Merlin Fanfiction: The T-Shirt Told Me To Do It

[merlinmonster]

 

‘Col!’ Bradley yelled happily, pulling Colin into a bone crushing hug. It had been some time since he had seen his friend and co-worker but now they were back for season three filming.

‘Bradley. I’ve actually sort of missed you’ Colin grinned. They looked at each other for a moment, smiling until they were interrupted by a retching sound behind them. They turned as one to see Katie standing there with a wicked grin.

‘Gees you two, get a room’ Katie said with mock disgust. Colin was trying to create a vaguely dignified response but his plan was foiled when Bradley pulled him into a headlock and ruffled his hair in a very Arthur-esque move.

‘It’s good to be back’ said Colin wearily.

*

Colin had a new ‘thing’, Bradley soon discovered. It was slogan T-Shirts. He had a load of them now. Every day there would be a new slogan plastered across his chest. The latest one said ‘Plant more trees please’. Typical vegetarian, Bradley thought to himself. Always trying to save the world.

‘Do you think people actually will?’ Bradley said abruptly looking at Colin who was sprawled out on his bed. They were meant to be running lines and Colin looked down at the script with obvious confusion, trying to pinpoint where Bradley was reading from.

‘Where’s that?’ he said with his brow furrowed.

‘No you idiot. Your T-Shirt. Do you think people will actually plant trees?’ Bradley replied impatiently. Colin looked down at himself still with a totally befuddled look on his face. His expression cleared slightly as he read his shirt.

‘T-Shirts aren’t meant to be instructional Bradley. They are meant to show people what kind of person you are. Like all clothes are in a way I guess. I mean the way you dress shows everyone that you may talk like a public school boy but you dress like a scruff.’ Colin, having imparted that pearl of wisdom looked down at his script again.

‘I am not a scruff! Anyway T-Shirts can too be instructional ’Bradley said for the simple reason that he disagreed with Colin on principle and was, in his eyes, never wrong.

‘Well are you going to go plant a tree now then?’ Colin asked with a clear challenge in his eyes. Bradley faltered for a moment.

‘Just because it is an instruction, doesn’t mean I have to follow it.’

‘But it says please’

‘Umm...’ Bradley realising he was quite possibly about to lose the argument, although not even sure what he was arguing anymore, decided to just do it. ‘Okay I will. I will plant a tree.’

‘Right now?’

‘No time like the present. Let’s go’. Bradley took a few strides towards the door before he faltered.

‘Something the matter Bradley?’ Colin asked pleasantly, not having moved at all.

‘Ummm well its almost 1 o’clock in the morning, I have no seed slash sapling slash whatever you grow a tree from and nowhere to plant it because we are in fact in France.’   Bradley said shiftily.

‘Oh well looks like no tree planting will be happening soon then’ Colin said and rolled over onto his stomach, opening the script again.

‘I will prove to you that T-Shirts can be instructional Morgan’ Bradley said as he still couldn’t let the argument go and after all he never lost. Okay he lost a lot especially against Colin but he was sure he could win this one.

‘That is the most ridiculous thing you have ever said. And you have said some pretty ridiculous things. Let it go Bradley this is the world’s most pointless argument. Now come on. Page number 45.’

Bradley conceded and collapsed onto the bed next to Colin and turned to the correct page. But he was determined to win no matter what.

*

It was a few days later when Colin was wearing his next slogan T-Shirt. It said ‘Suit Up because tonight will be LEGENDARY’. Colin had come to Bradley’s door, wanting to know if Bradley wanted to go down the pub with him and the others. Bradley’s eyes ran over Colin’s T-Shirt before he answered and replied with a look of total triumph on his face. ‘Wait for me downstairs, I’ll be there in ten.’

‘Bradley what the...’ Colin spluttered but Bradley had already slammed the door.

*

‘What the hell is taking so long?’ Katie asked impatiently as they all waited for Bradley in the hotel lobby.

‘Don’t ask me. I have no idea’ Colin answered slumped in a chair and flicking through a French paper. He knew better than anyone that Bradley’s ten minutes usually meant a normal person’s half an hour.

It was about fifteen minutes later, when Colin had finally stopped pretending to be able to understand French that Bradley appeared. Colin gaped at him for a moment.

‘What ARE you wearing?’ Colin blurted out in surprise.

‘It’s a suit’ Bradley said like it was obvious. Okay which it was but...

‘WHY?’  Katie, Angel and Colin all asked together.

‘Colin told me to’ was the reply. Katie and Angel swung round to look at Colin who was standing there with his mouth opening and shutting and a clear ‘don’t blame ME’ expression on his face. The girls turned back to Bradley.

‘Well his T-Shirt told me.’ Bradley clarified. The girls swung around again and Colin looked down at himself.  A sudden look of realization dawned on Colin’s face.

‘Oh not this again’ he said impatiently.

‘Not WHAT again?’ Katie practically screamed looking totally confused and more than a little murderous that the holdup seemed to be because Bradley had felt the need to dress in a suit. And she was pretty sure that Bradley hadn’t bought a suit with him so where he had got it from was another mystery.

‘Bradley and me got in to what I can only describe as a frankly ridiculous...’

‘And stupid’ Bradley offered helpfully.

‘...and stupid argument about whether T-Shirts could be instructional. He tried to follow the ‘instruction’ on my T-Shirt and failed as he often does. Now he is trying to prove some obscure point by doing what my T-Shirt says. Anything to add Bradley?’

‘Only that tonight better HAD be legendary because I am wearing my suit now. Well Tony’s suit. I didn’t have one.’ The other three gaped at him for a moment and then Colin physically shook himself free of the crazy as he called it (it happened a lot around Bradley) and started walking toward the door.

‘Let’s go’ he said wearily.

*

‘You do know you look utterly ridiculous right? I mean you are the only one in the whole joint that is wearing suit’ Colin said to Bradley while the girls were in the bathroom doing whatever it was girls did which was frankly a mystery. And why did they have to go in pairs?

‘Only because this bar is such a dive’

‘Only because no one where’s a suit to a bar.’

‘Ah you’re just annoyed because I have won’ Bradley said triumphantly.

‘You have not...and I’m not exactly sure what you are trying to prove here. Except the fact that you can read’

‘I am proving that T-Shirts can be instructional’ Bradley as usual would not let it go.

‘By doing what it says?’

‘Yep’

‘Right...’ Colin said thinking that was the end of it. He was wrong.

*

‘Oh my God that is not a hint is it? Who did you kill?’ Bradley said looking vaguely panicky. Colin looked at him in confusion which was happening a lot lately. Bradley pointed at his T-Shirt which was also happening a lot recently. It said ‘A friend will help you move but a true friend will help you move a body’.

‘What? NO it isn’t a hint. I haven’t killed anybody. How far are you going to take this? What do you actually want from me?’

‘Umm....’ Bradley hadn’t actually thought that far ahead. ‘I want you to admit I am right and that I am awesome.’

‘Never going to happen. I bet I can break you first. In which case you have to admit that I am right and that I am awesome.’

Bradley looked at him for a moment and then said ‘Give me your worst Morgan. It’s a deal.’ He thrust out his hand.

‘Deal’ Colin agreed. They slapped their palms together then the backs of their hands together followed by their fists and what can only be described as a gangsta flick. Bradley strode off and Colin stared after him for a little too long, unconsciously clenching his hand into a fist and savoring the skin on skin contact.

*

‘Bradley’ Colin called him and Bradley spun around to be faced with a grinning Colin Morgan who was wearing his long coat and what appeared to be very little else. ‘I’ve got something to show you’. He pulled the coat open just as Bradley closed his eyes.

‘Bradley what ARE you doing?’

Bradley slowly opened his eyes to see Colin wearing a T-Shirt and shorts under his very long coat. ‘Umm I thought you were gonna flash me’ he said sheepishly.

‘Why on Earth would I do that?’ Colin asked looking slightly alarmed.

‘Well what other reason would you have for wearing a long coat and why are you wearing shorts anyway?’

‘I’m about to go for a run. And the reason I was wearing the coat is so I could hide my T-Shirt from you until I was ready for the big reveal.’ Colin said patiently. Bradley looked at Colin’s chest to read ‘Admitting You’re an Asshole is the First Step.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Bradley asked.

‘It means that if you want to win the bet you are going to have to admit you’re an asshole.’

‘But...I...wha... FINE! I am an asshole. Satisfied?’

‘Nope’ Colin said grinning a very evil grin. ‘I want you to admit it to everyone you come across. I am going for my run and when I get back I expect people to be in suitable uproar about it.’

Bradley’s mouth dropped open. ‘Oh so you’re going to play dirty are you’ he said after a fitting pause for gaping.

‘Hey you wanted to play this game. And I did warn you. See you later’ Colin smiled serenely and then jogged off without a backwards glance. Bradley stared after him for a moment his mouth still hanging open.

‘And they think he’s the SWEET one...’

*

‘Colin I think there I something very wrong with Bradley’ Angel said sounding genuinely concerned. Colin had just arrived back from his run.

‘Why what’s happened?’ Colin asked, actually worried.

‘He told me he was an asshole’ Angel said with the air of someone whose world had been turned on its axis. Colin laughed.

‘Well he is one isn’t he?’

‘Well yes but obviously he doesn’t think so why is going around telling everyone he is?’

‘Everyone?’

‘Yep he stopped a group of tourists who clearly had no idea who he was and announced he was asshole. They looked at him like he was a total freak and then took his picture. Mind you I don’t think they could understand him, they were like German or something.’ Angel shook her head in disbelief and Colin laughed again.

‘Well this is why’ Colin said and flung his coat open triumphantly. He looked at Angel to see she had her eyes tight shut.

‘You showed him your... your...’ Angel said, struggling for words.

‘NO! Why does everyone think I am going to flash them?’ Colin demanded sounding aggrieved.

‘It does kinda look like a flasher’s coat. Sorry Col’ Angel, realising that Colin hadn’t been about to flash her, opened her eyes.

‘Yeah but this is me... never mind’ Colin stormed off with his coat flaring out, in what he hoped was, an impressive manner. Of course he left Angel behind with even more questions than she had before.

*

They were in the pub when the bet next came up again.

‘I see you have got rid of your flasher coat.’ Bradley said.

‘Yeah well I didn’t realise that was the impression I was giving. I still can’t believe that you thought I, of all people, would flash you. And Angel! But never mind that now it is time for you to feast your eyes on the latest T-Shirt.’ The effect was somewhat lost by the time Colin had struggled out of his hoodie but Bradley obediently read the slogan once it was revealed.

‘Buy me another Beer. You are still Ugly... That’s not very nice!’

‘I’m not saying you are ugly well I am but what I am really saying is buy me another beer.’

And so Bradley did. And another and another until Colin thought he had probably had enough or rather he passed out slumped on the bar.  Bradley shook him awake impatiently with a disgruntled ‘...and you call yourself an Irishman?’ Colin didn’t seem in a fit state to comment so Bradley hauled him upright and looped an arm around his waist. Colin had just enough hold over proceedings to put his arm round Bradley’ shoulders. Bradley had drunk quite a lot too so it was quite an unsteady pair that swayed and weaved their way back to the hotel.

Bradley managed to get Colin as far as his room and pushed him down on the bed. He got into the bathroom and picked up the glass on the side which he promptly dropped. It shattered on the floor and Bradley stared down at it blearily before deciding that plastic cups were the way forward. Unfortunately that didn’t appear to be an option. He picked up the other glass and held it with a death grip as he filled it with water. He managed to sway his way back into the main room, slopping most of the water on the floor and clunked it down on Colin’s bedside. He looked to the door and then back to the bed which in his inebriated haze looked to have a golden glow and a hallelujah chorus whereas the door looked dark and foreboding. Bradley made his decision and collapsed onto the bed next to Colin. Colin opened his eyes groggily and mumbled,

‘You’re not really ugly in fact you’re very pretty’. Then he fell asleep. Bradley looked at him fondly for a minute before he said

‘You’re very pretty too.’

*

Colin woke up and realised he was curled up next to something warm and solid. He opened his eyes slightly and then shot up abruptly at the sight of Bradley snoring gently next to him. His head immediately wished he hadn’t done that and protested loudly. Colin had other concerns however and quickly pulled the duvet cover up. To his relief he and Bradley were both fully dressed. He knew he had been drunk last night but he was sure he hadn’t been so far gone that he would make a move on Bradley.

‘What’s the matter? You look freaked’ Bradley said sleepily with eyes half open.

‘I was just concerned that you were in my bed. Why ARE you in my bed Bradley?’

‘What have you never woken up with your best mate in your bed before? You haven’t lived. Anyway it was because I had to half carry your drunken ass back here and I couldn’t handle the few extra feet to my room so I just collapsed here.’

‘Right...’ said Colin who hadn’t actually taken in a lot of what Bradley had said as he had been too busy wincing. ‘I think aspirin and tea is in order.’

‘Now you’re talking sense. Although I do have one question. Why did you think we had slept together?’

‘Ummm...’

*

‘No Bradley you can’t have a gun.’ Colin said in some alarm. ‘And I’m still not entirely sure where you got the bullwhip from’

‘Props had it. It’s like a treasure trove in there. Anyway you’re cheating.’

‘In what way?’

‘I think we need some ground rules. For example you can’t wear a T-Shirt which has an impossible instruction like you did with that ‘Don’t Read This’ T-Shirt. And you can’t get in the way of me trying to fulfill an instruction like you are now.’ Bradley said looking speculatively at Colin’s T-Shirt which said ‘Archaeologist Checklist: Fedora, Bullwhip, Revolver.’

‘Fine’ Colin agreed. ‘But you still can’t have a gun.’

‘Ve have vays of making you change your mind Mr Morgan’ Bradley said in what he clearly thought was a German accent.

‘That’s James Bond not Indiana Jones’ Colin said, unimpressed. Bradley looked thrown for a moment and then flicked the whip out. By pure fluke it wrapped round one of Colin’s wrists and made him stagger forward a few steps almost into Bradley’s arms.

‘Ah ha!’ Bradley said continuing the use of his accent. ‘You are not so clever now are you?’

No, thought Colin as he looked into Bradley’s eyes. His stomach dropped not unpleasantly and his breathing increased. He flushed uncomfortably as Bradley’s smile faltered and he looked searchingly at Colin, wondering what had stalled the usual glib comeback. Bradley’s head dipped slightly and Colin’s heart accelerated to an unnatural pace. But Bradley was just looking down at where the whip had wrapped around Colin’s wrist.

‘I didn’t hurt you did I?’ Bradley said in concern evidently thinking that was the reason for Colin’s discomfort. He took Colin’s wrist gently and unwound the whip. There was a red mark there but Colin felt no pain as Bradley’s fingers gently brushed over the spot, soothing it with his thumb. ‘Sorry Col’ he said softly looking up again. Colin finally managed to formulate a reply which was basically pulling his wrist out of Bradley’s grip and gurgling slightly. He swallowed and tried again.

‘No it’s alright. Look I’ll see you later yeah?’ And then he proceeded to walk away as fast as he could without actually running.  Bradley looked after him with his mouth slightly open. He was not entirely sure what had just happened. But there was nothing new there. After all Colin confused the hell out of him.

*

‘Colin I’m really worried about Bradley’ Katie said flopping down next to Colin under the tree where he was sitting. Ironically he had come here to avoid Bradley, still not entirely sure why he was feeling all weird around him lately. Well he was actually very sure, he was just avoiding the issue.

‘In what way?’

‘Well...’ Katie said carefully. ‘He’s running around making a shitload of toast and when I asked him why he looked at me in a deranged sort of way and said ‘The T-Shirt told me to do it.’ And his eye sort of twitched.  Yesterday he was brandishing a bullwhip asking me where he could find a gun, a few days ago he took all my gummy bears and the day before that he told me he was an asshole about ten times. Do you think you know maybe he’s working too hard or something? Colin?... Why are you laughing?’

‘This is why he is making the toast’ Colin said pulling open his jacket so Katie could read his T-Shirt which said ‘Make Toast Not War’. ‘As for the other things they were my t-shirts’ fault too. Apart from the gummy bears. He probably just wanted those.  And as for working too hard - this is Bradley!’

‘Okay maybe I am missing something here but why is Bradley doing what it says on your T-Shirt?’

Colin explained it to her.

‘Oh just a regular day at the office then’ Katie said. Colin had to agree. He and Bradley were very often involved in some stupid argument or bet with the stakes rarely more than telling the other one that he is awesome.

‘You know what you have to do?’ Katie said.

‘What?’

‘Find a T-Shirt with something that he will definitely won’t do on it. Then you will have won.’

‘That was the plan. But what will Bradley not do to win a bet?’

‘Ah well you’ve got me there.’

*

Colin fervently wished he hadn’t been wearing his ‘Let’s go do something stupid’ T-Shirt when he had bumped into Bradley earlier that day. He would have tried to put a stop to whatever daft plan Bradley was concocting but he had agreed as per the rules that he wasn’t allowed to get in the way of Bradley trying to fulfil an instruction. So now they were in a rented car driving God knows where and whenever he asked Bradley he just got a secretive smile and a ‘you’ll see’.  Colin couldn’t relax. He was so aware of Bradley next to him, so close that he could feel the body heat radiating off him. He swallowed uncomfortably wondering what had caused this onslaught of feelings. Although if he was truly honest with himself they had been there the whole time, he had just been stubbornly looking in the opposite direction. Colin sighed and tried to loosen up. Maybe this would be fun.

However as was the norm for the pair of them they soon hit trouble in form of a breakdown. In a no signal area. About three hours from the hotel. And it was raining. Great. The only bright side was they had broken down only a mile from a small bed and breakfast which had vacancies or rather, when they finally arrived there, one vacancy.

‘Sorry Colin.’ Bradley said some time later. They were in the small room they had to share and were flopped side by side on the mercifully double bed. They had finally got hold of Julian who had read them the riot act before promising to come and pick them up in the morning.

‘It’s OK Bradley’ Colin sighed. ‘Where were we actually going to go?’

‘I booked us a bungee jumping session.’ Bradley said brightly. ‘It was going to be brilliant but I think you will agree very stupid. But I won anyway.’ Bradley said contentedly.

‘How do you figure?’

‘What’s more stupid that breaking down in the rain in a no signal zone?’

‘True’ Colin conceded.

‘Are you alright Col?’ Bradley asked abruptly and Colin stiffened as he felt Bradley’s fingers brush the back of his hand. ‘You’ve been very quiet the last few days.’

‘Yeah it’s just...’ Colin stuttered. It’s just that I can’t get you out of my head and that now when I see you all I can think about is doing inappropriate things to you and now we have to share the bed for the night and I am truly worried about what that will involve. ‘...I’m just feeling a bit stressed you know? Emotional script this year. ‘

‘Yeah’ Bradley agreed. ‘Come on let’s try and get some shut eye.’

‘Yeah’ But it was a long time before he could sleep.

*

‘Why isn’t Bradley looking at you?’ Angel asked.  She, Colin and Katie were sat at a lunch table. Bradley was sat a few tables away determinedly looking in the opposite direction.

‘Lovers tiff?’ Katie asked.

‘What? NO!’ Colin was horrified to feel himself blush at the idea. ‘No it’s because of this.’

‘Stop looking at me’ Angel read aloud. ‘Ah yes Katie’s told me about the whole T-Shirt bet. But this is ridiculous. How long is this going to go on for?’

‘I don’t know. He’s a stubborn git isn’t he?’ said Colin but with no venom in his voice. He looked over at Bradley and smiled fondly.

‘You’re enjoying it!’ Katie accused him.

‘Well its sort of endearing isn’t it?’ Colin looked away from Bradley to see the two girls exchanging a LOOK. ‘What?!’

‘Nothing’ they said together.

*

‘Well that’s an easy one’ Bradley said taking a step forward so he was only about a centimeter from Colin. He never had issue with invading people’s space. Colin held his breath, stupidly worried about the answer. His T-Shirt asked the question ‘Do you like me? Please check yes or no.’ And there were two tick boxes. Bradley’s finger hovered between them for a moment before he traced a gentle tick in the yes box.

‘I thought you were gonna be a jerk and put no’ Colin said, releasing a breath he didn’t even realise he had been holding.

‘How could I be a jerk to you?’ Bradley said, still uncomfortably close.

‘You usually manage it’ Colin said. Bradley laughed and Colin felt his breath on his face. He fisted his hands in his pockets, resisting the urge to pull Bradley close and kiss him senseless.

‘You know I do like you though don’t you Colin?’ Bradley said, suddenly serious.

‘Yes. Course.’ Colin said incoherently.

‘Good’ said Bradley abruptly happy again, pulling Colin into a hug and then walking off whistling.  Colin finally relaxed again. He couldn’t go on like this.

‘I have to know’ he said aloud to himself.

*

This was a stupid idea Colin thought as he stood nervously in front of Bradley’s door. He paced up and down for the sixtieth time trying to get the courage to knock. He ended up in front of the door again with his fist raised, ready to knock. Just do it. Colin heard a sound and turned his head to see Rich making his way up the corridor. Every time Rich saw Colin he always regaled him with a long list of his latest ailments. Colin quickly decided that Bradley was the lesser of two evils and quickly bashed on the door. Bradley opened it and smiled when he saw Colin there.

‘Come in Col’ he said pleasantly holding the door wide.

‘Just in time’ Colin said as he rushed through the door way and Bradley shut the door. Bradley gave him a questioning look. ‘Rich was out there’ Colin said. But Bradley wasn’t listening because he had finally spotted Colin’s T-Shirt. His face remained impassive for a moment before it suddenly broke out in a grin.

‘I thought you would never ask’ Bradley said and crossed the room in a few strides. He looked at Colin for a moment, searchingly, still a little uncertain. Then he finally closed that small gap between them and pressed his lips gently to Colin’s. Colin’s reaction was instantaneous. He pulled Bradley close and opened his mouth in welcome. The kiss immediately went from gentle and tentative to wet, messy but absolutely amazing. Colin finally broke away so he could breathe.

‘You have no idea how long I wanted to do that’ he panted.

‘Should have worn this earlier then’ Bradley said gesturing at the T-Shirt which had four simple words written across it. ‘Kiss Me. I’m Irish.’

*

‘Bradley where are you taking me?’ Colin asked. It was the next day and after the world’s longest make out session they had both gone to bed, agreeing to sleep on it before making any major decisions. Any worries Colin had that Bradley regretted it were soon soothed when Bradley had pounded on his door the next day, telling him they were going on an adventure.

‘Here’ Bradley said stopping in the fringe of trees at the edge of the field they had been walking across. ‘Look what I have’. He put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a handful of...

‘Seeds?’ Colin asked.

‘Apple seeds to be precise. I still have a tree to plant remember?’Colin looked at him fondly.

‘We still haven’t sorted out who has won the bet.’

‘It is clearly me. I am even planting the tree now.’

‘Okay but I have one last T-Shirt for you to prove yourself.’ Colin smiled mischievously before pulling his hoodie off.

‘Let’s make sexy time....it’s nice’ Bradley read. He grinned. ‘Now that is one instruction I am happy to follow.’