Making it easy-ish
When I told my parents that Mike and I broke up, my mom goes, "But we love Mike," and started crying. *sigh*
I made a quick trip to Lethbridge and Waterton. It was good. Waterton is beautiful, and I actually wanted to stay in Lethbridge a bit longer to hang out with my cousins. But I only have 8 days left with Mike in the house, and I wanted to spend some time with him this weekend, so I came back to Calgary last night.
Originally he'd asked me to come to Shawn's party with him on Saturday night. But he went to a party with Jacob and Tara on Friday night and got wasted - obviously - so he didn't feel like leaving the house Saturday. He said he got home around 3am Friday, which means probably closer to 4am. He also lost his keys (again) and had to break into the house. He puked on Saturday, which he NEVER does, spent the day on the couch doing absolutely nothing, and was still really hung over when I walked in at 9pm. I was kind of pissed off because I could have spent more time in Lethbridge, but I really wanted to hang out with him, then before 9:30pm he was tired and wanted to go to bed. He agreed to stay up and watch an episode of Breaking Bad with me, but promptly fell asleep any way. Grrrr.. He did ask me to come cuddle him in bed, which was cute, so I obliged, although I sat there and read for quite awhile before I finally got tired.
I'm sad things didn't work out with us, I'm totally devastated with everything I'm losing, but occasionally he makes it reeeeeeally easy on me. Like yesterday. He's gotten absolutely wasted at least once per weekend since we ended things (the past 6 weeks..), and then wasted the entire next day by sitting on the couch and accomplishing nothing with his life. Yeah, sure, I do that every once in awhile, but NOT EVERY WEEKEND. I truly feel like he's choosing drinking over me, and that hurts, a lot. And I know that he doesn't deal with his thoughts and emotions, and so he tries to drink them away. And I know he wants to do more with his life, yet he seems to be drinking that away too. And I just don't get it or respect it. So if that's the lifestyle he wants to lead, then it's best he does it far away from me.
I feel a bit like my life is on hold until he's finally gone. I've been neglecting the things I want and need to do, in order to simply sit on the couch next to him. But it's what I've needed, and I'm still accomplishing the important things at least. But once he's moved out I can start moving on, forgetting, rebuilding, and rediscovering. None of that sounds appealing, but it needs to happen sooner or later, and I'm ready for sooner to start. He hasn't packed a single thing, and we haven't discussed bills or details or anything....
Upwards and onwards, McKinnley. You're going to be just fine. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Keep busy, stay positive, eventually everything will settle, and then things can get really good. You just need to get through this, to the better that awaits.
I still think I might move to Vancouver...
I made a quick trip to Lethbridge and Waterton. It was good. Waterton is beautiful, and I actually wanted to stay in Lethbridge a bit longer to hang out with my cousins. But I only have 8 days left with Mike in the house, and I wanted to spend some time with him this weekend, so I came back to Calgary last night.
Originally he'd asked me to come to Shawn's party with him on Saturday night. But he went to a party with Jacob and Tara on Friday night and got wasted - obviously - so he didn't feel like leaving the house Saturday. He said he got home around 3am Friday, which means probably closer to 4am. He also lost his keys (again) and had to break into the house. He puked on Saturday, which he NEVER does, spent the day on the couch doing absolutely nothing, and was still really hung over when I walked in at 9pm. I was kind of pissed off because I could have spent more time in Lethbridge, but I really wanted to hang out with him, then before 9:30pm he was tired and wanted to go to bed. He agreed to stay up and watch an episode of Breaking Bad with me, but promptly fell asleep any way. Grrrr.. He did ask me to come cuddle him in bed, which was cute, so I obliged, although I sat there and read for quite awhile before I finally got tired.
I'm sad things didn't work out with us, I'm totally devastated with everything I'm losing, but occasionally he makes it reeeeeeally easy on me. Like yesterday. He's gotten absolutely wasted at least once per weekend since we ended things (the past 6 weeks..), and then wasted the entire next day by sitting on the couch and accomplishing nothing with his life. Yeah, sure, I do that every once in awhile, but NOT EVERY WEEKEND. I truly feel like he's choosing drinking over me, and that hurts, a lot. And I know that he doesn't deal with his thoughts and emotions, and so he tries to drink them away. And I know he wants to do more with his life, yet he seems to be drinking that away too. And I just don't get it or respect it. So if that's the lifestyle he wants to lead, then it's best he does it far away from me.
I feel a bit like my life is on hold until he's finally gone. I've been neglecting the things I want and need to do, in order to simply sit on the couch next to him. But it's what I've needed, and I'm still accomplishing the important things at least. But once he's moved out I can start moving on, forgetting, rebuilding, and rediscovering. None of that sounds appealing, but it needs to happen sooner or later, and I'm ready for sooner to start. He hasn't packed a single thing, and we haven't discussed bills or details or anything....
Upwards and onwards, McKinnley. You're going to be just fine. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Keep busy, stay positive, eventually everything will settle, and then things can get really good. You just need to get through this, to the better that awaits.
I still think I might move to Vancouver...