Of Shoulds and Can'ts [Prologue]
Title: Of Shoulds and Can'ts
Pairing: Hunhan
Genre: AU, Drama, Romance
Rating: Nc-13 (for now)
Length: Chaptered
Warnings: Mentions of death, suicide, murder and Incest.
Summary: It started off with simple curiosity, grew and shifted to attraction to, eventually, morph to what will prove to be either perdition or salvation. Sehun is trapped in memories of which he can't let go while Luhan tries to label the apathetic look in the younger's eyes.
A/N: The story is not as bad as the warnings make it sound like. xD It's mostly just dramatic.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Watching the stars is strangely melancholic.
It's like following the life of something that might have already ceased to exist.
It's like looking at the slowly dulling color of a Polaroid picture, the fading of a story.
It's the faint afterglow that remains, left by a long-passed existence.
A silent reminder, a gentle plead - the Forget-me-not.
Eventually, even the afterglow left will vanish.
And with the memory, the pain will cease, because what can’t be remembered won’t touch the heart.
It’s a matter of letting go. Of turning away from past glory and move on.
But how are we supposed to let something go which shines so brightly that we can’t forget?
It’s a trap of light in which he had been caught.
While the world kept on spinning he was trapped in his own present.
Time did not heal him, for him time had stopped.
Maybe it was a sickness, gazing up at the stars, imprisoned by the lasting glow of shared memories.
But to Sehun it was the only way to keep the wound fresh.
Pain is a good reminder, better than crumbling grave stones, fading pictures or broken toys, rotting materialism.
Everyone but him had forgotten already.
His brother’s death had been a convenience to the lost family pride, too.
“It’s over, at last.”
They had exclaimed behind covering hands, jammed into tight, black suits of false grief. Sehun didn’t understand. They had all loved Soohyun once.
He was the only one left. The star-watcher who kept the memory glowing.
Even if it hurt, even if it slowly but surely broke him, he would not forget.
It was just another spring morning. Curtains fluttered gently, waltzing with the breeze as the shadows of leafs danced across white walls and wooden floor. The birds’ songs were interrupted by the shrilling of an alarm clock and Sehun rose, giving the device a gentle slap to have it shut up again.
Rubbing the tiredness off his eyes, he got up and made his way past piles of books and empty mugs to the kitchen. Coffee mingled with the soft smell of cherry blossom carried in by the wind, filling the house to all corners. The aroma carried a promise of full waking as Sehun raised the cup to his lips and cast a glance through their home.
Everything looked just like before, frozen in a state of mid-completion. Traces of how they had planned it out to look like together, each misplaced piece witness to a memory. Furniture was made of white-painted wood - some still unfinished - to fit the feeling of the sea and there were big windows let in lots of sunlight and the fragrance of the seasons. His brother had loved it.
There was a cherry tree right in front and the cliff descending to the sea at the back of the little house. Soohyun and he had discovered the abandoned observatory on top of the cliff as they were playing around and had made it their secret hide out ever since.
They had always watched the stars together here.
A long sigh eased from Sehun’s lips. Finishing the coffee, he went to get dressed properly. Even living up here, there was still work to be done for a living.
So he put his jacket on and closed the door shouting a: “I’ll be back, hyung!” and Soohyun’s answer resounded in his mind.
The ride to the city was cold and windy, Sehun’s lips tinted blue and fingers numb when he got off of his bicycle at the station. Soft warmth of spring’s sun tingled across his cheeks but he didn’t even seem to notice. He had stopped taking note of physical sensations at some point. Numb he had grown over the year that had passed since his brother’s death.
It simply didn’t matter. Everything important takes place on the inside anyways.
The campus was always empty during lectures, offering the perfect occasion for cleaning. Sehun had expected to be alone but today there was one of the students sitting on the low brick wall right next him. The boy had something deer-like about him, slim face, lithe figure and big eyes that were watching him intently. It was disturbing but Sehun tried to ignore the permanent stare and concentrated on sweeping the floor.
Maybe the student was silently mocking him, testing or teasing, although there was no hint on such intention visible on his fine features.
“You know, you’re way too young to be a janitor.”
The deer boy spoke up, long legs dangling. Sehun’s brows furrowed ever so slightly but other than that he showed no reaction. The boy might be teasing him after all.
“On second glance you’re even good looking… Why do you do it? I bet you could get a better job than this. Are you doing this part time?”
Now Sehun stopped and looked up, mustering the other only to be met by nothing but genuine interest. That boy sure was curious or just overly bored.
“Shouldn’t you be studying?”
He mumbled more to himself but loud enough for the deer boy to hear as he continued his work. In the corner of his eye Sehun could see the student shrugging, his hand rising to swiftly flip a strand of hair back into place.
“I’m done for today.”
There wasn’t anything worthy to say coming to Sehun’s mind so the latter continued his work without another word, keenly aware of being silently watched.
When he finished, the boy jumped down from his spot on the wall and followed Sehun all the way to the janitor’s closet, all unanswered questions and big eyes, which had the latter sigh softly in exasperation.
Sehun didn’t turn but simply put the broom back to its proper place as the other still bombarded him with words. Still all politeness, Sehun turned towards the boy giving him an expectant look of the "what-do-you-want-so-we-can-finish-this-quickly" kind of fashion. The student put him off somehow but most likely he was just not used to converse with other people anymore for lack of practice - Sehun couldn't even remember the last proper conversation he had had.
“Are you finished now?”
He flashed a look over his shoulder, unsure of how to interpret the deer boy’s words.
“What?”
“Are you done with your work?” The student elaborated but somehow the question still didn’t seem to make sense in Sehun’s ears. He didn’t see how this could be of any interest to the other as he dutifully locked the store room again.
“I am, yes.”
“Let’s do something together, then, “ there was a small smile blossoming on the boy’s lips, a whisper of fate as he offered his hand in greeting, “I’m Luhan. Pleasure to meet you.”
For a brief moment Sehun lost a heartbeat to shock. A picture rose in front of his inner eye and overshadowed reality; Soohyun as he had been back when everything was still right, before their days had been tainted by the cruelty of fate and society.
For mere seconds, Sehun could hear the rushing of wind, feel its cold fingers sneak up his sleeve and cast a shiver down his spine. The air carried the smell of grass, dinner and dawn and there was the faintest twitch playing on the corners of Sehun’s lips.
“Luhan” the boy with his dead brother’s smile had said.
~Chapter One~
Pairing: Hunhan
Genre: AU, Drama, Romance
Rating: Nc-13 (for now)
Length: Chaptered
Warnings: Mentions of death, suicide, murder and Incest.
Summary: It started off with simple curiosity, grew and shifted to attraction to, eventually, morph to what will prove to be either perdition or salvation. Sehun is trapped in memories of which he can't let go while Luhan tries to label the apathetic look in the younger's eyes.
A/N: The story is not as bad as the warnings make it sound like. xD It's mostly just dramatic.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Watching the stars is strangely melancholic.
It's like following the life of something that might have already ceased to exist.
It's like looking at the slowly dulling color of a Polaroid picture, the fading of a story.
It's the faint afterglow that remains, left by a long-passed existence.
A silent reminder, a gentle plead - the Forget-me-not.
Eventually, even the afterglow left will vanish.
And with the memory, the pain will cease, because what can’t be remembered won’t touch the heart.
It’s a matter of letting go. Of turning away from past glory and move on.
But how are we supposed to let something go which shines so brightly that we can’t forget?
It’s a trap of light in which he had been caught.
While the world kept on spinning he was trapped in his own present.
Time did not heal him, for him time had stopped.
Maybe it was a sickness, gazing up at the stars, imprisoned by the lasting glow of shared memories.
But to Sehun it was the only way to keep the wound fresh.
Pain is a good reminder, better than crumbling grave stones, fading pictures or broken toys, rotting materialism.
Everyone but him had forgotten already.
His brother’s death had been a convenience to the lost family pride, too.
“It’s over, at last.”
They had exclaimed behind covering hands, jammed into tight, black suits of false grief. Sehun didn’t understand. They had all loved Soohyun once.
He was the only one left. The star-watcher who kept the memory glowing.
Even if it hurt, even if it slowly but surely broke him, he would not forget.
It was just another spring morning. Curtains fluttered gently, waltzing with the breeze as the shadows of leafs danced across white walls and wooden floor. The birds’ songs were interrupted by the shrilling of an alarm clock and Sehun rose, giving the device a gentle slap to have it shut up again.
Rubbing the tiredness off his eyes, he got up and made his way past piles of books and empty mugs to the kitchen. Coffee mingled with the soft smell of cherry blossom carried in by the wind, filling the house to all corners. The aroma carried a promise of full waking as Sehun raised the cup to his lips and cast a glance through their home.
Everything looked just like before, frozen in a state of mid-completion. Traces of how they had planned it out to look like together, each misplaced piece witness to a memory. Furniture was made of white-painted wood - some still unfinished - to fit the feeling of the sea and there were big windows let in lots of sunlight and the fragrance of the seasons. His brother had loved it.
There was a cherry tree right in front and the cliff descending to the sea at the back of the little house. Soohyun and he had discovered the abandoned observatory on top of the cliff as they were playing around and had made it their secret hide out ever since.
They had always watched the stars together here.
A long sigh eased from Sehun’s lips. Finishing the coffee, he went to get dressed properly. Even living up here, there was still work to be done for a living.
So he put his jacket on and closed the door shouting a: “I’ll be back, hyung!” and Soohyun’s answer resounded in his mind.
The ride to the city was cold and windy, Sehun’s lips tinted blue and fingers numb when he got off of his bicycle at the station. Soft warmth of spring’s sun tingled across his cheeks but he didn’t even seem to notice. He had stopped taking note of physical sensations at some point. Numb he had grown over the year that had passed since his brother’s death.
It simply didn’t matter. Everything important takes place on the inside anyways.
The campus was always empty during lectures, offering the perfect occasion for cleaning. Sehun had expected to be alone but today there was one of the students sitting on the low brick wall right next him. The boy had something deer-like about him, slim face, lithe figure and big eyes that were watching him intently. It was disturbing but Sehun tried to ignore the permanent stare and concentrated on sweeping the floor.
Maybe the student was silently mocking him, testing or teasing, although there was no hint on such intention visible on his fine features.
“You know, you’re way too young to be a janitor.”
The deer boy spoke up, long legs dangling. Sehun’s brows furrowed ever so slightly but other than that he showed no reaction. The boy might be teasing him after all.
“On second glance you’re even good looking… Why do you do it? I bet you could get a better job than this. Are you doing this part time?”
Now Sehun stopped and looked up, mustering the other only to be met by nothing but genuine interest. That boy sure was curious or just overly bored.
“Shouldn’t you be studying?”
He mumbled more to himself but loud enough for the deer boy to hear as he continued his work. In the corner of his eye Sehun could see the student shrugging, his hand rising to swiftly flip a strand of hair back into place.
“I’m done for today.”
There wasn’t anything worthy to say coming to Sehun’s mind so the latter continued his work without another word, keenly aware of being silently watched.
When he finished, the boy jumped down from his spot on the wall and followed Sehun all the way to the janitor’s closet, all unanswered questions and big eyes, which had the latter sigh softly in exasperation.
Sehun didn’t turn but simply put the broom back to its proper place as the other still bombarded him with words. Still all politeness, Sehun turned towards the boy giving him an expectant look of the "what-do-you-want-so-we-can-finish-this-quickly" kind of fashion. The student put him off somehow but most likely he was just not used to converse with other people anymore for lack of practice - Sehun couldn't even remember the last proper conversation he had had.
“Are you finished now?”
He flashed a look over his shoulder, unsure of how to interpret the deer boy’s words.
“What?”
“Are you done with your work?” The student elaborated but somehow the question still didn’t seem to make sense in Sehun’s ears. He didn’t see how this could be of any interest to the other as he dutifully locked the store room again.
“I am, yes.”
“Let’s do something together, then, “ there was a small smile blossoming on the boy’s lips, a whisper of fate as he offered his hand in greeting, “I’m Luhan. Pleasure to meet you.”
For a brief moment Sehun lost a heartbeat to shock. A picture rose in front of his inner eye and overshadowed reality; Soohyun as he had been back when everything was still right, before their days had been tainted by the cruelty of fate and society.
For mere seconds, Sehun could hear the rushing of wind, feel its cold fingers sneak up his sleeve and cast a shiver down his spine. The air carried the smell of grass, dinner and dawn and there was the faintest twitch playing on the corners of Sehun’s lips.
“Luhan” the boy with his dead brother’s smile had said.
~Chapter One~