Even if it hurts, even if you make me cry, I love you...
Title: Even if it hurts, even if you make me cry, I love you...
Pairing: OnewxKey [OnKey]
Author: merryberry94
Chapter: 1/1
Genre: AU, NC-17
Summary: Onew's bad dream.
Author's Note: My first OnKey fic O___O I was bored and Obsession was on my mp3 and that idea came into my head so... Hope you'll like it >__< Comments are making me write so please comment. ^^
Have you ever had a dream where your most important person die? Well. I did and I don’t wish this even to the people I hate.
It was the usual day we would have and at first I was happy that we were together until that happened. You just... disappeared... At one moment we were laughing over something random and then you just disappeared. You turned into dist in front of my eyes... But the most disturbing thing in my dream are the words you told me before disappearing:
“All because of your love... Why?” your eyes were painfully filling with tears and the I feel my tears as I wake up running through my cheeks down to my neck where they stay making me remember every damn second of that dream that I hate so much. “All because of your love...”? What does that mean? Am I ever going to know? Or am I still scared that I might hurt you so I try to stay away. The only thing that will make my world break into pieces will be loosing you forever. Will you ever give me the key to your heart, Key?
It was again the usual boring day and I just try to focus on my book and not run to the computer to check if you answered. It’s been already one month after that dream but still every time before closing my eyes I remember your face back then and I often stay awake afraid not to dream it again Was it a good idea to force myself not to be nice as I always am to you? I’m still afraid of your words back then. Obviously I was the reason of your... um... death... I just hope that if I keep my love locked deep in my heart, it will never even go near that dream. I know I think too much about it but... I just can’t continue being the same with you... I hope you’ll understand it’s all for your good.
“Yah!” the door opens that hard that it almost fell down. It was you of course. Who else would get in my room that way. I just look at you pretending to be focused on the stupid book I hold. “Why the hell are you ignoring me?!”
“Huh?”
“I replied you like an hour ago!” he was tapping with his foot cutely showing me how pissed he is.
“Oh, sorry. I was reading.” I lied but I can’t tell him: Oh, sorry. I was thinking about the dream where we were lovers and you died because of me.
“Jinki! You? Reading? About what?” making fun of me again... You know how much I hate it but you still try your best to piss me off.
“About! ... Um...” Damn it! I forgot what the book was for! >_< I look away because I know what face you will make.
“Let’s go.”
“Where?” I try to protest but you were already pulling me outside my room.
“Karaoke. I told you- Ohh! Right. You were reading.” Again that smirk on your face making you look so bitchy and sexy. “I want you to sing me a song. I love your voice.” Suddenly from the bitchy face you make a warm and beautiful smile. A smile that I would die for.
We were finally there and I was still quiet because of your smile.
“Um... where are the others?”
“Others? There is no one else. It’s just you and me. Like a date~” you laugh and lightly punch my shoulder.
“You lying?”
“Yah! Don’t you want to hang out with me?! What the hell is you problem?!” I notice your cheeks turning red because of the anger.
“It’s not that but I thought... you don’t want to hang out with me...”
“Ha?! Who came to your house and got you here?! If I didn’t want to be with you I was going to come with Jjong! Now let’s go in! Aish!!”
We were sitting in the room and you were looking at the song list while I was still awkward.
“Sing me this one.” You hand me the microphone and push me In front of you. When I look what you choose my heart suddenly stops beating - Quasimodo... We both know what the lyrics are and how important it was for both of us for unknown reason. The melody starts and I take one deep breath before singing the first tone. Every time I hear this song I think it’s written for me and you and it was hard to hide how painful it was for me.
The traces of you that fill my heart
Give me breath.
When the night becomes engulfed by moonlight
Will this impossible waiting end?
Begging for a miracle, I respond
I open my eyes and see you singing along with me. You just take the other microphone and help me make the song perfect.
Oh love, your voice sings beautifully.
I want to touch your heart
But again your voice rings deep in my soul.
I cannot speak.
Like starlight hidden behind frozen clouds
‘I love you’ both our voices synchronize perfectly.
This painful confession always lie on my tongue.
I’ll end it all your voice is surely one of the things I live for...
And let the words flow with my tears.
I try my best to keep my eyes closed because if I see your face now I don’t know if I can hold back my tears but of course you make it even harder for me as you pull me near you and hold my hand.
The arrows that reached my heart
I guess are now a part of me
I can feel your eyes on me while singing your part. I know the next line and I prepare myself for it.
Even if it hurts so much I want to die
You’re so deep inside me, I can’t remove you
After every word I keep asking myself why. Why did you choose this song?
Because it’s love
Because for me it is love
Yes. Because I love you... That’s why it’s so damn hard for me to ignore you and lock my feelings. This love that I’m so afraid of... would you accept it?
My love why is your voice so beautiful?
Even if I can’t be with you
Even if so perfect?
my feelings end,
barred by a wall of destiny
I still love you, why are our voices fitting so well?
If I can just be somewhere where I can see you
Because you’re my everything I sing the long note and close my eyes again.
You squeeze my hand harder before singing your part.
I’ve spent so many nights awake
So when my star like tears
start to fall like the half-hearted rain
Your voice echoes in my head countless times.
Please remember
That I loved you.
In that moment I wanted so badly to scream ‘I love you’ in your face and then kiss you like how I’ve always wanted to. Thank God my will is strong!
I hear you taking a deep breath.
My love this time I sing this part and let you show me your so cute voice.
Even if I can’t be with you
Even if I wonder how you feel about me...
my feelings end,
barred by a wall of destiny
I love you, Do you like me?
If I can just be somewhere where I can see you
Because you’re my everything
Gladly on the last sentence I get a hold of myself and scream it in a loud voice. I know I’ll have to continue singing highly so I take anther deep breath and then continue while holding your hand next to my heart.
I need you, oh no.
I’m trying, dying, crying for you, baby.
Then you stop singing and start improvising and with a light squeeze I know you want me to back-sing you.
I love you,
I love you
Will you ever say these words to me?
Because you’re my everything
I sing it along with you in a low voice.
It’s not tough, oh no
Because you have to be mine
In order for you to be you
Again you completely make my mind go blank with your words. You pull me closer but I quickly close my eyes for my lines.
Even if it hurts
Even if you make me cry
I love you
‘I love you’ that was the only thing that was on my mind until I feel something against my lips. I open my eyes quickly to make sure of what it is and... I see you with your pulp lips on mine squeezing my hand even harder. Is this happening? Is this really really happening?? Are you giving me a chance? I don’t care anymore... I just close my eyes again and enjoy the kiss. It’s just a normal kiss but for me it’s my reason for living. If I can I want to make this moment reply again and again and never end. When it’s finally over I slowly open my eyes just to see you blushing and biting your lower lip. Then you look in my eyes and try to say something.
“Because of your love...” What? Are you... kidding me...? These words... exactly the same... My heart... Oh my God... “Why?” I feel my head spinning around and tears already falling down my cheeks. “Jinki? What’s wrong??? Are you okay...?”
I just hide my face in your shirt and clench my fingers deep in it so you won’t disappear. I feel myself shaking from the fear I am feeling right now but when you put your hands around me I quickly calm down but don’t stop crying.
“Jinki...” you too clench your fingers in my shirt and I really try my best to stop crying and look at you. Your eyes are so red that it’s like you’ve eat something really spicy.
“You... you’re not going to disappear... right?” even with all my will I can’t make my voice stop shaking. I notice your confused stare and try to calm down completely. “Sorry... I just...” damn it... I just can’t hold back my tears... They are for you after all. “I have to go...” I stand up and head to the door as quick as possible but you grab my hand pulling me back. I was in your arms again and when I felt your warmth I cry even harder. “I’m sorry for crying in front of you... I’m sorry for making you worry... I’m sorry... for everything.”
“Please tell me what’s wrong.” You hold my face with your gentle hands and make me face you.
“Is... is it okay to love you?”
“Eh...”
“You won’t disappear because of my love, right...? Right... You won’t suffer because of me... right?” I see the shock in your eyes but I can’t manage to stop myself from talking this stupid and pointless things. “You will be happy, right? Please tell me that you love me too...”
You look away for a moment and I completely lose any hope that you would even like me or still be my friend.
“I...” finally a noise came from you. I open my eyes widely and carefully try to read what’s written on your face. “I was afraid of the same thing...”
“What...”
“I had one dream...” what? “... and in that dream you... disappeared... It was because of my stupidness you died in front of my eyes. After that dream I try my best to treasure you and give you all the possible love I have but it’s hard for me to be the same to you after seeing you dying before my eyes....” That MUST be a dream right now...
“No way...”
“Huh?”
“I... I had that kind of dream too... But you just disappeared because of my... love.” I look away and try to order the things that just happened. I feel you fingers running down my chest and sliding under my shirt and for a moment my stomach turns around 100 times. “Uh...” I just manage to moan that and close my eyes while you kill my cheek and then continue until you reach my lips. You first carefully lick my lower lip to see if I want you and hell yeah I want you. I grab your face and kiss you crazily not letting you to take a breath.
Your hands move to my back making you come closer to me and I can feel your hot body under you clothes. You end the kiss and moan on my neck and your hot breath makes me shiver. Seriously... Is this reality?
“Jinki...” your moan makes it clear that this really is reality. I kiss your neck and slide my hand on the inner side of your hip what makes you moan again.
“Is it okay to love you...?” I whisper in your ear.
“Figure it out yourself.” You reach your hand and grab the remote control. You click on some random numbers and then throw it away. Thank you for doing that. The song that is on is 2PM - Back 2 u.
“Do you want me to lose control?” I ask you calmly.
“I would like that.” You smirk awkwardly because you don’t know what will happen.
“Okay then... Prepare yourself.” I push your back on the couch and kiss you rudely. I feel you trying to resist but it’s too late for it. Your legs are already around me and I have full control of you. I can make you do everything and I will because I want to still make sure if this is real.
At the end you give up and put your hands around my neck to pull me closer. The kiss was long and I can already feel you fighting to take breath so you can continue but you can’t. I end the kiss for a little so you can just stay alive then kiss you again pushing myself closer to you so you can feel all me and I can feel every part of your sexy and perfect body. I want to treasure you like a princess but your sexiness is not letting me to.
“S-someone might come and see us...” you try to push me away but it’s too late for it.
I just ignore your words and continue kissing your neck and sliding my hands under your shirt. You moan and move your head back leaving me to have you completely.
“Jinki...” with every moan of my name I get more and more excited. I don’t know what might come next and I’m afraid but with you by my side I have the power to continue. “Don’t... stop...” with these words I lose control completely and bite your neck hard enough for you to scream from the pain.
“Sorry...” I say softly and lick your blood away from your beautiful neck. Then I lift your shirt more so all your chest can be visible. I gulp before licking your nipple. You moan again and make me go crazy.
I slide my hand under your pants and stroke your erected member. And of course you are moaning again. I put my free hand on your mouth to shut you up and suddenly you lick my fingers.
I go up for another taste of your plump lips when suddenly I hear a knock on the door. You open your eyes and push me away. I help you to stand up and fix yourself before opening the door.
“Excuse me but your time’s up.”
“Um... O-okay...” I answer the old lady with an awkward smile on my face hoping she will quickly go away. When she was finally away I go back to you and hug you tightly.
“Jinki! What are you-?”
“I’m treasuring this moment! I... I just wanted to make sure if you don’t hate me now after what I did...” I move away and watch your face to see how you will react.
“... Are you stupid?”
“Huh...?”
“Nothing.” You smile and that smile fills my heart. “Let’s go.” You stand up and take my hand.
“Where?”
“Hmmm. There’s no one home so I guess we’re going to my place.” I was waiting for you to invite me. Now I’m sure you won’t push me away and leave me alone.
With you by my side I can now sleep peacefully not afraid of being alone there and crying. I want you to be feeling the same thing because even if you don’t want it I will make sure to protect you from the pain and make the smile that I love be always on your perfect face.
I remember that dream where I was outside the rain alone... It was painful because I knew that it was right after your disappearance. I was just standing there and crying under the rain with no one to comfort me. But now I know it will never happen because I will make everything to hold you here next to me and never let you go.
Even if it hurts, even if you make me cry, I love you...