Rocket science vs the Universe
Me: "Will I see you before I go to work tonight?"
Dessert: "The boys want to go for a beer. Do you mind?"
*sigh* Somewhere along the back of my neck there's a prickling irritation, but overall I just kind of feel resigned. And despite the fact that it's not rocket science, and is actually fairly common knowledge, like a lightbulb going off over my head I realized that Mike will always be Mike and do the things that Mike likes to do, and if I'm going to be his partner I really, truly am going to have to just be ok with it. All of it. He's never going to change. Not one little iota. So I either love it. Or leave it. Period.
Like I said, not rocket science.
So now for the test, can I actually love him, all of him, just the way he is? Can I honestly be ok with all the 783 things he does on a regular basis that I can't stand, or will I just be covering up my annoyance for the rest of our lives?
Last night I told him that I want to have a talk about us and life and the future. I asked him when thought a good time would be to do that. "Um, when I get back from hunting?" That will be in nearly 3 weeks! If he asked me when I wanted to talk about all that stuff, I'd FIND a time as soon as possible, and yet it seems like he's stalling, and probably hoping that I'll have forgotten in three weeks time. What's wrong with men/him?
I want to sit down and make some goals together, talk about what we want and where we'd like to be. Because I'm absolutely serious about either being engaged or single before I turn 34. I read the term "Committed to the commitment," yesterday, and it hit home. I do tend to stand with one foot toeing the line at all times, and I need to stop that. If nothing else I at least need to be committed to the choice that I have made.
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Tuesday at our painting class, I was wearing tights and one of our classmates commented, "Oh, look at those skinny legs!!" She went on about how lucky both my sister and I am. To which I awkwardly replied, "Yeah, it's mostly luck in our case, and we ARE very lucky." This woman is in her early 50's, has cropped, unstyled hair, wears old glasses and no makeup, with baggy jeans and t-shirts, and she's short and lumpy..... She's talkative and friendly, but she's certainly not attractive. And she just kept going on and on about, well, my body, and at one point goes, "When I grow up I'm going to look just like you!!!" Everyone was crowded around the instructor's table at this point, and I was feeling highly uncomfortable, so I kind of interrupted her with something along the lines of, "It's really great. Thanks for noticing," then stared pointedly at the teacher. The compliment is nice, but man, it was sooooo awkward.
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So much for being committed to the commitment.... Literally as I was typing this my phone buzzes on the desk beside me and it's this gorgeous, sweet guy who comes into the Rose all the time, and who I have a ridiculous crush on. He sent me a photo of a sign that read, "McKinley Masters" (a home builder company) and an accompanying text: Your pornstar name minus an N. We bantered back and forth a bit, I tried to refrain from being even remotely inappropriate, but I failed. Only a little bit. Then I told him to leave me alone before I dug myself in deeper. Seriously Universe, let me get my feet firmly planted and my head on my shoulders before you test me like that, ok?
(I got his number to give to a friend that I thought I could play matchmaker with.... It was honestly totally innocent. Then I texted him on his birthday, and now he has my number...... Just to clarify.)
Dessert: "The boys want to go for a beer. Do you mind?"
*sigh* Somewhere along the back of my neck there's a prickling irritation, but overall I just kind of feel resigned. And despite the fact that it's not rocket science, and is actually fairly common knowledge, like a lightbulb going off over my head I realized that Mike will always be Mike and do the things that Mike likes to do, and if I'm going to be his partner I really, truly am going to have to just be ok with it. All of it. He's never going to change. Not one little iota. So I either love it. Or leave it. Period.
Like I said, not rocket science.
So now for the test, can I actually love him, all of him, just the way he is? Can I honestly be ok with all the 783 things he does on a regular basis that I can't stand, or will I just be covering up my annoyance for the rest of our lives?
Last night I told him that I want to have a talk about us and life and the future. I asked him when thought a good time would be to do that. "Um, when I get back from hunting?" That will be in nearly 3 weeks! If he asked me when I wanted to talk about all that stuff, I'd FIND a time as soon as possible, and yet it seems like he's stalling, and probably hoping that I'll have forgotten in three weeks time. What's wrong with men/him?
I want to sit down and make some goals together, talk about what we want and where we'd like to be. Because I'm absolutely serious about either being engaged or single before I turn 34. I read the term "Committed to the commitment," yesterday, and it hit home. I do tend to stand with one foot toeing the line at all times, and I need to stop that. If nothing else I at least need to be committed to the choice that I have made.
_____________________________________________
Tuesday at our painting class, I was wearing tights and one of our classmates commented, "Oh, look at those skinny legs!!" She went on about how lucky both my sister and I am. To which I awkwardly replied, "Yeah, it's mostly luck in our case, and we ARE very lucky." This woman is in her early 50's, has cropped, unstyled hair, wears old glasses and no makeup, with baggy jeans and t-shirts, and she's short and lumpy..... She's talkative and friendly, but she's certainly not attractive. And she just kept going on and on about, well, my body, and at one point goes, "When I grow up I'm going to look just like you!!!" Everyone was crowded around the instructor's table at this point, and I was feeling highly uncomfortable, so I kind of interrupted her with something along the lines of, "It's really great. Thanks for noticing," then stared pointedly at the teacher. The compliment is nice, but man, it was sooooo awkward.
____________________________________________
So much for being committed to the commitment.... Literally as I was typing this my phone buzzes on the desk beside me and it's this gorgeous, sweet guy who comes into the Rose all the time, and who I have a ridiculous crush on. He sent me a photo of a sign that read, "McKinley Masters" (a home builder company) and an accompanying text: Your pornstar name minus an N. We bantered back and forth a bit, I tried to refrain from being even remotely inappropriate, but I failed. Only a little bit. Then I told him to leave me alone before I dug myself in deeper. Seriously Universe, let me get my feet firmly planted and my head on my shoulders before you test me like that, ok?
(I got his number to give to a friend that I thought I could play matchmaker with.... It was honestly totally innocent. Then I texted him on his birthday, and now he has my number...... Just to clarify.)