mirror
i took a good long look in the mirror today (front and back view) and i am absolutely digusted with what i saw. i have gained so much weight since chloe was born and i hate myself. i feel fat and ugly and just miserable. i've been so stupidly depressed i can't stand it, and i can't figure out why. i sit on the couch knowing what i should be doing and telling myself to 'get up and do it' but i don't move. rick and i are making progress little by little with the house and our money issues but i just feel like nothing will ever help. like i'm going to be this big fat pit of dispare forever and i'm going to take everyone i love down with me. i'm terrified to go out in public because i might have to talk to someone. its ok if rick is there, i have been having a harder and harder time handling people. just being around people makes me sleepy and on edge. rick and i are going to join the gym as soon as we have enough saved up and we're almost there but its going to be ANOTHER month of waiting and gaining and hating. ok thats all the complaining i get time for, the boys are awake now.