Of Shoulds and Can'ts [2/?]
Title: Of Shoulds and Can'ts
Pairing: Hunhan
Genre: AU, Drama, Romance
Rating: Nc-17 (for this chap)
Length: Chaptered
Warnings: Mentions of death and Incest.
Summary: It started off with simple curiosity, grew and shifted to attraction to, eventually, morph to what will prove to be either perdition or salvation. Sehun is trapped in memories of which he can't let go while Luhan tries to label the apathetic look in the younger's eyes.
A/N: Sorry for the late update! I've been quite busy. Man, this was meant to be updated two weeks ago. orz Anyway! Hope you enjoy!
- > Prologue
- > Chapter One
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
“Don’t you dare speak up!”
Wet witness of desperation seeps from the boy’s eyes and down his cheeks, collects and drips from his chin in translucent liquid, “But father! It wasn’t…”
A loud slap resounds from the walls. It doesn’t hurt at first, although his right cheek blossoms in a bright shade of pink. Shock widens the boy’s eyes, disbelief mirrors on his features, mouth agape.
It’s not fair. Not the violence directed at him but what has caused it all. Maybe he deserves the hit for interrupting, his father has warned him. Still, how can they expect him to just watch?
The accusations against his brother were severe but the apparent victim screamed dissent. How could they just ignore the truth?!
His brother would never do that, they should all know, it’s not his nature at all! He could never hurt anyone, especially his own brother! Sehun screams, curses, throws himself to the ground, gets up again to shatter porcelain and whatever happens to get into his lethal, little fingers and breaks every rule that has been taught to him but the ruthless violence inflicted upon Soohyun by his father wouldn’t come to an end.
Instead, the servants take him, grab him by his arms and drag him out of the room. He screams, flails, hits them as he struggles to break free of their hold. Their united strength, however, overpowers the one of Sehun and there’s nothing he can do.
He catches a last glimpse of his brother before the door shuts.
What he sees doesn’t look like his brother anymore. It’s a pile of bone, flesh and bloodied clothing on the floor, lifeless he looks but he still moves, struggles to get to his knees. Then his father grabs the elder brother by his collar, yanks him upwards.
There’s cold mockery gleaming in his brother’s eyes as he looks up at his father. Then Soohyun turns his head towards the door.
For a moment, Soohyun’s gaze connects with Sehun’s. Blood drips from busted lips, cheeks blossoming in blue and purple, one eye swollen and half shut, his elbow looking strangely twisted as it dangles from his beaten figure.
Despite it all Soohyun smiles, eyes brimming with kindness and guilt as he looks at Sehun who forgets to breathe for that endless moment. It’s that picture that would etch into the boy’s mind for the rest of his life.
Their father turns his head, catches the look they exchange. The tall man growls in disgust and lashes out.
The blow hits Soohyun square across the cheek. There’s an ugly cracking sound as the victim’s head flies to the side from the force inflicted, a dash of crimson splatters onto the carpet.
The door closes shut. Sehun screams until his throat is hoarse, continues to scream even when there’s no sound audible anymore and he tastes copper on his tongue.
It’s the last time sees his brother living.
. . . . . . . . . .
The clock showed 5:43 when Sehun woke up. He groaned as he flashed a look at the glowing numbers and dropped back onto the mattress. There was no way he was going to be able to sleep again after that nightmare, so he eventually got up to drag his sweat-laced body towards the shower.
He’d have to work again today, the sole thought of it having another groan erupt from his vocal chords but after a cold shower and cup of coffee while watching the sun rise, everything looked brighter already.
As usual, Sehun let his gaze wander around his home, taking in the sight of white, wooden furniture and blue-striped cushions and curtains as the first sun rays trickled through the windows. Golden patterns were drawn onto the floor - and whatever else had accumulated on it - by the tender glow, illuminating the slow waltz of lint in the air.
There were piles of books, countless pots with little plants sprouting now that it was spring, mugs, paper and a small water bottle on his nightstand, a hint of orange flashing through the etiquette. Strangely soothing was the sight of his room this morning.
~.~
A whole week passed until they met again. Not directly, though, since Luhan was supposed to be busy studying but whenever the young male cast a look outside, a smile lighted his features and all thoughts of school flew out of the window. There was the janitor, Sehun, doing his work by taking care of the university’s environment with movements that looked all too graceful for the simple task.
“The janitor again?” A chuckle to his right let Luhan snap out of his daydreams.
It was lunch break. The group of his friends had found seat on their usual table and were enjoying the meal the cantina provided.
Truth be told, it was not a very fanciful meal but one doesn’t care if just hungry enough. It wasn’t bad either just very simple so that even the teachers were usually eating in the cantina.
Luhan shrugged, peeling his gaze off the sight beyond the window and continued to poke the fried chicken on his plate.
“Forget him, Luhan,” It was Tao who now voiced his thoughts, sounding all too serious for once, “A janitor can’t buy you Gucci.”
Chen, the friend who had woken Luhan from his dwellings earlier, snorted a laugh at that and Xuimin, the third and last of friends at the table cast a curious glance out of the window.
“Still, he doesn’t look like some ordinary man. He looks like he’d fit better into Armani than a janitor’s suit.” Xuimin’s gaze was trained on Sehun as he spoke, bringing to words what Luhan had been thinking all along.
Doubtlessly, Sehun wasn’t technically too young to be working but - watching him sweep the dirty grounds of the university - he just didn’t seem to fit. Luhan didn’t even notice he was biting his lip again, unconscious of the soft frown that marred his forehead.
~ . ~
Curiosity soon had the better of Luhan, so he started to ask around. The person suited best for such kind of information gathering was to be found in the university’s dorms, behind the locked door of room number 124.
Mildly speaking, Luhan was nervous. The student had heard the rumors about the man living behind the thin plank of wood separating what much rather seemed like two entirely different worlds.
Seven years the man had already spent at this university, or so said rumor, failing exams with such passion as wild, bronze-shimmering locks and several piercings supposedly suggested.
Luhan himself had never seen him, had never planned to. It wasn’t that he had purposefully avoided the legend but another whispered rumor was that the fair head was said to have bad luck stick to his soles like a shadow that he dragged across the lithic floors of the hallways, all sleepy eyes and askew uniform.
Other students usually avoided him for fear that his abysmally bad grades would somehow pull their own down along just by staying too long in his presence.
He knew the teachers by first name and shamelessly addressed in that manner, too. And despite it all, the male would always sport a toothy grin alike an incubus, an expression which could inflict nightmares.
Not enough with that but also was his stay apparently sponsored by his father, who, in turn, was no other than the university’s director, which did not only explain his careless attitude but as well the mystery of how he had gotten into university at all.
Park Chanyeol was, by all means, every teacher’s worst nightmare.
However, Luhan wasn’t allowed to dwell all too much longer until the door swung open and revealed the true person, which was a pleasant surprise. The eyes that met his were round and friendly, face framed by copper locks that sprang into every direction as if following their very own will. He even looked handsome in some abstract fashion.
“Can I help you?”
That grin truly was kind of creepy but the low, smooth tone of his voice was much more of a surprise to Luhan, who woke from his day-dreaming to bow politely.
“Yes, Sunbae. My name is Luhan and I was wondering if you could answer some questions for me,” Luhan rose, a shy grin tugging faintly at the corner of his lips as he met the other’s gaze again,” It’s not about any of the subjects but much rather about the people working here. You might just be the right person to know.”
The male cocked an eyebrow. Luhan could feel himself being mustered, assessed and categorized. Surely the infamous student had boys like Luhan standing in front of his door to ask for little favors all too frequently.
After a short while the other man shrugged and stepped aside, inviting Luhan, who had been adjudged harmless for the time being, into his living quarters.
~ . ~
It was precisely 6:23 pm when Sehun flashed yet another look at his watch. Landscapes contorted to blurry forms beneath a slowly darkening sky. Clouds hung low, fogging the windows of the train with an onslaught of little droplets that came in gusts whenever the wind turned south again.
A sigh eased from Sehun’s lips. If out of simple boredom or sever longing remained mystery to his own mind. The answer was clogged below the surface of thick, humid mist just as was the sight offered beyond the window.
When he finally had made his way home, shut the door with the familiar click and took off rain-drenched shoes and clothing, he was greeted first with the sight of the little, empty bottle.
As if proud the thing stood on top of his dinner table, vivid orange on its inside reminder to the previous owner. The picture of a face formed in his mind, accompanied by a name and the memory of a smile that had his own lips twitch upwards.
The number on the inside of the etiquette was still visible enough as Sehun went to peal it off carefully. At least one thing had to be done, so with that pretext he could allow himself to indulge just a bit more in the fantasy.
One message wouldn’t hurt.
~ . ~
“What is it?”
Chanyeol had quickly shoved some magazines off his chair to make some space for Luhan to sit on before he had flopped down onto his own bed. There was an estimating look in his eyes but Luhan was sure he could see the curiosity shining within as well.
The younger hemmed and shifted a bit on his chair as he tried to find the best way how to start the conversation without showing all too much of his vast interest.
“I was wondering if you know the... erm... cleaning staffs since you’ve been here a bit longer than most others.”
When Luhan rose his chin again to catch a glimpse on his vis-à-vis’ reaction his vista was met by a frown. Had the mention of the other’s duration of his stay here offended him? Luhan bit his lips, casting his gaze away again at the hardening expression of his sunbae who was still quietly watching him as the seconds trickled by, viscous like tar.
Short about when Luhan wanted to excuse himself and flee, Chanyeol spoke up again all certainty and ever so low timbre.
“The janitor.”
Luhan froze in position, his gaze immediately darting up at the elder with shock visible in his widened eyes: “How did you..?”
But Luhan’s words were cut off with a silencing gesture of Chanyeol’s who still regarded him with a mixture of unhidden interest and a very unusual seriousness swallowing his smile.
“So you noticed, huh? You’re the first to be honest. No one ever has. Congrats I guess.”
Chanyeol stretched his arms and let himself fall backwards, watching the ceiling as he folded his arms under his head. Left utterly dumbfounded, Luhan could only muster up a confused “Eh?” which, in turn, had the elder dart up to a sitting position again.
“Oh! So you didn’t notice?”
Luhan just shook his head in confusion, “Noticed what?”
If Chanyeol wouldn’t have ignored Luhan’s question, then maybe Luhan would have let it slide. The elder, however, just shrugged and let himself plop back on top of his sheets.
“Nothing. What about him then?”
Now Luhan frowned. There was obviously something being hidden from him and the man in front of him obviously knew the answer. All due respect for his sunbae but once caught on to a story Luhan wouldn’t let off again.
“His name is Sehun, right? It’s kind of weird.”
That earned a chuckle from Chanyeol, only feeding the growing confusion within Luhan. It had probably been a bad idea to come after all. This Chanyeol guy seemed to have lost it.
“Yeah, he is kinda weird.”
“Why does he work here? Isn’t he...” Luhan was about to say “too young” but Chanyeol once again cut him off before the other could finish.
“Crazy? Yep, he’s nuts but my father is good friends with the head of the madhouse and so he gave the poor soul some work here. Totally out of it, isn’t he?”
Completely struck, Luhan’s mouth fell agape as his mind tried to process the given information. It seemed all too abstruse of an idea and so the younger shook his head in utmost bewilderment.
“No, wait. That’s a pretty bad joke.”
“Joke,” Craning his neck, Chanyeol peeked up again, catching a glimpse of Luhan’s suddenly very pale face, “No, it’s no joke. I though you’ve noticed, too? Anyway, he’s not dangerous, don’t worry. My father would never hire a murderer or something of the sort. He’s just a bit - how to call it - out of this world?”
Chanyeol then smiled as if he hadn’t just declared the man of Luhan’s dreams to be some madman from the local bedlam. A soft profanity spilled from the younger’s lips in an utterance of utter disbelieve.
Shaky fingers ran through his hair. Luhan had even talked to Sehun, who admittedly had been quite a bit weird but most definitely Luhan would have never guessed the man to be different to that kind of extent. He had even given him his number.
Luhan groaned as he remembered - how stupid he had been! - and hit his head with the flat of his palm.
“Are you alright there?” Chanyeol had straightened up to a sitting position again, worry mirroring in his expression.
The younger just nodded a silent affirmation before getting up from his chair. He had heard enough for today.
~ . ~
It was quiet again. The sea had stilled and the wind had ceased to a soft whisper in the blue hour of twilight. Sehun breathed in humid little secrets and exhaled the sea’s spirit as he stood on top of the cliff, arms spread.
Stories were carried by the wind, held captive by fragrances and sound, the little things one could only perceive with their eyes closed.
“You have to let go in order to feel.”
His brother had always been right. This were the times when he could still picture him, hear his whisper against the shell of his ear and feel the warmth of his arms as they snaked around him.
The waves lured, the wind beckoned and Sehun sighed in bliss. How easy it would be to let go but he was sure his brother didn’t want to share this kind of fate with him, even though they had always shared everything.
He remembered in pictures, was brought back to when they were standing right at this spot together for the very first of times. Sehun had been scared motionless at first, had clung to his elder brother like his life depended on it. The height was dizzying, the waywardness of the weather and wind the whisper of death to the unknowing ones.
Soothing words had been fed to his ear, warm breath a soft caress against his skin that cast a shiver down his spine even now. He could hear him, feel his heat mingle with his own, the soft rise and fall of his chest, big, doe-like eyes watching him with unchanging tenderness even if he did wrong.
Sehun was taken back again, stifled and drowned in memories, suffocated in unshed tears.
What was there to be sad about when he still had it all. His brother had eventually sacrificed himself to grant his brother freedom.
He should be happy.
“Aren’t you happy, Sehun-ah?”
“I am, hyung.”
“Then stop crying, silly.”
~ . ~
The phone on Luhan’s desk vibrated violently, having the device almost jump off the surface. Just in time Luhan snapped out of his dwellings to catch the thing before it would collide with the floor.
Not really paying attention to the text glowing on the display, he slid his finger across the screen to unlock it.
His mind was somewhere else, his eyes dull and veiled as he tapped the pencil against his lips, chair tipped back. Minutes passed by with Luhan simply staring at the phone, still caught by the moody tides of thoughts tumbling through his mind.
Sehun.
Who was he really? He didn’t seem mentally ill at all. But then again, who was Luhan to tell. Various essays and items he had red searching through the internet had revealed quite a few things but nothing at all.
He now knew such things as that mentally ill patients with all but no perceivable sign of their sickness were no rarity. Some psychiatrists even believed that everyone was “insane” to some degree. Still, Luhan just couldn’t accept what Chanyeol had presented him as new reality.
He needed to know more. Sehun wouldn’t leave his thoughts no more, Luhan knew, until he had solved the riddle about that mysterious man. There was something big behind it all, hiding in the shadows that had cast upon the younger male's features back in the coffee shop when he had suddenly gotten up and left. There was a secret to be exposed.
Just then, the phone in his hand vibrated once more and Luhan would have nearly dropped it in shock.
There were two messages in his inbox. The most recent one from Tao:
Done with homework? Stop dreaming about him! Midterms are close!
The smile curving Luhan's lips was dedicated at how precise the friend had guessed about his doings again, albeit the mention of Sehun left a bitter aftertaste to linger. He was about to put the phone away again and do as had been ordered when he remembered the second message.
The number was not registered on his phone. A fact that had the student tilt his head a bit in confusion. Though, once opened up, Luhan’s heartbeat quickened, a strange sensation coursing through his body as he stared holes into the screen. Excitement and fear had his fingertips tingle as he typed up a reply.
He shouldn’t be answering, shouldn’t feel so thrilled about it or so incredibly drawn to that person. It was not to be helped, he thought to himself as Luhan pressed send, cheeks flushed and teeth worrying his lower lip.
With shaky fingers, he switched back to the received message once more.
Luhan knew the sender even without a name stated at the bottom.
Thank you.
I’ll make it up to you.
Pairing: Hunhan
Genre: AU, Drama, Romance
Rating: Nc-17 (for this chap)
Length: Chaptered
Warnings: Mentions of death and Incest.
Summary: It started off with simple curiosity, grew and shifted to attraction to, eventually, morph to what will prove to be either perdition or salvation. Sehun is trapped in memories of which he can't let go while Luhan tries to label the apathetic look in the younger's eyes.
A/N: Sorry for the late update! I've been quite busy. Man, this was meant to be updated two weeks ago. orz Anyway! Hope you enjoy!
- > Prologue
- > Chapter One
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
“Don’t you dare speak up!”
Wet witness of desperation seeps from the boy’s eyes and down his cheeks, collects and drips from his chin in translucent liquid, “But father! It wasn’t…”
A loud slap resounds from the walls. It doesn’t hurt at first, although his right cheek blossoms in a bright shade of pink. Shock widens the boy’s eyes, disbelief mirrors on his features, mouth agape.
It’s not fair. Not the violence directed at him but what has caused it all. Maybe he deserves the hit for interrupting, his father has warned him. Still, how can they expect him to just watch?
The accusations against his brother were severe but the apparent victim screamed dissent. How could they just ignore the truth?!
His brother would never do that, they should all know, it’s not his nature at all! He could never hurt anyone, especially his own brother! Sehun screams, curses, throws himself to the ground, gets up again to shatter porcelain and whatever happens to get into his lethal, little fingers and breaks every rule that has been taught to him but the ruthless violence inflicted upon Soohyun by his father wouldn’t come to an end.
Instead, the servants take him, grab him by his arms and drag him out of the room. He screams, flails, hits them as he struggles to break free of their hold. Their united strength, however, overpowers the one of Sehun and there’s nothing he can do.
He catches a last glimpse of his brother before the door shuts.
What he sees doesn’t look like his brother anymore. It’s a pile of bone, flesh and bloodied clothing on the floor, lifeless he looks but he still moves, struggles to get to his knees. Then his father grabs the elder brother by his collar, yanks him upwards.
There’s cold mockery gleaming in his brother’s eyes as he looks up at his father. Then Soohyun turns his head towards the door.
For a moment, Soohyun’s gaze connects with Sehun’s. Blood drips from busted lips, cheeks blossoming in blue and purple, one eye swollen and half shut, his elbow looking strangely twisted as it dangles from his beaten figure.
Despite it all Soohyun smiles, eyes brimming with kindness and guilt as he looks at Sehun who forgets to breathe for that endless moment. It’s that picture that would etch into the boy’s mind for the rest of his life.
Their father turns his head, catches the look they exchange. The tall man growls in disgust and lashes out.
The blow hits Soohyun square across the cheek. There’s an ugly cracking sound as the victim’s head flies to the side from the force inflicted, a dash of crimson splatters onto the carpet.
The door closes shut. Sehun screams until his throat is hoarse, continues to scream even when there’s no sound audible anymore and he tastes copper on his tongue.
It’s the last time sees his brother living.
. . . . . . . . . .
The clock showed 5:43 when Sehun woke up. He groaned as he flashed a look at the glowing numbers and dropped back onto the mattress. There was no way he was going to be able to sleep again after that nightmare, so he eventually got up to drag his sweat-laced body towards the shower.
He’d have to work again today, the sole thought of it having another groan erupt from his vocal chords but after a cold shower and cup of coffee while watching the sun rise, everything looked brighter already.
As usual, Sehun let his gaze wander around his home, taking in the sight of white, wooden furniture and blue-striped cushions and curtains as the first sun rays trickled through the windows. Golden patterns were drawn onto the floor - and whatever else had accumulated on it - by the tender glow, illuminating the slow waltz of lint in the air.
There were piles of books, countless pots with little plants sprouting now that it was spring, mugs, paper and a small water bottle on his nightstand, a hint of orange flashing through the etiquette. Strangely soothing was the sight of his room this morning.
~.~
A whole week passed until they met again. Not directly, though, since Luhan was supposed to be busy studying but whenever the young male cast a look outside, a smile lighted his features and all thoughts of school flew out of the window. There was the janitor, Sehun, doing his work by taking care of the university’s environment with movements that looked all too graceful for the simple task.
“The janitor again?” A chuckle to his right let Luhan snap out of his daydreams.
It was lunch break. The group of his friends had found seat on their usual table and were enjoying the meal the cantina provided.
Truth be told, it was not a very fanciful meal but one doesn’t care if just hungry enough. It wasn’t bad either just very simple so that even the teachers were usually eating in the cantina.
Luhan shrugged, peeling his gaze off the sight beyond the window and continued to poke the fried chicken on his plate.
“Forget him, Luhan,” It was Tao who now voiced his thoughts, sounding all too serious for once, “A janitor can’t buy you Gucci.”
Chen, the friend who had woken Luhan from his dwellings earlier, snorted a laugh at that and Xuimin, the third and last of friends at the table cast a curious glance out of the window.
“Still, he doesn’t look like some ordinary man. He looks like he’d fit better into Armani than a janitor’s suit.” Xuimin’s gaze was trained on Sehun as he spoke, bringing to words what Luhan had been thinking all along.
Doubtlessly, Sehun wasn’t technically too young to be working but - watching him sweep the dirty grounds of the university - he just didn’t seem to fit. Luhan didn’t even notice he was biting his lip again, unconscious of the soft frown that marred his forehead.
~ . ~
Curiosity soon had the better of Luhan, so he started to ask around. The person suited best for such kind of information gathering was to be found in the university’s dorms, behind the locked door of room number 124.
Mildly speaking, Luhan was nervous. The student had heard the rumors about the man living behind the thin plank of wood separating what much rather seemed like two entirely different worlds.
Seven years the man had already spent at this university, or so said rumor, failing exams with such passion as wild, bronze-shimmering locks and several piercings supposedly suggested.
Luhan himself had never seen him, had never planned to. It wasn’t that he had purposefully avoided the legend but another whispered rumor was that the fair head was said to have bad luck stick to his soles like a shadow that he dragged across the lithic floors of the hallways, all sleepy eyes and askew uniform.
Other students usually avoided him for fear that his abysmally bad grades would somehow pull their own down along just by staying too long in his presence.
He knew the teachers by first name and shamelessly addressed in that manner, too. And despite it all, the male would always sport a toothy grin alike an incubus, an expression which could inflict nightmares.
Not enough with that but also was his stay apparently sponsored by his father, who, in turn, was no other than the university’s director, which did not only explain his careless attitude but as well the mystery of how he had gotten into university at all.
Park Chanyeol was, by all means, every teacher’s worst nightmare.
However, Luhan wasn’t allowed to dwell all too much longer until the door swung open and revealed the true person, which was a pleasant surprise. The eyes that met his were round and friendly, face framed by copper locks that sprang into every direction as if following their very own will. He even looked handsome in some abstract fashion.
“Can I help you?”
That grin truly was kind of creepy but the low, smooth tone of his voice was much more of a surprise to Luhan, who woke from his day-dreaming to bow politely.
“Yes, Sunbae. My name is Luhan and I was wondering if you could answer some questions for me,” Luhan rose, a shy grin tugging faintly at the corner of his lips as he met the other’s gaze again,” It’s not about any of the subjects but much rather about the people working here. You might just be the right person to know.”
The male cocked an eyebrow. Luhan could feel himself being mustered, assessed and categorized. Surely the infamous student had boys like Luhan standing in front of his door to ask for little favors all too frequently.
After a short while the other man shrugged and stepped aside, inviting Luhan, who had been adjudged harmless for the time being, into his living quarters.
~ . ~
It was precisely 6:23 pm when Sehun flashed yet another look at his watch. Landscapes contorted to blurry forms beneath a slowly darkening sky. Clouds hung low, fogging the windows of the train with an onslaught of little droplets that came in gusts whenever the wind turned south again.
A sigh eased from Sehun’s lips. If out of simple boredom or sever longing remained mystery to his own mind. The answer was clogged below the surface of thick, humid mist just as was the sight offered beyond the window.
When he finally had made his way home, shut the door with the familiar click and took off rain-drenched shoes and clothing, he was greeted first with the sight of the little, empty bottle.
As if proud the thing stood on top of his dinner table, vivid orange on its inside reminder to the previous owner. The picture of a face formed in his mind, accompanied by a name and the memory of a smile that had his own lips twitch upwards.
The number on the inside of the etiquette was still visible enough as Sehun went to peal it off carefully. At least one thing had to be done, so with that pretext he could allow himself to indulge just a bit more in the fantasy.
One message wouldn’t hurt.
~ . ~
“What is it?”
Chanyeol had quickly shoved some magazines off his chair to make some space for Luhan to sit on before he had flopped down onto his own bed. There was an estimating look in his eyes but Luhan was sure he could see the curiosity shining within as well.
The younger hemmed and shifted a bit on his chair as he tried to find the best way how to start the conversation without showing all too much of his vast interest.
“I was wondering if you know the... erm... cleaning staffs since you’ve been here a bit longer than most others.”
When Luhan rose his chin again to catch a glimpse on his vis-à-vis’ reaction his vista was met by a frown. Had the mention of the other’s duration of his stay here offended him? Luhan bit his lips, casting his gaze away again at the hardening expression of his sunbae who was still quietly watching him as the seconds trickled by, viscous like tar.
Short about when Luhan wanted to excuse himself and flee, Chanyeol spoke up again all certainty and ever so low timbre.
“The janitor.”
Luhan froze in position, his gaze immediately darting up at the elder with shock visible in his widened eyes: “How did you..?”
But Luhan’s words were cut off with a silencing gesture of Chanyeol’s who still regarded him with a mixture of unhidden interest and a very unusual seriousness swallowing his smile.
“So you noticed, huh? You’re the first to be honest. No one ever has. Congrats I guess.”
Chanyeol stretched his arms and let himself fall backwards, watching the ceiling as he folded his arms under his head. Left utterly dumbfounded, Luhan could only muster up a confused “Eh?” which, in turn, had the elder dart up to a sitting position again.
“Oh! So you didn’t notice?”
Luhan just shook his head in confusion, “Noticed what?”
If Chanyeol wouldn’t have ignored Luhan’s question, then maybe Luhan would have let it slide. The elder, however, just shrugged and let himself plop back on top of his sheets.
“Nothing. What about him then?”
Now Luhan frowned. There was obviously something being hidden from him and the man in front of him obviously knew the answer. All due respect for his sunbae but once caught on to a story Luhan wouldn’t let off again.
“His name is Sehun, right? It’s kind of weird.”
That earned a chuckle from Chanyeol, only feeding the growing confusion within Luhan. It had probably been a bad idea to come after all. This Chanyeol guy seemed to have lost it.
“Yeah, he is kinda weird.”
“Why does he work here? Isn’t he...” Luhan was about to say “too young” but Chanyeol once again cut him off before the other could finish.
“Crazy? Yep, he’s nuts but my father is good friends with the head of the madhouse and so he gave the poor soul some work here. Totally out of it, isn’t he?”
Completely struck, Luhan’s mouth fell agape as his mind tried to process the given information. It seemed all too abstruse of an idea and so the younger shook his head in utmost bewilderment.
“No, wait. That’s a pretty bad joke.”
“Joke,” Craning his neck, Chanyeol peeked up again, catching a glimpse of Luhan’s suddenly very pale face, “No, it’s no joke. I though you’ve noticed, too? Anyway, he’s not dangerous, don’t worry. My father would never hire a murderer or something of the sort. He’s just a bit - how to call it - out of this world?”
Chanyeol then smiled as if he hadn’t just declared the man of Luhan’s dreams to be some madman from the local bedlam. A soft profanity spilled from the younger’s lips in an utterance of utter disbelieve.
Shaky fingers ran through his hair. Luhan had even talked to Sehun, who admittedly had been quite a bit weird but most definitely Luhan would have never guessed the man to be different to that kind of extent. He had even given him his number.
Luhan groaned as he remembered - how stupid he had been! - and hit his head with the flat of his palm.
“Are you alright there?” Chanyeol had straightened up to a sitting position again, worry mirroring in his expression.
The younger just nodded a silent affirmation before getting up from his chair. He had heard enough for today.
~ . ~
It was quiet again. The sea had stilled and the wind had ceased to a soft whisper in the blue hour of twilight. Sehun breathed in humid little secrets and exhaled the sea’s spirit as he stood on top of the cliff, arms spread.
Stories were carried by the wind, held captive by fragrances and sound, the little things one could only perceive with their eyes closed.
“You have to let go in order to feel.”
His brother had always been right. This were the times when he could still picture him, hear his whisper against the shell of his ear and feel the warmth of his arms as they snaked around him.
The waves lured, the wind beckoned and Sehun sighed in bliss. How easy it would be to let go but he was sure his brother didn’t want to share this kind of fate with him, even though they had always shared everything.
He remembered in pictures, was brought back to when they were standing right at this spot together for the very first of times. Sehun had been scared motionless at first, had clung to his elder brother like his life depended on it. The height was dizzying, the waywardness of the weather and wind the whisper of death to the unknowing ones.
Soothing words had been fed to his ear, warm breath a soft caress against his skin that cast a shiver down his spine even now. He could hear him, feel his heat mingle with his own, the soft rise and fall of his chest, big, doe-like eyes watching him with unchanging tenderness even if he did wrong.
Sehun was taken back again, stifled and drowned in memories, suffocated in unshed tears.
What was there to be sad about when he still had it all. His brother had eventually sacrificed himself to grant his brother freedom.
He should be happy.
“Aren’t you happy, Sehun-ah?”
“I am, hyung.”
“Then stop crying, silly.”
~ . ~
The phone on Luhan’s desk vibrated violently, having the device almost jump off the surface. Just in time Luhan snapped out of his dwellings to catch the thing before it would collide with the floor.
Not really paying attention to the text glowing on the display, he slid his finger across the screen to unlock it.
His mind was somewhere else, his eyes dull and veiled as he tapped the pencil against his lips, chair tipped back. Minutes passed by with Luhan simply staring at the phone, still caught by the moody tides of thoughts tumbling through his mind.
Sehun.
Who was he really? He didn’t seem mentally ill at all. But then again, who was Luhan to tell. Various essays and items he had red searching through the internet had revealed quite a few things but nothing at all.
He now knew such things as that mentally ill patients with all but no perceivable sign of their sickness were no rarity. Some psychiatrists even believed that everyone was “insane” to some degree. Still, Luhan just couldn’t accept what Chanyeol had presented him as new reality.
He needed to know more. Sehun wouldn’t leave his thoughts no more, Luhan knew, until he had solved the riddle about that mysterious man. There was something big behind it all, hiding in the shadows that had cast upon the younger male's features back in the coffee shop when he had suddenly gotten up and left. There was a secret to be exposed.
Just then, the phone in his hand vibrated once more and Luhan would have nearly dropped it in shock.
There were two messages in his inbox. The most recent one from Tao:
Done with homework? Stop dreaming about him! Midterms are close!
The smile curving Luhan's lips was dedicated at how precise the friend had guessed about his doings again, albeit the mention of Sehun left a bitter aftertaste to linger. He was about to put the phone away again and do as had been ordered when he remembered the second message.
The number was not registered on his phone. A fact that had the student tilt his head a bit in confusion. Though, once opened up, Luhan’s heartbeat quickened, a strange sensation coursing through his body as he stared holes into the screen. Excitement and fear had his fingertips tingle as he typed up a reply.
He shouldn’t be answering, shouldn’t feel so thrilled about it or so incredibly drawn to that person. It was not to be helped, he thought to himself as Luhan pressed send, cheeks flushed and teeth worrying his lower lip.
With shaky fingers, he switched back to the received message once more.
Luhan knew the sender even without a name stated at the bottom.
Thank you.
I’ll make it up to you.