Dragon Lady, part 1
Miah joins Mark, Maria, and Cadmar for one of the longest missions in PPC history.
Disclaimer: We do not own the PPC. It was created by Jay and Acacia--the original Assassins. The text below is a review in narrative form and also contains elements of parody/satire. Neither of us own Harry Potter, which is the property of J.K.Rowling. My Dragons Your Phoenix His Death Eaters and Heather, are owned by XxX Fleur-Delacour XxX. She may keep both.
This is a co-write between Caddy-shack and me. Read more of his stuff, too!
Caddy-shack’s Notes: Well, this started off as a Solo, with a cameo of Cali in the follow-up Interlude, and changed to me co-writing with Miah, and having a good time. Talk about good changes.
Sporked by: Cadmar, Mark, Maria, and Miah.
Rating: M for Much things happen.
Previous appearance: MST I: Sanctuary Rap
Dragon Lady
“C’mon! Again! Show me what you got!” Maria shouted as Cadmar and Mark circled her slowly, with their weapons drawn.
“So, why are we doing this again?” Cadmar asked as he tightened his grip on his machetes.
“Because, you guys need some training with actual combat,” Maria replied as she waited with her claw gauntlets at the ready.
“For what purpose again? We have been doing this for the last hour.” Mark kept his knives concealed in his cloak, any advantage was helpful.
“Well, this is for if we get separated in a mission, and you end up meeting some canons under the Sue’s control. You’ll be able to hold them off until I can get to you, or kill the Sue and free them.”
“Well, that mak-” Cadmar broke off mid sentence and charged Maria, Mark following suit. Their weapons met with a loud [BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!]
All three agents looked at the console, clearly annoyed. Mark and Cadmar’s weapons were caught in between the claws of Maria’s gauntlets. “Awww! I actually got someone to fight with me too! No fair!” she whined as she withdrew from the weapon deadlock, causing Mark and Cadmar to stumble.
“Let’s see what we’ve got here...” she murmured as she reached the console and looked at the report.
“It’s a nice short one right?” Cadmar asked while haphazardly stuffing the equipment into the pack.
“Nnnnnope. Seventy thousand words long.”
“I can bullshit. We JUST went through like, thirty thousand words of consistent badness with Eva.”
“That is a...considerable length. As with Eva, we will have to cut it short. I do not like the idea of going through such a long fic again.” Mark was looking through one of the many racks of weapons, ”What canon?”
“Harry Potter.”
Cadmar gave Mark a devious grin (which not only unnerved him, but made him wonder how Cadmar never bit his own tongue off) as he pocketed a Beretta M9 and several magazines of ammo. Mark shook his head at his partners’ actions. While guns were not strictly against canon, they were frowned upon. Though if he had gauged anything from Cadmar, it was his uncaring attitude for rules.
“Any thing else we should know about Maria? I hate surprises.”
“Hmmm, yeah. She is worse then Eva.”
“She’s so boring that it comes off as amusing?” The hope in Cadmar’s voice was kindling to the Ironic Overpower.
“Mmmmm, nope. She does go through the Potter!Sue checklist, but that isn’t it. She is a huge bitch. Plain and simple. Like, not just an annoying character to read about. She is really nasty.”
“Well, I’m all packed. All set, Mark?”
“Yes. Our disguises?”
“Ourselves. It doesn’t take place at Hogwarts. We can easily blend in at Grimmauld Place as we are. Yay! I get to wear my normal clothes on a mission!”
“A suit doesn’t count as clothes, Maria.” Cadmar pointed out as he stepped next to Maria and Mark in front of the console.
Maria swatted his arm. Hard. “I told you, I am not naked under this!” She pushed them through the portal and into the fic.
There was no escape. To my left the flames licked up the wood, there was a barrier and the door was sealed. Behind me was the Order. In front of me, the Death Eaters and their leader.
“Gah! What? Noooo!” Cadmar was suddenly forced into the middle of the slightly defined room. “Maria! Help!”
“Yeah, yeah,” she said while detaching the pack from Cadmar’s back and walking out of the characters sight, so as to not attract too much attention.
"Heather?" he whispered, shocked himself. He took a step towards me and in turn I took one away, towards the Order.
"Didn't your mother ever tell you, Tom, that it's not nice to play cat and mouse?" Cadmar said in response to him saying my name. He knew it was me. There was no point to deny. "Oh, that's right. Merope never taught you that lesson, did she?"
“Ahh, I see how it is now,” Maria said as she was looking for the Crash Dummy.
“What?” Mark opened the charge notebook and flipped to a new page.
“It’s one of those Bad-Ass Sues. The strong, brave, tough girls, who laugh in the face of dark lords, and know canon secrets because they are so good.”
“Ah. She may be hard to kill, then. We will have to wait for an opportune moment when she is weakened.”
Voldemort's lip curled back in fury and he transformed into his Tom Riddle body. His handsome and charming nineteen year old body.
"I thought I killed you, Heather," Voldemort growled.
Cadmar laughed happily, "You missed! I'm a better actress than you give me credit for."
"I never miss!" Voldemort hissed.
“Actually, maybe not. It would definitely be safe; a lot of Bad-Ass Sues say they have a lot of powers, but never actually use them.” Maria pulled the Crash Dummy out.
“So, she has Informed Powers? I do not see the difference.”
“Well...” Maria gave the Crash Dummy a quick look over and frowned. “Unlike Eva, who used magic and sword powers, if she only tells people she can do something, possible or not, and never shows the ability to do it, then she can’t. She would be tricking them into thinking she can.”
“Ah. I see how that can be helpful.”
“Guys! Anytime now! Stop expositing and help me!” Cadmar was squaring off against Voldemort, not enjoying it one bit.
Maria pulled the cord and dropped the Dummy, which made a sputtering noise. “Oh dear...”
“What!?” Cadmar was dueling with Voldemort now, giving orders to ‘the Dragons’, a special group of OCs under the command of the Sue.
“It seems the Dummy is in need of repair.” Mark picked it up and began looking it over, trying to find the problem.
A portal opened and a person wearing a Harry Potter verse witch’s robes stepped through. She took one look at the other agents dressed in their normal clothes and began cursing.
“Miah? Why are you here?” Maria gave Miah a hug.
“Message came through to join a mission-in-progress immediately. It said Harry Potter verse, so I risked that blasted Disguise Generator, which seems to have worked perfectly, since I didn’t really need it.” Her eyes opened wide when she spotted Cadmar. “Is Cadmar dueling the Dark Lord?”
“Oh, yeah, he is. He’s possessed. Our Dummy is broken or something.”
They didn't need to look to know they'd obey. We were all practically sisters. The connection of my wand broke off slowly, giving them plenty of warning. I quickly disarmed my enemy then I chose to speak.
"Tom, Tom, Tom. When will you learn? I am on the Order's side for this war."
“It appears Cadmar, or Heather, the Sue, has defeated Voldemort in combat. I will charge for that,” Mark said while still checking the Dummy.
Miah pulled her pack off her back. “No worries. I’ve got a Dummy in here.” She opened the pack, then closed it and opened it again. And Again. Then she started digging and cursing.
“Well, a little possession can’t hurt right?” Maria took the Dummy from Mark. “Here, I’ll try and fix it, you note charges. See if your Harry Potter is still up to snuff.”
"I've been tracking Tom for a while now." Cadmar’s eyes shifted to the young man on his right. "Care to introduce me to your friend, Albus?"
"Heather, this is Harry James Potter. Harry, this is Heatherlyn Draconus."
“Heatherlyn Draconus? A silly name. And a charge.” Mark nodded to Cadmar, who glared back.
“That is so weird that I can’t find the Dummy, but I should have a patch kit in here somewhere...” Miah repeated much the same scene of opening and closing and re-opening the pack followed by cursing. “Are we going to be in this location for long?”
"Pleasure," I said warmly to Harry. "It's wonderful meeting the boy who saved my life eighteen years ago."
“That would make this during the seventh year, however Dumbledore is alive...Charge for distorting the timeline.”
“Eesh, this thing is beaten up good. I thought I told him to take care of the equipment...” Maria grumbled while counting the tears in the Dummy.
Dumbledore studied me hard for a moment and Cadmar met his gaze levelly. "When do you wish to meet with Miss Draconus, Harry?"
"Is this Saturday at two fine?" Harry asked quietly.
"I'll owl you the details," Cadmar told him, nodding. "The Ministry keeps this place under watch. Dragons!" I called. They looked up, snapping to attention.
“Hmm, should I charge for having a special band of OCs, or for just making OCs?” Mark asked.
“I’d go with both. This Sue-- no offense Cadmar --but this Sue is already getting on my nerves,” Miah said.
He blushed slightly, but took my hand and shook it firmly. I did the same to Albus and then took a step back, apparating.
Cadmar looked at them with shock as he disappeared.
Maria gasped and put her hands over her mouth. “That...could have gone better...”
“Did the story follow the Sue, or stay here?” Miah asked pulling out her FLF to check the switch.
Miah was answered when all three agents found themselves tossed into a wall in a generic looking cafe. The possessed Cadmar walked in, giving a glance to the toppled agents before being forced to look at Harry.
"About six months old, my mother and father refused to join his ranks. They were Order members, yes. Tom killed them immediately, and I was taken into my Uncle's care. That night, you recieved your scar. I remember it so clearly. My uncle came in near tears and apparated to a home. Only it wasn't a home. It was rubble, but when the house was searched, only two dead bodies were found. No child. No Dark Lord. That was the very moment Uncle Remus started to shell over."
“She remembers something clearly when she was only an infant? And is a niece of Remus Lupin? And knows Voldemort’s real name? All charges. Three in one paragraph, astounding,” Mark said dryly.
Miah stared at the FLF for a moment before saying, "I swear these things get enjoyment out of randomly causing us to be thrown around like that. It's laughing in binary right now. I know it." She shoved the device back into her pack and resumed digging for a patch kit.
"But how'd I save you're life?"
"The prophecy distracted Tom before he could kill me. Tom left my nursary just as the Order got there and, well, he forgot about me. And for that, I thank you. You have me and my Dragons support in this war."
"You have followers just like Voldemort?" he said skeptical.
Cadmar grinned at him, "My Dragons are like family to me. Not in the slightest how Voldemort treats his own. Mine are all women. His are, for the most part, men."
“Ah, an all woman group. How speshully PC of you. And of course she knows about the prophecy, it’s not like their existence is a massive secret enforced heavily by the government. That would be silly!” Maria rolled her eyes.
Cadmar laughed richly and softly. It was attractive. Living with veela taught me tricks. "My mother's brother! Now who is this charming young woman on your arm?"
“So the women in the Death Eaters, like Bellatrix, don’t count?” Miah commented as she paused in her continued search through the pack. There was an alarmingly large pile of things surrounding her that she had taken out of the pack.
The woman in question's hair turned pink. "Tonks. I'm Remus's girlfriend."
"Oh, Remus!" Cadmar teased. "You cougar! Where'd you catch her! I like her!"
"She's an Auror," he said shortly, offering Cadmar a little smile.
"If you two are ever serious serious, I must say, our family is quite large. I have about twenty sisters, four elves, and one stunning werewolf for an uncle. If we weren't related, I'd do him," Cadmar winked. Immedietly afterwards, he made a snarling noise and attempted to bite Remus from across the room. The canons ignored it completely.
“I hope the canons have had heir rabies shots,” Mark commented, while looking at Cadmar, who looked back with fury and hate.
Miah glanced up from the even larger pile of stuff that she had extracted from her pack. “Am I wrong or is cougar a term that solely refers to older women predatorily dating younger men? Please tell me this fic hasn’t genderbent anyone.”
“Luckily not, genderbending is bad from what I hear. I don’t remember possessions doing that...” Maria was shuffling through Cadmar’s pack, looking for a patch kit as well.
"When it is?" he asked, worried.
"The thirteenth of May," Cadmar said softly. "I can see that much. I have less than seven weeks."
“She knows the date of a battle because she can see the future? That takes a lot of surprise out of it happening,” Mark commented.
Maria shrieked and pulled her arm out of the pack. “Yah! He has flashbang grenades in there!”
“What’s so bad about flashbang grenades? I have some, too. See?” Miah said holding up a web belt that contained several grenades.
Maria shrieked again, gaining the momentary attention of a couple of bits, as she dove behind a potted plant. “I’MAVAMPIREPUTITAWAY!”
“What does that...” The epiphany flew out of the pile of junk surrounding Miah and hit her in the back of the head. She grabbed it, gave it a dirty look, and shoved it and the flashbangs back in the bag. “Ohhhh. Sorry about that.”
Maria peeked out warily. “You’d think he was trying to kill me or something, with those...”
"Enough about me. Tell me, Mr. Potter, how do you plan on defeating Tom?"
"Well, he created something, six more somethings, to keep him alive. Two of those somethings are destroyed. He was supposed to make a seventh one, but he died before he could.
“I do not see any wisdom is telling someone you just met about your plans involving Lord Voldemort. And the continuous use of the word ‘somethings’ is annoying.” Mark scribbled down more charges.
"He didn't die, he vanished," Cadmar corrected instinctfully. "And it so happens I destroyed another three of those Horcruxes years ago."
"How do you know about the Horcruxes?" he whispered.
Cadmar laughed, "Albus wrote me. I searched Hogwarts for them during the summer. A locket kept by one of the elves. A diadem of Ravenclaw hidden in the Room of Requirements. Then the cup of Hufflepuff in the vaulted room far away from Hogwarts. Now, you have to find one more. but I know what is it. It's too dangerous to achieve on your own."
All three agents were stunned for a moment.
“So...so, she not only KNOWS about the horcruxes, despite them being highly taboo and secret, she has destroyed a bunch too!?” Maria tossed the pack angrily to Mark, who caught it with his face.
“...You forgot about how she knows Nagini is one. I will charge for...” Mark groaned and rubbed his temples. “For being overly knowledgeable of the canon. Ow,” he said from the floor.
Miah came across a battered looking muggle-use wand in her pile of stuff. “Hey guys, this reminds me. The Sue also has Voldemort’s wand. Pretty sure that’s a bad thing.”
“Yes. We will have to return it.” Mark got up and shook his head to clear it. “I will make a note to do that.”
Possessed!Cadmar got up and began leaving, but not before saying some cryptic words to Harry, for no reason other then to look cool. Before leavimg completely, he stopped by a random bit at a table.
"You look good, Albus," I smirked, sinking into the seat opposite of him.
"How did you know it was me?"
"Your glasses," I smiled.
"Ah, yes, I seem to have forgotten about those."
“What? This Sue is really starting to get on my nerves,” Miah said as she shoveled stuff back in her pack in anticipation of the scene shifting.
He shook Cadmar’s hand and Cadmar made sure the Muggle shop was out of sight before apparating. Cadmar shot them a pleading look, before disappearing.
Surprisingly enough, they weren’t dragged off to where ever Cadmar had gone. The bits became immobile, their eyes glazing over.
“AN FLF actually working?” Maria poked one of the bits, who fell over onto the ground, but made no other moves.
“It’s laughing at me. I know it is,” Miah said as she started digging through her pack again for the now working FLF. She looked around at the diner. “Anything you guys want to steal while I’m looking for it?”
Mark walked around the counter, and began grabbing a bunch of small snack things in wrappers. “Some food would be nice. We seem to have none at all in our RC.” Mark said pointedly at Maria.
“Hey, it’s not my fault! There’s a replicator...you just have to find it...”
Miah sighed. She stood up and held the pack upside down and started shaking. “Look,” she said over the noise of varied objects hitting the floor, “What if we hunker down here for a while? Read the words to keep up with the fic, and figure out how to get the Dummy going.”
“Okay, but...why do you have a kayak?” Maria picked up said kayak and looked in it.
‘I am more interested in the broadsword. It looks a little heavy for you, Miah.” Mark picked up the broadsword with some difficulty and swung it once.
“I, uh, like to be prepared?” Miah’s head and shoulders disappeared inside the backpack as she searched for any remaining items.
“...If she disappears in there, I call dibs on her stuff,” Maria said to Mark quietly, while reading the Words.
“Ladies, I recieved a patronus message from Albus this morning. We are to attack Tom in the dead of night. Now, we cannot be seen. So, disillusion yourselves and sneak in. Our objective is to kill the snake before she tells Tom what we're up to. I will have what is necessary to kill the snake, so if you find Nagini, contact me where you are and I will find you. Now, listen carefully! If you are captured, you know you are all under the Unbreakable Vow. Do not say anything if you value your lives. In fact, the Vow would kill you before you could utter two words. We will launch a rescue shortly after we finish this mission. Bring your invisibility cloaks just in case the spells lose effect. Quickly, ladies,. Memorize this layout. We leave at eleven."
“I do not believe Dumbledore would be giving high risk missions to girl under twenty. And yes, I got the charges for having invisibility cloaks.” Mark was subtly pocketing a few bottles of Bleepbeer from the pile.
"Is this snake a horcrux?" Rose asked.
Cadmar nodded, "And only my Basilisk dagger will kill it. I insruct you to stun the snake as soon as you lay eyes on it. If it's in the Dark Lord's room. Do not enter. Call me."
There was a slightly disturbing effect as Miah crawled back out of the pack, which was smaller around than she was. Before she was out, the others heard her muffled voice call out, “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing, mister.” She made it the rest of the way out of the bag and shook her head. “I hate that. It’s way weird. What did I miss in the fic?”
“She has a basilisk dagger. That explains why she can kill horcruxes, that is, to say, completely impossible,” Maria huffed.
“I lay claim to the dagger when it comes time to loot her,” Mark said as he replaced the Bleepbeer. “They seem to have apparated to Malfoy Manor. I suppose mentioning that she is breaking rules is redundant at this point.”
Miah waved at Mark, “Eh, you can have it. I brew more than I can drink anyway.” She stuck her tongue out at him. “I just caught you. So, still not finding a patch kit.”
“All right, I’ll get to work sewing it....” Maria sighed dramatically as she pulled a sewing kit out from the inside of her coat.
Something thuded to the ground. Cadmar ran, Jasmine on his heels, silently to whatever it was.
Cadmar sighed in relief. Nagini, her green eyes watching me, showed a flicker of fear as he pulled the dagger from his sheath. He slit just below her head. She gave a painful hiss before slumping. . . dead.
“Nagini needs to be rescued from a plot hole now. Joy. I cannot wait for the massive snake to try and kill us,” Mark said dryly.
“She’s missing some dragons. Blasted things are like cockroaches, it’s hard to keep up with them.” Miah started replacing all the things back into her bag. No small task at all.
"Bellatrix found them. I turned the corner just as she killed Hunter. I don't know how she saw them."
The girls looked tearful at the news of their fallen sisters. "We'll negotiate to get their bodies back. Clean up girls. I will say, mission accomplished. As for Hunter, Jean, Annaleise, and Serena, may God rest their souls. I'm in need of a chat with Dumbledore. I'll see you tomorrow to discuss some things. Goodnight."
Without waiting, I strode out of the room, their howls and sobs for the loss of our sisters filling the halls.
“Well, I guess four down isn’t too bad. Cadmar seems to be fairing pretty well so far as the Sue,” Miah said.
“Yeah. Oh well, he can use it as a learning experience!” Maria said cheerily as she fixed another rip in the Dummy.
“Do you not find it cold that she, the Sue, is not affected by the death of her ‘sisters’? I do not find it surprising that Cadmar isn’t.”
“Really? Interesting that the Sue picked him to possess then.” Miah unwrapped a snack cake and sat back to eat it.
I apparated once I reached the foyer and landed in the middle of Grimmauld PLace's living room. Gold smoke surrounding me. It disappeared quickly and I smirked at their shocked faces.
“Ooooh! She has speshul smoke when she apparates! Isn’t that nice,” Maria snarked.
"It's not what. 'Tis who?" My eyes rested on Harry, who looked sick.
"I have to die?" he whispered.
"By Tom," I nodded. "or you can just be killed by one of us with a basilisk dagger." I pushed some hair out of my face and felt something damp. I pulled my hand away and saw blood. "Oh my. Well, that's not mine." I waved my wand to rid of Nagini's blood. I walked closer to Harry and rested a hand on his shoulder. "'Tis your choice."
“She seems rather nonchalant about her forehead being splattered with another person’s blood. Perhaps her and Cadmar have more in common then there seems?” Mark charged for figuring out that Harry was a horcrux for no explained reason.
“So he doesn’t mind other people’s blood on him? Uh, what’s with the sudden accent? Is she channeling Hagrid?”
“Suddenly gaining an accent is not a charge as far as I can tell, but it is confusing to read at first,” Mark noted.
“Cadmar doesn’t mind if he’s the reason the blood is on him...Well, he was also pretty blase about The Shadow exploding all over him.” Maria swore as she pricked one of her fingers on the needle.
Cadmar laughed and shook his head, "You have six weeks until the final battle. Decide by then. If-" he paused and took a deep breath. "If you wish to be killed before the battle, regretfully, I have the means to do so. But you have six weeks exactly to decide.
“So, she has he exact date of the final battle? That seems really, really horribly done. Like, is she planning it or something?” Maria cursed again. “Damnit, out of string...”
Miah pulled string out of her pocket and handed it to Maria. “Finally, something I do have with me.”
"Wait, I've never heard of Orion Malfoy," The red head said again. "Who's kid is he?"
Cadmar rolled his eyes, "Abraxus, which is Lucius' father, who I assume you're talking about, had another son he banished to France. Ignatius had a son, Orion, and well, you get the idea. Iggy there fought the Death Eaters and well, Orion got away. He sought out for me, because his sister Corsica was in my ranks." I fiddled with my fingers. "And well, he's helped me and in return I helped him and then more like nine months ago, we were in battle with a few Death Eaters from Russia and he died at the end. We won. That's all there is to tell."
“More OCs? Is a personal group of twenty not enough?” Mark began making check marks beside the charge for making OCs.
“I smell a Romantic Subplot brewing. Those always stink,” Miah said while wrinkling her nose.
“Yes, they do. Maria’s was particularly potent. It smelled of excessive flirting.” Mark was checking a small fridge for things to drink.
“S-shut up!” Maria blushed, strangely visible to both Miah and Mark.
"So, how are you preparing for battle?" Cadmar asked brightly. He shoved his unruly dark hair into a bun and stuck my wand in to keep it still.
"Which is exactly why I always win my battles. The Death Eaters and you always sit on your magic. Come on, we'll take the basement."
Cadmar waltzed right down the hall to the door that was barred shut.
"I so solemnly swear that I am Heatherlyn Brizailius Draconus, Sirius Black's favorite nonblood cousin. We share a furry little problem in our times of need," he stated, his hand placed firmly on the wood.
“What a nice, flowery name. It’s so nice I just want to charge her for having it,” Maria said sweetly.
“I don’t know. They do tend to have some really weird names in the Harry Potter ‘verse. Man, Cadmar is going to be ticked about that hairdo.”
"Alright. Now, pair off. I want one to throw a constant stream of HARMLESS spells and aim them at the other. You will have the job to dodge them. Go until I stay stop, then switch."
Harry started to shout a spring of spells at me and I just stood there, lazily deflecting them with a flick of my wand. I could tell he was getting angry about not hitting me.
“What? She JUST told them to try and dodge, and she breaks it two seconds later, my god! Making a character kewl can be done without bad writing, damnit!” Maria slammed her fist on the table, making a new gash in the Dummy. “...Aw poopie...”
“How about I take a turn on that thing,’ Miah said gingerly removing the Dummy from Maria’s line of fire. “And ‘Aw poopie’, seriously?”
“I never said I was good at sewing. I just wanted to learn it, you know, domestic skills and stuff.” Maria blushed again.
"He's suppossed to be training you! What about your dreams and visions? Cadmar demanded. "Do you still get those? Do you have Occulmens mastered?"
He shook his head. Cadmar sighed. "All of you, back to work. I never said to stop. When I come back down, swtich partners. Harry, come with me."
Cadmar grabbed his arm and pulled him up the stairs, narrowly missing Ginny. She squeaked and scattered out of his way as his heels nearly impaled her hand.
“It appears that Cadmar is now wearing high heel shoes,” Mark said, with more then a small amount of amusement.
“You’ve done pretty good so far, Maria,” Miah said looking up from the Dummy. “I’m not sure if this thing will hold air even if we sew it up, though. I don’t have any sealant to cover the needle holes.”
"See what I mean?" I cried. "Completely undisciplined! Do you know how much training it took just to get where I am!" I looked at Remus. "I started to study magic at eight! I practically grew up with it. I knew what I had to do with it. Harry is just starting to develope and control his powers. He'll get himself killed!"
“At eight? No responsible parent would let their kid learn how to do magic at eight. Especially Remus. Even if he is smelly.” Maria leaned back in a chair. “Man, just using the words is a drag...”
"I agree with Harry, Heather. You are the most capable and free. Your Dragons can train themselves. You have the most first hand accounts with Tom, you can help him."
"I want you to start to deflect them non-verbally, Harry. Concentrate on the spell and flick your wand. That's it."
I stopped after a while, Harry sweating and panting. "All of you, stop!" I said in a calm voice. A couple more spells were shot, then nothing. "Now, on behalf of Dumbledore, I"m welcome to train you, and honestly, you need it. Also, honestly, I have no want to do this. Mr. Potter has no choice, but all of you are welcome to join the sessions everyday, including the weekends from six am to one pm, on break for lunch. Those that wish to come, please do so. There are only six weeks left. Now, I sugges-"
Mr. Malfoy is in the foyer.
I waved my hand to clear the green smoke and clutch my necklace, closing my eyes. "Tell Iggy where Orion's ashes are and send him over on a portkey to the basement of Grimmauld Place."
“Oh dear...” Maria winced slightly.
“Cadmar will be even more of a problem then usual, now...” Mark wrote down a couple more charges he found in the chapter.
“I take it he doesn’t do well when he gets to be bossy?’
“Naw, he just really hates jewelery. Like, don’t try and give him any, he’ll try and stab you.” Maria shook her head. “My poor, psychotic little fledgeling.”
“Noted.”
"Papa?" I questioned. Iggy faced me. "I thought you went to get Ri's ashes?"
"I got 'em," he said quietly, looking down as he shifted his arms and I saw a silber and gold box sparkle in the firelight. I smiled softly.
“Hmm, we can take care of ‘Iggy’ right soon, actually. He hasn’t done much wrong. So, maybe knock out and drop off in Fic Psych?’ Maria got up and gingerly opened the pack. “Why does he have so many grenades? None of them are even explosive...”
“I do not wish to understand his reasoning for carrying things. The ‘silber’ box is something we should grab, though.” Mark made a note to grab it.
“Woohoo! New Sue color! Uh, actually. Ow, my eyes! It’s like sparkly wilver mixed with blose.” Miah theatrically shielded her eyes.
Cadmar walked up the steps and stopped in front of them. "It's impolite to talk about your elders behind their back," He snapped. He walked away, running into Albus and Remus talking.
“Geez, this Sue is a bitch!” Maria sighed. “All right, I’ll portal us to where ever ‘Iggy’ went. It’s best we don’t leave any OCs around when Cadmar is free. He has a tendency of killing them. “ Maria opened a portal and walked through, followed by Mark and Miah. Iggy was standing in a generic looking safehouse. He was sitting in a chair in front of a fire with glassy looking eyes.
“Ignatius Malfoy?” Maria asked.
“Yes?” he replied while looking at them strangely.
FLASH!
Miah flashed the neuralyzer, then guiltily looked around to be sure that the others hadn’t just gotten neuralyzed along with the bit. “All right, you’re name is not Ignatious Malfoy. It is Charles Barnsby. You are an average wizard that is afraid of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Now, off with you.” She opened a portal to Knockturn Alley, and ushered the man through.
“I guess that’s easier then Fic Psych.” Maria said. “So, how about we go to Grimmauld Place now and check up on Cadmar?”
Miah changed the setting on the RA and the portal’s destination changed to Grimmauld Place. The scene they arrived to was "GET UP!" Cadmar shouted. "What do you think you're doing? It's six o'one! UP!" he shoved Harry out of his bed and pulled him with him towards the door. Grabbing his wand on the way, Cadmar walked down the stairs and shot him with an Aquimenti spell.
Cadmar looked like he hadn’t slept well, if the bags under his eyes were any indication. He looked miserable in high heels, a necklace, and with long, dark and unruly hair.
“My he’s looking pretty...” Cadmar shot a dirty look at Miah. “...miserable,” she finished.
“Oooh! I love the hair! We have to put it in a pony tail when we get back, I always wanted to do that!” Maria bounced a little with excitement. Cadmar turned his eyes away form them as he was forced to drag Harry downstairs, where Hermione was ready for ‘training’.
"But I don't want to hurt you," she said quietly.
"You won't," Cadmar promised, smiling lightly. "Go."
"Expelliarmus!" she shouted. Cadmar dodged it easilly.
“Cadmar should at least enjoy this, he is getting to duel someone.”
It clicked in my head then. "Forgive me," I murmured to Harry. I walked up to Granger. "You need to be stong," I hissed in her ear. "Say I'm Tom. No, say Tom has your filthy Mudblood parents." I growled out. Mudblood turned to ash in my mouth and I winced as it came out. Half of my guard were Muggleborn, at most. "He's torturing them right in front of you. Their screams for mercy are ringing in your ears." I walked behind her and whispered in her ear what I know would break her. "You going to let him do it? Or are you as stupid as all Mudbloods are?"
“Ladies and gentleman, our heroine of the story!” Maria golf clapped. “See as she gives out an evil inspirational speech! Truly, a posterchild of the forces of good.”
“Wow. That. I really don’t know what to say to that. Also, Cadmar’s mouth is full of ash now,” Miah said, pointing to Cadmar, who was coughing and hacking the ash out.
Mark winced. “That must taste horrible. I feel bad. Is the Dummy almost done?”
“Just a few more tears to sew. I’m still not sure it’ll hold, though.” Miah held up the Dummy to show off the multitude of sewn rips. “Who killed this thing last, anyway?”
“Cadmar,” Mark and Maria said at the same time.
I grinned and laughed, "There's your spirit, Mudblood! Build it up! But don't let your anger guide you, let it feul those spells!"
"Levicorpus!" Again, another easy deflect.
"Use soemthing dagerous. Something Mudbloods like you can't do!" I laughed. "Make your attacker scream, beg, cry for death. Come on, Granger. Do something Dark!"
“Yes, young Granger, use your anger! Join the Dark Side of the force! It is your DESTINY!” Maria said in her best impression of Palpatine.
“No, the Dark Side has cookies. This is more like the Dumb Side,” Miah mumbled. “Starting the last tear, but it’s a big one.”
"Transcotta Brillium!" she shouted.
Cadmar was tossed backwards and groaned as his head connected to the wall. He rolled onto his stomach and stood up, his hand on the wound of his chest.
"Now, that's exactly what needs to happen when your battling a Death Eater. Aim to kill. How long did you give me?"
"Ten years," she muttered, her anger already gone. Cadmar’s eyes widened and he choked a bit, as if trying to cry out.
Maria clapped her hands over her mouth. “We’re the worst partners ever...”
Mark shifted uncomfortably. “That is an uncanon spell. No curse exists in Harry Potter that lets you put a timer on someone’s life.” he said as he eyed Cadmar pityingly.
Miah stared at the remaining length of tear in the Dummy with horror. “It was so close...”
"Never matter. Yeuldick Volodai." My wounds healed and Granger looked amazed.
"I'm not a Death Eater," I smirked. "I've studied how to heal Dark Magic wounds. Those ten years you gave me don't matter. The curse is gone now. Good job, Granger.
“...Well that was anti-climactic. Not that I’m not glad though!” Maria made a motion like she was wiping sweat from her forehead.
The thread snapped. “I’m...I’m going to beat him to death with the flats of his machetes for messing up the Dummy like this and and scaring me like that...” Miah’s hands shook a bit as she tried to re-thread the needle. Then she started chuckling. “Heh. Yule dick. Do you think it has a wreath on it?”
“I would prefer not to check. Ever. Make that TWO charges of uncanon spells, both of the extreme variety.” Mark flipped a page. “Strange, we have yet to encounter the ‘Standard Potter Sue Checklist’ yet.”
Harry and I dueled and I must say, I was impressed with his quick reflexes. He started to grow tired and I sighed.
"You need to build your stamina. Five miles a day unless I say differen-"
“Ooooo! Telling a guy he needs more stamina! Burn!” Maria said and offered Miah a high-five.
“Think Harry was a little quick on the draw, eh?” Miah snickered and high-fived Maria.
"I may be harsh, you may hate me, but you'll thank me later. This is a matter of the wizarding world. My Dragons had to run ten. Five in the mornings, five after dinner. Do you wish to do the same? I had them train from three to five pm, then eat, run, and sleep. There was no fun while they trained. They were miserable and they told me, but they pushed themselves until they got what they wanted. A necklace. And they didn't need to train as hard anymore. You two are far from even looking at the necklace box. I want you to want it and to want it you have to see what otehr are suffering." By the end of my speech, Granger looked like she was awed. I rolled my eyes and sighed.
“All that for a necklace? What is the significance of it? Why is joining her Dragons and getting one so prestigious?” Mark pulled out a bottle of Bleeprin and dropped a few in his mouth.
“Bet those are worth something on the black market. I’m getting something out of that box.” Miah offered Mark a Bleepbeer to wash down the Bleeprin.
I swept my hair up into a bun as I ascended the steps. A hand grabbed me, "What is that on your neck?"
My eyes met Harry's and Hermione's over his shoulder. "Last year, after Orion died, I was a little rebellious. I let my emotions get in the way and tried to demand revenge. A rogue Death Eater caught me and thought I should pay for escaping a few weeks after the Dark Lord 'killed me'. He left me with this." I moved my hair so that bloodtraitor was visible. If only they knew what the ink to the tattoo was.
“The...Carrows caught her, and gave her a tattoo that said ‘bloodtraitor’? That seems silly as a from of revenge.” Maria peered closer at the tattoo, but it looked blurry and indistinct, and was changing tones for the ink. “Well, Cadmar has a nice tattoo for free now. Let’s try the Dummy now.”
Miah handed the Dummy over to Maria. “Here goes nothing.”
Maria pulled the cord on it and dropped it. The Dummy began to inflate for a few seconds, until one of the sewn up tears burst open, followed by more. The Dummy flattened to the ground again.
“...Well, shit.” Maria said.
“Quite.” Mark added.
Miah threw her hands up into the air in frustration, “That’s it. I’m out of ideas.”
Cadmar walked back upstairs, oblivious to the Dummy’s failure. At the top was Fleur.
"Fleur! Zo good to zee you!" Cadmar’s non existent French accent returning.
"'eather?" she gasped. "Mademoiselle! Enchante!"
"Moi aussi! Comment ca va?"
"Tres bien! J'ai marry!"
"Avec qui?"
"Bill Weasley," she smiled.
“Well, I don’t remember her being pregnant during the books. Mark just...charge her for skewering the timeline, in general. Forget trying to find every change.” Maria picked up the Dummy. “Now, what to do with you?”
“Maybe we should go for help, guys,” Miah said, holding up the sad remains of the Dummy.
“Yeah, this is getting ridiculous.” Maria pulled out the RA and dialed HQ. The RA sputtered, shook, and spit out some goopy looking liquid. “What? but...but it was JUST working!” she tried it another two times, each time a failure. “Oh, God. Mark, you don’t suppose he had this on him when he fought the sludge monster do you?”
“It is a possibility.”
“It’s cool, I’ve got mine.” Miah pulled the RA from her pack.
Cadmar apparated away again. The agents were thrown to the ground as the scene shifted to the basement, where Cadmar was reminiscing on memories he did not have before. Maria groaned from under Mark.
From the bottom of the pile, Miah joined in the groaning. “Get off. Whatever I landed on is sharp... And in...a lot of pieces. Son of a Sue! We broke my RA!”
“FFFFF-”
The basement was empty by the time I reached it that evening. I paced around, reminising memories. While I was away, Orion and I'd escape to here and just live like nothing dangerous was going on. In the far corner, we'd sit and talk for hours on end, about nonsense. Under the torches, we'd create new spells. Under the stairs, we'd sleep and . . . and he was my first everything. My first love, my first boyfriend, my first kiss, and my only sex partner. Cadmar gave off a muffled scream of rage and disgust. He found himself unable to move anything in his body, thus his efforts to claw his eyes out were impossible.
“We’ve got to get him out of there.” Miah got a crafty look. “Maybe if we grab a canon character, force them them to fix it with one of those spells like Hermione used on Harry’s glasses, and then neuralyzed them?”
“That...that could work. We have to be careful though, she’s dangerous.” Maria extended a hand to Mark. “Bleeprin please? This is one big train wreck.”
Cadmar, now having a slightly glazed look in is eyes, attempted to teach Harry occlumency, in the timeframe of a few hours, which passed over the area in a surprise time shift.
“Re-thinking my offer, Miah?” Maria asked from where she was pinned underneath Miah. “It might be too late, I am sort of seeing someone.”
“Definitely not, but I’m glad you’ve found someone. Mark, if you would please get off my feet?”
“Sorry.”
I apparated home and collapsed on my bed, starving, but let sleep take me. I dreamt of the battle and I knew it was a vision. Hogwarts. The walls were crumbling. The sky was dark. "Ginny!" someone shouted and a red head girl landed at my feet. Ginerva Weasley. A crazed cackle sounded from the shadows.
Ginerva Weasley scuttled out from the bed and crawled up Miah’s legs and onto her back.
“Friendly monster, aren’t you? Eh, you probably just know that I always carry bacon.” Miah offered the mini-Aragog a slice of bacon. “You’re not planning on staying up there the rest of the mission are you? You’re a bit heavier than the mini-LEOs I’m used to carrying around.”
I woke with a start to an annoying beeping sound. My necklace glew red. Someone died. The metal was hot and I knew it was more than one. I leapt up and crept down the stairs quietly. I could hear spells being shout in the distance. The beeping was the fire alarm. I reached the foyer to see my girls in battle with cloaked figures.
"Avada Kedavra!" I shouted. A cloak figured fell dead. One by one, I lost my girls to them. It was only Cindy, Aurora, Bella, and I left. I couldn't see Jazmine anywhere. Summoning up my courage, I shot a Death Spell at the three remaining Death Eaters. They fell instantly, but my power was drained.
“It appears our problem with the OCs is mostly handled,” Mark said dryly, “and another uncanon spell, an area of effect killing curse. I would rather not alert her to our presence, even if it takes a little longer to rescue Cadmar. It will do him no good if we are dead.”
“Yeah...” Maria started digging through the pack again. “We have to have something in here for the Dummy.”
“Chewing gum?” Miah pulled a handful of the stuff from one of her pockets.
“We’ll need more then this, but it helps. Thanks.”
Once the twelve girls were buried in the cemetary nearby, I grabbed the remaining girls hands and apparated to the basement. They landed roughly and I saw a wand pointed at me. I limped to the figure.
"It's just me and my girls. We envoke no harm," I grimmaced as I waved my wand and my twisted ankle from landed wong on my apparation healed. "Sorry I'm late."
"You look terrible! What happened?" Granger gasped.
"You sure know how to make a girl feel better," I laughed lightly. "My home was attacked by Death Eaters. Jazmine's missing, but we are the only ones that survived. Let's get started, shall we?"
“Real caring, isn’t she? I don’t know about you, but I wasn’t laughing lightly within minutes of my family dying.” Miah pulled her tranq gun from its holster and eyed Cadmar.
“You lost your family?” Maria asked with apprehension, wondering if she would have to steal the gun so as to avoid an incident.
Miah blinked. She stared at Maria for a second, and then said, “I meant I wouldn’t be laughing within minutes of my family dying.” She turned back to staring at Cadmar, but she holstered her gun.
“Ah. Well, I think using your gun might help, but let’s wait until Cadmar isn’t possessed okay? I hear tranquilizers take longer to work the bigger the person, and having someone able to toss mass killing curses around is not something I want to face.” Maria pulled a lighter out of the pack, “Maybe I can melt the cuts together for a quick fix?”
“We’re going to have to wait til the last second aren’t we? Whatever we come up with at this point isn’t likely to hold up for long,” Miah said. Her expression brightened for a moment. “I’ve got zat guns in there.”
“Zats are not in Harry Potter, they are alien technology. With the tranquilizer, you can at least claim it would be possible in the Muggle world.” Mark said. “Disabling her will be much simpler now that she only has three OCs left.”
“You’re right. The Flowers were really not happy when we zatted the Fellowship.”
I blinked at Ron. "Probably not. A big head like you, full of nothing, gives you very little brain capacity to even hold a single spell book, let alone one for each of your years." I smiled kindly. "I suggest you start now. Perhaps you'll learn the concept of it by the battle, if that."
Hermione giggled, but her hand flew to her face to hide her betrayal. Harry was staring at me like I was Tom myself.
"I said practice!" I sang, walking up the stairs.
Maria growled as she was fusing two sides of a tear together. “Again! With the blase attitude to people dying! She’s kinda tripping the Sociopath-o-meter, like, a lot.”
“You guys are starting to scare me a bit about Cadmar. Why would the Sue pick him instead of the available girl?”
“Well, gender isn’t usually the biggest concern for Author Wraith right? It’s usually something about the person. I heard about this Orken guy in Sci-Fi who was possessed by a Goa’uld just because he used to be something like a Goa’uld.” Maria clicked the lighter a few times, “Damn, out of fuel.”
“Nice deflection there. I have some matches in here. How many more tears are left?”
As the agents talked, Cadmar walked back downstairs and began the lessons again, after being introduced to Fred and George.
Cadmar actually laughed, "I'm looking forward to seeing if you're as talented as your jokes lead on. Now, Twin 1, which is you," he pointed at George. "Shoe me what you know nonverbally. I'll tell you a spell and you perform it on me."
He stepped forward, an easy and cheesy grin on his face, "Which ones, beautiful?"
"Cocky, I like it," Cadmar winked. He rolled his eyes and straightened. "Expecto Patronum."
He laughed, actually laughed. Some nerve. He swished his wand expertly and a spark of light sprouted off the end of his oak wand. A donkey pranced up to me and bowed.
“Well, I don’t remember THAT being canon, but it kinda fits.” Maria pulled out some magazines of ammo from the pack, “Geez, does he expect to have to kill people at any second?” she grumbled under her breath. “Um, seven...I think.”
Miah rattled the match box. “I don’t think this is enough matches.”
Next appearance: Dragon Lady, part 2
Disclaimer: We do not own the PPC. It was created by Jay and Acacia--the original Assassins. The text below is a review in narrative form and also contains elements of parody/satire. Neither of us own Harry Potter, which is the property of J.K.Rowling. My Dragons Your Phoenix His Death Eaters and Heather, are owned by XxX Fleur-Delacour XxX. She may keep both.
This is a co-write between Caddy-shack and me. Read more of his stuff, too!
Caddy-shack’s Notes: Well, this started off as a Solo, with a cameo of Cali in the follow-up Interlude, and changed to me co-writing with Miah, and having a good time. Talk about good changes.
Sporked by: Cadmar, Mark, Maria, and Miah.
Rating: M for Much things happen.
Previous appearance: MST I: Sanctuary Rap
Dragon Lady
“C’mon! Again! Show me what you got!” Maria shouted as Cadmar and Mark circled her slowly, with their weapons drawn.
“So, why are we doing this again?” Cadmar asked as he tightened his grip on his machetes.
“Because, you guys need some training with actual combat,” Maria replied as she waited with her claw gauntlets at the ready.
“For what purpose again? We have been doing this for the last hour.” Mark kept his knives concealed in his cloak, any advantage was helpful.
“Well, this is for if we get separated in a mission, and you end up meeting some canons under the Sue’s control. You’ll be able to hold them off until I can get to you, or kill the Sue and free them.”
“Well, that mak-” Cadmar broke off mid sentence and charged Maria, Mark following suit. Their weapons met with a loud [BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!]
All three agents looked at the console, clearly annoyed. Mark and Cadmar’s weapons were caught in between the claws of Maria’s gauntlets. “Awww! I actually got someone to fight with me too! No fair!” she whined as she withdrew from the weapon deadlock, causing Mark and Cadmar to stumble.
“Let’s see what we’ve got here...” she murmured as she reached the console and looked at the report.
“It’s a nice short one right?” Cadmar asked while haphazardly stuffing the equipment into the pack.
“Nnnnnope. Seventy thousand words long.”
“I can bullshit. We JUST went through like, thirty thousand words of consistent badness with Eva.”
“That is a...considerable length. As with Eva, we will have to cut it short. I do not like the idea of going through such a long fic again.” Mark was looking through one of the many racks of weapons, ”What canon?”
“Harry Potter.”
Cadmar gave Mark a devious grin (which not only unnerved him, but made him wonder how Cadmar never bit his own tongue off) as he pocketed a Beretta M9 and several magazines of ammo. Mark shook his head at his partners’ actions. While guns were not strictly against canon, they were frowned upon. Though if he had gauged anything from Cadmar, it was his uncaring attitude for rules.
“Any thing else we should know about Maria? I hate surprises.”
“Hmmm, yeah. She is worse then Eva.”
“She’s so boring that it comes off as amusing?” The hope in Cadmar’s voice was kindling to the Ironic Overpower.
“Mmmmm, nope. She does go through the Potter!Sue checklist, but that isn’t it. She is a huge bitch. Plain and simple. Like, not just an annoying character to read about. She is really nasty.”
“Well, I’m all packed. All set, Mark?”
“Yes. Our disguises?”
“Ourselves. It doesn’t take place at Hogwarts. We can easily blend in at Grimmauld Place as we are. Yay! I get to wear my normal clothes on a mission!”
“A suit doesn’t count as clothes, Maria.” Cadmar pointed out as he stepped next to Maria and Mark in front of the console.
Maria swatted his arm. Hard. “I told you, I am not naked under this!” She pushed them through the portal and into the fic.
There was no escape. To my left the flames licked up the wood, there was a barrier and the door was sealed. Behind me was the Order. In front of me, the Death Eaters and their leader.
“Gah! What? Noooo!” Cadmar was suddenly forced into the middle of the slightly defined room. “Maria! Help!”
“Yeah, yeah,” she said while detaching the pack from Cadmar’s back and walking out of the characters sight, so as to not attract too much attention.
"Heather?" he whispered, shocked himself. He took a step towards me and in turn I took one away, towards the Order.
"Didn't your mother ever tell you, Tom, that it's not nice to play cat and mouse?" Cadmar said in response to him saying my name. He knew it was me. There was no point to deny. "Oh, that's right. Merope never taught you that lesson, did she?"
“Ahh, I see how it is now,” Maria said as she was looking for the Crash Dummy.
“What?” Mark opened the charge notebook and flipped to a new page.
“It’s one of those Bad-Ass Sues. The strong, brave, tough girls, who laugh in the face of dark lords, and know canon secrets because they are so good.”
“Ah. She may be hard to kill, then. We will have to wait for an opportune moment when she is weakened.”
Voldemort's lip curled back in fury and he transformed into his Tom Riddle body. His handsome and charming nineteen year old body.
"I thought I killed you, Heather," Voldemort growled.
Cadmar laughed happily, "You missed! I'm a better actress than you give me credit for."
"I never miss!" Voldemort hissed.
“Actually, maybe not. It would definitely be safe; a lot of Bad-Ass Sues say they have a lot of powers, but never actually use them.” Maria pulled the Crash Dummy out.
“So, she has Informed Powers? I do not see the difference.”
“Well...” Maria gave the Crash Dummy a quick look over and frowned. “Unlike Eva, who used magic and sword powers, if she only tells people she can do something, possible or not, and never shows the ability to do it, then she can’t. She would be tricking them into thinking she can.”
“Ah. I see how that can be helpful.”
“Guys! Anytime now! Stop expositing and help me!” Cadmar was squaring off against Voldemort, not enjoying it one bit.
Maria pulled the cord and dropped the Dummy, which made a sputtering noise. “Oh dear...”
“What!?” Cadmar was dueling with Voldemort now, giving orders to ‘the Dragons’, a special group of OCs under the command of the Sue.
“It seems the Dummy is in need of repair.” Mark picked it up and began looking it over, trying to find the problem.
A portal opened and a person wearing a Harry Potter verse witch’s robes stepped through. She took one look at the other agents dressed in their normal clothes and began cursing.
“Miah? Why are you here?” Maria gave Miah a hug.
“Message came through to join a mission-in-progress immediately. It said Harry Potter verse, so I risked that blasted Disguise Generator, which seems to have worked perfectly, since I didn’t really need it.” Her eyes opened wide when she spotted Cadmar. “Is Cadmar dueling the Dark Lord?”
“Oh, yeah, he is. He’s possessed. Our Dummy is broken or something.”
They didn't need to look to know they'd obey. We were all practically sisters. The connection of my wand broke off slowly, giving them plenty of warning. I quickly disarmed my enemy then I chose to speak.
"Tom, Tom, Tom. When will you learn? I am on the Order's side for this war."
“It appears Cadmar, or Heather, the Sue, has defeated Voldemort in combat. I will charge for that,” Mark said while still checking the Dummy.
Miah pulled her pack off her back. “No worries. I’ve got a Dummy in here.” She opened the pack, then closed it and opened it again. And Again. Then she started digging and cursing.
“Well, a little possession can’t hurt right?” Maria took the Dummy from Mark. “Here, I’ll try and fix it, you note charges. See if your Harry Potter is still up to snuff.”
"I've been tracking Tom for a while now." Cadmar’s eyes shifted to the young man on his right. "Care to introduce me to your friend, Albus?"
"Heather, this is Harry James Potter. Harry, this is Heatherlyn Draconus."
“Heatherlyn Draconus? A silly name. And a charge.” Mark nodded to Cadmar, who glared back.
“That is so weird that I can’t find the Dummy, but I should have a patch kit in here somewhere...” Miah repeated much the same scene of opening and closing and re-opening the pack followed by cursing. “Are we going to be in this location for long?”
"Pleasure," I said warmly to Harry. "It's wonderful meeting the boy who saved my life eighteen years ago."
“That would make this during the seventh year, however Dumbledore is alive...Charge for distorting the timeline.”
“Eesh, this thing is beaten up good. I thought I told him to take care of the equipment...” Maria grumbled while counting the tears in the Dummy.
Dumbledore studied me hard for a moment and Cadmar met his gaze levelly. "When do you wish to meet with Miss Draconus, Harry?"
"Is this Saturday at two fine?" Harry asked quietly.
"I'll owl you the details," Cadmar told him, nodding. "The Ministry keeps this place under watch. Dragons!" I called. They looked up, snapping to attention.
“Hmm, should I charge for having a special band of OCs, or for just making OCs?” Mark asked.
“I’d go with both. This Sue-- no offense Cadmar --but this Sue is already getting on my nerves,” Miah said.
He blushed slightly, but took my hand and shook it firmly. I did the same to Albus and then took a step back, apparating.
Cadmar looked at them with shock as he disappeared.
Maria gasped and put her hands over her mouth. “That...could have gone better...”
“Did the story follow the Sue, or stay here?” Miah asked pulling out her FLF to check the switch.
Miah was answered when all three agents found themselves tossed into a wall in a generic looking cafe. The possessed Cadmar walked in, giving a glance to the toppled agents before being forced to look at Harry.
"About six months old, my mother and father refused to join his ranks. They were Order members, yes. Tom killed them immediately, and I was taken into my Uncle's care. That night, you recieved your scar. I remember it so clearly. My uncle came in near tears and apparated to a home. Only it wasn't a home. It was rubble, but when the house was searched, only two dead bodies were found. No child. No Dark Lord. That was the very moment Uncle Remus started to shell over."
“She remembers something clearly when she was only an infant? And is a niece of Remus Lupin? And knows Voldemort’s real name? All charges. Three in one paragraph, astounding,” Mark said dryly.
Miah stared at the FLF for a moment before saying, "I swear these things get enjoyment out of randomly causing us to be thrown around like that. It's laughing in binary right now. I know it." She shoved the device back into her pack and resumed digging for a patch kit.
"But how'd I save you're life?"
"The prophecy distracted Tom before he could kill me. Tom left my nursary just as the Order got there and, well, he forgot about me. And for that, I thank you. You have me and my Dragons support in this war."
"You have followers just like Voldemort?" he said skeptical.
Cadmar grinned at him, "My Dragons are like family to me. Not in the slightest how Voldemort treats his own. Mine are all women. His are, for the most part, men."
“Ah, an all woman group. How speshully PC of you. And of course she knows about the prophecy, it’s not like their existence is a massive secret enforced heavily by the government. That would be silly!” Maria rolled her eyes.
Cadmar laughed richly and softly. It was attractive. Living with veela taught me tricks. "My mother's brother! Now who is this charming young woman on your arm?"
“So the women in the Death Eaters, like Bellatrix, don’t count?” Miah commented as she paused in her continued search through the pack. There was an alarmingly large pile of things surrounding her that she had taken out of the pack.
The woman in question's hair turned pink. "Tonks. I'm Remus's girlfriend."
"Oh, Remus!" Cadmar teased. "You cougar! Where'd you catch her! I like her!"
"She's an Auror," he said shortly, offering Cadmar a little smile.
"If you two are ever serious serious, I must say, our family is quite large. I have about twenty sisters, four elves, and one stunning werewolf for an uncle. If we weren't related, I'd do him," Cadmar winked. Immedietly afterwards, he made a snarling noise and attempted to bite Remus from across the room. The canons ignored it completely.
“I hope the canons have had heir rabies shots,” Mark commented, while looking at Cadmar, who looked back with fury and hate.
Miah glanced up from the even larger pile of stuff that she had extracted from her pack. “Am I wrong or is cougar a term that solely refers to older women predatorily dating younger men? Please tell me this fic hasn’t genderbent anyone.”
“Luckily not, genderbending is bad from what I hear. I don’t remember possessions doing that...” Maria was shuffling through Cadmar’s pack, looking for a patch kit as well.
"When it is?" he asked, worried.
"The thirteenth of May," Cadmar said softly. "I can see that much. I have less than seven weeks."
“She knows the date of a battle because she can see the future? That takes a lot of surprise out of it happening,” Mark commented.
Maria shrieked and pulled her arm out of the pack. “Yah! He has flashbang grenades in there!”
“What’s so bad about flashbang grenades? I have some, too. See?” Miah said holding up a web belt that contained several grenades.
Maria shrieked again, gaining the momentary attention of a couple of bits, as she dove behind a potted plant. “I’MAVAMPIREPUTITAWAY!”
“What does that...” The epiphany flew out of the pile of junk surrounding Miah and hit her in the back of the head. She grabbed it, gave it a dirty look, and shoved it and the flashbangs back in the bag. “Ohhhh. Sorry about that.”
Maria peeked out warily. “You’d think he was trying to kill me or something, with those...”
"Enough about me. Tell me, Mr. Potter, how do you plan on defeating Tom?"
"Well, he created something, six more somethings, to keep him alive. Two of those somethings are destroyed. He was supposed to make a seventh one, but he died before he could.
“I do not see any wisdom is telling someone you just met about your plans involving Lord Voldemort. And the continuous use of the word ‘somethings’ is annoying.” Mark scribbled down more charges.
"He didn't die, he vanished," Cadmar corrected instinctfully. "And it so happens I destroyed another three of those Horcruxes years ago."
"How do you know about the Horcruxes?" he whispered.
Cadmar laughed, "Albus wrote me. I searched Hogwarts for them during the summer. A locket kept by one of the elves. A diadem of Ravenclaw hidden in the Room of Requirements. Then the cup of Hufflepuff in the vaulted room far away from Hogwarts. Now, you have to find one more. but I know what is it. It's too dangerous to achieve on your own."
All three agents were stunned for a moment.
“So...so, she not only KNOWS about the horcruxes, despite them being highly taboo and secret, she has destroyed a bunch too!?” Maria tossed the pack angrily to Mark, who caught it with his face.
“...You forgot about how she knows Nagini is one. I will charge for...” Mark groaned and rubbed his temples. “For being overly knowledgeable of the canon. Ow,” he said from the floor.
Miah came across a battered looking muggle-use wand in her pile of stuff. “Hey guys, this reminds me. The Sue also has Voldemort’s wand. Pretty sure that’s a bad thing.”
“Yes. We will have to return it.” Mark got up and shook his head to clear it. “I will make a note to do that.”
Possessed!Cadmar got up and began leaving, but not before saying some cryptic words to Harry, for no reason other then to look cool. Before leavimg completely, he stopped by a random bit at a table.
"You look good, Albus," I smirked, sinking into the seat opposite of him.
"How did you know it was me?"
"Your glasses," I smiled.
"Ah, yes, I seem to have forgotten about those."
“What? This Sue is really starting to get on my nerves,” Miah said as she shoveled stuff back in her pack in anticipation of the scene shifting.
He shook Cadmar’s hand and Cadmar made sure the Muggle shop was out of sight before apparating. Cadmar shot them a pleading look, before disappearing.
Surprisingly enough, they weren’t dragged off to where ever Cadmar had gone. The bits became immobile, their eyes glazing over.
“AN FLF actually working?” Maria poked one of the bits, who fell over onto the ground, but made no other moves.
“It’s laughing at me. I know it is,” Miah said as she started digging through her pack again for the now working FLF. She looked around at the diner. “Anything you guys want to steal while I’m looking for it?”
Mark walked around the counter, and began grabbing a bunch of small snack things in wrappers. “Some food would be nice. We seem to have none at all in our RC.” Mark said pointedly at Maria.
“Hey, it’s not my fault! There’s a replicator...you just have to find it...”
Miah sighed. She stood up and held the pack upside down and started shaking. “Look,” she said over the noise of varied objects hitting the floor, “What if we hunker down here for a while? Read the words to keep up with the fic, and figure out how to get the Dummy going.”
“Okay, but...why do you have a kayak?” Maria picked up said kayak and looked in it.
‘I am more interested in the broadsword. It looks a little heavy for you, Miah.” Mark picked up the broadsword with some difficulty and swung it once.
“I, uh, like to be prepared?” Miah’s head and shoulders disappeared inside the backpack as she searched for any remaining items.
“...If she disappears in there, I call dibs on her stuff,” Maria said to Mark quietly, while reading the Words.
“Ladies, I recieved a patronus message from Albus this morning. We are to attack Tom in the dead of night. Now, we cannot be seen. So, disillusion yourselves and sneak in. Our objective is to kill the snake before she tells Tom what we're up to. I will have what is necessary to kill the snake, so if you find Nagini, contact me where you are and I will find you. Now, listen carefully! If you are captured, you know you are all under the Unbreakable Vow. Do not say anything if you value your lives. In fact, the Vow would kill you before you could utter two words. We will launch a rescue shortly after we finish this mission. Bring your invisibility cloaks just in case the spells lose effect. Quickly, ladies,. Memorize this layout. We leave at eleven."
“I do not believe Dumbledore would be giving high risk missions to girl under twenty. And yes, I got the charges for having invisibility cloaks.” Mark was subtly pocketing a few bottles of Bleepbeer from the pile.
"Is this snake a horcrux?" Rose asked.
Cadmar nodded, "And only my Basilisk dagger will kill it. I insruct you to stun the snake as soon as you lay eyes on it. If it's in the Dark Lord's room. Do not enter. Call me."
There was a slightly disturbing effect as Miah crawled back out of the pack, which was smaller around than she was. Before she was out, the others heard her muffled voice call out, “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing, mister.” She made it the rest of the way out of the bag and shook her head. “I hate that. It’s way weird. What did I miss in the fic?”
“She has a basilisk dagger. That explains why she can kill horcruxes, that is, to say, completely impossible,” Maria huffed.
“I lay claim to the dagger when it comes time to loot her,” Mark said as he replaced the Bleepbeer. “They seem to have apparated to Malfoy Manor. I suppose mentioning that she is breaking rules is redundant at this point.”
Miah waved at Mark, “Eh, you can have it. I brew more than I can drink anyway.” She stuck her tongue out at him. “I just caught you. So, still not finding a patch kit.”
“All right, I’ll get to work sewing it....” Maria sighed dramatically as she pulled a sewing kit out from the inside of her coat.
Something thuded to the ground. Cadmar ran, Jasmine on his heels, silently to whatever it was.
Cadmar sighed in relief. Nagini, her green eyes watching me, showed a flicker of fear as he pulled the dagger from his sheath. He slit just below her head. She gave a painful hiss before slumping. . . dead.
“Nagini needs to be rescued from a plot hole now. Joy. I cannot wait for the massive snake to try and kill us,” Mark said dryly.
“She’s missing some dragons. Blasted things are like cockroaches, it’s hard to keep up with them.” Miah started replacing all the things back into her bag. No small task at all.
"Bellatrix found them. I turned the corner just as she killed Hunter. I don't know how she saw them."
The girls looked tearful at the news of their fallen sisters. "We'll negotiate to get their bodies back. Clean up girls. I will say, mission accomplished. As for Hunter, Jean, Annaleise, and Serena, may God rest their souls. I'm in need of a chat with Dumbledore. I'll see you tomorrow to discuss some things. Goodnight."
Without waiting, I strode out of the room, their howls and sobs for the loss of our sisters filling the halls.
“Well, I guess four down isn’t too bad. Cadmar seems to be fairing pretty well so far as the Sue,” Miah said.
“Yeah. Oh well, he can use it as a learning experience!” Maria said cheerily as she fixed another rip in the Dummy.
“Do you not find it cold that she, the Sue, is not affected by the death of her ‘sisters’? I do not find it surprising that Cadmar isn’t.”
“Really? Interesting that the Sue picked him to possess then.” Miah unwrapped a snack cake and sat back to eat it.
I apparated once I reached the foyer and landed in the middle of Grimmauld PLace's living room. Gold smoke surrounding me. It disappeared quickly and I smirked at their shocked faces.
“Ooooh! She has speshul smoke when she apparates! Isn’t that nice,” Maria snarked.
"It's not what. 'Tis who?" My eyes rested on Harry, who looked sick.
"I have to die?" he whispered.
"By Tom," I nodded. "or you can just be killed by one of us with a basilisk dagger." I pushed some hair out of my face and felt something damp. I pulled my hand away and saw blood. "Oh my. Well, that's not mine." I waved my wand to rid of Nagini's blood. I walked closer to Harry and rested a hand on his shoulder. "'Tis your choice."
“She seems rather nonchalant about her forehead being splattered with another person’s blood. Perhaps her and Cadmar have more in common then there seems?” Mark charged for figuring out that Harry was a horcrux for no explained reason.
“So he doesn’t mind other people’s blood on him? Uh, what’s with the sudden accent? Is she channeling Hagrid?”
“Suddenly gaining an accent is not a charge as far as I can tell, but it is confusing to read at first,” Mark noted.
“Cadmar doesn’t mind if he’s the reason the blood is on him...Well, he was also pretty blase about The Shadow exploding all over him.” Maria swore as she pricked one of her fingers on the needle.
Cadmar laughed and shook his head, "You have six weeks until the final battle. Decide by then. If-" he paused and took a deep breath. "If you wish to be killed before the battle, regretfully, I have the means to do so. But you have six weeks exactly to decide.
“So, she has he exact date of the final battle? That seems really, really horribly done. Like, is she planning it or something?” Maria cursed again. “Damnit, out of string...”
Miah pulled string out of her pocket and handed it to Maria. “Finally, something I do have with me.”
"Wait, I've never heard of Orion Malfoy," The red head said again. "Who's kid is he?"
Cadmar rolled his eyes, "Abraxus, which is Lucius' father, who I assume you're talking about, had another son he banished to France. Ignatius had a son, Orion, and well, you get the idea. Iggy there fought the Death Eaters and well, Orion got away. He sought out for me, because his sister Corsica was in my ranks." I fiddled with my fingers. "And well, he's helped me and in return I helped him and then more like nine months ago, we were in battle with a few Death Eaters from Russia and he died at the end. We won. That's all there is to tell."
“More OCs? Is a personal group of twenty not enough?” Mark began making check marks beside the charge for making OCs.
“I smell a Romantic Subplot brewing. Those always stink,” Miah said while wrinkling her nose.
“Yes, they do. Maria’s was particularly potent. It smelled of excessive flirting.” Mark was checking a small fridge for things to drink.
“S-shut up!” Maria blushed, strangely visible to both Miah and Mark.
"So, how are you preparing for battle?" Cadmar asked brightly. He shoved his unruly dark hair into a bun and stuck my wand in to keep it still.
"Which is exactly why I always win my battles. The Death Eaters and you always sit on your magic. Come on, we'll take the basement."
Cadmar waltzed right down the hall to the door that was barred shut.
"I so solemnly swear that I am Heatherlyn Brizailius Draconus, Sirius Black's favorite nonblood cousin. We share a furry little problem in our times of need," he stated, his hand placed firmly on the wood.
“What a nice, flowery name. It’s so nice I just want to charge her for having it,” Maria said sweetly.
“I don’t know. They do tend to have some really weird names in the Harry Potter ‘verse. Man, Cadmar is going to be ticked about that hairdo.”
"Alright. Now, pair off. I want one to throw a constant stream of HARMLESS spells and aim them at the other. You will have the job to dodge them. Go until I stay stop, then switch."
Harry started to shout a spring of spells at me and I just stood there, lazily deflecting them with a flick of my wand. I could tell he was getting angry about not hitting me.
“What? She JUST told them to try and dodge, and she breaks it two seconds later, my god! Making a character kewl can be done without bad writing, damnit!” Maria slammed her fist on the table, making a new gash in the Dummy. “...Aw poopie...”
“How about I take a turn on that thing,’ Miah said gingerly removing the Dummy from Maria’s line of fire. “And ‘Aw poopie’, seriously?”
“I never said I was good at sewing. I just wanted to learn it, you know, domestic skills and stuff.” Maria blushed again.
"He's suppossed to be training you! What about your dreams and visions? Cadmar demanded. "Do you still get those? Do you have Occulmens mastered?"
He shook his head. Cadmar sighed. "All of you, back to work. I never said to stop. When I come back down, swtich partners. Harry, come with me."
Cadmar grabbed his arm and pulled him up the stairs, narrowly missing Ginny. She squeaked and scattered out of his way as his heels nearly impaled her hand.
“It appears that Cadmar is now wearing high heel shoes,” Mark said, with more then a small amount of amusement.
“You’ve done pretty good so far, Maria,” Miah said looking up from the Dummy. “I’m not sure if this thing will hold air even if we sew it up, though. I don’t have any sealant to cover the needle holes.”
"See what I mean?" I cried. "Completely undisciplined! Do you know how much training it took just to get where I am!" I looked at Remus. "I started to study magic at eight! I practically grew up with it. I knew what I had to do with it. Harry is just starting to develope and control his powers. He'll get himself killed!"
“At eight? No responsible parent would let their kid learn how to do magic at eight. Especially Remus. Even if he is smelly.” Maria leaned back in a chair. “Man, just using the words is a drag...”
"I agree with Harry, Heather. You are the most capable and free. Your Dragons can train themselves. You have the most first hand accounts with Tom, you can help him."
"I want you to start to deflect them non-verbally, Harry. Concentrate on the spell and flick your wand. That's it."
I stopped after a while, Harry sweating and panting. "All of you, stop!" I said in a calm voice. A couple more spells were shot, then nothing. "Now, on behalf of Dumbledore, I"m welcome to train you, and honestly, you need it. Also, honestly, I have no want to do this. Mr. Potter has no choice, but all of you are welcome to join the sessions everyday, including the weekends from six am to one pm, on break for lunch. Those that wish to come, please do so. There are only six weeks left. Now, I sugges-"
Mr. Malfoy is in the foyer.
I waved my hand to clear the green smoke and clutch my necklace, closing my eyes. "Tell Iggy where Orion's ashes are and send him over on a portkey to the basement of Grimmauld Place."
“Oh dear...” Maria winced slightly.
“Cadmar will be even more of a problem then usual, now...” Mark wrote down a couple more charges he found in the chapter.
“I take it he doesn’t do well when he gets to be bossy?’
“Naw, he just really hates jewelery. Like, don’t try and give him any, he’ll try and stab you.” Maria shook her head. “My poor, psychotic little fledgeling.”
“Noted.”
"Papa?" I questioned. Iggy faced me. "I thought you went to get Ri's ashes?"
"I got 'em," he said quietly, looking down as he shifted his arms and I saw a silber and gold box sparkle in the firelight. I smiled softly.
“Hmm, we can take care of ‘Iggy’ right soon, actually. He hasn’t done much wrong. So, maybe knock out and drop off in Fic Psych?’ Maria got up and gingerly opened the pack. “Why does he have so many grenades? None of them are even explosive...”
“I do not wish to understand his reasoning for carrying things. The ‘silber’ box is something we should grab, though.” Mark made a note to grab it.
“Woohoo! New Sue color! Uh, actually. Ow, my eyes! It’s like sparkly wilver mixed with blose.” Miah theatrically shielded her eyes.
Cadmar walked up the steps and stopped in front of them. "It's impolite to talk about your elders behind their back," He snapped. He walked away, running into Albus and Remus talking.
“Geez, this Sue is a bitch!” Maria sighed. “All right, I’ll portal us to where ever ‘Iggy’ went. It’s best we don’t leave any OCs around when Cadmar is free. He has a tendency of killing them. “ Maria opened a portal and walked through, followed by Mark and Miah. Iggy was standing in a generic looking safehouse. He was sitting in a chair in front of a fire with glassy looking eyes.
“Ignatius Malfoy?” Maria asked.
“Yes?” he replied while looking at them strangely.
FLASH!
Miah flashed the neuralyzer, then guiltily looked around to be sure that the others hadn’t just gotten neuralyzed along with the bit. “All right, you’re name is not Ignatious Malfoy. It is Charles Barnsby. You are an average wizard that is afraid of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Now, off with you.” She opened a portal to Knockturn Alley, and ushered the man through.
“I guess that’s easier then Fic Psych.” Maria said. “So, how about we go to Grimmauld Place now and check up on Cadmar?”
Miah changed the setting on the RA and the portal’s destination changed to Grimmauld Place. The scene they arrived to was "GET UP!" Cadmar shouted. "What do you think you're doing? It's six o'one! UP!" he shoved Harry out of his bed and pulled him with him towards the door. Grabbing his wand on the way, Cadmar walked down the stairs and shot him with an Aquimenti spell.
Cadmar looked like he hadn’t slept well, if the bags under his eyes were any indication. He looked miserable in high heels, a necklace, and with long, dark and unruly hair.
“My he’s looking pretty...” Cadmar shot a dirty look at Miah. “...miserable,” she finished.
“Oooh! I love the hair! We have to put it in a pony tail when we get back, I always wanted to do that!” Maria bounced a little with excitement. Cadmar turned his eyes away form them as he was forced to drag Harry downstairs, where Hermione was ready for ‘training’.
"But I don't want to hurt you," she said quietly.
"You won't," Cadmar promised, smiling lightly. "Go."
"Expelliarmus!" she shouted. Cadmar dodged it easilly.
“Cadmar should at least enjoy this, he is getting to duel someone.”
It clicked in my head then. "Forgive me," I murmured to Harry. I walked up to Granger. "You need to be stong," I hissed in her ear. "Say I'm Tom. No, say Tom has your filthy Mudblood parents." I growled out. Mudblood turned to ash in my mouth and I winced as it came out. Half of my guard were Muggleborn, at most. "He's torturing them right in front of you. Their screams for mercy are ringing in your ears." I walked behind her and whispered in her ear what I know would break her. "You going to let him do it? Or are you as stupid as all Mudbloods are?"
“Ladies and gentleman, our heroine of the story!” Maria golf clapped. “See as she gives out an evil inspirational speech! Truly, a posterchild of the forces of good.”
“Wow. That. I really don’t know what to say to that. Also, Cadmar’s mouth is full of ash now,” Miah said, pointing to Cadmar, who was coughing and hacking the ash out.
Mark winced. “That must taste horrible. I feel bad. Is the Dummy almost done?”
“Just a few more tears to sew. I’m still not sure it’ll hold, though.” Miah held up the Dummy to show off the multitude of sewn rips. “Who killed this thing last, anyway?”
“Cadmar,” Mark and Maria said at the same time.
I grinned and laughed, "There's your spirit, Mudblood! Build it up! But don't let your anger guide you, let it feul those spells!"
"Levicorpus!" Again, another easy deflect.
"Use soemthing dagerous. Something Mudbloods like you can't do!" I laughed. "Make your attacker scream, beg, cry for death. Come on, Granger. Do something Dark!"
“Yes, young Granger, use your anger! Join the Dark Side of the force! It is your DESTINY!” Maria said in her best impression of Palpatine.
“No, the Dark Side has cookies. This is more like the Dumb Side,” Miah mumbled. “Starting the last tear, but it’s a big one.”
"Transcotta Brillium!" she shouted.
Cadmar was tossed backwards and groaned as his head connected to the wall. He rolled onto his stomach and stood up, his hand on the wound of his chest.
"Now, that's exactly what needs to happen when your battling a Death Eater. Aim to kill. How long did you give me?"
"Ten years," she muttered, her anger already gone. Cadmar’s eyes widened and he choked a bit, as if trying to cry out.
Maria clapped her hands over her mouth. “We’re the worst partners ever...”
Mark shifted uncomfortably. “That is an uncanon spell. No curse exists in Harry Potter that lets you put a timer on someone’s life.” he said as he eyed Cadmar pityingly.
Miah stared at the remaining length of tear in the Dummy with horror. “It was so close...”
"Never matter. Yeuldick Volodai." My wounds healed and Granger looked amazed.
"I'm not a Death Eater," I smirked. "I've studied how to heal Dark Magic wounds. Those ten years you gave me don't matter. The curse is gone now. Good job, Granger.
“...Well that was anti-climactic. Not that I’m not glad though!” Maria made a motion like she was wiping sweat from her forehead.
The thread snapped. “I’m...I’m going to beat him to death with the flats of his machetes for messing up the Dummy like this and and scaring me like that...” Miah’s hands shook a bit as she tried to re-thread the needle. Then she started chuckling. “Heh. Yule dick. Do you think it has a wreath on it?”
“I would prefer not to check. Ever. Make that TWO charges of uncanon spells, both of the extreme variety.” Mark flipped a page. “Strange, we have yet to encounter the ‘Standard Potter Sue Checklist’ yet.”
Harry and I dueled and I must say, I was impressed with his quick reflexes. He started to grow tired and I sighed.
"You need to build your stamina. Five miles a day unless I say differen-"
“Ooooo! Telling a guy he needs more stamina! Burn!” Maria said and offered Miah a high-five.
“Think Harry was a little quick on the draw, eh?” Miah snickered and high-fived Maria.
"I may be harsh, you may hate me, but you'll thank me later. This is a matter of the wizarding world. My Dragons had to run ten. Five in the mornings, five after dinner. Do you wish to do the same? I had them train from three to five pm, then eat, run, and sleep. There was no fun while they trained. They were miserable and they told me, but they pushed themselves until they got what they wanted. A necklace. And they didn't need to train as hard anymore. You two are far from even looking at the necklace box. I want you to want it and to want it you have to see what otehr are suffering." By the end of my speech, Granger looked like she was awed. I rolled my eyes and sighed.
“All that for a necklace? What is the significance of it? Why is joining her Dragons and getting one so prestigious?” Mark pulled out a bottle of Bleeprin and dropped a few in his mouth.
“Bet those are worth something on the black market. I’m getting something out of that box.” Miah offered Mark a Bleepbeer to wash down the Bleeprin.
I swept my hair up into a bun as I ascended the steps. A hand grabbed me, "What is that on your neck?"
My eyes met Harry's and Hermione's over his shoulder. "Last year, after Orion died, I was a little rebellious. I let my emotions get in the way and tried to demand revenge. A rogue Death Eater caught me and thought I should pay for escaping a few weeks after the Dark Lord 'killed me'. He left me with this." I moved my hair so that bloodtraitor was visible. If only they knew what the ink to the tattoo was.
“The...Carrows caught her, and gave her a tattoo that said ‘bloodtraitor’? That seems silly as a from of revenge.” Maria peered closer at the tattoo, but it looked blurry and indistinct, and was changing tones for the ink. “Well, Cadmar has a nice tattoo for free now. Let’s try the Dummy now.”
Miah handed the Dummy over to Maria. “Here goes nothing.”
Maria pulled the cord on it and dropped it. The Dummy began to inflate for a few seconds, until one of the sewn up tears burst open, followed by more. The Dummy flattened to the ground again.
“...Well, shit.” Maria said.
“Quite.” Mark added.
Miah threw her hands up into the air in frustration, “That’s it. I’m out of ideas.”
Cadmar walked back upstairs, oblivious to the Dummy’s failure. At the top was Fleur.
"Fleur! Zo good to zee you!" Cadmar’s non existent French accent returning.
"'eather?" she gasped. "Mademoiselle! Enchante!"
"Moi aussi! Comment ca va?"
"Tres bien! J'ai marry!"
"Avec qui?"
"Bill Weasley," she smiled.
“Well, I don’t remember her being pregnant during the books. Mark just...charge her for skewering the timeline, in general. Forget trying to find every change.” Maria picked up the Dummy. “Now, what to do with you?”
“Maybe we should go for help, guys,” Miah said, holding up the sad remains of the Dummy.
“Yeah, this is getting ridiculous.” Maria pulled out the RA and dialed HQ. The RA sputtered, shook, and spit out some goopy looking liquid. “What? but...but it was JUST working!” she tried it another two times, each time a failure. “Oh, God. Mark, you don’t suppose he had this on him when he fought the sludge monster do you?”
“It is a possibility.”
“It’s cool, I’ve got mine.” Miah pulled the RA from her pack.
Cadmar apparated away again. The agents were thrown to the ground as the scene shifted to the basement, where Cadmar was reminiscing on memories he did not have before. Maria groaned from under Mark.
From the bottom of the pile, Miah joined in the groaning. “Get off. Whatever I landed on is sharp... And in...a lot of pieces. Son of a Sue! We broke my RA!”
“FFFFF-”
The basement was empty by the time I reached it that evening. I paced around, reminising memories. While I was away, Orion and I'd escape to here and just live like nothing dangerous was going on. In the far corner, we'd sit and talk for hours on end, about nonsense. Under the torches, we'd create new spells. Under the stairs, we'd sleep and . . . and he was my first everything. My first love, my first boyfriend, my first kiss, and my only sex partner. Cadmar gave off a muffled scream of rage and disgust. He found himself unable to move anything in his body, thus his efforts to claw his eyes out were impossible.
“We’ve got to get him out of there.” Miah got a crafty look. “Maybe if we grab a canon character, force them them to fix it with one of those spells like Hermione used on Harry’s glasses, and then neuralyzed them?”
“That...that could work. We have to be careful though, she’s dangerous.” Maria extended a hand to Mark. “Bleeprin please? This is one big train wreck.”
Cadmar, now having a slightly glazed look in is eyes, attempted to teach Harry occlumency, in the timeframe of a few hours, which passed over the area in a surprise time shift.
“Re-thinking my offer, Miah?” Maria asked from where she was pinned underneath Miah. “It might be too late, I am sort of seeing someone.”
“Definitely not, but I’m glad you’ve found someone. Mark, if you would please get off my feet?”
“Sorry.”
I apparated home and collapsed on my bed, starving, but let sleep take me. I dreamt of the battle and I knew it was a vision. Hogwarts. The walls were crumbling. The sky was dark. "Ginny!" someone shouted and a red head girl landed at my feet. Ginerva Weasley. A crazed cackle sounded from the shadows.
Ginerva Weasley scuttled out from the bed and crawled up Miah’s legs and onto her back.
“Friendly monster, aren’t you? Eh, you probably just know that I always carry bacon.” Miah offered the mini-Aragog a slice of bacon. “You’re not planning on staying up there the rest of the mission are you? You’re a bit heavier than the mini-LEOs I’m used to carrying around.”
I woke with a start to an annoying beeping sound. My necklace glew red. Someone died. The metal was hot and I knew it was more than one. I leapt up and crept down the stairs quietly. I could hear spells being shout in the distance. The beeping was the fire alarm. I reached the foyer to see my girls in battle with cloaked figures.
"Avada Kedavra!" I shouted. A cloak figured fell dead. One by one, I lost my girls to them. It was only Cindy, Aurora, Bella, and I left. I couldn't see Jazmine anywhere. Summoning up my courage, I shot a Death Spell at the three remaining Death Eaters. They fell instantly, but my power was drained.
“It appears our problem with the OCs is mostly handled,” Mark said dryly, “and another uncanon spell, an area of effect killing curse. I would rather not alert her to our presence, even if it takes a little longer to rescue Cadmar. It will do him no good if we are dead.”
“Yeah...” Maria started digging through the pack again. “We have to have something in here for the Dummy.”
“Chewing gum?” Miah pulled a handful of the stuff from one of her pockets.
“We’ll need more then this, but it helps. Thanks.”
Once the twelve girls were buried in the cemetary nearby, I grabbed the remaining girls hands and apparated to the basement. They landed roughly and I saw a wand pointed at me. I limped to the figure.
"It's just me and my girls. We envoke no harm," I grimmaced as I waved my wand and my twisted ankle from landed wong on my apparation healed. "Sorry I'm late."
"You look terrible! What happened?" Granger gasped.
"You sure know how to make a girl feel better," I laughed lightly. "My home was attacked by Death Eaters. Jazmine's missing, but we are the only ones that survived. Let's get started, shall we?"
“Real caring, isn’t she? I don’t know about you, but I wasn’t laughing lightly within minutes of my family dying.” Miah pulled her tranq gun from its holster and eyed Cadmar.
“You lost your family?” Maria asked with apprehension, wondering if she would have to steal the gun so as to avoid an incident.
Miah blinked. She stared at Maria for a second, and then said, “I meant I wouldn’t be laughing within minutes of my family dying.” She turned back to staring at Cadmar, but she holstered her gun.
“Ah. Well, I think using your gun might help, but let’s wait until Cadmar isn’t possessed okay? I hear tranquilizers take longer to work the bigger the person, and having someone able to toss mass killing curses around is not something I want to face.” Maria pulled a lighter out of the pack, “Maybe I can melt the cuts together for a quick fix?”
“We’re going to have to wait til the last second aren’t we? Whatever we come up with at this point isn’t likely to hold up for long,” Miah said. Her expression brightened for a moment. “I’ve got zat guns in there.”
“Zats are not in Harry Potter, they are alien technology. With the tranquilizer, you can at least claim it would be possible in the Muggle world.” Mark said. “Disabling her will be much simpler now that she only has three OCs left.”
“You’re right. The Flowers were really not happy when we zatted the Fellowship.”
I blinked at Ron. "Probably not. A big head like you, full of nothing, gives you very little brain capacity to even hold a single spell book, let alone one for each of your years." I smiled kindly. "I suggest you start now. Perhaps you'll learn the concept of it by the battle, if that."
Hermione giggled, but her hand flew to her face to hide her betrayal. Harry was staring at me like I was Tom myself.
"I said practice!" I sang, walking up the stairs.
Maria growled as she was fusing two sides of a tear together. “Again! With the blase attitude to people dying! She’s kinda tripping the Sociopath-o-meter, like, a lot.”
“You guys are starting to scare me a bit about Cadmar. Why would the Sue pick him instead of the available girl?”
“Well, gender isn’t usually the biggest concern for Author Wraith right? It’s usually something about the person. I heard about this Orken guy in Sci-Fi who was possessed by a Goa’uld just because he used to be something like a Goa’uld.” Maria clicked the lighter a few times, “Damn, out of fuel.”
“Nice deflection there. I have some matches in here. How many more tears are left?”
As the agents talked, Cadmar walked back downstairs and began the lessons again, after being introduced to Fred and George.
Cadmar actually laughed, "I'm looking forward to seeing if you're as talented as your jokes lead on. Now, Twin 1, which is you," he pointed at George. "Shoe me what you know nonverbally. I'll tell you a spell and you perform it on me."
He stepped forward, an easy and cheesy grin on his face, "Which ones, beautiful?"
"Cocky, I like it," Cadmar winked. He rolled his eyes and straightened. "Expecto Patronum."
He laughed, actually laughed. Some nerve. He swished his wand expertly and a spark of light sprouted off the end of his oak wand. A donkey pranced up to me and bowed.
“Well, I don’t remember THAT being canon, but it kinda fits.” Maria pulled out some magazines of ammo from the pack, “Geez, does he expect to have to kill people at any second?” she grumbled under her breath. “Um, seven...I think.”
Miah rattled the match box. “I don’t think this is enough matches.”
Next appearance: Dragon Lady, part 2