By The Lakes (Some words when spoken, can't be taken back)
So essentially what happened is this:
We all finished the ride and went to the park by the lake to have a barbecue and drink til the small hours.
What happened was numerous games of drunken comedy, alphabet games and so on, until somehow we started playing spin the bottle.
I don't know why or how it got to this, but as it was just a stupid bit of amusement I didn't back out of it.
We played along as normal for a while, everyone too shy and embarrased to really do more than peck.
Eventually someone said we needed to kiss properly, and that from now on the first kiss should be lips, and after should be a proper open mouth kiss.
About 3 goes in I got her. And we kissed briefly, but with a slight sense that she didn't mind, despite the fact her long term boyfriend was in the goddamn circle.
About 2 spins later she and I came up again, the first people to come up twice since we changed the 'rules'.
We walked up to each other and kissed, right in front of Andy. But it wasn't a blank kiss that I expected, I couldn't say there for sure there was something in it but I felt something that I couldn't quite make out.
Bear in mind over the previous weeks I'd spend a good few hours post work chatting with her (walking home and going to the pub where we had a real in depth chat about deep stuff).
A few more random kisses happened, and then we kind of gave up the game.
What happened next was Andy got really pissed off... he didn't like seeing his beautiful girlfriend kiss someone else. He took some things and walked off to the hotel, she followed a few minutes later.
I didn't even realise I love her at this point, but I felt a flood of guilt. I'd caused an argument and really hurt them.
As it was dark I wandered off to a bench and stared at the sky wondering about what I'd done. People kept coming over and talking to me, so eventually I walked into the middle of the park and sat on the bench there, just contemplating what had happened and being genuinely scared that I had hurt her relationship.
When everyone came to leave, I was still sat there staring into space. They nearly left me.
I followed and just couldn't communicate. I pretty much auto-piloted my way back. People noticed and asked me what was wrong, I explained that I was scared I'd caused an argument. They were good about it but I was just too shaken.
When we got back everyone else went to bed. We were in a shared hostel room and I couldn't go in there. I went and sat by the doorway for about an hour worrying. Eventually James and Kelly came down and asked what was wrong. I explained and they said it would be ok... but I didn;t want to go.
I stayed for a while longer and eventually crept up scared into bed.
Jess told me it was ok, but I didn;t speak to her much for a while afterwards. I never worked out whether everything was ok, though Andy was ok. I think she said he just overreacted. Frankly considering how I feel about her now I think he underreacted, he should have seriously hurt me.
Why did she have to leave when I fell in love with her. Falling in love with someone who doesn't love you back is hard enough, for that person then to leave is unbearable.
So the letter I wrote the other day, I still mean it. I still love her unconditionally. I want so so much to tell her. It burns in my head, I wish I was strong enough and brave enough to tell her that she is so so beautiful and wonderful that when I think of her I can't think of anything else.
I'm sorry, I know it's bad, I know it might make me a bad person in some eyes but it's how I feel. I can't remember the last time I felt love so strongly.
We all finished the ride and went to the park by the lake to have a barbecue and drink til the small hours.
What happened was numerous games of drunken comedy, alphabet games and so on, until somehow we started playing spin the bottle.
I don't know why or how it got to this, but as it was just a stupid bit of amusement I didn't back out of it.
We played along as normal for a while, everyone too shy and embarrased to really do more than peck.
Eventually someone said we needed to kiss properly, and that from now on the first kiss should be lips, and after should be a proper open mouth kiss.
About 3 goes in I got her. And we kissed briefly, but with a slight sense that she didn't mind, despite the fact her long term boyfriend was in the goddamn circle.
About 2 spins later she and I came up again, the first people to come up twice since we changed the 'rules'.
We walked up to each other and kissed, right in front of Andy. But it wasn't a blank kiss that I expected, I couldn't say there for sure there was something in it but I felt something that I couldn't quite make out.
Bear in mind over the previous weeks I'd spend a good few hours post work chatting with her (walking home and going to the pub where we had a real in depth chat about deep stuff).
A few more random kisses happened, and then we kind of gave up the game.
What happened next was Andy got really pissed off... he didn't like seeing his beautiful girlfriend kiss someone else. He took some things and walked off to the hotel, she followed a few minutes later.
I didn't even realise I love her at this point, but I felt a flood of guilt. I'd caused an argument and really hurt them.
As it was dark I wandered off to a bench and stared at the sky wondering about what I'd done. People kept coming over and talking to me, so eventually I walked into the middle of the park and sat on the bench there, just contemplating what had happened and being genuinely scared that I had hurt her relationship.
When everyone came to leave, I was still sat there staring into space. They nearly left me.
I followed and just couldn't communicate. I pretty much auto-piloted my way back. People noticed and asked me what was wrong, I explained that I was scared I'd caused an argument. They were good about it but I was just too shaken.
When we got back everyone else went to bed. We were in a shared hostel room and I couldn't go in there. I went and sat by the doorway for about an hour worrying. Eventually James and Kelly came down and asked what was wrong. I explained and they said it would be ok... but I didn;t want to go.
I stayed for a while longer and eventually crept up scared into bed.
Jess told me it was ok, but I didn;t speak to her much for a while afterwards. I never worked out whether everything was ok, though Andy was ok. I think she said he just overreacted. Frankly considering how I feel about her now I think he underreacted, he should have seriously hurt me.
Why did she have to leave when I fell in love with her. Falling in love with someone who doesn't love you back is hard enough, for that person then to leave is unbearable.
So the letter I wrote the other day, I still mean it. I still love her unconditionally. I want so so much to tell her. It burns in my head, I wish I was strong enough and brave enough to tell her that she is so so beautiful and wonderful that when I think of her I can't think of anything else.
I'm sorry, I know it's bad, I know it might make me a bad person in some eyes but it's how I feel. I can't remember the last time I felt love so strongly.