feeling wasted.
I am turning 24 soon. hah, I can hardly believe it. my life has been a crazy ride... I feel like I've burned too many bridges. I yearn to be alone yet I cannot stop myself from being social. The truth is.. I am lost. I feel like I never had a home. I've always been a wanderer. I've been forced to adapt, change, and alter myself one way or the other all my life. I am quite certain of who I am and what I am capable of. But sometimes I can't choose who I really am. My diverse life experiences have given me many different perspectives and deeper insights about the world but I find no use of it. I'm utterly confused. And I don't know if I should care. I am tired. When I was younger, I've been through tougher situations but not even once have I ever felt this way.. I've always been able to find my courage to deal with things... I always had hope to move forward and fix things. The world to me was like a big playground with tons of ways to experiment and run awild in. Now that I cannot live such life of open-ended consequences, I feel so confined and caged. Perhaps I've been a child all along; perhaps I never grew up to be a man. All the dreams and aspirations I've had were just fantasies of a child after all. Maybe I never wanted anything but to play. Never wanted anything but to be home. Never wanted anything but someone to tell me that they love me. Perhaps I know nothing of life because I pretended as if I understood it all. I am turning 24 soon, and I truly feel that I have wasted all these years on hazy daydreams and empty confidence of the youth. Something must be done about this. I will not end up like him. It's time for me to put my ideals down the drain. And take a long hard look at the mirror. I have grown physically. But the beautiful person I once knew inside me I can no longer find. I see a monster. Totally grotesque and my face filled with shame and guilt.
You know you're better than this.
So get up, slap yourself in the face.
And go make it happen.
or let yourself be the garbage that you are now.
You know you're better than this.
So get up, slap yourself in the face.
And go make it happen.
or let yourself be the garbage that you are now.