K is for Cabal
Cali and Miah stop a history rewriting Rebellious!Sue in K is for Cabal.
Note: There are a few jokes and words that are less work safe than my Miah and Cali missions usually are. This is still under PG-13, but I thought I'd warn you.
Previous appearance: NCIS Mini Adoption Center
Disclaimer: The PPC was created by Jay and Acacia, the original Assassins. WolfSister belongs to CrazyYassenGregorovichFangirl who will kindly keep it. Thanks to the folks in the IRC for jokes and general assistance. The text below is a review in narrative form and also contains elements of parody/satire.
Beta: RosieAzrael and Caddy-shack
"Sanctuary?" Miah asked incredulously. "That’s a canon?"
Cali had already gotten his armor in place, and was hovering over Miah as she decided what to pack. "Only the best canon ever! Where else can you see Nikola Tesla portrayed as a nearly invincible, lightening bolt producing, half-vampire? And watch theSherlock Holmes banter with the actual Jack the Ripper!"
"So this is set in Victorian times?" Miah started to put back some of her more modern equipment.
"No, no no! It’s set roughly current World One time. They even make use of Internet memes."
Miah stopped packing. "Okay, now I know this canon makes no sense. Give me a straight, simple answer or I’m going to give Ronan bacon and chocolate before I step through the portal."
"You wouldn’t!"
"I would, and you know I would, so start talking."
"Okay, okay. Sanctuary is a fun program aired on SyFy--you do know I still hate that name change, right?"
Miah nodded, and motioned for Cali to get on with it.
"Anyway, it is a science fiction show, but it runs on pure Handwavium. Most of the time, they don’t even try to hide the hand waving behind techno-babble--or at least not a lot of techno-babble. The main character is Helen Magnus. She is one hundred and fifty-seven years old. The show hasn’t placed her father as a Victorian character yet, but I think he could have been the basis for Dr. Frankenstein. He catalogued and protected various species of, well, monsters, basically. He called them Abnormals." He paused to see if Miah was keeping up. She nodded.
"Helen Magnus and four others injected themselves with pure vampire blood. This caused them to develop various powers based on things that had been dormant in their DNA. Magnus seems to be unaging. After her father wandered off--not died--he seems to be unaging, too, she took over his work of rescuing Abnormals from people and people from Abnormals. It’s a world wide system of facilities now called the Sanctuary Network."
Cali paused to take a deep breath, and started to continue, but Miah raised her hand to stop him. "So basically whatever we want to take with us, and no need for disguises."
"Well," Cali glanced over the fic again. "I think most, if not all, of this fic is set in locations surrounded by people who don’t know about Abnormals. We’re going to have to be pretty sneaky, actually."
Miah made a final adjustment to her pack, while Cali set the disguises. She surveyed the two groups of minis huddled in opposite corners. Hauk-Tauri and Lt. Col. Samantha Cater were snuggling in the nest that the female mini-Unas had insisted on building. It didn’t look like Hauk-Tauri was complaining about the situation. Ronan sat nearby on top of Miah’s laundry pile. He seemed to be planning a route to the chocolate bar stash on the top shelf. She was sure the NCIS minis and Castor’s conference was to plot some method of annoying DoSAT.
"Alright listen up you lot. When I get back, I don’t want to see any disassembled equipment." Castor twitched his tail and Magee stuck his tongue out at her, but the mini-marines saluted. She turned to Ronan. "He’s been pretty mellow lately," she said, pointing to Cali. "No messes on his side of the RC, alright?" The mini nodded solemnly. Miah was pretty sure this hadn’t actually changed his plans.
Cali said loudly from the fic side of an open portal, "You coming?"
Miah nodded to the mini-Unas, and dashed through the portal, and ran right into a Wall of Text.
Walking down a road in Old City, there was a fifteen-year-old girl. For the most part, she looked like any other teenager walking home from school. For the most part. Her messy, dark brown hair flew back and forth across her back as she looked around, almost as if she were looking for the next person who would attack her. Which, of course, she was. Her name was Tala Wolcott. She had just turned fifteen a month before, on October 21st, right in between Friday the 13th and Halloween, a fact that quite amused Tala. She was tall for her age and had dark blue, almost violet, eyes. If one looked carefully, they would notice that Tala's right hand was constantly in and out of her jeans pocket. Not of course, that anyone did so much as give her a second glance as she walked.
Cali shook his head to clear it from the WoT. "You think she’s playing pocket pull?"
"With what?" The agents were on the opposite side of the street, and began walking slowly after Tala.
"Maybe there’s something she’s not telling us?" Cali said lamely.
"I’d give that a two point three," Miah said.
"Two point three? That’s it? Not even any points for effort?" They stopped at a convenient bus stop across from Burney BBQ Brothers where Tala had just entered.
"That was giving points for effort. The joke just fell flat, dude. It wasn’t even in good taste."
Cali activated his spy microphone and pointed it toward the restaurant. Luckily the door was propped open, and they could hear the conversation, such as it was.
"Could this get any more insipid?" Miah said after several minutes of inanities.
"She can’t hum, that’s for sure," Cali said putting away the microphone. "Heh. Look at the words, she’s such the little rebel."
Humming along, she drew a paper and a pencil out of her large tye-dyed shoulder bag, thinking about all manner of things that normal teenagers seldom think about. Turning the paper right-side up, Tala began working on a half finished drawing. The drawing depicted an angel in a forest, standing next to a wolf.
"Because teenagers never doodle animals, uh huh."
The Sue packed her things and left. Cali stood and stretched, "Let’s--"
An author’s note suddenly boomed around them. None of it seemed particularly relevant, so they both covered their ears and waited for it to end. There was a brief pause. The kind that a less experienced agent would take to mean that the noise of author’s notes had ended. Miah and Cali kept their ears covered.
I JUST GOT BACK FROM SNOW CAMP! WOOT!
The action of the fic resumed with Tala suddenly standing outside the food joint fiddling with her i-pod, which had melded with her hand after the fic stated she was ‘absorbed in her iPod’. Miah and Cali prepared to resume following her when a black car--the first vehicle they had seen--appeared and drove at walking pace behind the Sue. Miah crouched behind a mail box and motioned Cali to join her, so they could watch.
Tala Sue calmly put away her iPod, and put her hand back into the pocket she had been fiddling with earlier.
Scowling at the lack of people nearby, Tala nonchalantly glanced behind her, and scowled more.
Oh, CRAP IT! I'm being stalked by two dudes with muscles as big as my face and a car, and all I've got is my legs and a Swiss Army Knife! CRAP!
Miah almost fell over silently laughing. Cali caught her and managed to keep her concealed behind the mail box, though he was also struggling to not double over with laughter.
"Those-those m-m-muscles!" Miah managed to splutter.
"Oh, CRAP IT! hahahahaha. No, no we’re we’re going to m-miss something."
"Okay, heheheh, okay." Miah stopped leaning on Cali and wiped her eyes. "Something tells me this is going to be a lot of fun. Do you have the list?"
"Yeah. Did we miss anything?"
"It doesn’t look like it. She stood there for a minute thinking about it before anything else happened. I call dibs on the hammerspace Swiss Army Knife."
"What?" Cali asked.
Tala slid the big knife out and got a death grip on the handle,
"That," Miah said pointing at the words and then at Tala who was holding a knife with a blade at least eight inches long. "It’s stated to be a Swiss Army Knife. Then it’s called a big knife. The biggest Swiss Army Knives only have a four and half inch blade, and those certainly aren’t the most common type. Also, you can’t "slide" out the blade on those knives. They fold--so dibs--it’s mine."
"Hm-mm," Cali mumbled, clearly having been only half-listening to Miah’s rant on knives. "I’m charging her for using the word “freaked-outdom".
Miah rolled her eyes at being ignored. "Sure."
"Of course. The description we got from the boss said a tall teenage chick with brown hair, who's a fan of barbeque. And here we are, a tall teenage chick with brown hair, comin' outta a barbeque joint."
"Yeah, but how do we know this is the werewolf kid? That description was pret-ty vague, and she's prolly noticed us by now."
"Okay, I’ve got a few problems with that," Miah said.
"Charging for use of Generic Thug dialog and misspelling barbecue," Cali said as he scribbled in his notepad.
This really scared Tala. Gyahh! How do they know I'm half werewolf? And who the crap is 'the boss'? ! She started walking quicket,
"Quicket? Is that like a fast game of cricket?" Miah asked.
Cali smirked. "No, she’s hopping like a fast cricket. Also, there is no such thing as a half-werewolf in this verse. It’s genetic. You either are one or you’re not."
Miah saw that canon had decided to take Cali’s interpretation. Tala was on all fours hopping away from the two thugs. When one of the thugs got out of the car, and approached her a small brown deer with what looked like small fangs appeared next to her. It was wearing a do-bok with a bleen belt.
"Where did the vampire deer come from?" Cali asked.
"You’re the one who knows canon. I thought you’d know," Miah said. The thug grabbed Tala’s shoulder. She gave the best horror-movie scream she could muster, and sharply running her left heel up his lower leg, catching the poor guy right underneath his kneecap, and slashing his right hand with her knife at the same time.
Cali made note of the poor word choices, Ing Disease, and the human pretzel impression caused by the description of the fight. Then he added a charge for the fight taking place right outside the door of the BBQ place, yet no one noticing. He glanced at Miah and saw that she had the slightly vacant look she got when reading the words carefully.
Tala began to run away from the the thugs, and Cali was about to shake her so they could follow when she said, "That thing is a Tae-Quon-Doe. It must be some kind of deer, and Taekwondo originates from South Korea, so that must be a Korean Water Deer. I had forgotten that they have fangs."
"Come on, she’s getting away!" Cali shouted.
"You go on, I’ll catch the Tae-Quon-Doe," Miah said as she rummaged in her pack for rope. Cali started to suggest that they work together on catching the deer, but Miah shooed him toward the plothole the Sue had just used to escape the thugs. He sighed and left his partner to catch up with the RA.
He found himself in a pasture full of grazing cattle. He knew logically that they weren’t likely to attack him, but he’d never seen cows in real life and these things were big. He took out his zat just in case.
Tala was still standing not too far away. She seemed to be completely occupied with talking very seriously to the nearest cow. He checked the words and found that she was 'Coming out in a feild' complete with bad spelling. When you are being pursued by bad guys is not usually the opportune time to practice your coming out speech, but hey, it’s not like she was going to allow them to find her until the moment she chose anyway.
When she finished her rather angtsy teenaged speech, she began walking along a stream that appeared only after she mentioned its presence. After walking a couple of miles through pastures and woods, she paused outside a rather nice upper middle class sized house. Cali hoped that canon would be able to snap the terrain back to normal after they killed Tala, otherwise they’d have to call DoGA in to deal with all this farmland in the middle of a city place roughly equivalent in size to New York City.
He was beginning to get a bit worried about Miah. It had taken them most of an hour to make it to this house and then wait for the Sue to decide she was calm enough to go inside. She described her entire adoptive family as being snobs and socialites with bright blue eyes and wavy blonde hair, and then as she walked up the stairs to her room she said, 'While her sisters rode the retard train of mainstream 'music' with glee, she sat on her bed writing short stories and drawing pictures based on songs by such oh-so-well-known bands as Evanescence, Within Temptation and Cruxshadows.'
"Wow, what a way to treat your family, and just so you know, those bands don’t earn you nearly the street cred you think they do, Miss Sue," Cali said to no one in particular.
He climbed the tree outside Tala’s room, so he could see inside. Her room had band posters and fingerpaint pictures all over the blue and grey walls. He checked the words and saw that the other family member’s rooms had all been described with a mental sneer as being far too mainstream. He was so caught up in reading the words that he was startled when a large dog, which was seemed strangely familiar, put it’s front paws on the window sill and stared him. He checked the words again and found that it was a Husky/English mastiff mix named...oh no. No. That just wasn’t right. The dog was named Amy Lee after the lead singer of Evanescence.
"Poor doggy. You’re way too big to just be cooped up in here all the time." Cali pulled a meat flavored rawhide treat from a pocket and offered it to the dog through the open window. She took it happily and retreated to her bed in the corner to chew on it. Cali was glad that the mini-Unas liked to have something to exercise their teeth on occasionally.
Just then Tala finally made it through the cataloguing of everyone else’s rooms and entered her own. She ignored the dog, and opened her laptop at her desk. Cali used his monocular to better be able to read over her shoulder. She had only surfed for about five minutes before she found 'FaceFind; use descriptions to find the people you're looking for! .'
What proceeded was the best--or worst--example of "Quick! To The Internet!" that Cali had ever seen. Within moments Tala had brought up a list of the thug’s name--Consuelo Udinesi, his criminal history, association with the Cabal, and history of tracking down Abnormals.
Cali added charges for the Italian man having a Spanish woman’s first name. Then the much bigger charges of finding anything at all about the Cabal online. The group was so sneaky and vindictive that the Sanctuary Network barely had any information about them, yet this kid only had to Google it?
Oh wait, he was wrong. She didn’t Google it. She had to go 'to a more... obscure search engine. WeirdInfo, the greatest search engine on earth when you needed something on a little-known subject.'
She then described the Cabal as as a terrorist organisation full of mad scientists.. Okay, well, he couldn’t really argue with that description of them, but then she went on. ' They had been formed a century earlier and had a goal to eradicate what they called abnormals. '
What? He could kill her now, right? She only completely rewrote the history of the Cabal--that had to be worth killing her. Before Cali could make up his mind he caught sight of the words, and saw:
Reading further, it suddenly hit Tala. Holy... these crazies are a way more hard-core version of the Ku Klux Klan! I'm being targeted by a hard-core version of the frickin' KKK! FRICK IT!
Cali jerked backwards so hard that he fell out of the tree. He had hooked one leg in the fork of the branch he’d been sitting on, so one shin and ankle bruising jerk later he had avoided landing head first and breaking his neck. He was just hanging upside down by one leg.
...And there was a...something below him. It was about the size of a medium dog, but didn’t move like a dog. Weird pig-like noises were coming from it, and it seemed to be trailing something.
Of all times for The Duty to force him to look at the words this had to be the worst he could remember. He noted that he needed to charge for her partially stealing Henry’s back story of a murdered werewolf family, and for more geography compression of making werewolf suitable wilderness next to city streets.
A totally and completely manly yell escaped his mouth when the creature leapt at him. It missed him by a few inches. He got the impression of tusks and floppy ears. Before he could try anything to get out of his predicament, the author’s note boomed around him indicating the end of another chapter. The creature squealed in apparent terror and ran away. Cali heaved a sigh of relief. Then another Author’s Note preceded the start of the next chapter.
He was just resigning himself to the fact that he was not actually capable of doing an upside down sit up, and starting to get rather dizzy, when he heard, "How did you manage that?"
"Miah? Am I ever glad to hear you. Think you could climb up there and help me up?"
"...Maybe."
"You’re going to hold this over me for a long time, aren’t you?"
"No. Well, yes, probably, but--oh, just give me a minute. Can you let go of the branch with your foot?"
"If I wanted to fall on my head I could."
"Trust me."
Cali was about to argue when he saw a portal open underneath him. He pushed with his other foot and worked the stuck one loose. "This better not open over a--" He fell through the portal. "bush. Ugh! Miah! Seriously? A whole yard full of grass and you land me in the hedge that has sharp, pointy leaves?"
"Oops. I thought it was in front of the hedge."
"I think you need glasses." Cali paused, taking a good look at Miah. "What the smeg happened to you?"
Miah was dirty, scratched, and had bruises forming on her arms. She paused for a moment, and then said, "Nothing."
Cali rolled out of the bush and onto his feet. "A nothing named Tae-Quon-Doe, may--. How weird." He took a small step and fell flat on his face.
"Cali!" Miah rolled him over, and was relieved to see his chest rising and falling steadily. After a few moments he started to wake up.
Once he seemed to have his eyes re-focused, he was about to say something, but Miah beat him to it. She punched him on the arm. "You idiot! You scared me half to death."
"Ow! Why am I on the ground? I felt so weird."
"You fainted from too many sudden shifts."
"Ow." He said again, rubbing his eyes.
"Are you hurt?"
"No. I just saw the words for the conversation Tala had with her mom."
Miah punched him on the shoulder again, and then read the words for herself. 'black combat boots, dark ripped jeans, Evanescence t-shirt, and black trench coat, and navy blue Fedora? She certainly doesn’t win any style points, although we should grab that hat for Agent Zee.'
"Agreed. Did you notice that the spellchecker seems to have died between this chapter and the last one? She had ‘bood’ on her hand that she ‘forgot to wope off’. She was, also horribly rude to her mother."
"Of course she was. She has to prove how much of a rebel she is. We have almost three hours until those ‘total snobs’ the Ritchardsons arrive. What would you say to getting a bite to eat and playing a round of cards?" Miah said.
Cali sat up cautiously. "Sounds good to me. Uh, Miah. What did you do with that Tae-Quon-Doe?"
"I hit it with a Wraith stunner. It should be out for a few more hours, and a hell of a lot less coordinated for a while after that. How’s your leg?"
"Sore, but I can make it through the rest of the mission as long as we don’t have to chase Her Heinous through any more pastures."
"Heinous, heh." Miah chuckled as she took night vision goggles from her pack. They made themselves comfortable in a dark corner of the yard, and waited until the Ritchardsons arrived. Just when the head lights turned into the driveway, Cali heard a familiar droning grunt noise.
Miah had frozen in place. "Do you hear that, Cali?"
"I thought it had ran away."
"What is it?" The noise came closer. Now they could hear footsteps shuffling along with it.
"I don’t know. I was up in the tree, The Sue was researching the Cabal online. She called them the ‘hard-core version of the frickin' KKK!’. I fell out of the tree, and then that monster started making racket."
"Cali did you--" It was Miah’s turn to emit a sound that was totally not a shriek, which quickly turned into sounds of mock disgust as she was licked all over by a tail wagging, flop-eared monster.
"Did I read the words closely enough to notice a mini? Uh, no. That would have to be a definite no. I’ll look back to see if I can find his name."
"Do you know what he is? Besides cute, of course." The little monster was now so excited that it was wriggling all over.
Cali took a good look at it. It’s limbs were somewhat splayed to the sides, but powerful. Each ended with heavy claws. It had large tusks, furless skin, a long thick tail, and large bony ridges on its back. "That is a mini-Stenopelhabbilis," he said after a few moments.
"Stenowhossit?"
"They called it a Steno pretty often on the show, so that should be a valid nickname. The Ritchardsons are inside now. You read this conversation, and I’ll try to find your friend’s name."
Miah began reading, but after only a few seconds she excitedly patted Cali on the shoulder. "Cali, she just said she was listening to Lifehose on her iPod. Do you have any idea what I’m picturing when she says that?"
Cali blushed. "I do, and I also think you are disgusting. I’m going back to looking for the mini-Steno’s name."
"You’re no fun anymore. Holy! OHGODWHYISSHEPUTTING ITINHERPANTS?!"
"What!" Cali looked at the words. "She meant her trench coat."
"Oh. You’re sure?" Cali nodded. "Oh, okay then, back to work."
Cali shook his head. Miah kept glancing at him and snickering. He finally found the mini-Steno’s name, and was about to share it, but Miah started talking first.
"She misspells thirteen words, which really is 'annoyong', and 'fiveteen' really does sound more like the age she is acting than fifteen. She meets Daniel. He is a boy version of herself. There is sarcasm and rudeness. Oh, this is worth mentioning. They said this after their parents asked them to behave."
"George Washington didn't 'join normal society', and now he's one of the great heroes of American history," Daniel said at the same time that Tala said, "Edgar Allen Poe wasn't all that usual himself, and now we're reading some of his stuff for English."
"Gag. Could it get anymore, ‘I am so privileged that it makes me miserable’? I honestly don’t think they could try any harder to force the ‘I am a REBEL’ message down our throats. It’s. It’s Gah!" Cali stuttered to a stop, apparently too incensed to speak.
"Uh, Cali?"
"His name is abnormals. That is supposed to always be capitalized."
"Do you want to tal--"
"No."
"Are you s--"
"No."
"Oookay. Well, Tala and Daniel went up to her room, and bonded over how much they hate their families, love big dogs--which all ‘snobs’ totally hate. They Talk more about Poe, try to gain street cred through their "underground" bands, like Evanescence. Bitch at their parents when the parents don’t like two teens in a room alone. Nothing of real notice."
"The only thing worth noting in the next week is that she meets Daniel’s friend, 'Nathaniel, goes by Nate, Alex, and David. '. Let’s portal to the point where I get to kill her," Cali said.
Miah was concerned about this sudden Beserk Button she’d found in her normally level-headed and cheerful partner, but she opened the portal to just outside the cafeteria doors a week later.
She knew excactly who they were, even though their faces were covered by oh-so-original ski masks. She hoped against hope that she was wrong, or that this was some sort of nightmare, until one of them spoke up. "NOBODY MOVE!" the Cabal agent shouted, his accent indicating that he was Udinesi. "We don't want any trouble, but if anyone calls 9-1-1, they're dead!" he continued.
Cali calmly took out his pistol and re-checked the chamber.
"Whaddyou want Wolcott for?" Another idiot asked.
"Ahh, the great question. We want Wolcott because it's our job to kill Werewolves like her!" Udinesi said, officially irritating Tala.
Cali still didn’t say anything. He assumed a ready position just outside the arc of the door swing. Miah was becoming seriously worried now. She decided to use the zat to avoid killing any characters before they were charged if things went south.
"Wow, you guys are idiots," she said, standing up and striding a few meters away from the table. If they did shoot at her she didn't want them to hit one of her friends. "Crime rule number one: You don't tell a roomfull of two hundred people your messed up plan. Two: you don't answer questions, it's just giving the police more time to come. And three:" she smirked here, "you don't reveal the point of your whole organization, Udinesi."
"Did she just...?"
Cali nodded.
"And then she says more?"
He nodded again, never taking his eyes off the door.
Tala finished her berating of the two thugs and ran out the cafeteria door. 'Next thing she knew, she was staring down the barrel of a gun.'
She stopped with a rather confused look on her face. "You’re not saposed to be here. I was going to be resqued."
"Tala Wolcott, aka Mary Sue. We are agents with the Protectors of the Plot Continuum. We are here to charge you with crimes against fanfiction, in particular the Sanctuary canon. Do you have any bloody idea how much you have messed up the Cabal? They began in AD 700! Let me spell that out for you, because I seriously doubt you are capable of doing the math. You erased 1200 years of their history! The one hundred years that you left, were warped beyond recognition. The Cabal wants to take over the world--in as sneaky and subtle ways as possible. They own banks, corporations, even governments. They have labs all over the world--for research into methods of exploiting Abnormals--not wiping them out. They are NOT the 'hardcore version of the KKK'!"
The door burst open again and the two thugs pushed through it. They each had a hostage. One was holding Daniel and the other Nathaniel, goes by Nate, Alex and David. Miah promptly zatted them.
"I know Tae-Quon-Doe! I’m going to beat you up! You can’t stope me from loving Henry!"
"If you don’t shut up, I’m going to let the Tae-Quon-Doe kick your ass." Miah said as she pointed at the deer which had been hog tied, but was now clearly wide awake and unhappy with her situation.
"What is that thing?" wailed Tala.
"That is something your poor spelling created,” Miah said. “The spelling is Taekwondo. Not Tae-Quon-Doe. Abnormals is supposed to be capitalized. You created the mini-Stenopelhabbilis, abnormals. You abused the English language with poor punctuation, walls of text, and numerous unfortunate spelling errors. You caused two men to have muscles the size of your face plus the size of a car. You have created a hammerspace knife, which I’ll just take now, thank you." Miah roughly pushed Tala against the wall and patted her down. After the knife was safely in one of her pockets she said, "That’s another charge. You can’t have weapons on the grounds of a school."
Tala tried to say something, but Miah shoved her against the wall, "You don’t get to speak right now. You’ll get your chance after we’re through charging you. You used a female Spanish first name for your male Italian thug. You wrote the bad guys who appeared in this story as complete morons. If they were this stupid how did they elude the police of two countries?"
"Well, I didn’t think--" Miah shoved her again, and was about to say more when Cali began speaking. Miah shrugged and took the Fedora from Tala’s head.
"You tried to shove the fact that you are so rebellious down our throats. Like the man said in Overboard ‘You’re so goddamn bored you’ve got to invent something to bitch about.’ Just so you know, this whole outfit you’ve got going here. You don’t look like a rebel. You look ridiculous. Those bands you kept name-dropping all through this mess? They don’t impress me with their indie nature. In fact, Evanescence, your favorite band, is pretty much mainstream. You used Quick! To The Internet! to find information that never would have been available online. After you stole Henry’s backstory, and violently lost your family, the Wolcott’s were kind enough to take you in, and you hate them for it. You disgust me, and you’re going to die."
"What!? Die? I can’t die! This is all about me!"
"Not anymore it’s not. You want to meet the Cabal?" Cali’s smile actually scared Miah a bit. "Then let’s go meet the Cabal."
"No! I’m a half-werewolf! I’ll kill whoever tries to kill me!"
Cali took the RA from Miah and opened a portal. "No you won’t. Half-werewolves don’t exist in Sanctuary. You either are a HAP or you’re not. Therefore you have no power to shift." With that Cali shoved Tala through the portal into a dark, foggy scene. She landed in front of a cave entrance. The Keepers of the Dead in their long black cloaks and hoods and bone masks came pouring out of the cave. In only a few moments, Tala was dead.
Miah shuddered. "Was that really nec--"
"Yes, yes it was," Cali said. He opened another portal and began shoving Daniel, Nathaniel going by Nate, Alex, and David, and the two thugs through it. He ran into the cafeteria
Miah picked up the Tae-Quon-Doe, and held it away from her body, as it was trying to bite her, and motioned for abnormals to follow behind her. She went through the portal to keep an eye on the bit characters, and found herself in the living room of the Wolcott home with the terrified Wolcott and Ritchardson families huddled around the two boys. The bits were all beginning to wake up from being zatted. Cali came through the portal, holding his neuralyzer. Miah quickly put her sunglasses on.
"I got the school. They’ve never heard of Tala Wolcott, and they were not attacked by idiotic thugs. Oy! You lot!" Everyone looked up at Cali. FLASH! "All right, Wolcotts. You never had a daughter or sister named Tala, or a dog named Amy Lee. You never saw anything unusual happen tonight. Ritchardsons, likewise, no Tala, no dog." At the mention of a dog, Miah remembered to fetch the dog from Tala’s room.
Cali continued, "Nathaniel, going by Nate, Alex, and David, your name is just Nathaniel. Your nickname is simply Nate. You’re spending the night with Daniel tonight. Daniel, I really thought about killing you, you little punk, but I’m not going to. You are going to turn over a new leaf. Respect your parents, sisters, teachers, and society in general. If you ever do find something worth fighting against, more power to you, but this crap you’ve got going is a waste of energy."
Miah came back down the stairs with the large dog. It went straight to Cali, snuffling his clothes for more treats. He smiled a much less creepy smile, and patted it. "You’re coming with me, puppy."
A loud creaking, groaning noise resounded through the house as it adjusted to never having had a bedroom for Tala.
"What about those two?" Miah asked pointing to the thugs.
"Hmm. How about this? You two are not low intelligence crooks who speak in Generic Thug. Go find yourselves respectable, legal employment."
He opened a portal to the city, and the two wandered through it, still dazed. Miah collected their weapons, and Cali adjusted the portal to go to their RC. Just before they went through they heard a whoosh and a huge snap. They looked out the window and saw that the pasture and farmland had been replaced by a well populated suburb, with the large city buildings silhouetted against the skyline. Cali nodded and led Amy Lee through the portal.
Miah picked up the Tae-Quon-Doe and made sure abnormals was still following her, and followed Cali back to The Lair. She placed the deer in the bathroom and locked the door. Castor and the NCIS minis were not in the main room. Suspicious flashes of light showed under Cali’s door at random intervals. She shook her head. They’d deal with whatever experiment their mad science crew had conducted later.
Ronan had barricaded himself into the cabinet under Miah’s hammock, which meant that he had been successful in his attempt to reach the chocolate stash. She heard abnormals’ weird drone under there, too.
Cali was sitting in the Console chair holding his head in his hands. She took a couple bleepbeers from the fridge and set one in front of Cali. "What’s up, partner?"
"Nothing," Cali said, his voice muffled by his hands.
"Look, I need to know if you’re going to be freaking out on me." Miah sat on the desk top in front of Cali.
"I-I can’t believe I did that. I didn’t even think."
"You did your duty. You killed the Sue and allowed canon to snap back into place. What was bothering you?"
"She reminded me of someone."
"So you flipped out? I’ve never even seen you mad before, Cali."
"There was this guy. He was a lot like her. Great home. Great family. Hated them all for being so great. I would have--. It doesn’t matter. I was...jealous. Things happened. I ended up here, and here is a lot better. End of story."
Miah went to her special cabinet. She pulled a bottle of vodka and a couple shot glasses out. She poured the drink and put the glass in Cali’s hand. "Think you could use something a bit stronger tonight. You ever feel like talking about it more, I’ll listen. Later we’ll take the deer to live with Alice. The mini we’ll figure out later. For now? It’s a good time to get shitfaced."
Next appearance: Mission 9: Russian Roulette With All Six Shots (part 1) (part 2)