Timing isn't everything
Our travels so far have been.... Not so travel-like. Sydney just feels like any other big city, and especially with lots of familiar faces in it, it just seems as if we're in Vancouver or somewhere, visiting for a bit. It's ok, but not really traveling. We kind of wore out our shoes in Sydney then got a bit lazy and bored I guess. We thought Kirill had all these big plans and therefore didn't bother finding our own things to do in the city. Mistake. Never let anybody else take control of your vacation!
Kirill's driving us crazy, with his ALWAYS BEING AROUND, his demanding personality, his inability to shut up, and his snoring. He really is a lovely person, but 7 days without a single break from him is getting very frustrating. We got into a big scrap about whether we were going to rent a car and where we were going to go and what we were going to do.... It turned into a crappy, angry, stupid day, which also happened to be my birthday. Oh well.
My birthday ended pretty well though.. I finally met up with Nick around 7pm. He took me for drinks on top of this building that had a great view of the harbour and Opera House. We sat there and chatted til the sun went down, then we went for pizza - mine had crocodile on it! Then we walked around, ending up listening to some girl play guitar while we stood there with our arms around each other.
We had a previous evening together on Saturday.. He'd met up with Jade, Kirill, Rob and I, but after one drink he and I ditched to go hang by ourselves. We sat and chatted for a few hours, then had to walk through the freezing rain to meet up with them again later.
So far so good.
Nick is exactly what I expected him to be: beautiful, sweet, super easy to be around, talkative, interesting, and all around lovely. So why am I so nonchalant about this? As he and I walked around on Saturday I slipped my hand into his, and it's kind of stayed there ever since. Like I said, things are just easy. Not that I expected anything different. And I want to get to know him better. I want to be around him and actually spend time together. I want to see if we actually have the connection we thought we did, if we have the future we've been dreaming about.
But it's strange too. As comfortable as I am with him, it's still somewhat awkward. And I know we haven't seen each other in two years and that it takes time to figure out all the nuances.... But I'm seriously missing Mike. I miss the way we know each other, the easy way we move around each other, the way we move together, how we know where each other fits, and where we need to fill in the blanks. I never realized how much he'd become a part of me, and I'm feeling a little lost and broken.
Speaking of my Dessert, he Skyped me the morning of my birthday, so I got to hear his voice and see his beautiful face. He started crying almost immediately, but we had a very good talk. *sigh*
And so I still don't know what the hell to do.
Now I'm in Byron Bay, 9 hours north of Sydney, and although it's lovely and we had our first day on the beach, I'm kind of regretting driving all the way up here. It seems like such a waste of time when I could be in Sydney with Nick, which is the ENTIRE reason for me even being in Australia. Sometimes I'm not smart.
Anyway, we get back to Sydney Friday evening and I promised Nick that I was his for the duration of my time in Auz, which will only amount to one day and two nights.. But I intend to spend every waking moment (and hopefully every sleeping one as well) beside him. I know that he's completely blown away by this, by me, by us, and I wish I felt the same way.
Standing by the harbour with him on Monday night, I felt like such a fake. Like I was just pretending, or even worse, blatantly lying. It's just that Mike is still there, still with me...
It will just take time, I know. Timing doesn't get much more rotten than this. I'm not very good at jumping from one relationship to the next, and it's not what I wanted to do. Hopefully 7 weeks in Asia will put some distance and perspective on all of it... But Mike is waiting for my answer, and I have to figure out if I'm going to go back to him in Canada, or come back to Nick in Australia. And I quite honestly don't know what to do.
However, for now I'm happy that Nick is precisely the man I've thought he was for the past 2 years, and I do want to see where it will go.
(And I know that maybe I should take things slow with him, but I'm good and frisky, and to be honest I want to know what he's like in bed, and how compatible our bodies will be.. So I'm going to do everything in my power to end up in his bed, naked, soon..)
Kirill's driving us crazy, with his ALWAYS BEING AROUND, his demanding personality, his inability to shut up, and his snoring. He really is a lovely person, but 7 days without a single break from him is getting very frustrating. We got into a big scrap about whether we were going to rent a car and where we were going to go and what we were going to do.... It turned into a crappy, angry, stupid day, which also happened to be my birthday. Oh well.
My birthday ended pretty well though.. I finally met up with Nick around 7pm. He took me for drinks on top of this building that had a great view of the harbour and Opera House. We sat there and chatted til the sun went down, then we went for pizza - mine had crocodile on it! Then we walked around, ending up listening to some girl play guitar while we stood there with our arms around each other.
We had a previous evening together on Saturday.. He'd met up with Jade, Kirill, Rob and I, but after one drink he and I ditched to go hang by ourselves. We sat and chatted for a few hours, then had to walk through the freezing rain to meet up with them again later.
So far so good.
Nick is exactly what I expected him to be: beautiful, sweet, super easy to be around, talkative, interesting, and all around lovely. So why am I so nonchalant about this? As he and I walked around on Saturday I slipped my hand into his, and it's kind of stayed there ever since. Like I said, things are just easy. Not that I expected anything different. And I want to get to know him better. I want to be around him and actually spend time together. I want to see if we actually have the connection we thought we did, if we have the future we've been dreaming about.
But it's strange too. As comfortable as I am with him, it's still somewhat awkward. And I know we haven't seen each other in two years and that it takes time to figure out all the nuances.... But I'm seriously missing Mike. I miss the way we know each other, the easy way we move around each other, the way we move together, how we know where each other fits, and where we need to fill in the blanks. I never realized how much he'd become a part of me, and I'm feeling a little lost and broken.
Speaking of my Dessert, he Skyped me the morning of my birthday, so I got to hear his voice and see his beautiful face. He started crying almost immediately, but we had a very good talk. *sigh*
And so I still don't know what the hell to do.
Now I'm in Byron Bay, 9 hours north of Sydney, and although it's lovely and we had our first day on the beach, I'm kind of regretting driving all the way up here. It seems like such a waste of time when I could be in Sydney with Nick, which is the ENTIRE reason for me even being in Australia. Sometimes I'm not smart.
Anyway, we get back to Sydney Friday evening and I promised Nick that I was his for the duration of my time in Auz, which will only amount to one day and two nights.. But I intend to spend every waking moment (and hopefully every sleeping one as well) beside him. I know that he's completely blown away by this, by me, by us, and I wish I felt the same way.
Standing by the harbour with him on Monday night, I felt like such a fake. Like I was just pretending, or even worse, blatantly lying. It's just that Mike is still there, still with me...
It will just take time, I know. Timing doesn't get much more rotten than this. I'm not very good at jumping from one relationship to the next, and it's not what I wanted to do. Hopefully 7 weeks in Asia will put some distance and perspective on all of it... But Mike is waiting for my answer, and I have to figure out if I'm going to go back to him in Canada, or come back to Nick in Australia. And I quite honestly don't know what to do.
However, for now I'm happy that Nick is precisely the man I've thought he was for the past 2 years, and I do want to see where it will go.
(And I know that maybe I should take things slow with him, but I'm good and frisky, and to be honest I want to know what he's like in bed, and how compatible our bodies will be.. So I'm going to do everything in my power to end up in his bed, naked, soon..)