*I hAvE bEeN hErE mAnY tImEs BeFoRe*
wow like the third time today
this is a record...
well nothing really has happened today
i decorated for christmas... it always makes me upset cause it reminds me of when my family was all together living in the same house and how as a family we would decorate... now i refuse to decorate unless i do it by myself. so i did it all by myslef with dahsboard playin so load im surprised the cops didnt get called on me... i had a lot of memories running through my head of when my parents were together, when my brother and mom didnt hate each other, when we all got along and i have decided that there is no point in dwelling on the past, because my life will never be like that again... so its time to get over it and move on.
i have talked to Matt like all day... he is soo cool... we need to hang out...
he is like me so much that we can talk about nething and we understand each other.
neways i am putting to rest everything with matt and ricky and this summer because ihave a problem believe nething now.. so there is no point in being hurt by it. i dont regret being with ricky cause it was the happiest i have ever been in my life. yes it ended badly and i went through a lot of pain but if i had to have that pian again i would take it to feel what i did when we were together...
i dont want him back at all. it is to hard with him living in sugarland.... it is like we live seperate lifes but i do miss how i would tell him everything and he understood. i miss the friendship we had befor it was anything else.
on a happier note i am going to courtneys when my dad gets home. brian went to pick her up and then they are coming to my house till my dad gets home at like 8:30 ish
hmmm
my mom actually called me on thursday just to talk... it was weird she has never done that before... it was like for a moment she actually cared that i was alive. i dont know whether i could handle her doing that all the time, i have become accustomed to her hating me that it would take a lot to have it differently. i dont want to go back to school on monday cause i dont want to see people.. and there drama, everyone this year seems to have so much drama and anger inside that it makes it hard to have normal convos with people cause they are always like ARG. im not saying i am perfect but i can usually hold it in unless it is really bad, enough to talk to people and not complain. im not singleing people out and saying they are the only ones... it is almost like quest as a whole is pmsing ... teachers included.
i was thinking about they whole sex thing the other day and i got so incredably scared...
my biggest fear in life is loosing my virginity to someone i dont truely love or loosing it when i am under the influence of anything thing and then not remembering it.. i know that is lame but for me my virginity is like the one thing i have a decision on who i give it to and im scared that i am going to think i love someone and then give it away and then regret it for the rest of my life... cheesy i know but its one of those things i think about...
well they will be here soon so i need to finish getting ready...
*FoReVeR lOsT iN uR bEaUtY... tIlL tHe DaY u KnOw My NaMe*
this is a record...
well nothing really has happened today
i decorated for christmas... it always makes me upset cause it reminds me of when my family was all together living in the same house and how as a family we would decorate... now i refuse to decorate unless i do it by myself. so i did it all by myslef with dahsboard playin so load im surprised the cops didnt get called on me... i had a lot of memories running through my head of when my parents were together, when my brother and mom didnt hate each other, when we all got along and i have decided that there is no point in dwelling on the past, because my life will never be like that again... so its time to get over it and move on.
i have talked to Matt like all day... he is soo cool... we need to hang out...
he is like me so much that we can talk about nething and we understand each other.
neways i am putting to rest everything with matt and ricky and this summer because ihave a problem believe nething now.. so there is no point in being hurt by it. i dont regret being with ricky cause it was the happiest i have ever been in my life. yes it ended badly and i went through a lot of pain but if i had to have that pian again i would take it to feel what i did when we were together...
i dont want him back at all. it is to hard with him living in sugarland.... it is like we live seperate lifes but i do miss how i would tell him everything and he understood. i miss the friendship we had befor it was anything else.
on a happier note i am going to courtneys when my dad gets home. brian went to pick her up and then they are coming to my house till my dad gets home at like 8:30 ish
hmmm
my mom actually called me on thursday just to talk... it was weird she has never done that before... it was like for a moment she actually cared that i was alive. i dont know whether i could handle her doing that all the time, i have become accustomed to her hating me that it would take a lot to have it differently. i dont want to go back to school on monday cause i dont want to see people.. and there drama, everyone this year seems to have so much drama and anger inside that it makes it hard to have normal convos with people cause they are always like ARG. im not saying i am perfect but i can usually hold it in unless it is really bad, enough to talk to people and not complain. im not singleing people out and saying they are the only ones... it is almost like quest as a whole is pmsing ... teachers included.
i was thinking about they whole sex thing the other day and i got so incredably scared...
my biggest fear in life is loosing my virginity to someone i dont truely love or loosing it when i am under the influence of anything thing and then not remembering it.. i know that is lame but for me my virginity is like the one thing i have a decision on who i give it to and im scared that i am going to think i love someone and then give it away and then regret it for the rest of my life... cheesy i know but its one of those things i think about...
well they will be here soon so i need to finish getting ready...
*FoReVeR lOsT iN uR bEaUtY... tIlL tHe DaY u KnOw My NaMe*