Wrapping
Quinn's Christmas sweaters haven't arrived yet. *sad face* Oh well. I'm not taking down the tree and decorations before I leave on vacation, so I'll just have to do hilarious kitten sweater pictures in the new year.
Lovely Annette gave me a journal! Now I have no excuse not to do some real writing, and hopefully put together a cool little book for 2013. It's nice we've been hanging out a bit more often. She reminded me of the time we went to a movie, and then sat on the TTC side by side, reading from the same book, and chuckling to ourselves at the amusing parts. Shared memories are so fun! And having someone to remind you of them is pretty rad too, because I'd totally misplaced that memory, and it's a pretty sweet one, so I'm glad it's back.
I met up with Ashlea at Milk Tiger last night, one last hang out of 2012. I'm so glad we've become friends! She had a few martinis and wanted me to get a bit rowdy with her - I wasn't up for it, for numerous reasons. But I promised we can have a fun, drunken, late night out in the new year.
G wasn't working, but Rod came over and gave me his typical gigantic, lift-me-off-my-feet hug. Nice! G showed up later though, and slid himself right onto the bench beside me, exclaiming, "I need to be closer!" Ha! I haven't seen him in aaaaaaaages. He's so good for my ego. And I just miss him. He's lovely and charming and just so smart and well spoken. He asked how Maclean was. "Fine," I replied, "Same old same old." To which he responded, "NO!!! I want it to be fireworks and rainbows for you, damn it!!" Lol! You and me both, my friend.
Speaking of Maclean, things have been...... ok? Nothing major has really happened, but on the flip side, nothing has happened. We're totally in a rut, and I don't think either of us knows how to get out of it. Or maybe we don't want to try, because we're scared of what's on the other side. We've had sex twice this month. Yeah, I know, not good. He's still hoping the libido fairy will just show up and shower him with magic hard-on pixie dust, I think it's just me, to be honest. He still thinks I'm sexy, he just doesn't think I'm interesting, or adventurous... he's bored, in other words. Some days I think about shaking things up, or even just going for the tried and true to get things started, but then I realize it sounds like a lot of work, and also realize that I don't really care that much. I guess he and I are both in the same boat, we want to want sex, but we just don't.
Oh the Merry-Go-Round, on and on it goes.
Today was my last day of work until January 18! That's.... weird. I really really REALLY hope this trip is good. I'm looking forward to sun and surf and adventure, but I'm nervous that Maclean and I are going to have another meltdown. Our trip to Mexico in February was the WORST. I'm trying oh so desperately to just BE OK with him and the things he does. As he's said to me time and time again, I knew who he was when I started dating him, and he's not going to change, so I either need to like him, or get out. Three and a half years in, I think it's finally sinking in. This is who he is. People make little changes, but their essence, their being, that never changes. And I love him, I do, he's such a good man, but all the little bits and pieces that make him who he is, I'm not a fan of so many of those things. Maybe I'm being too harsh, too demanding, maybe I need to reevaluate my priorities and how I love people... He and I used to be so excited about each other. Things were good, we were happy, it was easy, and fun. Where did that go? Can we get it back? Or were we just blinded by butterflies??
One step at a time. I do believe that things will happen in due course, when they should. Not that I can't have a say in how my life and relationships ebb and flow, but I've never been a person that MAKES THINGS HAPPEN, and while I often have wished that I was, I need to just ride things out until a change becomes inevitable. And it will become inevitable.
I met up with Andre on Wednesday night. I met him at the brewery, through Lazz. I recall so very clearly the first time I saw him, it was a few years ago and Mike and I had broken up. I was having a hard time, but then I looked over at this man, tall and slim, with long, curly, dark hair, wearing a leather jacket and a tiny silver hoop in his nose, and I thought to myself that being single might not be so bad after all. Ha! He wasn't single at that point, nor has he been at any time while I've known him. He has a beautiful girlfriend named Jo, and they have a two year old daughter. But Andre and I have chatted occasionally over the past years, and gradually added Facebook and text to our communications. He's interesting and I like getting to know him. The shine of that initial attraction has worn off, as it usually does, but a curious bond of some sort has taken it's place. I have no desire to BE with him, you know, like that, but it's been cool having him in my life. He came to my birthday gathering at the Rose. He said he had a present for me, but forgot it. Two months later we finally found time to hang out again, our first proper hang out, actually. It was cool. He gave me my present, a Tibetan Singing Bowl. I was surprised and delighted. Then he told me that a dear friend of his brought it back from Tibet for him. He's used it constantly for the past 6 years as a meditation tool. "It always helped me clear my head by focusing on the harmonics in the tone. It's really hard to think of anything else while you're making the noise work. Makes meditation easy!" I asked him why he gave him away if it was so dear to him.. "Because gifts need to be meaningful! Also I just felt like it needed to be yours now. :) " I'm blown away, and really stoked to use it. It'll give me more motivation to meditate and focus, which I definitely need and want to do. Andre's kind of a rock god. I was going to audition for a band of his during the summer, but it fell apart before it got off the ground. He messaged me awhile ago though and asked if I'd be into singing lead in a pop cover band. All fun, upbeat songs, to play bars, gigs, parties. I guess that's what people want, and he just wants to play music. I think it would be ridiculously fun! I have no idea if I have the chops to do it, but I figure with a guitarist that good, all I have to do is hold my own and fade into the background. We'll see.
A quick Quinny story to wrap up, then I'm outtie until 2013!!!
I went outside to shovel our sidewalk this morning. Of course it would start crapping snow for the first time in over a month, the day before I have to make a long highway drive. Ugh. Anyway, Quinn came down to the door, as she always does when I'm coming in or out. I had the door open with the screen door closed, and as I went out she was just standing by the door, a little bit strangely. I didn't think about it that much, I was just like, "Move outta the way, silly kitty!" and gave her a push. But as I pulled the door closed I noticed a really big tuft of fur stuck to it!!!! It's so fetching cold out right now (-16C), and Quinn was a little bit wet from sitting in the bathroom sink (her usual position to watch me do my makeup), and I guess she rubbed against the cold door and then just stuck there! Poor little thing. She didn't squeak or meow or act hurt, and I couldn't find a bald patch or anything, so I guess she's ok. I took a picture of the frozen, stuck fur on the door, and then just left it there. It's kinda funny.
On that note, I still have a bunch of organizing and packing to do before tomorrow morning, when I head to Kimberley.
Lovely Annette gave me a journal! Now I have no excuse not to do some real writing, and hopefully put together a cool little book for 2013. It's nice we've been hanging out a bit more often. She reminded me of the time we went to a movie, and then sat on the TTC side by side, reading from the same book, and chuckling to ourselves at the amusing parts. Shared memories are so fun! And having someone to remind you of them is pretty rad too, because I'd totally misplaced that memory, and it's a pretty sweet one, so I'm glad it's back.
I met up with Ashlea at Milk Tiger last night, one last hang out of 2012. I'm so glad we've become friends! She had a few martinis and wanted me to get a bit rowdy with her - I wasn't up for it, for numerous reasons. But I promised we can have a fun, drunken, late night out in the new year.
G wasn't working, but Rod came over and gave me his typical gigantic, lift-me-off-my-feet hug. Nice! G showed up later though, and slid himself right onto the bench beside me, exclaiming, "I need to be closer!" Ha! I haven't seen him in aaaaaaaages. He's so good for my ego. And I just miss him. He's lovely and charming and just so smart and well spoken. He asked how Maclean was. "Fine," I replied, "Same old same old." To which he responded, "NO!!! I want it to be fireworks and rainbows for you, damn it!!" Lol! You and me both, my friend.
Speaking of Maclean, things have been...... ok? Nothing major has really happened, but on the flip side, nothing has happened. We're totally in a rut, and I don't think either of us knows how to get out of it. Or maybe we don't want to try, because we're scared of what's on the other side. We've had sex twice this month. Yeah, I know, not good. He's still hoping the libido fairy will just show up and shower him with magic hard-on pixie dust, I think it's just me, to be honest. He still thinks I'm sexy, he just doesn't think I'm interesting, or adventurous... he's bored, in other words. Some days I think about shaking things up, or even just going for the tried and true to get things started, but then I realize it sounds like a lot of work, and also realize that I don't really care that much. I guess he and I are both in the same boat, we want to want sex, but we just don't.
Oh the Merry-Go-Round, on and on it goes.
Today was my last day of work until January 18! That's.... weird. I really really REALLY hope this trip is good. I'm looking forward to sun and surf and adventure, but I'm nervous that Maclean and I are going to have another meltdown. Our trip to Mexico in February was the WORST. I'm trying oh so desperately to just BE OK with him and the things he does. As he's said to me time and time again, I knew who he was when I started dating him, and he's not going to change, so I either need to like him, or get out. Three and a half years in, I think it's finally sinking in. This is who he is. People make little changes, but their essence, their being, that never changes. And I love him, I do, he's such a good man, but all the little bits and pieces that make him who he is, I'm not a fan of so many of those things. Maybe I'm being too harsh, too demanding, maybe I need to reevaluate my priorities and how I love people... He and I used to be so excited about each other. Things were good, we were happy, it was easy, and fun. Where did that go? Can we get it back? Or were we just blinded by butterflies??
One step at a time. I do believe that things will happen in due course, when they should. Not that I can't have a say in how my life and relationships ebb and flow, but I've never been a person that MAKES THINGS HAPPEN, and while I often have wished that I was, I need to just ride things out until a change becomes inevitable. And it will become inevitable.
I met up with Andre on Wednesday night. I met him at the brewery, through Lazz. I recall so very clearly the first time I saw him, it was a few years ago and Mike and I had broken up. I was having a hard time, but then I looked over at this man, tall and slim, with long, curly, dark hair, wearing a leather jacket and a tiny silver hoop in his nose, and I thought to myself that being single might not be so bad after all. Ha! He wasn't single at that point, nor has he been at any time while I've known him. He has a beautiful girlfriend named Jo, and they have a two year old daughter. But Andre and I have chatted occasionally over the past years, and gradually added Facebook and text to our communications. He's interesting and I like getting to know him. The shine of that initial attraction has worn off, as it usually does, but a curious bond of some sort has taken it's place. I have no desire to BE with him, you know, like that, but it's been cool having him in my life. He came to my birthday gathering at the Rose. He said he had a present for me, but forgot it. Two months later we finally found time to hang out again, our first proper hang out, actually. It was cool. He gave me my present, a Tibetan Singing Bowl. I was surprised and delighted. Then he told me that a dear friend of his brought it back from Tibet for him. He's used it constantly for the past 6 years as a meditation tool. "It always helped me clear my head by focusing on the harmonics in the tone. It's really hard to think of anything else while you're making the noise work. Makes meditation easy!" I asked him why he gave him away if it was so dear to him.. "Because gifts need to be meaningful! Also I just felt like it needed to be yours now. :) " I'm blown away, and really stoked to use it. It'll give me more motivation to meditate and focus, which I definitely need and want to do. Andre's kind of a rock god. I was going to audition for a band of his during the summer, but it fell apart before it got off the ground. He messaged me awhile ago though and asked if I'd be into singing lead in a pop cover band. All fun, upbeat songs, to play bars, gigs, parties. I guess that's what people want, and he just wants to play music. I think it would be ridiculously fun! I have no idea if I have the chops to do it, but I figure with a guitarist that good, all I have to do is hold my own and fade into the background. We'll see.
A quick Quinny story to wrap up, then I'm outtie until 2013!!!
I went outside to shovel our sidewalk this morning. Of course it would start crapping snow for the first time in over a month, the day before I have to make a long highway drive. Ugh. Anyway, Quinn came down to the door, as she always does when I'm coming in or out. I had the door open with the screen door closed, and as I went out she was just standing by the door, a little bit strangely. I didn't think about it that much, I was just like, "Move outta the way, silly kitty!" and gave her a push. But as I pulled the door closed I noticed a really big tuft of fur stuck to it!!!! It's so fetching cold out right now (-16C), and Quinn was a little bit wet from sitting in the bathroom sink (her usual position to watch me do my makeup), and I guess she rubbed against the cold door and then just stuck there! Poor little thing. She didn't squeak or meow or act hurt, and I couldn't find a bald patch or anything, so I guess she's ok. I took a picture of the frozen, stuck fur on the door, and then just left it there. It's kinda funny.
On that note, I still have a bunch of organizing and packing to do before tomorrow morning, when I head to Kimberley.