when you get to the point when you can't stand still......
anymore, like if you don't move the weight of the world will just collapse on top of you. that is how i feel. like i need to run and run till i can't run anymore. my only problem is to where will i run? i just want to go away, where no one will know me or where i come from or who i am. so i can reinvent my life and who i am without someone telling me that i can't do that. i need something different in my life. i need peace, and really i need support.
i wish i had someone to run to. like now when everything sucks and i feel like i can't keep going, i wish i had someone to hold me up and tell me that everything is going to be ok. though they might not really know if it will or not, i would want them to lie to me about it.
i want to know that i'm not alone and that someone is there for me. to hold my hand when i'm having tough times. i want to know that someone cares. i know this might sound really stupid, and that i might look back and see this and think "man, i am such a girl" but right now i don't care. i know i'm not the only one that thinks about this. i just need to vent it i guess.
my dumbass, as soon as i realize that someone is getting close to me i find a way to push them away. instead of letting them hold me close i feel the need to hurt them so they wouldn't want to. but the thing is why do i do this? why do i sabotage what good things i do have? could it be a subconscious hate for myself? like i don't feel like i deserve for someone to love me? maybe....
i need to figure myself out before i can really let people in. i need to figure out who i am and what i really want. otherwise i won't ever let anybody close, and i will never get what i want. or maybe i'm just meant to be alone in life. if that be the case i hope that i can forget about having someone there to hold me. cause the thought alone pisses me off. as of right now i do wish to have someone hold me and help me up when i'm down. and i think i might have that if i stop pulling away.
maybe i should just let go and fall into someone's arms instead of trying to be strong and hold myself up? if that's the case i know the arms that i want to fall into. and i should go find them and let go. i'm just afraid of not being able to be on my own again if the time comes to it.
i think i'm going to run, be it to where it maybe. i'm just going to run till i'm tired and can run anymore. and if the world catches up with me so be it. let it crush me with all its weight. maybe then i might get some peace.
wish me luck......
i wish i had someone to run to. like now when everything sucks and i feel like i can't keep going, i wish i had someone to hold me up and tell me that everything is going to be ok. though they might not really know if it will or not, i would want them to lie to me about it.
i want to know that i'm not alone and that someone is there for me. to hold my hand when i'm having tough times. i want to know that someone cares. i know this might sound really stupid, and that i might look back and see this and think "man, i am such a girl" but right now i don't care. i know i'm not the only one that thinks about this. i just need to vent it i guess.
my dumbass, as soon as i realize that someone is getting close to me i find a way to push them away. instead of letting them hold me close i feel the need to hurt them so they wouldn't want to. but the thing is why do i do this? why do i sabotage what good things i do have? could it be a subconscious hate for myself? like i don't feel like i deserve for someone to love me? maybe....
i need to figure myself out before i can really let people in. i need to figure out who i am and what i really want. otherwise i won't ever let anybody close, and i will never get what i want. or maybe i'm just meant to be alone in life. if that be the case i hope that i can forget about having someone there to hold me. cause the thought alone pisses me off. as of right now i do wish to have someone hold me and help me up when i'm down. and i think i might have that if i stop pulling away.
maybe i should just let go and fall into someone's arms instead of trying to be strong and hold myself up? if that's the case i know the arms that i want to fall into. and i should go find them and let go. i'm just afraid of not being able to be on my own again if the time comes to it.
i think i'm going to run, be it to where it maybe. i'm just going to run till i'm tired and can run anymore. and if the world catches up with me so be it. let it crush me with all its weight. maybe then i might get some peace.
wish me luck......