Thinking about the future...
Things are looking much better. I said I wanted a career and to do something I enjoy. Well I think I'm finally on the right track. I got hired by Sears Portrait Studio as a Manger in Training! So I'm going to be doing a few things I love. One I'll be working with kids. Two I will be working in a photography studio. It's not Blacks or Carsand-Mosher but you have to start somewhere right? And it will give me the management experience I badly need.
I was really surprised I got the job. The day before yesterday I was going to meet Jason at Tims to spend the day with him and I got the call on the way over. I decided right then and there I was taking the job. It was the one I really wanted. And I felt really confident I'd get it then he never called me when he said he would so I figured I did not get it. But then he called a few days later and said the position was mine.
So I called yesterday and quit at ICT. I went in today to drop off my door card and sign some papers. And then I went for my orientation/first day of training. It was only 4 hours today. 1:30-5:30 but tomorrow I am going in at 9:15-5:45. Then I have 4 days off then back for 9:15-5:45. right now I am learning the basics with another new hire Miguel who will be a part timer. Then after we learn the basics next week I have two more weeks after that of management training.
I'm really excited! I feel like it's a really good opportunity. I really want this next year or two to be different. I want to get myself financially in a position to be completely reliant on myself. I want to rent a house. I want to be completely self sufficient. I want to be able to be in a position where I can think about the future. Think beyond today. And tomorrow. I'm 27. I want a life. I finally feel like I have one.
I'm in a relationship right now. And I'd like to stay in it. I want to be able to work towards something. But I will never be able to do that if I can't take care of myself. How can I expect someone to want to be in a serious relationship with me if I can't take care of myself. I know I can do it. I know I can turn things around. I've already started. And I am feeling really good about myself right now. I still have a little ways to go. But I'm getting there.
I'm hoping that I can prove to him that I am really in this. That I really want a long term serious relationship with him. But I am having a problem expressing how I feel. Especially after I told him the other night I had been having second thoughts. But honestly my feelings for him have not changed. My second thoughts were more about myself then him. But it hasn't helped that I feel like I am getting mixed signals from him. I know I need to sort things out. I hope that if the love is strong enough. And I think it is. That it will survive... that sounds so cliche but it's true.
I want so bad to make things work that I am forgetting the bigger picture. That I can't be in a relationship with someone and can't expect things from him that I can't give back. I think I can give them back though. Finally I love someone as much as they love me. He is the only guy I have ever cared enough about to stick around and work things out. I have no plans to go anywhere. And I'm hoping that he is thinking the same. I can't imagine throwing away someone you just found again. If the love was strong enough to survive a year completely apart (and I mean not seeing each other once) then it should be strong enough to survive a few rough patches. At least that's my theory anyways...
I've never felt this way before. It's such a good feeling. But it scares me a little too. I am terrified of getting hurt. But if you don't take the chance then you'll never know what your missing. And I know what I was missing... I definitely know. I know I really love him. I hope he knows too.
I was really surprised I got the job. The day before yesterday I was going to meet Jason at Tims to spend the day with him and I got the call on the way over. I decided right then and there I was taking the job. It was the one I really wanted. And I felt really confident I'd get it then he never called me when he said he would so I figured I did not get it. But then he called a few days later and said the position was mine.
So I called yesterday and quit at ICT. I went in today to drop off my door card and sign some papers. And then I went for my orientation/first day of training. It was only 4 hours today. 1:30-5:30 but tomorrow I am going in at 9:15-5:45. Then I have 4 days off then back for 9:15-5:45. right now I am learning the basics with another new hire Miguel who will be a part timer. Then after we learn the basics next week I have two more weeks after that of management training.
I'm really excited! I feel like it's a really good opportunity. I really want this next year or two to be different. I want to get myself financially in a position to be completely reliant on myself. I want to rent a house. I want to be completely self sufficient. I want to be able to be in a position where I can think about the future. Think beyond today. And tomorrow. I'm 27. I want a life. I finally feel like I have one.
I'm in a relationship right now. And I'd like to stay in it. I want to be able to work towards something. But I will never be able to do that if I can't take care of myself. How can I expect someone to want to be in a serious relationship with me if I can't take care of myself. I know I can do it. I know I can turn things around. I've already started. And I am feeling really good about myself right now. I still have a little ways to go. But I'm getting there.
I'm hoping that I can prove to him that I am really in this. That I really want a long term serious relationship with him. But I am having a problem expressing how I feel. Especially after I told him the other night I had been having second thoughts. But honestly my feelings for him have not changed. My second thoughts were more about myself then him. But it hasn't helped that I feel like I am getting mixed signals from him. I know I need to sort things out. I hope that if the love is strong enough. And I think it is. That it will survive... that sounds so cliche but it's true.
I want so bad to make things work that I am forgetting the bigger picture. That I can't be in a relationship with someone and can't expect things from him that I can't give back. I think I can give them back though. Finally I love someone as much as they love me. He is the only guy I have ever cared enough about to stick around and work things out. I have no plans to go anywhere. And I'm hoping that he is thinking the same. I can't imagine throwing away someone you just found again. If the love was strong enough to survive a year completely apart (and I mean not seeing each other once) then it should be strong enough to survive a few rough patches. At least that's my theory anyways...
I've never felt this way before. It's such a good feeling. But it scares me a little too. I am terrified of getting hurt. But if you don't take the chance then you'll never know what your missing. And I know what I was missing... I definitely know. I know I really love him. I hope he knows too.