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Sep 27, 2010 22:50

It's been a tough, tough day.

I was supposed to substitute teach for an English teacher today and our morning was just like any other morning. The teachers were called into the library for an emergency meeting and we were informed that a student passed away just minutes earlier. There have been other students who have passed away since I entered teaching but this one hits home the most.

For those of you who have been diligently reading the last several years you might remember that when I student taught I was given one freshman history class, under another mentor teacher, so I could have a harder schedule. That freshmen class was a sweet, hard working, and enjoyable bunch, obviously not your normal group of freshmen. This student and I used to tease each other a lot. So much that another student, who transferred in at semester break, was shocked to hear our back and forth. But it was good fun. I thought the world of that kid and she the same for me.

This summer, at my cousin's graduation party, she came with her dad and little sister. By the time she got there it was only my extended family and her family. We were talking about my job situation and that I was probably going to have to move if I got a job. She glared at me and said I had to stay until "they" (my freshmen class) graduated. My cousin joked with me about the death glare she gave me later. When she saw me for the first time at school she squealed, excited to see that I was still around. It was pretty damn funny but it was genuine. She was also excited to hear that I was operating the clock and announcing the line ups at all her home soccer games.

After I received the news I went to the teachers lounge to call my cousin. Before I shut the door I saw one of my other students from that same freshmen class. Before we could say anything I gave her a hug and let her cry in my shoulder for a while. I felt like a father who couldn't fix this horrible feeling for my daughter. She told me she stopped at the scene of the car accident just after it happened and helped the little sister after she was pulled from the vehicle, escaping with only a broken arm. The older sister, our friend, student, and teammate, died instantly.

She told me all of this after school. She said she didn't want to talk to friends (who will go on and on asking she's doing or blabbing to others) or talk to counselors that she doesn't know. I guess I get to be one of the lucky few who know more, who know that she saw our friend dead in the drivers seat.

After second period had ended the news had hit the school. The teachers weren't to say anything until we had 100% confirmation, but we did at the end of second period. In the hallways it was eerily quiet except for the sounds of crying. Other seniors. Soccer players. Band students. Leadership classmates. About one third of the student body checked out of the school by the end of the day.

Many of the really close friends were pulled into an office to talk things out. The soccer girls met in another classroom and they agreed to have "practice" in the commons to talk and be together as a team. One of the players, also a player on the basketball team I assistant coach for, couldn't make the call home and the JV coach called while I gave her a hug. Most of those girls went over to a players house to be together. That is what's best for them. After school they met and voted to play the home game on Thursday, despite tomorrow's game being canceled.

After school I went to their church. I talked to her dad who said "today I said goodbye to my baby girl." I kinda want to cry and hurl all at once when I think about it. It was nice to hear him say "she would be so happy that you came." I talked to a couple other students, a neighbor, a former colleague. Choked back a couple tears. Went home. Tomorrow I will be at the school again. Maybe not to substitute for a particular teacher but just to be there to help where needed. I'll be getting paid either way, the teachers and admin are looking out for me there!

I don't know how long it will take me to get passed all of this but I know I have to keep being strong for the living and take care of my students, my players, my kids.
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