(no subject)
Lately, I've felt like a total dick.
There are a lot of reasons I've felt like a dick. Yesterday and today, I've had these horrific moments where I could barely keep my composure. Actually, I totally lost it last night, when I got home from work. The reality of my life has been sinking in a lot lot lot, and to be frank, if I don't stay busy, I find myself confused about how much longer I can keep doing anything. So much of it stems from having something to say to a number of people, and not having the foresight to acknowledge how much it might help me, or not having the balls to go ahead and say what I need to, fuck all if it ruins it. Then, in turns, I find myself with more drive to do everything I've ever wanted with little regard for how I get to the point of doing it. Both avenues of action are self-destructive, and the little beast in me likes it like that.
I am it's possession.
There are a lot of reasons I've felt like a dick. Yesterday and today, I've had these horrific moments where I could barely keep my composure. Actually, I totally lost it last night, when I got home from work. The reality of my life has been sinking in a lot lot lot, and to be frank, if I don't stay busy, I find myself confused about how much longer I can keep doing anything. So much of it stems from having something to say to a number of people, and not having the foresight to acknowledge how much it might help me, or not having the balls to go ahead and say what I need to, fuck all if it ruins it. Then, in turns, I find myself with more drive to do everything I've ever wanted with little regard for how I get to the point of doing it. Both avenues of action are self-destructive, and the little beast in me likes it like that.
I am it's possession.