Longing to Belong - Chapter 20
Chapter 20
Birch Creek, January 2003
The week that followed Teaspoon’s revelation was not much different from any others. There seemed to be no change in Lou’s demeanor as far as Teaspoon could see. She was as lively and affectionate as ever, and she never brought up their conversation about Rachel the previous week. However, Teaspoon noticed that she occasionally relapsed into some tense silences when he happened to mention her. Now that Lou was aware that Rachel existed in his life, he did not see any reason why he could not talk about her. Besides, he believed that Lou needed to get used to her presence in their life. Teaspoon knew that Lou’s initial hostility was what he had expected all along. It was natural for the girl to be reluctant to welcome a stranger, but Teaspoon knew that when they met, things would progress seamlessly.
“Remember that Rachel’s coming over tonight,” Teaspoon said before Lou eased out of the car. The girl kept quiet and simply gazed at him. “You all right, Lou?”
Louise nodded, and in a flash she rushed out of the car and slammed the door shut. Her father’s ‘have a good day’ did not reach her ears, and as she shuffled towards the school entrance, she muttered, “As if you really cared how I feel.”
“Pardon?”
Lou looked up to find Emma Cain by her side. “Good morning, Aunt Emma.”
The woman smiled. “What did you just say now? I didn’t catch it.”
“It’s… nothing. I was talking to myself.”
Emma sniggered as she fell into step with Lou at the stairs. “Oh I tend to do that as well… more often that it’s advisable, to be honest.” When the woman noticed the girl’s solemn expression, she grew concerned. “You look very serious this morning. Anything the matter, honey?”
Lou just shrugged her shoulders, and Emma got hold of her right arm, stopping her. “We still have ten minutes before we’re due in class. Would you like to talk?” Lou did not respond, but did not protest when Emma steered her to a bench and they sat down. “What is it, Louise?”
Lou did not speak up straight away, and it took her some minutes to finally blurt out the key of the matter. “My dad has a girlfriend.”
Emma nodded. “Does that worry you, Louise?” she asked, studying the girl’s face for her reaction.
“She’s coming over to meet me tonight,” Lou added instead of answering the question.
“And that makes you nervous?”
Lou shook her head. “No, I’m not nervous. It’s just that… I don’t know.”
“Honey, I briefly met Rachel last week, and she seems like a lovely woman. You’re lucky, you know. She could be the child-hating kind, but she’s obviously eager to get to know you.”
“But you don’t know her, Aunt Emma. She could be horrible, and that’s something people don’t usually flaunt when I imagine she wants to make a good impression on my dad.”
“That’s true. I don’t know her, and neither do you. That’s why you have to give her the benefit of the doubt. We cannot assume the worst of people without giving them a chance first. And you know, you should trust your father’s judgment. He wouldn’t bring anybody into your life who could hurt or do any harm to you.”
Lou did not like what she was hearing. Emma’s arguments were sound and accurate, and she did not want to hear any of them. What she needed was a supporter, someone who would agree with her feelings, and not someone who wanted to change her opinion. No matter what everybody said she knew her mind, and nothing… nothing at all would convince her otherwise.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Teaspoon stopped in the doorway and watched his daughter. Clad in her blue pajamas, she lolled idly on the sofa, a leg perched on the couch arm and another hanging limply, while she flipped TV channels continuously. This was what she had been doing since coming back home from school. Teaspoon allowed her to do whatever took her fancy on Fridays as some kind of reward after a long, taxing week. However, Lou always volunteered to do some cooking of her own, or most often than not, father and daughter worked in the kitchen together, a moment that Teaspoon looked forward to all week. Today, though, she had not moved from the sofa, which Teaspoon knew was her way to express her disapproval of tonight’s guest. That, he knew, was a logical reaction, or at least, that was what Rachel thought when he had told her. Lou was quite particular and possessive of her father, so she would not appreciate what she saw as an invasion of her terrain. Teaspoon was not worried, though. Louise might be less than happy now, but things would definitely change when she met Rachel.
“Lou, why don’t you get changed?”
Without shifting her eyes from the TV screen that showed a punk group belting out some incomprehensible songs too loudly, she said, “Why?”
“Rachel will be here any minute now, and I doubt you want to appear before her for the first time in your nightclothes.” As if on cue, the doorbell cut in, and a spontaneous smile appeared on his face. “Here she is. Please Lou, humor me in this and get changed.”
Teaspoon untied the apron he had used to cook in and hung it on the pegs by the door. Before reaching for the knob, he had a quick look of himself in the mirror, checking there were no stains on his white shirt or food smudges on his face. Only when he was sure he looked decent did he open the door. His smile widened as soon as Rachel appeared before his eyes. “Hi,” he greeted her in a soft, goofy tone.
“Hello,” Rachel replied, reciprocating his smile with one of her own. “Here I am.”
Teaspoon boldly gave her a peck on the lips, and taking her had in his, he led her into the apartment. Rachel curiously swept her eyes around, and Teaspoon said, “I told you it wasn’t much. Quite small, but it’s enough for me and Lou.”
In the living room Rachel sat on the couch while Teaspoon hollered, “Lou, Rachel’s here.” Turning to her, he added, “She’s getting changed.” Rachel nodded. “Would you like something to drink before dinner? A sherry, perhaps?”
“That’s fine, thanks.”
As Teaspoon served the drinks, he turned his head to her, and as she kept fidgeting and smoothing her skirt, he said, “Stop fretting, Rachel.”
“Am I that transparent?” the woman asked, smirking nervously.
“You are to me.” They shared a knowing look and smile, and he added, “There’s nothing to be nervous about. Watching you, one would think you’re to meet the president of this country instead of an eleven-year-old girl.”
Rachel smiled ruefully. “I probably might not be this nervous if I were to be received at the White House. And you know, it’s not a random eleven-year-old I’m about to meet, but your daughter, and I really want to gain her approval.”
“And you will.”
They did some more small talk while sipping their drinks, and when their glasses emptied and minutes succeeded without Lou showing up, Rachel remarked, “Maybe she’s feeling shy. Why don’t you check out she’s all right?”
Teaspoon ambled to her bedroom, and knocked on the door. “Lou? Are you quite ready?” When there was no answer, he knocked again. “Lou, honey… are you all right?” As he grabbed the knob and turned it, he realized the door was locked. “Lou?” he called again. “Lou! Are you all right? Please let me in.” He started to sweat in terror, imagining the girl unconscious on the floor. Lately her sugar levels had been normal, and her doctor was satisfied with her general health condition. However, Teaspoon could not help but worry all the time. “Lou!!!”
Having heard his loud summons, Rachel appeared behind him. “What’s wrong, Teaspoon?”
“She… she’s locked herself in and won’t open.” Rachel raised a suspicious eyebrow, showing her way of thinking went in another direction. “I’m afraid she might have fainted.”
Rachel was familiar with the girl’s health issues, and silently berated herself for jumping to conclusions. “Has that happened before?”
Teaspoon nodded. “A couple of times,” he replied with a trembling voice, feeling terrified as he brought to mind those occasions he had feared for Lou’s health. “But… she never locks the door.” He turned his attention back to the room and knocked again. “Lou! Lou! Can you hear me?”
And then they heard a very clear and distinctive voice coming from the other side of the door. “Leave me alone! I don’t want to meet that woman!”
Teaspoon was taken aback by her words, which rendered him speechless for a second. His eyes shifted to find Rachel, who looked visibly uncomfortable and gave him a tense smile. “Lou, stop this nonsense right this minute!” he called in a loud, firm tone, banging on the door with his fist. “Open up, or you’ll be grounded until the end of times! Lou…”
Rachel placed a hand on his arm, stopping his angry tirade. “Teaspoon, I think I’d better go. That way you and Louise can talk and sort out any issues she has with… with us.”
Teaspoon sighed and shook his head. “I’m really sorry.”
“It’s not your fault, and neither is Louise’s. She’s simply reacting in the only way she knows. That’s all. It’s understandable. I’m a stranger to her, so hwy should she welcome me with open arms?”
“Because I told her to.”
Rachel shook her head. “That might have worked out with our parents, but children nowadays don’t obey just because. They want reasons.”
Teaspoon nodded. “I guess you’re right.”
“I’ll go now then.”
Teaspoon walked Rachel out of the apartment, and when he returned, he found Lou’s bedroom door open a crack. Pushing the door with his index finger, he saw the girl sitting on the bed, her arms hugging her flexed legs and her head resting in the leeway between her knees. Teaspoon walked inside, and even though his footfalls resounded in the silence of the room, Louise did not raise her head. “Are you proud of what you’ve done?”
At his question Lou lifted her head, and he could see her eyes were red-rimmed as if she had been crying. “I didn’t want to meet her.”
“Why?”
Lou shrugged her shoulders. “Just a hunch I have. I know I won’t like her.”
“You know what I always say. We need to give people a chance… always.”
“Well, I didn’t feel like it this time. You also say that we shouldn’t be hypocrites and tell the truth, and this is how I feel whether you like it or not.”
“Lou, I asked you to do this one thing for me. You claim I’m your best friend, but this is not the way friends treat each other.”
Lou stretched her legs and folded her arms. “Now that you have your new friend, I don’t have to do anything.”
Teaspoon looked down at the girl and shook his head morosely. “Hearing you makes me very sad. Where’s my little girl? My sweet, loving girl… Where’s she? I can’t see her now, and I’m so disappointed, Lou. So disappointed.” The girl kept quiet, and Teaspoon turned to go. “And from today you’re grounded.”
“That’s not fair! I opened the door as you said!!!”
“Now when I asked you to. I’ll warm up dinner, and I hope to see you at the table when I bring the food over. The last ting we need is to end up with you in emergency on top of everything.”
Teaspoon marched to the kitchen. Livid as he was, he took it out on anything he touched, slamming cabinet doors and drawers, clanking pot lids, stirring the food energetically. When the soup he had prepared as an entrée for tonight’s dinner was hot, he ladled the broth into two bowls. After what had happened, he had no appetite, but Lou couldn’t skip meals. When he was a child, he remembered being sent to bed without his dinner as a punishment for his misbehavior, but he couldn’t use food as discipline with his child.
As he walked into the living room, carrying the steaming bowls, he was stunned to find Louise holding the receiver of their landline against her ear. Teaspoon’s indignation raised a notch at her blatant disregard of his words. After her shenanigans tonight, did she think she was allowed to call her friends as if nothing had happened? Lou was usually a well-behaved child, and this was so out of line for her. Rachel had warned him about teenage behavior, but Lou was only eleven, so he thought he didn’t have anything to fear yet, but it seems that she was starting to act up early.
Teaspoon opened his mouth to give her another good scolding, but when he heard her, he had to bite his tongue.
“Ms Dunne? … It’s Louise McCloud here, Mr. Hunter’s daughter.” At that point the girl shifted her eyes, and when she found Teaspoon watching her, she blushed. Feeling flustered, she lowered her eyes to the open notebook where she had found the woman’s number, and in a soft tone, she carried on, “I… I’m calling to … to apologize. I… I was rude to you, and I was wondering if you would overlook tonight and join us for dinner tomorrow.”
Lou held her breath as she heard the woman joyfully accept her invitation. A little hope had flickered in her heart, and quite naively she had thought that after what she’d done, the woman would turn down her invite and maybe break up with her father. It was clear that wouldn’t happen, and Lou hated to hear the excitement in the woman’s voice. The only reason she was phoning Rachel Dunne was because she had been very hurt to hear her dad say he was disappointed in her and look at her as if he didn’t love any more. If she were to lose her father’s love, she was sure she’d pine away and die. He was the only person who cared for her, and she’d rather swallow her real feelings for this woman than lose her father. And it was clear from the conversation they’d just had that if he had to choose, Rachel Dunne would have the upper hand.
When she ended the call and hung up, she dared to look in Teaspoon’s direction. He was smiling as he said, “I’m so proud of you, honey.”
Lou simply nodded indifferently as she moved to sit at the table. “I imagine I’m still grounded after all.”
Teaspoon placed a plate before her. “We’ll see. If you behave like the lovely girl I know you are tomorrow, I might forget about it.”
Lou did not say another word, but lowered her head and starting eating her soup, making a supernatural effort to subdue the tears that threatened to spill. Her life had changed, that was what she had learned tonight, and she realized that nothing would ever be the same again.
Birch Creek, January 2003
The week that followed Teaspoon’s revelation was not much different from any others. There seemed to be no change in Lou’s demeanor as far as Teaspoon could see. She was as lively and affectionate as ever, and she never brought up their conversation about Rachel the previous week. However, Teaspoon noticed that she occasionally relapsed into some tense silences when he happened to mention her. Now that Lou was aware that Rachel existed in his life, he did not see any reason why he could not talk about her. Besides, he believed that Lou needed to get used to her presence in their life. Teaspoon knew that Lou’s initial hostility was what he had expected all along. It was natural for the girl to be reluctant to welcome a stranger, but Teaspoon knew that when they met, things would progress seamlessly.
“Remember that Rachel’s coming over tonight,” Teaspoon said before Lou eased out of the car. The girl kept quiet and simply gazed at him. “You all right, Lou?”
Louise nodded, and in a flash she rushed out of the car and slammed the door shut. Her father’s ‘have a good day’ did not reach her ears, and as she shuffled towards the school entrance, she muttered, “As if you really cared how I feel.”
“Pardon?”
Lou looked up to find Emma Cain by her side. “Good morning, Aunt Emma.”
The woman smiled. “What did you just say now? I didn’t catch it.”
“It’s… nothing. I was talking to myself.”
Emma sniggered as she fell into step with Lou at the stairs. “Oh I tend to do that as well… more often that it’s advisable, to be honest.” When the woman noticed the girl’s solemn expression, she grew concerned. “You look very serious this morning. Anything the matter, honey?”
Lou just shrugged her shoulders, and Emma got hold of her right arm, stopping her. “We still have ten minutes before we’re due in class. Would you like to talk?” Lou did not respond, but did not protest when Emma steered her to a bench and they sat down. “What is it, Louise?”
Lou did not speak up straight away, and it took her some minutes to finally blurt out the key of the matter. “My dad has a girlfriend.”
Emma nodded. “Does that worry you, Louise?” she asked, studying the girl’s face for her reaction.
“She’s coming over to meet me tonight,” Lou added instead of answering the question.
“And that makes you nervous?”
Lou shook her head. “No, I’m not nervous. It’s just that… I don’t know.”
“Honey, I briefly met Rachel last week, and she seems like a lovely woman. You’re lucky, you know. She could be the child-hating kind, but she’s obviously eager to get to know you.”
“But you don’t know her, Aunt Emma. She could be horrible, and that’s something people don’t usually flaunt when I imagine she wants to make a good impression on my dad.”
“That’s true. I don’t know her, and neither do you. That’s why you have to give her the benefit of the doubt. We cannot assume the worst of people without giving them a chance first. And you know, you should trust your father’s judgment. He wouldn’t bring anybody into your life who could hurt or do any harm to you.”
Lou did not like what she was hearing. Emma’s arguments were sound and accurate, and she did not want to hear any of them. What she needed was a supporter, someone who would agree with her feelings, and not someone who wanted to change her opinion. No matter what everybody said she knew her mind, and nothing… nothing at all would convince her otherwise.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Teaspoon stopped in the doorway and watched his daughter. Clad in her blue pajamas, she lolled idly on the sofa, a leg perched on the couch arm and another hanging limply, while she flipped TV channels continuously. This was what she had been doing since coming back home from school. Teaspoon allowed her to do whatever took her fancy on Fridays as some kind of reward after a long, taxing week. However, Lou always volunteered to do some cooking of her own, or most often than not, father and daughter worked in the kitchen together, a moment that Teaspoon looked forward to all week. Today, though, she had not moved from the sofa, which Teaspoon knew was her way to express her disapproval of tonight’s guest. That, he knew, was a logical reaction, or at least, that was what Rachel thought when he had told her. Lou was quite particular and possessive of her father, so she would not appreciate what she saw as an invasion of her terrain. Teaspoon was not worried, though. Louise might be less than happy now, but things would definitely change when she met Rachel.
“Lou, why don’t you get changed?”
Without shifting her eyes from the TV screen that showed a punk group belting out some incomprehensible songs too loudly, she said, “Why?”
“Rachel will be here any minute now, and I doubt you want to appear before her for the first time in your nightclothes.” As if on cue, the doorbell cut in, and a spontaneous smile appeared on his face. “Here she is. Please Lou, humor me in this and get changed.”
Teaspoon untied the apron he had used to cook in and hung it on the pegs by the door. Before reaching for the knob, he had a quick look of himself in the mirror, checking there were no stains on his white shirt or food smudges on his face. Only when he was sure he looked decent did he open the door. His smile widened as soon as Rachel appeared before his eyes. “Hi,” he greeted her in a soft, goofy tone.
“Hello,” Rachel replied, reciprocating his smile with one of her own. “Here I am.”
Teaspoon boldly gave her a peck on the lips, and taking her had in his, he led her into the apartment. Rachel curiously swept her eyes around, and Teaspoon said, “I told you it wasn’t much. Quite small, but it’s enough for me and Lou.”
In the living room Rachel sat on the couch while Teaspoon hollered, “Lou, Rachel’s here.” Turning to her, he added, “She’s getting changed.” Rachel nodded. “Would you like something to drink before dinner? A sherry, perhaps?”
“That’s fine, thanks.”
As Teaspoon served the drinks, he turned his head to her, and as she kept fidgeting and smoothing her skirt, he said, “Stop fretting, Rachel.”
“Am I that transparent?” the woman asked, smirking nervously.
“You are to me.” They shared a knowing look and smile, and he added, “There’s nothing to be nervous about. Watching you, one would think you’re to meet the president of this country instead of an eleven-year-old girl.”
Rachel smiled ruefully. “I probably might not be this nervous if I were to be received at the White House. And you know, it’s not a random eleven-year-old I’m about to meet, but your daughter, and I really want to gain her approval.”
“And you will.”
They did some more small talk while sipping their drinks, and when their glasses emptied and minutes succeeded without Lou showing up, Rachel remarked, “Maybe she’s feeling shy. Why don’t you check out she’s all right?”
Teaspoon ambled to her bedroom, and knocked on the door. “Lou? Are you quite ready?” When there was no answer, he knocked again. “Lou, honey… are you all right?” As he grabbed the knob and turned it, he realized the door was locked. “Lou?” he called again. “Lou! Are you all right? Please let me in.” He started to sweat in terror, imagining the girl unconscious on the floor. Lately her sugar levels had been normal, and her doctor was satisfied with her general health condition. However, Teaspoon could not help but worry all the time. “Lou!!!”
Having heard his loud summons, Rachel appeared behind him. “What’s wrong, Teaspoon?”
“She… she’s locked herself in and won’t open.” Rachel raised a suspicious eyebrow, showing her way of thinking went in another direction. “I’m afraid she might have fainted.”
Rachel was familiar with the girl’s health issues, and silently berated herself for jumping to conclusions. “Has that happened before?”
Teaspoon nodded. “A couple of times,” he replied with a trembling voice, feeling terrified as he brought to mind those occasions he had feared for Lou’s health. “But… she never locks the door.” He turned his attention back to the room and knocked again. “Lou! Lou! Can you hear me?”
And then they heard a very clear and distinctive voice coming from the other side of the door. “Leave me alone! I don’t want to meet that woman!”
Teaspoon was taken aback by her words, which rendered him speechless for a second. His eyes shifted to find Rachel, who looked visibly uncomfortable and gave him a tense smile. “Lou, stop this nonsense right this minute!” he called in a loud, firm tone, banging on the door with his fist. “Open up, or you’ll be grounded until the end of times! Lou…”
Rachel placed a hand on his arm, stopping his angry tirade. “Teaspoon, I think I’d better go. That way you and Louise can talk and sort out any issues she has with… with us.”
Teaspoon sighed and shook his head. “I’m really sorry.”
“It’s not your fault, and neither is Louise’s. She’s simply reacting in the only way she knows. That’s all. It’s understandable. I’m a stranger to her, so hwy should she welcome me with open arms?”
“Because I told her to.”
Rachel shook her head. “That might have worked out with our parents, but children nowadays don’t obey just because. They want reasons.”
Teaspoon nodded. “I guess you’re right.”
“I’ll go now then.”
Teaspoon walked Rachel out of the apartment, and when he returned, he found Lou’s bedroom door open a crack. Pushing the door with his index finger, he saw the girl sitting on the bed, her arms hugging her flexed legs and her head resting in the leeway between her knees. Teaspoon walked inside, and even though his footfalls resounded in the silence of the room, Louise did not raise her head. “Are you proud of what you’ve done?”
At his question Lou lifted her head, and he could see her eyes were red-rimmed as if she had been crying. “I didn’t want to meet her.”
“Why?”
Lou shrugged her shoulders. “Just a hunch I have. I know I won’t like her.”
“You know what I always say. We need to give people a chance… always.”
“Well, I didn’t feel like it this time. You also say that we shouldn’t be hypocrites and tell the truth, and this is how I feel whether you like it or not.”
“Lou, I asked you to do this one thing for me. You claim I’m your best friend, but this is not the way friends treat each other.”
Lou stretched her legs and folded her arms. “Now that you have your new friend, I don’t have to do anything.”
Teaspoon looked down at the girl and shook his head morosely. “Hearing you makes me very sad. Where’s my little girl? My sweet, loving girl… Where’s she? I can’t see her now, and I’m so disappointed, Lou. So disappointed.” The girl kept quiet, and Teaspoon turned to go. “And from today you’re grounded.”
“That’s not fair! I opened the door as you said!!!”
“Now when I asked you to. I’ll warm up dinner, and I hope to see you at the table when I bring the food over. The last ting we need is to end up with you in emergency on top of everything.”
Teaspoon marched to the kitchen. Livid as he was, he took it out on anything he touched, slamming cabinet doors and drawers, clanking pot lids, stirring the food energetically. When the soup he had prepared as an entrée for tonight’s dinner was hot, he ladled the broth into two bowls. After what had happened, he had no appetite, but Lou couldn’t skip meals. When he was a child, he remembered being sent to bed without his dinner as a punishment for his misbehavior, but he couldn’t use food as discipline with his child.
As he walked into the living room, carrying the steaming bowls, he was stunned to find Louise holding the receiver of their landline against her ear. Teaspoon’s indignation raised a notch at her blatant disregard of his words. After her shenanigans tonight, did she think she was allowed to call her friends as if nothing had happened? Lou was usually a well-behaved child, and this was so out of line for her. Rachel had warned him about teenage behavior, but Lou was only eleven, so he thought he didn’t have anything to fear yet, but it seems that she was starting to act up early.
Teaspoon opened his mouth to give her another good scolding, but when he heard her, he had to bite his tongue.
“Ms Dunne? … It’s Louise McCloud here, Mr. Hunter’s daughter.” At that point the girl shifted her eyes, and when she found Teaspoon watching her, she blushed. Feeling flustered, she lowered her eyes to the open notebook where she had found the woman’s number, and in a soft tone, she carried on, “I… I’m calling to … to apologize. I… I was rude to you, and I was wondering if you would overlook tonight and join us for dinner tomorrow.”
Lou held her breath as she heard the woman joyfully accept her invitation. A little hope had flickered in her heart, and quite naively she had thought that after what she’d done, the woman would turn down her invite and maybe break up with her father. It was clear that wouldn’t happen, and Lou hated to hear the excitement in the woman’s voice. The only reason she was phoning Rachel Dunne was because she had been very hurt to hear her dad say he was disappointed in her and look at her as if he didn’t love any more. If she were to lose her father’s love, she was sure she’d pine away and die. He was the only person who cared for her, and she’d rather swallow her real feelings for this woman than lose her father. And it was clear from the conversation they’d just had that if he had to choose, Rachel Dunne would have the upper hand.
When she ended the call and hung up, she dared to look in Teaspoon’s direction. He was smiling as he said, “I’m so proud of you, honey.”
Lou simply nodded indifferently as she moved to sit at the table. “I imagine I’m still grounded after all.”
Teaspoon placed a plate before her. “We’ll see. If you behave like the lovely girl I know you are tomorrow, I might forget about it.”
Lou did not say another word, but lowered her head and starting eating her soup, making a supernatural effort to subdue the tears that threatened to spill. Her life had changed, that was what she had learned tonight, and she realized that nothing would ever be the same again.