(no subject)

[mercutio]

i got some very interesting news yesterday. my old teaching job back in rhode island offered me my position back. they also offered me a significant pay increase if i decide to take the job. that would mean being a teacher again, which i loved doing, and being in a work environment that i loved being a part of (at least most of the time), and being around lots of people that know and love me a lot. it would also mean leaving denver and going back to rhode island, putting the past year in a tightly wrapped box and never actually acknowledging all that has happened, not processing through how much my life has changed, and probably doing a lot of damage in that department. it would mean leaving behind many wonderful people that i have met here and not building on the wonderful relationships that i have started to create here. it would mean disregarding probably the biggest reason that i came out here and going back to the frustration of not seeing him but every six months. it would mean giving up on trying to make good on a promise that i made to someonde very important that i am going to make it through all this change and come out of it even better than i was before it all happened, and that i really am capable of handling the responsibilities and joys of something that i was so close to having at one point not so long ago.

while the offer is certainly tempting, it's really only gotten about 30 minutes of real consideration. i'm not planning on going anywhere right now. my thoughts with regard to this now are how i can try to use it as leverage where i work now to give them a little pressure and make them believe i really am serious about wanting to be a teacher again, not that i'm grasping at straws within the agency to find something other than being a line staff to do.