Is Ex Talk the new Ex Talk?
Is Ex Talk the new Sex Talk?
We all have a past, this much is certain. My past calls me every year on my birthday at 7 o’clock in the morning, I love family. Others keep their past behind them. The past forms what we are circa now, so then why hide from it? Then again, sometimes the past should be kept at bay. The most common denominator between everyone is not Adam or Eve, it’s the EX. Does this ghost from the past have to haunt our future, and for that matter does it have to haunt our dates? Is Ex Talk the new Sex Talk?
Hopefully not. The Ex serves as a bar, we all know there was someone before us, but now it’s just us so why worry. The fact of the mater is that when you are on a date, the other person has decided to start fresh and they are doing so with you. The ghost may be apparent, the breakup may have been hard, but don’t blame a bad date on you, blame it on timing, situation, or fuck it, the food. Dates are basically an introductory course on you given by the person who should know you the best, YOU! Trust that we also need to open ourselves to our own flaws, but don’t hide them, put the dry martini out there, clear and sophisticated, save the Dirty martini for the bedroom. The best thing I could tell you is to stay away from the Ex factor, but what if your date opens those Ex-Files?
The importance of the situation is comfort, and respecting boundaries, the problem is sometimes you may be out with someone who doesn’t understand those. Your best bet is to come right out and tell the person you are with when you are uncomfortable. If they are mature, which is usually one out of 30 people you date, they will respect your honesty and move on to something that both of you can talk about. The chemistry does not have to be put on the back burner so that your date can make you their next best friend, instead of their next best fuck, or relationship, whatever.
It seems the Exes are back.
I have no issues with Exes, except when they are on my date. And then if the date does not go well and bullshit excuses are exchanged I wonder, do we learn from our pasts or do we hinder our future?
Because of a past relationship, having similar circumstances, does that mean that history will repeat itself? Same script, different actors, same review? I think we owe it to discovery and experimenting to allow ourselves to delve into something new even if we think we are revisiting it. Now obviously I don’t mean getting back into abusive patterns, but just because you were with a dancer for one year don’t write off all dancers. The most amazing relationships do not bloom from the roots of circumstance, they come from the roots of people, or common interest, sharing. Your past is not something that should use to write off any future you may have, rather it is there as a filler, something to share with someone else at appropriate times. One’s past puts certain walls up for one’s safety but the amazing thing about relationships is taking some of those walls down, personally or with the person you are involved with. The walls are not meant to come down on the first date, Ex Talk is one of those walls.
And sooner or later we meet our Exes, confront our ghosts, but hopefully when they come back into our lives, we have a new someone to build new walls with, and it never hurts if they are hot.