What is the most important decision you've made in your life, and why?
Angels do not have free will in the same way as humans do. But still, everything we do, or do not do, implies a choice of some sort.
When I was first Created I loved God. I saw that He was Good, that He was Love, and that He was Awesome (no, not in the atrocious sense young people seem to use this word in, but in the original, awe-inspiring sense). I suppose you could call it a choice. That I chose to do as He asked, that I chose to worship Him.
But really, there was never a question in my mind, never a thought of doing otherwise. Why should you not rejoice in His presence, when He is so wonderful, and His love is so great? Why should you not do what He wants, when all that He wants is good?
It wasn't until Heaven's favoured son, once so bright and awesome himself stood up and said otherwise that the concept even occured to me. It was ludicrous, I have to say, all of his argument was. But I couldn't help but wonder why he of all angels was saying this. There seemed no reason for him to suddenly think or say this- seemed no reason for him to lie, either. Lying was a foreign concept. And when he Fell, I couldn't understand why he went against God, nor could I understand why God had let him Fall.
I was confused then. But what God asked was good and right, even if I did not understand either him or the Morningstar. But I did as I was asked, took up arms against those who were my brothers and- for the first time- I fought.
I did not like it. They still looked much too much like us back then; still can if they choose to. But now the taint lies on them deep. And as much as it pained me, I saw what they were doing and I could not sit by.
Later you could say I chose to be His Voice, His messenger to the people. I was asked, and I agreed. At first I told them not to eat the fruit from the tree of knowledge. I told them of the wonders of His world. I sat with them, too, when they wanted just to talk.
It wasn't difficult until I told them I had to leave. Until I told them to sacrifice their sons. Until I told them to face down the Pharao. Until I told them - told him, God's son, that he was going to live a life of persecution and isolation, that he was going to preach a message of love, peace, acceptance and forgiveness and be kicked in the teeth for it. That he wasn't going to settle down and have a family- that the whole world was his family, and he was going to die painfully and horribly because of it.
Regardless of what some people might think, I didn't revel in it. Didn't just do it because He asked. Almost didn't do it at all, actually. There was... Well. I had a good long rant about that, I can tell you. Telling a poor little boy all that, watching him scream and cry and curse as well as he knew and beg... and you think I wouldn't ask questions?
But I knew, in the end, it was for the best. If there was a better way, He would have taken it. If I could have helped, He would have let me. But it was a human who ate the fruit, and a human who ate death. This was Jesus' task, and I had mine.
I chose to tell him, and help him as well as I could.
I don't think, though, that it's the decisions I was aware of that are most important. I chose not to follow Lucifer- keep choosing not to follow Lucifer, even though it breaks my heart in two to see him hurt. I choose to do what He asks of me as much as I can, as well as I can, even though sometimes I can't see why, and sometimes I don't quite manage it.
But more importantly, somewhere along the line, I chose to love, and not to hate. No. To love, and not just to live. To love Him, and to love people, which is why it hurts to do what I do sometimes, to make the other decisions. But I wouldn't give it up, no matter how much it stings. Because if I didn't love, I wouldn't be me.
When I was first Created I loved God. I saw that He was Good, that He was Love, and that He was Awesome (no, not in the atrocious sense young people seem to use this word in, but in the original, awe-inspiring sense). I suppose you could call it a choice. That I chose to do as He asked, that I chose to worship Him.
But really, there was never a question in my mind, never a thought of doing otherwise. Why should you not rejoice in His presence, when He is so wonderful, and His love is so great? Why should you not do what He wants, when all that He wants is good?
It wasn't until Heaven's favoured son, once so bright and awesome himself stood up and said otherwise that the concept even occured to me. It was ludicrous, I have to say, all of his argument was. But I couldn't help but wonder why he of all angels was saying this. There seemed no reason for him to suddenly think or say this- seemed no reason for him to lie, either. Lying was a foreign concept. And when he Fell, I couldn't understand why he went against God, nor could I understand why God had let him Fall.
I was confused then. But what God asked was good and right, even if I did not understand either him or the Morningstar. But I did as I was asked, took up arms against those who were my brothers and- for the first time- I fought.
I did not like it. They still looked much too much like us back then; still can if they choose to. But now the taint lies on them deep. And as much as it pained me, I saw what they were doing and I could not sit by.
Later you could say I chose to be His Voice, His messenger to the people. I was asked, and I agreed. At first I told them not to eat the fruit from the tree of knowledge. I told them of the wonders of His world. I sat with them, too, when they wanted just to talk.
It wasn't difficult until I told them I had to leave. Until I told them to sacrifice their sons. Until I told them to face down the Pharao. Until I told them - told him, God's son, that he was going to live a life of persecution and isolation, that he was going to preach a message of love, peace, acceptance and forgiveness and be kicked in the teeth for it. That he wasn't going to settle down and have a family- that the whole world was his family, and he was going to die painfully and horribly because of it.
Regardless of what some people might think, I didn't revel in it. Didn't just do it because He asked. Almost didn't do it at all, actually. There was... Well. I had a good long rant about that, I can tell you. Telling a poor little boy all that, watching him scream and cry and curse as well as he knew and beg... and you think I wouldn't ask questions?
But I knew, in the end, it was for the best. If there was a better way, He would have taken it. If I could have helped, He would have let me. But it was a human who ate the fruit, and a human who ate death. This was Jesus' task, and I had mine.
I chose to tell him, and help him as well as I could.
I don't think, though, that it's the decisions I was aware of that are most important. I chose not to follow Lucifer- keep choosing not to follow Lucifer, even though it breaks my heart in two to see him hurt. I choose to do what He asks of me as much as I can, as well as I can, even though sometimes I can't see why, and sometimes I don't quite manage it.
But more importantly, somewhere along the line, I chose to love, and not to hate. No. To love, and not just to live. To love Him, and to love people, which is why it hurts to do what I do sometimes, to make the other decisions. But I wouldn't give it up, no matter how much it stings. Because if I didn't love, I wouldn't be me.