Let's have a gay old time
I posted this video on Crackbook last night:
US. Senator Diane Savino speaks on the Marriage Equality bill
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BED2dNEQmDI
It generated some heated discussion.... well, I don't know if it was even a discussion. I don't post things to FB very often, but when I do you can rest assured that it's pretty damn cool/interesting and/or I believe in it wholeheartedly. To me, letting anybody that wants to get married go ahead and get married seems like a, "Well, DUH," kind of idea. Coming from an extremely religious and narrow-minded background, I suppose this is somewhat surprising. Although what I find the most surprising about myself, is that topics such as this have never really phased me. I didn't have to adjust my way of thinking, it's just how I think. Not that I always knew it. I mean sure, I went along with the tenets and beliefs I was so thoroughly taught as a kid. And most of them were pretty awesome values and morals that I still think are essential (yet lacking) in society.
But I recall one time, very clearly thinking, "I simply don't believe in a God who would say or do such a thing." Unfortunately I can't remember specifically what the circumstance was, but I was a teenager, and it must have been pretty profound for me to have such a moment of clarity. It's not like I started rebelling against the church or questioning all their teachings - far from it - but I've always settled easily into other people's differences. I find difference intriguing more than I do scary or threatening.
Back to the topic at hand, not letting gay people get married, to me, seems as absurd as not letting mixed race couples marry. Or not letting women vote. Or having a separate bus and water fountain for black people. It just seems cray-cray-crazy. I really don't see what the big deal is, and don't understand why religious heterosexual couples feel so threatened by it.
My dear Carl was so happy with my for posting this video. Although when I posted it, I think I did it not to connect with my friends who already agree with me, but to express to my friends who disagree why I believe what I believe - stated in a much better way than I ever could. Ideally, if just one person who was against gay marriage watched that video on my FB wall, and it made them think, even for a few minutes, about the other side of the equation, I would be one happy girl. But Carl watched it over and over in glee, only to have his bubble burst this morning when a childhood (Mormon) friend of mine commented about her disappointment and disagreement. Being the wise and cool-headed chap that he is, he texted me to vent instead of starting a "war" on my FB page. Others weren't so discreet though, and I had to play moderator somewhat. I love all my friends, despite their differences, and I think it's extremely important that people are able to express their opinion, even if it clashes with your own. I fully support people talking and communicating, so long as it is done with intelligence and respect.
Anyway, as I was thinking about the gays, I pondered my own opinion on the matter, which is I find it veeeeeeeery strange when someone claims to be 100% straight or 100% gay. What?! It's not really a secret that I like girls. Obviously I like guys too, but it never seemed weird to me, or a big deal, that I have often been attracted to girls. I figured if there was mutual attraction and compatibility, then sharing whatever you wanted to share together seemed like an obvious conclusion. This isn't something I "figured out," or learned later in life, as far back as I can remember it's always been a part of my psyche. So when somebody says they have never and would never be attracted to someone of the same sex, I find it bizarre. Don't get me wrong, I don't think the entire world is bisexual, there are people who are definitely straight and those who are definitely gay, but I still feel like it's an 80% or 90% thing, like there's some wiggle room in there, even if it was just one particular person who took them by surprise.
And then I wondered what kind of residual stereotypes are we cooking up by making things so black and white, so straight or gay? I had a friend in college who was gay. Had been since he was a kid, and while he wasn't uber flamboyant it was definitely no secret. But he and I had this great connection, and this great attraction. And one night he lamented to me something along the lines of, "Sometimes I wish I wasn't gay," which I took to mean that he wished he could pursue the connection we had, but because he was gay he wasn't free to do so. So what if he'd only ever been attracted to men before me? So what if he'd spent his entire life thus far identifying as a gay man? What would have happened if he'd just said, "Screw it, I'm going to listen to my heart," and decided to give it a go with me? Would that have really rocked the world so much??? I suppose once you've definitively identified as either gay or straight, it kind of puts you in a box of sorts. You'd think that gay men would be more accepting in general, but I feel like they would have taken my friend's switch of teams really personally and with a lot of fear and anger, and it probably would have rocked his personal world as well. It would have been like coming out a second time! (But in reverse?)
A popular blogger recently came out as bisexual. Previous to that he'd talked a lot about acceptance, love and the true meaning of Christianity, as well as his own sexual orientation - which was straight, despite having given it some thought. I found it weird that he felt the need to "out" himself as bisexual. In fact, I find it kind of weird when people feel the need to declare who they're sleeping with, or would like to sleep with. Well, except for those times when you're out with your friends and are playing the game that involves picking people out of a crowd and discussing just how bang-able you think they are. "Shocker, popular singer announces he's gay!" This needs to be declared in public? Then again, I'm a person who prefers to fly under the radar. I don't need to be the centre of attention, nor do I need everyone knowing the intimate details of my personal life.
My dear Shackles had periodically, and quietly, been sleeping with men for years before he started openly dating a man - after only ever dating women. When I talked to him about it, he never stated that he was gay, he simply said, "I'd never met a guy that I liked enough to want to date." Fair enough. At first his partner was very concerned about Shackles' lack of gayness. "What if he wants to date a girl again?" seemed like a totally inane question to me. They were together, and that was that. If they ever broke up, then Shackles would next date whomever caught his attention, whether male or female, and how was that any concern to the current relationship? People are so funny and strange. Three years later they're still together, and Shackles is still just Shackles, not any gayer or any different.
An ex-boyfriend of mine had slept with plenty of boys and girls, and while I was curious, it never bothered me.
My question, in the end, is, "What's all the hoopla about??"
US. Senator Diane Savino speaks on the Marriage Equality bill
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BED2dNEQmDI
It generated some heated discussion.... well, I don't know if it was even a discussion. I don't post things to FB very often, but when I do you can rest assured that it's pretty damn cool/interesting and/or I believe in it wholeheartedly. To me, letting anybody that wants to get married go ahead and get married seems like a, "Well, DUH," kind of idea. Coming from an extremely religious and narrow-minded background, I suppose this is somewhat surprising. Although what I find the most surprising about myself, is that topics such as this have never really phased me. I didn't have to adjust my way of thinking, it's just how I think. Not that I always knew it. I mean sure, I went along with the tenets and beliefs I was so thoroughly taught as a kid. And most of them were pretty awesome values and morals that I still think are essential (yet lacking) in society.
But I recall one time, very clearly thinking, "I simply don't believe in a God who would say or do such a thing." Unfortunately I can't remember specifically what the circumstance was, but I was a teenager, and it must have been pretty profound for me to have such a moment of clarity. It's not like I started rebelling against the church or questioning all their teachings - far from it - but I've always settled easily into other people's differences. I find difference intriguing more than I do scary or threatening.
Back to the topic at hand, not letting gay people get married, to me, seems as absurd as not letting mixed race couples marry. Or not letting women vote. Or having a separate bus and water fountain for black people. It just seems cray-cray-crazy. I really don't see what the big deal is, and don't understand why religious heterosexual couples feel so threatened by it.
My dear Carl was so happy with my for posting this video. Although when I posted it, I think I did it not to connect with my friends who already agree with me, but to express to my friends who disagree why I believe what I believe - stated in a much better way than I ever could. Ideally, if just one person who was against gay marriage watched that video on my FB wall, and it made them think, even for a few minutes, about the other side of the equation, I would be one happy girl. But Carl watched it over and over in glee, only to have his bubble burst this morning when a childhood (Mormon) friend of mine commented about her disappointment and disagreement. Being the wise and cool-headed chap that he is, he texted me to vent instead of starting a "war" on my FB page. Others weren't so discreet though, and I had to play moderator somewhat. I love all my friends, despite their differences, and I think it's extremely important that people are able to express their opinion, even if it clashes with your own. I fully support people talking and communicating, so long as it is done with intelligence and respect.
Anyway, as I was thinking about the gays, I pondered my own opinion on the matter, which is I find it veeeeeeeery strange when someone claims to be 100% straight or 100% gay. What?! It's not really a secret that I like girls. Obviously I like guys too, but it never seemed weird to me, or a big deal, that I have often been attracted to girls. I figured if there was mutual attraction and compatibility, then sharing whatever you wanted to share together seemed like an obvious conclusion. This isn't something I "figured out," or learned later in life, as far back as I can remember it's always been a part of my psyche. So when somebody says they have never and would never be attracted to someone of the same sex, I find it bizarre. Don't get me wrong, I don't think the entire world is bisexual, there are people who are definitely straight and those who are definitely gay, but I still feel like it's an 80% or 90% thing, like there's some wiggle room in there, even if it was just one particular person who took them by surprise.
And then I wondered what kind of residual stereotypes are we cooking up by making things so black and white, so straight or gay? I had a friend in college who was gay. Had been since he was a kid, and while he wasn't uber flamboyant it was definitely no secret. But he and I had this great connection, and this great attraction. And one night he lamented to me something along the lines of, "Sometimes I wish I wasn't gay," which I took to mean that he wished he could pursue the connection we had, but because he was gay he wasn't free to do so. So what if he'd only ever been attracted to men before me? So what if he'd spent his entire life thus far identifying as a gay man? What would have happened if he'd just said, "Screw it, I'm going to listen to my heart," and decided to give it a go with me? Would that have really rocked the world so much??? I suppose once you've definitively identified as either gay or straight, it kind of puts you in a box of sorts. You'd think that gay men would be more accepting in general, but I feel like they would have taken my friend's switch of teams really personally and with a lot of fear and anger, and it probably would have rocked his personal world as well. It would have been like coming out a second time! (But in reverse?)
A popular blogger recently came out as bisexual. Previous to that he'd talked a lot about acceptance, love and the true meaning of Christianity, as well as his own sexual orientation - which was straight, despite having given it some thought. I found it weird that he felt the need to "out" himself as bisexual. In fact, I find it kind of weird when people feel the need to declare who they're sleeping with, or would like to sleep with. Well, except for those times when you're out with your friends and are playing the game that involves picking people out of a crowd and discussing just how bang-able you think they are. "Shocker, popular singer announces he's gay!" This needs to be declared in public? Then again, I'm a person who prefers to fly under the radar. I don't need to be the centre of attention, nor do I need everyone knowing the intimate details of my personal life.
My dear Shackles had periodically, and quietly, been sleeping with men for years before he started openly dating a man - after only ever dating women. When I talked to him about it, he never stated that he was gay, he simply said, "I'd never met a guy that I liked enough to want to date." Fair enough. At first his partner was very concerned about Shackles' lack of gayness. "What if he wants to date a girl again?" seemed like a totally inane question to me. They were together, and that was that. If they ever broke up, then Shackles would next date whomever caught his attention, whether male or female, and how was that any concern to the current relationship? People are so funny and strange. Three years later they're still together, and Shackles is still just Shackles, not any gayer or any different.
An ex-boyfriend of mine had slept with plenty of boys and girls, and while I was curious, it never bothered me.
My question, in the end, is, "What's all the hoopla about??"