(no subject)
I feel like I always start out the fact that I never write here anymore. So I will skip over that fact and move on to random musings. Sober House on vh1 fucks me up. First off, the whole premise kinda pisses me off and yet I still want to watch it. I mean exploiting people during their most vulnerable times, regardless if they are getting paid, for entertainment is kind of disgusting. What's next paying people in psych wards so we can watch them for entertainment too and you better believe I would watch that show too. I know I am part of the problem. But anyway, that show also brings back some memories of a really confusing and disturbing time in my life that to this day has never even come close to being processed or resolved, probably never will unless I could get straight, honest answers. At this point though, I wouldn't really want to open up a can of worms by seeking out those answers, so I'll just have to learn to accept that things were what they were and that's that.
Secondly, last night Luke and I talked about how fucking scary getting married is. Now people who say they aren't scared of marriage are fucking liars. Marriage is a big deal and a huge commitment. But at the end of the day if you love someone and are willing to try your best to continue the relationship and make it work that's really what marriage is about. I don't want to look at it as a contract that forces me to be with someone forever, if years down the road shit changes. The fact is, looking realistically at marriage and the social context we are in, things are always changing and nothing is a guarantee or for sure, all we can do is live in the here and now and not worry about the future one way or another. To be honest I do want to get married because I love Luke, but if there weren't all the benefits that come along with signing that legal contract I would probably be fine with just having a commitment ceremony, celebrating our love.
Also, we were able to figure out a way for me to go to school. I start April 12th and will be completely done with both programs by Oct. 21st. Having something to fall back on and an easier way of getting a job is worth it. I am pretty nervous about it all, but I am hoping that I will do well and that I will really end up enjoying it.
Secondly, last night Luke and I talked about how fucking scary getting married is. Now people who say they aren't scared of marriage are fucking liars. Marriage is a big deal and a huge commitment. But at the end of the day if you love someone and are willing to try your best to continue the relationship and make it work that's really what marriage is about. I don't want to look at it as a contract that forces me to be with someone forever, if years down the road shit changes. The fact is, looking realistically at marriage and the social context we are in, things are always changing and nothing is a guarantee or for sure, all we can do is live in the here and now and not worry about the future one way or another. To be honest I do want to get married because I love Luke, but if there weren't all the benefits that come along with signing that legal contract I would probably be fine with just having a commitment ceremony, celebrating our love.
Also, we were able to figure out a way for me to go to school. I start April 12th and will be completely done with both programs by Oct. 21st. Having something to fall back on and an easier way of getting a job is worth it. I am pretty nervous about it all, but I am hoping that I will do well and that I will really end up enjoying it.