Rose gold tendrils
"When the last thing you want to do is give love, receive love, express love or lead with love... that's usually the first thing that needs to happen."
I'm trying this thing where I love. Listen. Accept. But mostly love. Because everyone is deserving of love. I've been trying to send out love vibes, either intentionally directed at someone, or just sending it out into the ether around me. I visualize it as this rose gold coloured vine, twining out of my heart and around theirs. weird....? Whatever. So far it seems to be helping me stay grounded and focused and much less frustrated and judgmental.
Yesterday I journeyed to Vancouver. Waiting at the bus stop on Georgia Street I began chatting with a guy named Spencer, and we continued our conversation during the hour long ride to the ferry. I sent him tendrils of rose gold love and enjoyed the company. We alternately listened and asked each other questions. I tried to pay attention to what he was telling me, and why, as well as how it was important to him. It was nice.
In the ferry terminal this funny little hippie man approached me. He was wearing a brightly coloured tie dyed jacket, a big floppy hat, and a couple chains adorned with various amulets and stones. He was carrying a shopping bag and a garbage bag stuffed full of something, and he asked if he could leave a bag near me while he walked away, so security wouldn't carry it off. I shrugged, "sure," and he plopped it down on the seat beside me then disappeared down the stairs. A few minutes later he reappeared. "Something else. It's kind of a Buddhist thing. If you see anything in the bag you like, you should have it." He pulled the garbage bag open to reveal a neat pile of t-shirts that he'd obviously hand tie dyed, and then he disappeared again.
After a bit I decided to browse through the shirts, and when he returned he asked which one I liked, then told me I should have it, which I graciously accepted. He proceeded to sit down and talk to me for the next half an hour while we waited for the ferry. A couple of times I wondered if others around us thought it was weird, or were embarrassed for me, but I consciously shrugged off the thoughts and decided I didn't care what anyone else may or may not be thinking. The hippie's name was Sheldon and he was lovely. Drunk and stoned, but kind and interesting and I enjoyed his company. He talked about being a musician and how he'd had hypnosis to help him be in that "Zone." He explained The Zone as that feeling when you're involved in a creative (or sports) pursuit, where everything else seems to shut off, you have no concept of time, and whatever you're doing just flows.
He said that The Zone is a time when your brain switches over to part of that 95% which usually isn't accessed in normal day to day routine. I thought that was pretty profound. Because we all know that we only use a fraction of our brain capacity, but nobody knows what the rest of it is for. Thinking that we access at least a part of that mysterious portion during some of our most satisfying pursuits is refreshing and exciting and comforting. And very very cool.
He talked about war and peace and how he has Viking heritage. Apparently Viking remains are often found with a war amulet around their neck, with a tiny axe head or hammer attached to a chain or silken cord. But one Viking (or some?) was found with a bell as his amulet. Sheldon is a musician and not a fighter, so he loved this non war-like amulet and ordered it for himself off E-Bay. He was excited to have a physical piece of his heritage, as well as a historical item that was around 1200 years old. Very cool. But then he started inking about how it was found on a man, pulled out of a grave, that once lived, breathed, loved, fought and died... And then Sheldon got very emotional. "Woah man, I just realized right now that this is coming from someone." And instead of feeling awkward or wishing he'd leave me alone, I was awed and impressed by his capacity to think deeply about his surroundings and the effects of his actions, aware of how his choices have big impacts.
I was glad I met him.
As we all filed onto the ferry, Sheldon couldn't find his ticket and was detained by the security guy. He frantically searched through his pockets and bags, as security obviously sceptically watched on. Then a woman came up and told security that she'd been in line behind Sheldon at the ticket booth and was positive that he'd purchased a ticket and should be let on board without further delay. And the security guy complied. Sheldon thanked the woman profusely, as I stood by and marvelled that this woman has stood up for this funny (and somewhat crazy) looking little man. The good you put out into the world absolutely comes back to you, I believe this whole-heartedly.
It was an interesting journey, physically, but very much mentally and emotionally. I think I might be growing as a person!
Buuuuuut barely 12 hours in the presence of a 4 year old, my rose gold love tendrils have gotten rather thorny... 4 year olds are exhausting! And I've been reminded that I HATE playing ponies and toys with kids. Hate it. Walks, parks, books, chats, those are all fine and dandy, but playing is boring and stupid and makes me want to never ever ever spend time around any kids ever again. Drastic? Perhaps, but it is what it is. Come on, you can only play ponies and puppies for so long. Although let me counter that by saying that Louella is intelligent and articulate, and Jaimee is an excellent mother. I also really liked that when Loue was having a fit of crying and screaming that Jesse calmly turned around and asked her to take a deep breath, stretch her hands up high, then to her toes, then take another breath, it worked like a charm.
Gibsons is beautiful. I love the rainforest trees and foliage. And we went to a little farmers market today that was filled with incredible produce. Jealous.
I also had a phone call with my business coach this morning. I'm excited to get my business moving forward, although I found myself resisting her suggestions and ideas, I think simply out of habit and stubbornness. I need to remind myself that nobody does it alone, and collaboration is great.