New tricks
This past weekend we went out to Kimberley. I'd originally initiated the visit, but as the week progressed towards it I got frustrated about it. We'd just been away the weekend before and I was feeling really behind with work, B-School and my CBP course. What I really wanted to do was spend the weekend home alone, to concentrate on all the work I needed - and wanted - to do, snuggle with my Quinny and see a couple of friends.
But Maclean wanted me to come and made me feel guilty about it, so I acquiesced. I'm glad I did, because it ended up being a good lesson on many subjects. I learned that compromise doesn't necessarily mean giving up one thing for another. I downloaded some of the audio files for B-School and listened to them in the truck on the way up (taking notes in a moving vehicle is difficult!!). Instead of just chilling or reading or playing Crib, I had my laptop in the living room and I'd work while others played and chilled around me. When I finished with the ski hill earlier than everyone (as is usually the case) I took the truck home and caught an uninterrupted hour of alone time to work in peace and quiet. I didn't get as much accomplished as I would have at home, but I did get way more done than I'd anticipated simply by being dedicated and focused. And because I'd told Maclean before we left that I would need to get some work done, he wasn't annoyed by my "distance" or non-participation.
Not that I didn't play at all. We went snowboarding on Saturday. Again, I didn't really want to, but the snow and weather conditions looked great, and Maclean wanted me to come give it a shot. I felt I should, simply because I had a brand new snowboard and this was likely my last opportunity to use it this season. I'm really glad I went, because the conditions were practically perfect, and somehow all Maclean's riding lessons suddenly just clicked and my body started responding, and I realized - with a lot of relief and a touch of excitement - that I wasn't hating being on the hill!! So there was the second lesson, that you really can teach an old dog new tricks... I never thought I would improve at snowboarding, or enjoy it, and while I'm by no means even remotely good, I felt a modicum of control and a profound sense of relief. Maybe one day I WILL actually be good at it! Who knew..
I also learned to play poker. That was a lesson in patience, since all three of the Maclean men were fairly intoxicated, and all trying to teach me at once. Loudly. I finally got a reasonable idea of what was going on, and realized that I might have a pretty good aptitude for the game - it's all math, logic and reading people. Interesting. I'm eager to play again soon.
But when things were getting too loud and heated, I simply played all my chips in, lost, then moved to the couch to do some work before putting myself to bed. I slept like a baby from 12-4am, when Maclean finally stumbled in. Seriously dude?!? But I knew he was going to stay up and get wasted with his brother, and there was nothing I could do about it, so why lose sleep over it?
B-School is coming along. I'm still struggling with trying to pinpoint exactly what business I want to build. I've got some great ideas and really clear visions, it's just putting them all together in one awesome package. But it's coming, and the more I work on it the close it seems to a reality. I can do this!!! I have to do this. Because I need to be self-employed. I'm ready. Ready to do something with my life. Ready to be something more. Not that I don't love my job, I absolutely do, and I'm sooooo grateful for that, but Wild Rose as I know it will only be around for another 9 months, so I have to move on whether I like it or not. I may still stick around WR in some capacity in 2014, but it's kind of a blessing that it's forcing me to expand my horizons.
Vegas. It was fun. Staying on the strip was great, mostly because there were 8 other people in our group and we all had rooms in the same hallway - which was convenient. We lounged by the pool during the afternoons. Checked out the Hoover Dam. Went for a fantastic birthday dinner for Shackles on the 17th. Wandered in and out of casinos drinking and checking out the sites. Spent some time on Fremont Street - I LOVE old Vegas! Way better than the Strip, in my opinion. Got a little drunkie. Did some dancing. Saw TWO shows (both Cirque du Soleil: Zumanity with our entire group of 10, then Maclean, Taron and I saw Mystere the next night. AWESOME!!) Rode the roller coaster at New York New York. And saw Taron's new house. Good times!!! Maclean drank and gambled more than anyone - naturally. The first night we all called it a night around 2:30am and Maclean grudgingly turned in with us. The second night it was around 3am when the group had had enough, but Maclean insisted on gambling until after 5 o'clock in the morning. The third - and last - night we were all out until 5am! Which is crazy talk in my books (and things had totally fallen apart around 3am already), but Maclean still insisted on continuing. In fact, as we walked through the lobby of our hotel he simply bolted into the casino. Ran, like a little kid trying not to get caught by his mom. Ugh. I tracked him down and gently tried to coerce him upstairs, but he got all angry and sullen and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that if I dragged him upstairs he would proceed to spend what remained of the night telling me how much I ruin his life, and I knew I wouldn't be able to stand it. So I left him down in the casino alone. Now, I don't have an issue with him going off and doing his own thing, if that will make him happy and nobody else wants to do it, but I DO have an issue with him going off alone at 3 (or 5) am, when he's been drinking and partying for hours already. I would have an issue leaving anyone alone at that point, I just think it's kind of stupid. But........ That final night he didn't roll in until 9:55am. Unbelievable. At least he was smart enough to just drink water both of those nights he was gambling alone. He lost all the money he'd brought, but claimed he'd had fun doing it. All I could do was shake my head and say, "Ok, whatever works for you."
I love him, and life is soooooo much simpler for both he and I when I just let him do what he wants to do when he wants to do it.... but does all that amount to him really being the man I want to share the rest of my life with?
Anyway, upwards and onwards. I've got enough other change and motivation happening to keep me busy for awhile. And it feels great!!!
But Maclean wanted me to come and made me feel guilty about it, so I acquiesced. I'm glad I did, because it ended up being a good lesson on many subjects. I learned that compromise doesn't necessarily mean giving up one thing for another. I downloaded some of the audio files for B-School and listened to them in the truck on the way up (taking notes in a moving vehicle is difficult!!). Instead of just chilling or reading or playing Crib, I had my laptop in the living room and I'd work while others played and chilled around me. When I finished with the ski hill earlier than everyone (as is usually the case) I took the truck home and caught an uninterrupted hour of alone time to work in peace and quiet. I didn't get as much accomplished as I would have at home, but I did get way more done than I'd anticipated simply by being dedicated and focused. And because I'd told Maclean before we left that I would need to get some work done, he wasn't annoyed by my "distance" or non-participation.
Not that I didn't play at all. We went snowboarding on Saturday. Again, I didn't really want to, but the snow and weather conditions looked great, and Maclean wanted me to come give it a shot. I felt I should, simply because I had a brand new snowboard and this was likely my last opportunity to use it this season. I'm really glad I went, because the conditions were practically perfect, and somehow all Maclean's riding lessons suddenly just clicked and my body started responding, and I realized - with a lot of relief and a touch of excitement - that I wasn't hating being on the hill!! So there was the second lesson, that you really can teach an old dog new tricks... I never thought I would improve at snowboarding, or enjoy it, and while I'm by no means even remotely good, I felt a modicum of control and a profound sense of relief. Maybe one day I WILL actually be good at it! Who knew..
I also learned to play poker. That was a lesson in patience, since all three of the Maclean men were fairly intoxicated, and all trying to teach me at once. Loudly. I finally got a reasonable idea of what was going on, and realized that I might have a pretty good aptitude for the game - it's all math, logic and reading people. Interesting. I'm eager to play again soon.
But when things were getting too loud and heated, I simply played all my chips in, lost, then moved to the couch to do some work before putting myself to bed. I slept like a baby from 12-4am, when Maclean finally stumbled in. Seriously dude?!? But I knew he was going to stay up and get wasted with his brother, and there was nothing I could do about it, so why lose sleep over it?
B-School is coming along. I'm still struggling with trying to pinpoint exactly what business I want to build. I've got some great ideas and really clear visions, it's just putting them all together in one awesome package. But it's coming, and the more I work on it the close it seems to a reality. I can do this!!! I have to do this. Because I need to be self-employed. I'm ready. Ready to do something with my life. Ready to be something more. Not that I don't love my job, I absolutely do, and I'm sooooo grateful for that, but Wild Rose as I know it will only be around for another 9 months, so I have to move on whether I like it or not. I may still stick around WR in some capacity in 2014, but it's kind of a blessing that it's forcing me to expand my horizons.
Vegas. It was fun. Staying on the strip was great, mostly because there were 8 other people in our group and we all had rooms in the same hallway - which was convenient. We lounged by the pool during the afternoons. Checked out the Hoover Dam. Went for a fantastic birthday dinner for Shackles on the 17th. Wandered in and out of casinos drinking and checking out the sites. Spent some time on Fremont Street - I LOVE old Vegas! Way better than the Strip, in my opinion. Got a little drunkie. Did some dancing. Saw TWO shows (both Cirque du Soleil: Zumanity with our entire group of 10, then Maclean, Taron and I saw Mystere the next night. AWESOME!!) Rode the roller coaster at New York New York. And saw Taron's new house. Good times!!! Maclean drank and gambled more than anyone - naturally. The first night we all called it a night around 2:30am and Maclean grudgingly turned in with us. The second night it was around 3am when the group had had enough, but Maclean insisted on gambling until after 5 o'clock in the morning. The third - and last - night we were all out until 5am! Which is crazy talk in my books (and things had totally fallen apart around 3am already), but Maclean still insisted on continuing. In fact, as we walked through the lobby of our hotel he simply bolted into the casino. Ran, like a little kid trying not to get caught by his mom. Ugh. I tracked him down and gently tried to coerce him upstairs, but he got all angry and sullen and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that if I dragged him upstairs he would proceed to spend what remained of the night telling me how much I ruin his life, and I knew I wouldn't be able to stand it. So I left him down in the casino alone. Now, I don't have an issue with him going off and doing his own thing, if that will make him happy and nobody else wants to do it, but I DO have an issue with him going off alone at 3 (or 5) am, when he's been drinking and partying for hours already. I would have an issue leaving anyone alone at that point, I just think it's kind of stupid. But........ That final night he didn't roll in until 9:55am. Unbelievable. At least he was smart enough to just drink water both of those nights he was gambling alone. He lost all the money he'd brought, but claimed he'd had fun doing it. All I could do was shake my head and say, "Ok, whatever works for you."
I love him, and life is soooooo much simpler for both he and I when I just let him do what he wants to do when he wants to do it.... but does all that amount to him really being the man I want to share the rest of my life with?
Anyway, upwards and onwards. I've got enough other change and motivation happening to keep me busy for awhile. And it feels great!!!