingly do what they shouldn't. they have to be continuosly told and taugh what is right and wrong. we are all born greedy, and i think people forget that.
i didn't realize how well i had done with my boys until i started sitting my cousins daughter. a spoiled little brat who is used to hitting and screaming and throwing herself down to get what she wants. she is worse then my boys on their bad days. but having been watching her for a few weeks now, i've noticed that she doesn't do those things in my house anymore. i hadn't even thought about it until i went to their house on the 3rd of july for a bbq. she was screaming, hitting herself and blantently not listening to her parents (which put her life in danger at times) and every adult around her would laugh and say how cute she was. it made me mad at them. for example, their house is two stories high and she would climb on the railing of the seriously slanted, shaky deck right after being told not to and the adults whould smile and shake their heads and comments on how cute her definace was. when all i could think was that the rail was going to break under her weight and she would hurt herself badly or worse if she were to fall. after about a few hours there rick and i were left in the house with the kids while the rest of the adults were on the back yard.
i don't feel like talking about it anymore, its just frustrating.
i've been crying for the last 3 days because of a tv show. it was the series finale, the main characters reminded me of rick and myself, so strongly infact that when the husband died it felt as if rick had died. that is my biggest fear, rick dying, and i've had so many people in my life die before their time that for a long time i would keep rick at a distance so i wouldn't be hurt when he did. but that was stupid, haha, obviously. that night, after watching that last episode, i cuddled into rick and just cried for hours. telling him how that could happen to him, how he could just be gone and i would be alone. but having him their, touching him...... i don't know where i was going with this, i started it a few weeks ago...
i'm at a hard spot with my art and its frustrating, but i'll either get passed it or give up. i just can't seemed to see things right. i don't know if that makes sense.
the boys are getting roudy, it sucks, and i'm pretty sure its only going to get worse.
my house is nice, nicer than its been in years but its still not where i want to. i have so much to do and everyday i have to choose between spending time with the kids or cleaning and fixing the house. so the balance is usually clean and spend time with kids, fix house later. so the fixing never gets done. maybe i'll take a year off once Chloe finally goes to school so i can fix up the house. but then thats a whole year we wont get money from me. oh well thats 5 years off still.
i want a break, i've wanted one for years... i'll never get it. beng a mom is the worse job ever. everyone expects EVERYTHING of you. its too much to even explain, but you're not allowed to complain, you have to love and coddle and care for your children and also give them rules and limits and enforce punishment when rules are broken. but if you punish your kids in public you get disaproval. people say children are pure, innocense. those people were not at home parents. kids are coniving, they push, scream, bite, pinch, lie, steal, and knowingly do what they shouldn't. they have to be continuosly told and taugh what is right and wrong. we are all born greedy, and i think people forget that.
i didn't realize how well i had done with my boys until i started sitting my cousins daughter. a spoiled little brat who is used to hitting and screaming and throwing herself down to get what she wants. she is worse then my boys on their bad days. but having been watching her for a few weeks now, i've noticed that she doesn't do those things in my house anymore. i hadn't even thought about it until i went to their house on the 3rd of july for a bbq. she was screaming, hitting herself and blantently not listening to her parents (which put her life in danger at times) and every adult around her would laugh and say how cute she was. it made me mad at them. for example, their house is two stories high and she would climb on the railing of the seriously slanted, shaky deck right after being told not to and the adults whould smile and shake their heads and comments on how cute her definace was. when all i could think was that the rail was going to break under her weight and she would hurt herself badly or worse if she were to fall. after about a few hours there rick and i were left in the house with the kids while the rest of the adults were on the back yard.
i don't feel like talking about it anymore, its just frustrating.
i've been crying for the last 3 days because of a tv show. it was the series finale, the main characters reminded me of rick and myself, so strongly infact that when the husband died it felt as if rick had died. that is my biggest fear, rick dying, and i've had so many people in my life die before their time that for a long time i would keep rick at a distance so i wouldn't be hurt when he did. but that was stupid, haha, obviously. that night, after watching that last episode, i cuddled into rick and just cried for hours. telling him how that could happen to him, how he could just be gone and i would be alone. but having him their, touching him...... i don't know where i was going with this, i started it a few weeks ago...