never leaving this bed (mainly complaining)
I am lying in bed trying to re-coop from this build up of exhaustion. I don't know how people do it with ease (or if they even do) but working full time and going to school full time is really really taking a toll on me.
This week is the sample sale for the designer I work for, and I volunteered to work on my days off (not knowing how awful it would be). Imagine working at forever 21 times 1000. Imagine working at forever 21 times 1000 after being in class since the morning. Maybe it isn't that bad, but my body doesn't feel that way. I was so exhausted on the way home I felt like I was going to throw up then pass out.
I don't know if I've ever been so... hectically full. Any free time I have is spent on school work, then errands... grocery store, laundry, cleaning house.... showering. Seriously, my hygiene has gone down the pooper (no pun intended) because I simply do not have time to bathe.
I want to be social, and see - how lame do I feel having to constantly flake on plans because I have to do a laundry, or get groceries, or because I fall asleep.
On top of that, I don't even have the money to do anything social - I am only making ends meat, and thats a first for me, too. I've always had a job where I made enough money to be able to go out to eat every now and again or buy myself some clothes once in awhile.
I like all my classes this semester, but my speech class is one of my favorites to go to. Not because of the subject matter, the subject matter is probably my least favorite - but its the class with the most laid back teacher and everyone is really friendly with each other. It's the only class I talk in and have people who know my name and a friendly relationship with. The girl that usually sits next to me is this really sweet, shy girl that lives in the Bronx and in the beginning of the semester she mentioned how she used to cut herself - she has scars allllll over her arms and she always wears long sleeves. She told me she had stopped for awhile and was in a better place and all that. She was back in class today from a few absences and she was sad and fragile acting and when I talked to her she admitted to me she was in the hospital because she cut herself again and had to get 36 stitches. I don't know her well enough to feel comfortable really being the overprotective person I can be, but it really saddened me. I just hugged her and she laughed.
I also found out this kid I grew up with died last month from a heroin overdose.
I want to fix all the sad people. Maybe they don't always want to be fixed. I have the mentality of a child in the thought that I just want to fix all the sadness in the world.
I want to be like that woman that people line up for her hugs and her essence can follow you for months and makes you feel better.
This week is the sample sale for the designer I work for, and I volunteered to work on my days off (not knowing how awful it would be). Imagine working at forever 21 times 1000. Imagine working at forever 21 times 1000 after being in class since the morning. Maybe it isn't that bad, but my body doesn't feel that way. I was so exhausted on the way home I felt like I was going to throw up then pass out.
I don't know if I've ever been so... hectically full. Any free time I have is spent on school work, then errands... grocery store, laundry, cleaning house.... showering. Seriously, my hygiene has gone down the pooper (no pun intended) because I simply do not have time to bathe.
I want to be social, and see - how lame do I feel having to constantly flake on plans because I have to do a laundry, or get groceries, or because I fall asleep.
On top of that, I don't even have the money to do anything social - I am only making ends meat, and thats a first for me, too. I've always had a job where I made enough money to be able to go out to eat every now and again or buy myself some clothes once in awhile.
I like all my classes this semester, but my speech class is one of my favorites to go to. Not because of the subject matter, the subject matter is probably my least favorite - but its the class with the most laid back teacher and everyone is really friendly with each other. It's the only class I talk in and have people who know my name and a friendly relationship with. The girl that usually sits next to me is this really sweet, shy girl that lives in the Bronx and in the beginning of the semester she mentioned how she used to cut herself - she has scars allllll over her arms and she always wears long sleeves. She told me she had stopped for awhile and was in a better place and all that. She was back in class today from a few absences and she was sad and fragile acting and when I talked to her she admitted to me she was in the hospital because she cut herself again and had to get 36 stitches. I don't know her well enough to feel comfortable really being the overprotective person I can be, but it really saddened me. I just hugged her and she laughed.
I also found out this kid I grew up with died last month from a heroin overdose.
I want to fix all the sad people. Maybe they don't always want to be fixed. I have the mentality of a child in the thought that I just want to fix all the sadness in the world.
I want to be like that woman that people line up for her hugs and her essence can follow you for months and makes you feel better.