Dysfunctional
It is no secret how dysfunctional my family is - in my perspective, at least. I also openly tell my friends how I feel about my parents.
Don't get me wrong, they've done their best to fulfill their parental duties. They tried to raise me well and fed me more than the usual three meals a day, they sent me to the finest schools even if they can hardly afford it, and made sure I graduated from medical school. Most kids would envy me. Living in a third world country where food and education is something most families still have to fight for - and even beg for from the government - I pretty much have an awesome life.
Except that the relationship I have with my family, especially with my parents, isn't a good one.
Let me talk about my dad on this one.
Growing up, I hardly saw my dad. He would hardly go home. Mom always said it was because of work, but logic and ideals kept telling me that if you love your family, you would always come home to them. Because we weren't given any money when we were younger, I would always check my dad's pockets, looking for coins at least. Every single time I would find large coins, with PAGCOR engraved on them.
I remember asking my grandmother what they were once, after I tried to buy chips from a store using those PAGCOR coins and the store owner refused. Grandma said they aren't for buying stuff. I was then forced to ask my mom (at the same time admit that I was stealing money from my dad), who told me that those are actually tokens used in the casino.
That's how I found out that my dad's a gambler.
Dad used to earn a lot. More than our family ever needed, really. He can earn millions in a week. I never saw my dad give my mom money for household expenses. Dad's in charge of paying for our tuition and the monthly bills, but more often than not, it was my mom who would pay for those, not my dad. I learned he usually spends all his money in the casino, along with the countless women (whores) he went out with.
Yes, my dad's a womanizer, too.
He isn't good-looking. With one blind eye and a balding head along with his dark complexion, my dad's far from being a head-turner. But his pockets looked too damn good for the ladies. I always asked my mom why she never argued with my dad regarding his unfaithfulness. She just says that it's part of his job, being a salesman, aside from the fact that she no longer wants to have any intimacy with him.
I tried my best to understand, to reason against reason that dad never left us anyway, unlike what I usually see on TV. He continued to do his financial responsibilities to us, no matter how unreliable he can be at times. He is a failure as a husband and as a father, but I never said anything.
I snapped when I found out he impregnated our maid.
He denied it was his. Until this very day he refused to admit that he's the father of our former maid's child who looks so much like him and was named after him. I yelled and screamed at him, expressed all the anger I felt all those years.
I told him I hate him.
I still do.
Time didn't heal the wounds. In fact, it made it worse. I found out that my dad has other kids from whores, although like the previous one, he denied being their father.
Just a couple of years ago, I found out that my father has three kids with a whore from Payatas. What added insult to injury is that they are all using his surname. They also happen to be close to my age, which means that my dad was never faithful to my mother.
During his last campaign as a barangay councilor, he said there's nothing wrong about being a womanizer since it's a "guy thing". Yep, said by the man who has three female children.
I know people would just tell me "at least he didn't leave your mom" but I sure as hell wish my mom left him years ago. He does not deserve my mom. He does not deserve to bask in all the success my sisters and I have achieved. My mom and my sisters have done nothing but tolerate how bad of a family man he is, all for the sake of staying together and making people believe we're okay.
Nobody has an inkling of an idea how much I wish my grandparents would rise from the dead and torment him every single day for hurting us, especially my mother.
Don't get me wrong, they've done their best to fulfill their parental duties. They tried to raise me well and fed me more than the usual three meals a day, they sent me to the finest schools even if they can hardly afford it, and made sure I graduated from medical school. Most kids would envy me. Living in a third world country where food and education is something most families still have to fight for - and even beg for from the government - I pretty much have an awesome life.
Except that the relationship I have with my family, especially with my parents, isn't a good one.
Let me talk about my dad on this one.
Growing up, I hardly saw my dad. He would hardly go home. Mom always said it was because of work, but logic and ideals kept telling me that if you love your family, you would always come home to them. Because we weren't given any money when we were younger, I would always check my dad's pockets, looking for coins at least. Every single time I would find large coins, with PAGCOR engraved on them.
I remember asking my grandmother what they were once, after I tried to buy chips from a store using those PAGCOR coins and the store owner refused. Grandma said they aren't for buying stuff. I was then forced to ask my mom (at the same time admit that I was stealing money from my dad), who told me that those are actually tokens used in the casino.
That's how I found out that my dad's a gambler.
Dad used to earn a lot. More than our family ever needed, really. He can earn millions in a week. I never saw my dad give my mom money for household expenses. Dad's in charge of paying for our tuition and the monthly bills, but more often than not, it was my mom who would pay for those, not my dad. I learned he usually spends all his money in the casino, along with the countless women (whores) he went out with.
Yes, my dad's a womanizer, too.
He isn't good-looking. With one blind eye and a balding head along with his dark complexion, my dad's far from being a head-turner. But his pockets looked too damn good for the ladies. I always asked my mom why she never argued with my dad regarding his unfaithfulness. She just says that it's part of his job, being a salesman, aside from the fact that she no longer wants to have any intimacy with him.
I tried my best to understand, to reason against reason that dad never left us anyway, unlike what I usually see on TV. He continued to do his financial responsibilities to us, no matter how unreliable he can be at times. He is a failure as a husband and as a father, but I never said anything.
I snapped when I found out he impregnated our maid.
He denied it was his. Until this very day he refused to admit that he's the father of our former maid's child who looks so much like him and was named after him. I yelled and screamed at him, expressed all the anger I felt all those years.
I told him I hate him.
I still do.
Time didn't heal the wounds. In fact, it made it worse. I found out that my dad has other kids from whores, although like the previous one, he denied being their father.
Just a couple of years ago, I found out that my father has three kids with a whore from Payatas. What added insult to injury is that they are all using his surname. They also happen to be close to my age, which means that my dad was never faithful to my mother.
During his last campaign as a barangay councilor, he said there's nothing wrong about being a womanizer since it's a "guy thing". Yep, said by the man who has three female children.
I know people would just tell me "at least he didn't leave your mom" but I sure as hell wish my mom left him years ago. He does not deserve my mom. He does not deserve to bask in all the success my sisters and I have achieved. My mom and my sisters have done nothing but tolerate how bad of a family man he is, all for the sake of staying together and making people believe we're okay.
Nobody has an inkling of an idea how much I wish my grandparents would rise from the dead and torment him every single day for hurting us, especially my mother.