page seventeen | goddamn this noise inside my head

[metalandashes]

I used the crystal. Think I probably

Don't know if I can

Ended up on the floor. So much for sittin down.

Bastet I need someone to cover my shift tonight.

[ooc: strikes heavily blacked out immediately after writing]

Comments

[galacticgeisha]

I hope it worked out well for you.

Would you like me to bring you something to eat, or are you alright?

[metalandashes]

I ain't good company right now

[galacticgeisha]

I'm sure I've been around worse. Besides, I believe I owe you a massage.. or we can pretend I do.

[metalandashes]

the door's open.

quicklog, y/n?

[galacticgeisha]

I'll be there shortly.

y

[metalandashes]

[Phoenix is sitting on the edge of his bed, his head in his hands. He's shirtless, barefoot. His feet are dirty, as if he's just returned from a run through the park. There's an empty bottle of whiskey on the floor, amongst a sea of scattered papers and half-finished wood carvings. The sour smell of vomit is faintly noticeable throughout the house.

The weight of the memory is heavy, bowing his shoulders, pressing against the back of his neck. Phoenix digs his fingers into his hair, trying to forget, wanting to forget.]

quicklog

[galacticgeisha]

[Companion was definitely concerned, aware that of all the people she had met here she would have felt Phoenix the least likely to lose his footing. He had the grace of a natural-born fighter, which made his comment about ending up on the floor even more worrisome. She mentally prepared herself for the worst case scenario, pausing outside his door to take a deep breath before heading inside.

As she pushes open the door the first thing that hits her is the smell. She swallows deeply as she carefully places the food and tea that she has brought on his table, taking in the appearance of the room. Companion moves to stand behind him, her hands lightly resting on his shoulders for a moment before she starts to gently work the tension from his neck and back.]

Whatever it is you saw, I'm here for you.

quicklog

[metalandashes]

[Her words and her touch seem to release something inside him, something cold and barbed that deepens the wound even as it's removed. He covers his face with one hand, reaching up to grip the fingers moving across his shoulders with the other. For a long moment he remains that way, holding on like a man drowning. Then he pushes out a ragged breath and sits up. Leans the side of his head against her arm, his eyes still closed.]

I'm sorry, [he whispers, his words meant for her, for the people in his memory, for the man who had to experience those things.] I'm sorry, darlin'.

quicklog

[galacticgeisha]

[She is surprised by his sudden movement, stilling her fingers on his back as he grabs her hand with a strength she hadn't expected. She smiles softly after the initial moment of shock, leaning down to gaze upon him with a soft smile. It's obvious from the way that she's looking at him that she feels he has nothing to feel sorry about. She thinks back to his dream, knowing everything that he had been through, and lightly runs her fingers down his cheek.]

You don't need to apologize to me, [she replies softly, moving around to crouch in front of him.] We all make mistakes, and while the burden of what we did before coming here is on us there is nothing against allowing another to share your load...

quicklog

[metalandashes]

[He opens his eyes as she moves around in front of him, watching her. At her words, he lowers his head, looking down at his hands hanging between his knees.]

You don't want this burden.

quicklog

[galacticgeisha]

[She is curious as to why he seems dead set against looking at her, but she doesn't press the issue. Instead, she takes his hands withing her own, keeping her voice soft and comforting as she speaks.]

Regardless of whether I would or not I can't say I like seeing you feeling so alone. You're not alone, whether you like it or not. I cannot take away your pain, but I can offer you my strength to use until you find your footing again. Please, Phoenix, allow me to help you... as a friend.

quicklog

[metalandashes]

[He lifts his eyes as she speaks, his gaze travelling over her face as if trying to drink it in, as if trying to replace the horrors in his memory with the quiet beauty in front of him. When she's finished, he folds his fingers around hers and looks her in the eye.]

Move back, [he tells her, his voice low and heavy as the metal waiting behind his knuckles.]

quicklog

[galacticgeisha]

[She meets his gaze, her own not wavering as she feels him studying her face. The intensity of his eyes upon her is almost more than she can bear, but she steels herself knowing he needs her even of he won't admit it.]

Alright... [she responds, standing and moving back to give him room.]

quicklog

[metalandashes]

[In the absence of her touch, his hands loll in the air, fingers curling towards his palms like blind dogs seeking their master. He grits his teeth, tightens the muscles in his forearms in that certain way. The claws slide free of their housing, emerging from between his knuckles with a quiet sound of metal moving over metal. He makes it slow -- it hurts more, bolts of pain running all the way up to his shoulder and back, but he wants it to hurt. Wants to feel it, the small price he pays.

The metal blades gleam, light pooling over their sides, being split by the impossibly sharp edges. Phoenix lets his hands hang as if in supplication, supported by the leaning weight of his elbows on his knees. He doesn't look at Companion.]

When I was born, I had these. [He turns his hands a little, studying the shine of the metal.] Leapt outta my cocoon, damn near killed Drake with 'em. I never put much thought to it -- figured they were a part'a whoever I was before I came here. Then, durin' the invasion -- and now, this memory.. what I was doin

quicklog

[galacticgeisha]

[Unaware of what is about to come she watches with confusion evident on her face. The pain he is channeling gives her pause, truly not wanting to see him hurt but having difficulty stopping herself from watching. When the metal emerges from his knuckles her jaw drops slightly, her usual iron-clad grip on her emotions slipping.

Part of her wants to attempt to feel the metal appendages, however common sense reminds her they're possibly sharp and to give him space. Her nervousness fading as Companion remembers that this is Phoenix and trusts that he would not harm her, she carefully moved behind him to rest one hand on his shoulder.]

In your dream, you had those as well. I remember that. [She let's her fingers trail down his arm slowly.] I'm sure you were scared, worried, your dream and then the way you woke up clouding your judgement. You didn't kill him, that much is known, so you showed you could control yourself.

[Her expression still soft, she blinks at Phoenix.]You speak as though you believe yourself to be an animal, but