depressed very

[meshinda]

I miss the good old days. You know those days. It was a time when you were too young to be informed about life's hardships yet old enough to have your own seemingly mature world. I'm talking about my college years. I guess in many ways I'm talking about life before my brother's death. Since I've been home I've learned way too many nasty secrets about my family and I really can't take it. Or at least I feel like I can't. Sometimes I can't help but look at people and think what the hell happened to you. What went wrong in your life to make you go there? I think what sucks even more is to know that there are things being shared with me that I'm not supposed to share with anyone. Not sharing just means that the nastiness of said secret festers inside of me until I'm just constantly wallowing in depression. People ask me why I don't like reality or real life event based movies and I always say that real life sucks enough without watching the ways it sucks as entertainment. Yes I have a bubble that keeps all bad things out. Does that make me naive? Probably, but I call it self preservation. People can only deal with so much reality.

I sympathize with the scene in the movie LIVING OUT LOUD, when holly hunter (i think that's the right actress) is watching the news and her brain is in overload trying to figure out how she can make a difference in all the bad things happening to people. She talks about adopting a crack baby but she also thinks that everyone will tease and mock her baby for being a crack baby. My point is that I feel like that sometimes when I'm being told things about my family, watching the news, or watching movies or shows based on real life usually bad hateful events. I don't know what to do.