Journal From Kelly 4
Maybe if you didn't come into my room smelling like beer and looking like a wasted god in faded denim and cowboy boots, I wouldn't like you half so much.
It's a sad-but-true fact that I think I may be falling for you, boy. You, the man-whore to my slut. You, the surfer-boy to my ocean-girl. You are most beautiful with you hair dripping into your eyes like the branches of a weeping willow. You are most ugly with another girl's lies on your breath and sweat on your lips. You are everything I want and everything I hate. Why am I so obsessed with you? Perhaps I just want to figure out your conundrum.
What is it about me that makes people care? Audrey's already attatched, apparently. Also apparently, I'm the most fun girl Al has. Or, at least. the one he's most comfortable with. I'm going to ruin him. Yay! ^.^
Okay, so yeah. I was right. She's totally attatched now. But, it's in a wierd way. In a "I don't mind if you go out drinking or fuck other people" kind of way. I guess and suppose that she simply assumes that I'll just come back to her in the morning, anyway, so why bother with worrying, right? Silly girl. Doesn't she know that I am never a sure thing?
I think I may have fucked up just a bit with Al, being all clingy and all that jazz. Oops.
Well, I don't have to worry about fucking it up with Al after all because I told him we couldn't have sex anymore. He took it well, but assumed it was because of Audrey, which it's totally not. At all. Really. I swear.
I'm gonna write this in some misguided attempt to not cut. My heart is attatched ot my phone with superglue and fishing twine. I can't decide who's more stubborn, him or me. I'm starting to think it's him. I'm breaking under the weight of his silence, but I can't bring myself to care. Yet. Anymore? I know it was bitchy to tell him I cut because of him, but he's a jerk sometimes and it's true. I think he's afraid of me. For me. No, definitely of me. How can you give in somebody who intentionally hurts themselves, who is so full of hate and anger and pride and sorrow? I'm not even sure what I would do if I did have him. The only other person I've ever wanted this bad, this numbingly, this overflowingly was Lizzie. What does that mean? Does that mean it'll take me years to get over his skinny, blonde, jerk ass? I certainly hope not, cuz that would straight suck.
my regular hobbies tend to include
letting your words determine my mood
watching you breathe, touching your lips
writing passion on your skin with my fingertips.
Why is it that, just when I think I'm finally fucking over him, he goes and does something adorable? And, just when I feel like I could actually love him, he goes and pulls some retarded jack-assery that makes me want to fucking kill him?
It's a sad-but-true fact that I think I may be falling for you, boy. You, the man-whore to my slut. You, the surfer-boy to my ocean-girl. You are most beautiful with you hair dripping into your eyes like the branches of a weeping willow. You are most ugly with another girl's lies on your breath and sweat on your lips. You are everything I want and everything I hate. Why am I so obsessed with you? Perhaps I just want to figure out your conundrum.
What is it about me that makes people care? Audrey's already attatched, apparently. Also apparently, I'm the most fun girl Al has. Or, at least. the one he's most comfortable with. I'm going to ruin him. Yay! ^.^
Okay, so yeah. I was right. She's totally attatched now. But, it's in a wierd way. In a "I don't mind if you go out drinking or fuck other people" kind of way. I guess and suppose that she simply assumes that I'll just come back to her in the morning, anyway, so why bother with worrying, right? Silly girl. Doesn't she know that I am never a sure thing?
I think I may have fucked up just a bit with Al, being all clingy and all that jazz. Oops.
Well, I don't have to worry about fucking it up with Al after all because I told him we couldn't have sex anymore. He took it well, but assumed it was because of Audrey, which it's totally not. At all. Really. I swear.
I'm gonna write this in some misguided attempt to not cut. My heart is attatched ot my phone with superglue and fishing twine. I can't decide who's more stubborn, him or me. I'm starting to think it's him. I'm breaking under the weight of his silence, but I can't bring myself to care. Yet. Anymore? I know it was bitchy to tell him I cut because of him, but he's a jerk sometimes and it's true. I think he's afraid of me. For me. No, definitely of me. How can you give in somebody who intentionally hurts themselves, who is so full of hate and anger and pride and sorrow? I'm not even sure what I would do if I did have him. The only other person I've ever wanted this bad, this numbingly, this overflowingly was Lizzie. What does that mean? Does that mean it'll take me years to get over his skinny, blonde, jerk ass? I certainly hope not, cuz that would straight suck.
my regular hobbies tend to include
letting your words determine my mood
watching you breathe, touching your lips
writing passion on your skin with my fingertips.
Why is it that, just when I think I'm finally fucking over him, he goes and does something adorable? And, just when I feel like I could actually love him, he goes and pulls some retarded jack-assery that makes me want to fucking kill him?