(no subject)
My weight today is: 56kg
I'm starting to think I really really need to get serious about losing some of this weight now. I keep saying to myself.. today I start a diet and I WILL lose some of these rolls but then the chocolate *looks* at me. But when I bend over my tummy does the folds of fat thing. Eeek. Too much gack. I've been thinking of going back to my old bulimic ways since saying no to food has been all but impossible.. Hmmm. Then I think back to my hospital ways and how it spiraled out of control and how ill I felt all the time. OK so that option is out. I'm going to try REALLY hard to lose weight healthily. Salads and at least 2 litres of water a day. Yup. Like that.
Had a good talk to Aaron in the bath yesterday. I keep getting so frustrated with being agoraphobic. I just cant accept it like my CBT counsellor says I need to. How can I accept not being a *real* person anymore. I cant work, I cant do things by myself, I cant handle the panic attacks. But Aaron usually manages to put things into more of a perspective. I will try harder to be more accepting of my life and how it is NOW (not how I want it to be).
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I've been getting lots of milk from Angel and Honey, nearly enough to try making my own cheese. I would love to be more self-suffiecient. Getting closer now... if only the naughty lamb, Raven, would keep OUT of my vege patch and NOT eat my damn veges. Humph. But she's so sweet :) Oh yeah, and the damn goats didnt eat my fruit trees!!
****
Enough for now.
I'm starting to think I really really need to get serious about losing some of this weight now. I keep saying to myself.. today I start a diet and I WILL lose some of these rolls but then the chocolate *looks* at me. But when I bend over my tummy does the folds of fat thing. Eeek. Too much gack. I've been thinking of going back to my old bulimic ways since saying no to food has been all but impossible.. Hmmm. Then I think back to my hospital ways and how it spiraled out of control and how ill I felt all the time. OK so that option is out. I'm going to try REALLY hard to lose weight healthily. Salads and at least 2 litres of water a day. Yup. Like that.
Had a good talk to Aaron in the bath yesterday. I keep getting so frustrated with being agoraphobic. I just cant accept it like my CBT counsellor says I need to. How can I accept not being a *real* person anymore. I cant work, I cant do things by myself, I cant handle the panic attacks. But Aaron usually manages to put things into more of a perspective. I will try harder to be more accepting of my life and how it is NOW (not how I want it to be).
****
I've been getting lots of milk from Angel and Honey, nearly enough to try making my own cheese. I would love to be more self-suffiecient. Getting closer now... if only the naughty lamb, Raven, would keep OUT of my vege patch and NOT eat my damn veges. Humph. But she's so sweet :) Oh yeah, and the damn goats didnt eat my fruit trees!!
****
Enough for now.