Where did I go wrong?
Where did I go wrong?
That's the question of the day. I've been asking myself with every moment not filled with some pointless 'educational instruction'. Where, when, at what point and for what reason did I stop making things work? If you think you know, tell me.
It's not that I have given up on life, it's just that life has given up on me. Whoa, gothic sounding hottopic t-shirt alert... sorry about that. But it's the way things feel right now. I can remember the last time something went right for me. It was a long time ago... last winter as I recall. Since then, things are going from bad to worse to holy shit why can't i see?
I've started having what they call Opthamological Migraines, which are not migraines in the sense that they hurt like a bitch, because I've had those. No, these little miracles cause my eyes to stop working for minutes at a time. Today's little episode makes four times, twice in my left eye, once in my right, and once in both. It's a unique experience. Apparently these are caused by excessive stress... wonder what that could be.
So I have to reduce my stress level by December, or it's possible that I won't be able to drive. That's a nice thought! I need to calm down, so that I can get away from my family, which is the only way I can calm down lately! This is what we call a 'circular problem.' Again, advice would be appreciated.
I am a mess lately. I think i have been scratching myself again, because every day it's more scars all over the place. I bite my nails down to nothing, and there's nothing sharp in my room, so what the hell am i scratching my arms and legs with? That's another 'stress factor'...
Hate to steal your thunder, mal, but i eat too much. I'm not getting any fatter than I've ever been, it's just... well, i eat too much. It is because I am stressed... but when I get super stressed, like last night, I can't eat because I have no appetite. A whole pizza, wasted.
Oh, that reminds me of something else that stresses me out. My fucking brother is robbing me! The little bastard called my mother last night, while she and I were picking up a package at fed ex, to ask if there was any money in the house to order Domino's. She said no, and so did I. No money. Make some macaroni, or a sandwich.
So we get home and there are two fucking pizzas on the oven. I ask my dear brother how he paid for them, and the little prick says, "Oh. I took some money from your dresser." Like it's the coolest, least what-the-fuck thing in the world. I did not know I HAD money in my dresser! And he shows me a big wad of cash! Well, where the hell was that?
And then he goes downstairs, locks himself in MY room, and gets on the phone with ANOTHER self-mutilating, shit music listening, wrist slashing peice of overmedicated SHIT, and has the nerve to badmouth ME while he's on the phone with her, lying all over MY bed in MY room locked behind MY door with his bullshit suicide music in MY stereo.
And I clean up his fucking dinner.
I need to stop swearing so much...
I would generally say peace and love. Instead, world, go fuck your collective self.
Greg
That's the question of the day. I've been asking myself with every moment not filled with some pointless 'educational instruction'. Where, when, at what point and for what reason did I stop making things work? If you think you know, tell me.
It's not that I have given up on life, it's just that life has given up on me. Whoa, gothic sounding hottopic t-shirt alert... sorry about that. But it's the way things feel right now. I can remember the last time something went right for me. It was a long time ago... last winter as I recall. Since then, things are going from bad to worse to holy shit why can't i see?
I've started having what they call Opthamological Migraines, which are not migraines in the sense that they hurt like a bitch, because I've had those. No, these little miracles cause my eyes to stop working for minutes at a time. Today's little episode makes four times, twice in my left eye, once in my right, and once in both. It's a unique experience. Apparently these are caused by excessive stress... wonder what that could be.
So I have to reduce my stress level by December, or it's possible that I won't be able to drive. That's a nice thought! I need to calm down, so that I can get away from my family, which is the only way I can calm down lately! This is what we call a 'circular problem.' Again, advice would be appreciated.
I am a mess lately. I think i have been scratching myself again, because every day it's more scars all over the place. I bite my nails down to nothing, and there's nothing sharp in my room, so what the hell am i scratching my arms and legs with? That's another 'stress factor'...
Hate to steal your thunder, mal, but i eat too much. I'm not getting any fatter than I've ever been, it's just... well, i eat too much. It is because I am stressed... but when I get super stressed, like last night, I can't eat because I have no appetite. A whole pizza, wasted.
Oh, that reminds me of something else that stresses me out. My fucking brother is robbing me! The little bastard called my mother last night, while she and I were picking up a package at fed ex, to ask if there was any money in the house to order Domino's. She said no, and so did I. No money. Make some macaroni, or a sandwich.
So we get home and there are two fucking pizzas on the oven. I ask my dear brother how he paid for them, and the little prick says, "Oh. I took some money from your dresser." Like it's the coolest, least what-the-fuck thing in the world. I did not know I HAD money in my dresser! And he shows me a big wad of cash! Well, where the hell was that?
And then he goes downstairs, locks himself in MY room, and gets on the phone with ANOTHER self-mutilating, shit music listening, wrist slashing peice of overmedicated SHIT, and has the nerve to badmouth ME while he's on the phone with her, lying all over MY bed in MY room locked behind MY door with his bullshit suicide music in MY stereo.
And I clean up his fucking dinner.
I need to stop swearing so much...
I would generally say peace and love. Instead, world, go fuck your collective self.
Greg