(no subject)
I don't want anyone else.
I don't really want to live here, without Suspi. If God allowed me to die right now, I would welcome it.
I would welcome death. Departure from my own torture. Departure from knowing I can't be with him anymore. Departure from knowledge that while I can't forget him, he so easily forgets me.
I told Jo the other day that I don't think there will ever be a time I won't miss Suspi. That is the truth. It's torture, trying to live my life without him. When I have a moment to think, I remember. Memories of him, what he's like. How cute, ridiculously adorable he was, and how that made him irresistible. How beautiful his heart is. How much he loved the things that made me who I am. How easily we could be blissfully happy together. How he used to prod me to get me to react.
All that is something I can't have anymore. He will be someone else's.
And I can't move on.
I don't really want to live here, without Suspi. If God allowed me to die right now, I would welcome it.
I would welcome death. Departure from my own torture. Departure from knowing I can't be with him anymore. Departure from knowledge that while I can't forget him, he so easily forgets me.
I told Jo the other day that I don't think there will ever be a time I won't miss Suspi. That is the truth. It's torture, trying to live my life without him. When I have a moment to think, I remember. Memories of him, what he's like. How cute, ridiculously adorable he was, and how that made him irresistible. How beautiful his heart is. How much he loved the things that made me who I am. How easily we could be blissfully happy together. How he used to prod me to get me to react.
All that is something I can't have anymore. He will be someone else's.
And I can't move on.