(no subject)
Here begins my attempt to catch up.
I went to Hawaii last week, for 2 nights. Went through my dad's stuff. Talked to a lawyer. Visited his friends who hosted the wake, which I couldn't go to. It was very, very surreal.
The autopsy was inconclusive. Samples were sent to a toxology lab in California, and the results could take up to 8 weeks. But basically, he had been drinking himself to death. Then he got sick, and his body couldn't handle it.
Going through his things was strange, partially because I had to make decisions about his possessions when I haven't even been a part of his life for years. I also found a lot of pictures of us from when I was little. Some good memories came back. I am trying, however, to not romanticise things out of guilt. Guilt that I rejected him, that I was the reason he drank so much and was so unhappy. Guilt that he loved me and he died not knowing that I had been thinking about reconciliation. So it's easy for me to paint a pretty picture of him to feed my guilt with. But in reality, while he did love me, he didn't nkow how to show it. He made a lot of bad decisions which hurt me, and hurt others in our life. And his problems went much, much deeper than our rotten relationship. When I was born, that was not incentive enough for him to clean up, so us reconciling probably wouldn't have done much.
I now own property on the Big Island. It's in the boonies, and there are probably people growing pot on it. My Uncle Arlo, my mom's brother, is going to check it out for me and we will decide if it is a good idea to sell or keep. It never hurts to own land, but the property taxes could kick my butt, and anyway, if there are people growing pot, it could be siezed anyway.
And if I sell, I can pay off my student loans.
It was good that I made the trip, but boy am I glad to be back!
And last night. Last night was fabulous. Last night was....
POLLY JEAN!!!
She kicked ass. She was beautiful. She had on an orange dress that she made out of t-shirts from the band that opened for her, Knife and Fork. I couldn't see her shoes, however... :(
She sang "Down by the Water"!!! And shook her maracas.
I asked her to marry me, but she didn't hear.
But damn ticketswest! The tickets never came, so they put me on the will-call list, which means I don't have an actual ticekt as a memento.
Anyway, it was wonderful. It was desperately needed to make up for the last two weeks.
I went to Hawaii last week, for 2 nights. Went through my dad's stuff. Talked to a lawyer. Visited his friends who hosted the wake, which I couldn't go to. It was very, very surreal.
The autopsy was inconclusive. Samples were sent to a toxology lab in California, and the results could take up to 8 weeks. But basically, he had been drinking himself to death. Then he got sick, and his body couldn't handle it.
Going through his things was strange, partially because I had to make decisions about his possessions when I haven't even been a part of his life for years. I also found a lot of pictures of us from when I was little. Some good memories came back. I am trying, however, to not romanticise things out of guilt. Guilt that I rejected him, that I was the reason he drank so much and was so unhappy. Guilt that he loved me and he died not knowing that I had been thinking about reconciliation. So it's easy for me to paint a pretty picture of him to feed my guilt with. But in reality, while he did love me, he didn't nkow how to show it. He made a lot of bad decisions which hurt me, and hurt others in our life. And his problems went much, much deeper than our rotten relationship. When I was born, that was not incentive enough for him to clean up, so us reconciling probably wouldn't have done much.
I now own property on the Big Island. It's in the boonies, and there are probably people growing pot on it. My Uncle Arlo, my mom's brother, is going to check it out for me and we will decide if it is a good idea to sell or keep. It never hurts to own land, but the property taxes could kick my butt, and anyway, if there are people growing pot, it could be siezed anyway.
And if I sell, I can pay off my student loans.
It was good that I made the trip, but boy am I glad to be back!
And last night. Last night was fabulous. Last night was....
POLLY JEAN!!!
She kicked ass. She was beautiful. She had on an orange dress that she made out of t-shirts from the band that opened for her, Knife and Fork. I couldn't see her shoes, however... :(
She sang "Down by the Water"!!! And shook her maracas.
I asked her to marry me, but she didn't hear.
But damn ticketswest! The tickets never came, so they put me on the will-call list, which means I don't have an actual ticekt as a memento.
Anyway, it was wonderful. It was desperately needed to make up for the last two weeks.