Improvising Intimacy
Picked up Melio from the airport yesterday. She's one of the only people I know who's leaving New York. Seemed to be a large Seattle exodus moving to NYC a few years ago, she is the first of those wanderers to wander back.
We weren't in the car but 10 minutes before Melio's direct questions got me sharing about my weekend retreat and shock from Talia's lashing. I admitted that worrying about where SMUT is headed has punctured a slow leak in my energy reserve. Positive Melio answered, "Maybe it's best that you don't know. Maybe this is the year of improv."
The Year of Improv. Hmmm. Interesting idea. That declaration captures the essence of my performance work and my teaching abroad plans. Captures my hopes for a sudden falling in love with a big-nosed curly headed guy. Maybe Melio's onto something.
Improv. After Gutter rehearsal on Tuesday night, Vince and I were left alone to explore improv exercises designed for two. He introduced me to a remarkable and terrifying exercise. I loved it. We were a two-headed creature on a dramatic adventure together, one offering turns of events, the other replying 'yes' or 'no' to the offers. Saying 'no' in improv is called, "blocking" and is a big no-no because it hinders story development, imposes ego and deteriorates trust. This exercise was different. We were submitting to our improv partner's desires, trying to find what would appeal to them and would advance our story. It required a lot of trust and careful perception to the other's responses. The exercise felt highly sexual, like trying to read a partner's pleasure based on their response to touch. Vince and I were not enjoying sex, but we did experience a similar intimacy, diving into the moment of play.
Funny how I am criticized for using performance to keep people away, and here performance is drawing another in.
OMG, I just got snail mail from Talia! Here's what she wrote in the card:
"My actions on Sunday were childhood-learned behaviors to ensure that I would be safe. I may not know what triggered those reactions, but that's something I am working on in therapy. I am sorry for causing the retreat to end on such a sour note. Enjoy your creative journey. Life is not scripted. Take care, Talia."
JillyBean e-mailed me what Talia wrote her. Note the added jab at the end (sheesh!):
"My actions on Sunday were learned behaviors from my childhood ...[same text as mine]...I am sorry for causing the retreat to end on such a sour note. I believe you are a blocked creative and hope that you will find the keys/tools you need to unblock your creativity. Take care, Talia"
She is s o m e t h i n g e l s e .