You Can't Take It Back
You Can't Take It Back
Of all the souls to touch my life, I never imagined you’d be the one to shatter me.
But you did.
And you can’t take it back.
I shouldn’t keep you.
Into the darkness I run. Into my shadows.
I sit, my knees pulled to my chest.
My fingertips trail across my blade.
I want to die.
I want to end it all tonight.
My demon crouches low, breath putrid, teeth dripping acid, his claws coated crimson with my blood. He laughs, satisfied to have me all to himself once again.
“Such splendid carnage he’s made of you,” he says. “All mine now.”
I bury my head in my hands. My eyes weep betrayal. I breathe in deep. There’s no point to this. No end. I’d die to have you know every inch of me.
But it makes no difference.
When I bleed, I only bleed for me.
I can never kill the pain. Nothing stops the craving for my grave.
Confusion swarms my head while mayflies rip at my flesh.
I’ve been lost down this road for so long.
Exhausted.
Broken.
I’m jagged, little shards of my wrecked soul dropping with each step. Even those breadcrumbs won’t help me find my way home.
There’s a part of you I wish I could reach.
A part you think I shouldn’t know.
I tried to scrape together a shelter. Mud and clay. Pieces of bluegrass shot through. You tore it down, crept forward, your hand reaching for me. You made me believe. Made me think I could break free.
Now I lay here, stripped bare, shivering and cold. Your breath still fills the air. Your fingertips still hum across my skin. Fragments of what I could have been float above me. I close my eyes.
When did I become so unimportant, so insignificant?
I know you wish I could let go. In a moment, it will all fade. In a moment, I’ll struggle to speak. I’ll struggle to stand. Maybe someday you’ll forgive me. Maybe someday you’ll understand I’m loving you the only way I can.